Bramble Rose

Well, I look forward to meeting them! Yay, for a growing community!

I think I was actually inspired a bit by another fic I read, in which RD loses her wings, but Twilight makes them grow back in the end. I just put my own spin on that, I guess, but I didn't copy anything except that Dash loses her wings. At the end, I guess the main thing is that even though we get hurt emotionally in life by people we know, if we're really their friend, we can try to understand their pain. And if you really cared about someone all those years ago, if you really loved them, your friendship should be able to last, even through time and hurt. Ahhhh..... so part of it was in response to another story which did it even worse. The second part of it was that it wasn't Dash you were focusing on, but the people around Dash. Which didn't go quite so well, because... the people just accepted it and moved on. The focus of the story is to overcome that pain, but no one actually cared, especially because they were too busy feeling sorry for Dash instead of being hurt by her absence. Twilight *immediately* forgave her, which leaves no real feel of growth in that direction. I think you should try again. Your writing wasn't bad, just the subject matter. Try that *theme* again, but don't make the pain or hurt or fear or all of that quite as serious ... come up with something less *drastic* to fit that idea. Like ... if someone lied to Twilight, out of embarrassment over doing something wrong, and Twilight has to deal with trying to figure out how to trust someone she knows has lied to her. Make sure she struggles with it before she accepts what happened.

Bramble Rose lifted up a napkin to wipe off his face, trying to collect the crumbs of his crushed muffin nice and neat. He smiled a bit at the kindness of Sir Knightly and of Mocha, ducking his head. "Thank you, then, and you are truly too kind, both of you. I am Bramble Rose, but you can just call me Bramble if you like." He set the muffin down on the table, smiling politely to Sir Knightly, and looked around. There had to be something he could do for this kindness... the flowers. The cafe had flower displays ... he lowered his head, his purple horn glowing a soft green color. The flowers swelled with renewed life, the blossoms growing just a little larger and more full, the colors becoming just a little more vibrant ... and they wouldn't start to wilt for days. He lifted his head, leaning forward to give a small *sniff* to the damp floral scent coming from the enriched blossoms. "You have a beautiful cafe," he says to Mocha. "It matches your beautiful spirit." Then he blushed at saying something so corny, ducking his head and quickly turning back to Sir Knightly. "A pleasure to meet you, Sir Knightly. I've seen knights passing in the streets of Canterlot all my life, but I've never actually met one! I'm very honored, and your generosity speaks of the truth of the knight's code."

Bramble Rose takes Knightly's aid, getting pulled to his hooves while looking quite embarrassed. "Um... yeah... no, it's all right... my fault..." He let out a soft *heh* "Bramble rose," he introduces himself. "thank you."

"O-oh, oh," said Bramble, deflating a bit, feeling a bit a fool. They told him that would work! "Sorry, sorry... Thank you. I'll just..." He leaves a couple bits on the table, grabs the muffin in his teeth, and hurries out of the cafe, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. Then he comes back in, gets his saddlebags, and turns to hurry out again, but trips over his own hooves in his hurry, face-planting the floor, and crushing the muffin over his muzzle.

Oh! Cause I thought the top hair looked like Pinkie's, the left like Fluttershy's, and the right like Twilight's. But just... inspired, not copied. Heh. I guess I was wrong!

Bramble gave a small smile to Tang as she asked his order. "Well, I'll have one of those muffins she mentioned, sure!" he says, floating out a couple bits as he stands up. His front hoof paws at the earth a couple times as he takes a deep breath. "Also, um ... do you ... would you like some more help around the place?" he puffs out his chest, stretching his neck, trying to make himself look taller, all too aware that he's smaller than the mare he's talking to. "I mean ... " What was it he had been told to do when looking for a job? Oh, right! Show them ... "I'm the colt you want serving your tables!" he declares firmly. "You can't do any better than me!" the colt tosses his head, his long white mane falling smoothly down his neck, as he puts on a show of confidence.

A small, dark purple unicorn with a white mane and tail came walking up the road, saddlebags over his withers. The clasps of the saddlebags matched his cutie mark - a rose, but his cutie mark also had two thorned vines wrapped around the rose, in the shape of a heart. He stopped before the cafe, gave a nervous smile, and stepped inside. On seeing people waiting, he almost turned around and left. If people were waiting, that'd mean they'd be standing and watching ... but he steeled himself and set himself down on one of the mounds of hay. His horn glowed a soft green color, and his saddlebags floated up off of him and set down on the floor beside him. The soft glow faded away as he commenced to waiting patiently, trying to hide his nervousness.

Oh my gosh... Baby Scratch is *adorable!* *^_^*

Oh, you have a *lovely* singing voice! *^_^* That was wonderful! Of all the 'creative' stuff I expected to find here, lovely music wasn't amongst it, but here it is! XD I just want to see this lovely little pegasus dancing along as she sings this happy little ditty, dumping buckets into cloud machines and walking past the forges where pegasus smiths forge the lightning!

Seems much better to me! Just takes some practice. Writing cooperative stories is challenging - a lot different from writing your own stories, solo.

Oh! One last thing - I don't think they'd do anything 'by Luna' yet. She hasn't been around for a thousand years, and everyone's forgotten her... not really enough time for her to get back into the common parlance yet. She didn't even show up with her sister to the Young Fliers' Competition.

