Unicorn Geary Westinghooves [FINAL]

[Armony]

You could compare him to the pony version of yoda, I guess.

I'm feeling that this bit isn't really necessary, or even a healthy comparison for RP purposes. It's okay for his father to be wise, but I think making him comparable to Yoda is a bit of a stretch. Beyond that, I feel that you should do more in the way of showing us his wisdom instead of telling us about it. Maybe tell us about some important philosophical lessons he passed on to Geary? Perhaps he could have been heavily involved with forming his son's work ethic, even?

Cutie mark obtaintion

Not sure obtaintion is a word. Maybe stick with "Cutie Mark Story" here? and speaking of that cutie mark story...

one day, a distressed pony came in with a airship that was obviously struck by lighting. He explained to Geary's father that the steam system was put out of align when it was hit. Sadly, Geary's father only worked on bodywork, so he told him to try the mechanic instead. "that what I tried" said the distressed traveler, " but his prices were to high!' Geary's dad said he was sorry, but he couldn't help him. The traveler left almost in tears, and Geary knew he had to help him somehow. Later that night, Geary snuck out of the house with a variety of tools, and began to work on the airship. When sunrise hit the edge of the horizon, Geary stumbled out of the ship, quite tired. Later that day, a loud cheering was being made, so Geary's family went to check it out. The traveler from yesterday was prancing and cheering "IT'S FIXED! IT'S FIXED! YAHOO!" A small smile crept op Geary's face, and a tri-geared cutie mark appeared on his flank.

There are a few spots in this story I'm concerned with. First is the writing itself; I think leaving out dialogue and simply summarizing things that were said would be much better for telling the story than including direct quotes from the events. Secondly, it's pretty unlikely that a colt working alone would be able to obtain the replacement parts and tools he would need to repair a steam engine. Perhaps, instead of going solo, he could be apprenticed to somepony else, and both of them could have worked together to make the repairs? A professional tradespony would be much more likely to have those things easily available, and the knowledge and expertise to repair the engine.

Abilities:

Magic: Geary isn't particularly skilled with magic, and doesn't care to be. However, he does have one unique spell.

Create: Geary can meld together two pieces of a material. Needless to say, this is a important ability for a unicorn inventor.

Painting: as said before, Geary is a good painter, but not as a artist. Rather, he prefers to design blueprints with his skill

Landscaping: this is more of a hobby, really. Growing up in BeakBreak city with no plant life made him surprised when he got to these sunnier pasture. So curious about them he was, he began to sculpt with them, rather badly.

This should be written out as a properly formed and flowing paragraph instead of as a list. I would also say, if you want to leave some sort of title for this section, it should be along the lines of "Hobbies" instead of "Abilities", and should focus more on what he actually does instead of what he can or can't do.

I love what you've done with your application so far, this new version is a huge improvement over what you had before. On top of what's above, I think we could also do with some expansion into Geary's talent for inventing. What originally got him into mechanics? What did his parents think about his hobby of tinkering? Some explanation along these lines would really help make this summary feel more complete.

Edit: And as an additional thought, since that image is so large, you should put it inside of a spoiler tag.

[synkyd]

There are a few spots in this story I'm concerned with. First is the writing itself; I think leaving out dialogue and simply summarizing things that were said would be much better for telling the story than including direct quotes from the events. Secondly, it's pretty unlikely that a colt working alone would be able to obtain the replacement parts and tools he would need to repair a steam engine. Perhaps, instead of going solo, he could be apprenticed to somepony else, and both of them could have worked together to make the repairs? A professional tradespony would be much more likely to have those things easily available, and the knowledge and expertise to repair the engine.

Id like to raise two episodes to your mind, "cutie mark Chronicles" and "show stopper"

in CCC, we get to see the moment when fluttershy discoveres her gift to talk to animals, corrct? however, she had never tried comforting animals ever before, right? so, why couldn't the same happen to a unicorn?

also, in showstoppers, applebloom, a grade school filly, repaired a broken down clubhouse that would be a easy task for someone trained in it, but not for a non-specialized Filly?

however, for everything else, I agree.

I

[Armony]

Id like to raise two episodes to your mind, "cutie mark Chronicles" and "show stopper"

in CCC, we get to see the moment when fluttershy discoveres her gift to talk to animals, corrct? however, she had never tried comforting animals ever before, right? so, why couldn't the same happen to a unicorn?

also, in showstoppers, applebloom, a grade school filly, repaired a broken down clubhouse that would be a easy task for someone trained in it, but not for a non-specialized Filly?

however, for everything else, I agree.

My primary area of concern here was not Geary's ability in repair, but his ability to obtain the tools and materials to put the repairs into effect. Remember that in Equestria, steam power is much newer and higher tech than in our world, so parts and tools for repairing steam engines would almost certainly fall outside the range of a colt's allowance. I only suggested that a mentor figure would accompany Geary to repair the engine to ensure that his materials and tools were being used properly and not wasted.

[synkyd]

ah, i see what you mean. ill have to shift around the story and add a few things to make it work.

[Armony]

Alright, after your most recent changes, I can't find anything particularly out of place with your character design, so I think it's time to move this up to the next level!

[synkyd]

thank you very much for the help!

[Skye]

I don't see any major problems with this!