RP Critique?

[Cat Napper]

Hey there Equestria, would you be willing to do a newbie a favor? My RPing is pretty rusty and since I'm used to playing wolves back at the BBA forum I might have an issue changing to the innocence and overall cuteness of the ponies here.

Would you critique a possible thread starter with my Cat Napper? I want to improve as much as I can, being a writer is one of my dreams you know!

"♪ So then show, You wanna look kind..♪ " In perfect synch with the soundtrack to her life blaring in her mind, Cat Napper's hooves carried her along in a very rhythmic beat. The weather honestly couldn't have been any more perfect than right there, and great timing as this was the day she decided to take a break from her work and see the world for once.

She'd been careless in preparing to leave her tiny rented room and visit the public, fur still splattered with the acrylics she'd been using moments ago. Ah well, she wasn't expecting to see anyone hiking anyhow. Even so she wouldn't have cared. "Pretty-fying" is for parties, not inspirational art walks. Her ruffled mane was carelessly tossed over her right shoulder, forelocks as always spread on either side of her face and revealing her normally tired but expressive eyes.

"♪ 24/7 on my mind..♪ " She sang along to the song that had been her motive for her last piece, still ringing in her mind and setting her in a fantastic mood. A lovely voice that was never heard by many as Cat had a terrible stage fright, she continued humming along as her silver eyes took in the sights of these small woody patches along the outskirts of Ponyville. " ♪ All I ever wanted is to be with you.. ♪ " Her trotting picked up speed slightly as she noticed a slight rise in the ground, too perfect for a running lift off to pass up. Merely feet from it, she broke into a canter at the last minute and pushed off with a strong leap, taking her well above the tree line before she unfurled her wings and began gaining alitiude with quick beats. "♪ Making me feel is so brand newww~! ♪ " Unfaltering and strongly she held out the last note before giving a quick somersault in the air then proceeding to propel forward at a decent speed. Pumping her wings, she continued with the next lines of her song. " ♪ I thought I can love no more.. Warned too many times before.. Now everytime I look up to the sky.. I've got you on my mind~! ♪ "

Overlooking a stunning sunset, Cat didn't fly for long before settling in a widely stretched puff of cirrus clouds stained a brilliant red by the setting sun. She folded her wings comfortably over her shoulder blades and rested her head on her folded forelegs, hooves dangling over the cloud's edge. Such brilliant colors here, not even a painter of her skill could've chosen such precise and naturally flowing hues. The cloud she'd chosen, as well as overlooking the breathtaking sunset also provided a view of the small town she currently resided in. Ah, Ponyville. Cat let out a sigh of contentment, the sun's final brilliant rays warming her paint stained pelt. Tiny stars from above and beyond began glinting in the darkening purple sky around the sleeping sun, in her mind she bid Celestia goodnight.

This town sure did grow on her quickly. Was it the architecture? It definitely was something new and worth seeing in her lifetime, especially that wacky bakery she'd passed a few times. It was a bakery, right? It looked a bit flashier than the bakeries she was used to back home in Cloudsdale. But that wasn't it. Surely it wasn't the pony residents as she had yet to socialize having arrived so recently. It could be the friendliness, she had yet to encounter a stranger who'd come across to her as rude. Good humble folk dwelled here, they knew no harm, only intending good for their neighbor. Yes, that was it! "Such beautiful peace." Cat mumbled to herself. Nowhere else she'd ever been seemed to match the true bonds and love that simply radiated in the air here, certainly not in Cloudsdale, the home Cat was ridiculed in for her late cutie mark development. This was a home of experience, adventure, fun in it's purest form and good memories. The petite pegasus could only hope that she'd have a few good stories from this town to share with her mum and dad when she visits them again. But, there was also the stupid attatchment that proved as a predicament. "Ponyville," She started to herself, dosing off slightly. "How will I leave when the time comes..?" She barely finished that last word, drifting off into a whisper as Cat Napper began to fall into one of her lengthy cat naps she was named for.

She'd earned this relaxing moment, the air so still not even a breeze rippled her mane. Although art isn't back breaking work it sure takes a lot out of a pony's mental energy. Concentration, inspiration, beautification, relaxation. The four 'tions' of art didn't come easily that was for sure. She loved her quaint little studio set up, but it sure got lonely.

As she fell into a relaxing dream state, she imagined finding some friendly Ponyville folks to keep her company. Maybe another pegasus for stormy races or mud-sledding! Or a unicorn, she'd heard a few lived around here. How would magic work as an art medium? She'd never know of course, her forehead remained bare. As she finally gave a deep breath, expelling all hints of a stressed soul from her body, Cat's imaginary friends became more and more bizarre. Hippogriff, griffon, hippocamp... dragon..... dinosaur........ zZZzzZzzzz...

It's one of my most decently written pieces yet, but I want you to tear it apart and nitpick any issue, I'm always aiming to improve. Thanks so much to anyone who does this for me, you are awesome 8'D

Also, disclaimer; I don't own those lyrics, they're from this song here

I'd sing it if I were flying in an Equestrian sunset for sure C:

EDIT: Smashed up that wall of text so aspirin isn't necessery lol

EDIT2: speech is bolded to prevent further migraines 8D

[Skye]

Well, the first thing I'd suggest is to break apart paragraphs, when they're stream of consciousness they get really hard to read!

[Cat Napper]

Break the wall of text, gotcha! They bug me too, I don't know why I didn't separate this one since I normally do x3

Oh laziness.

[Skye]

Break the wall of text, gotcha! They bug me too, I don't know why I didn't separate this one since I normally do x3

Oh laziness.

That's much better. And this isn't bad for an intro RP post topic at all, though I'd probably consider breaking down to maybe three or four paragraphs max for each post so you don't overwhelm wall 'o texts of each RP. Even though I'm guilty of it myself. Though we have a minimum of at least five lines/sentences for RP so that each post isn't -too- short. But this is a good start! Feel free to pick through the existing RP's and see if there are any you'll want to be a part of when you're ready, or some ideas of what you might want to write about.

[Cat Napper]

Well thank you so much C:

I'm ready RPing right now but I think my character needs further approval?