My pleasure. I certainly hope more people would give *me* feedback like that! ** I just give the sort of feedback I'd want to get. I once read a better author than me talking about 'describing the self' in just this sort of situation. One of the things that author wrote was that the *worst* thing you can do to describe a character is try to force it in-character, by having him look in a mirror. Just describe him while he's flying through the storm, 'the wind blowing through his spikey, electric green mane and tail, which let him be seen even when his dark sapphire coat was lost against the dark skies."

I like that first picture, with the three ponies. I can definitely see which ponies she used as references for their manes, but it's not a direct recolor, just inspiration, which is a good thing. I like the energy she put into the pegasus - that really draws my eye.

Not bad. Has a few places it could use some improvement... The first thing I'll say is that ... it's so short, we've already met two characters and I don't know who they are yet. We have names and appearances, but not personalities, except that Stormy apparently doesn't do much in the way of socializing. Second, it jumps around a lot. First he's in Ponyville, then he's in Cloudsdale, at his home... jumping around in his home, then someone's there... We need an establishing shot, then something *happening* in that establishing shot. The problem is that as soon as you set up the establishing shot, you took it away to go somewhere else. I'd suggest figuring out something that happens during that storm that'll have relevance to the later plot. Also, just as my own thoughts on how I'd do it - I wouldn't have the clouds just start up once they're all in place. Try to give a sense of urgency by describing the heavy clouds, barely containing all the rain in them - a need to get them into place before they burst. And then have the Director start it off with a well-placed kick. Right now it seems kinda 'ho-hum' like you're just slapping bricks into the simplest of brick walls. Give a sense of the difficulty in putting together a good storm, the artistry of the arrangement. Not sure you need a pony 'relieving himself', but that's just a minor quibble. I'd suggest running it through a grammar and spellchecker, cause it's got some issues - random capitalization in the middle of sentences, misspelled words, that sort of thing. But despite all that, it's not *bad*. The sentences and paragraphs themselves are engaging enough - they just need a little more exposition and a little more description to run together better.

You're also writing that 'everyone in ponyville wants him gone'. There's a lot of us choosing Ponyville as our home... you need to let us decide what we want. Just decide what *your* character is like - don't try to write how we're supposed to react to him.

Foster's was *WAY* better than powerpuff girls. I agree. Gender boundaries are important, I feel. They give us landmarks... so we can move towards them, or away from them. And we can be happier knowing exactly where we are, even if it's theoretically not where we're 'supposed to be'. However... you know, it actually surprises me to hear TMNT being considered a boy's cartoon. I'm very used to eager female fans of that show. With crushes on the turtles.

*chuckles softly* Well, I did used to have a pony and watched a little of the cartoon as a young boy. *coughs embarassedly* Right along with transformers and GI Joe, actually. I had very little discrimination as to what gender the show was supposed to be for. But I fell in love with the new style instantly. I consider it a big improvement. ** I think it's more expressive, and the characters all have far more personality and body language, which really engages you in the show a lot more. But then, I also loved Powerpuff Girls and Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, so even before I knew Lauren was involved with those, I was thinking it had that feel to it.

I dunno that all the fanfic would have to congregate into one thread. Each artist has their own thread, I intend to make a thread for my fics as well! But as to the artists already here: @MyLittlePonyFics: What was your purpose in writing 'Dashed'? I mean... part of the reason I disliked it was that it just felt... well, no offense intended, but a lot of people are very used to stories which have run out of ideas try to drum up readership or attention by killing off a main character, or someone who's not a very good writer trying to 'make a good story' by killing someone off. And even worse, especially with comics, no one who gets killed ever stays dead - which makes #2 a bit ... even more eh. And with her losing her wings, again, it just seems... unnecessarily cruel. Not to mention, we just hear about all the important stuff. We don't experience any of it. Which is why I ask - what was your intent, with the story? What were you trying to show us? What theme, moral, or emotion were you trying to evoke? @SKX - What amuses me about "Everypony loves Dash" is that it seems pretty much like a big fandom joke. You're taking all the emerging pony tropes and jokes, and slapping them all together into one crazy humor fic.

Thought so. I'm glad to see previous ponyfans for the new show. Some of them seem to really dislike it for the art style, or for changing the characters.

I love Wihsper's hair. It's very nice. Ha! Lullaby's going a bit old-school there, isn't she? Or did a unicorn use a wing-spell on her? I absolutely *adore* Jubilee, and her clydesdale fetlock tufts, and the mottled pattern on her back... Windsong. Is. ADORABLE. I want to pick her up and snuggle her! Definitely giving you a +watch on your gallery.

Wow - I'll repeat what the others said: You did such an amazing job on the scenery! Additionally, though, you did a magnificent job of getting the personalities of the characters right!

well, hello, Fillies! Does your colt look like me? Of course not. Sadly, there is only one me. But I am here, now, and available for all the RP you can think of. Look at your keyboard, now back to me. I have a rose. Seriously, though. Hi, hello, all that jazz. Yet another Friendship is Magic fan outside the intended demographic. Sorta. Lauren being the clever filly she is, planned for EVERYONE to be in the demographic! And success! So yeah. I'm a writer-type, doodle from time to time. I can doodle ponies surprisingly well! Already wrote a bit of silly with Friendship is Epic. Planning something more serious as well, want to post some doodles, and looking forward to interacting with the community. Hope to have a lot of fun here!