I really don't know what I am doing anymore. I just feel horrible. Wether its the fact I'm so terribly lonely or my mental state. I can't tell, the only thing I can tell is that if this keeps going like this for much longer I don't know if I can live up to my own words.

"If I die now, my life would have been pretty sad, so I have to carry on and make it worth it."

Slowly I'm loosing faith in what I said, slowly I'm dying inside. There is nowhere for me to go, nowhere to feel good and there is no sanctuary that gives me a break from this horrible feelings. When not even games, RP, music and a good TV show aka a lot of alternate worlds, can distract me, there is something ... something terrible lingering inside of me. I just hope the soothing tears of mine will fix me for another time.