Han Valen Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Han Valen Posted July 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2012 ...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kendrick Posted July 29, 2012 Report Share Posted July 29, 2012 OK, since you wanted feedback I'll give you all of my impressions.First of all, it is a very rich and complex world you have put together here. Honestly I think this could stand on its own as a fantasy work independent of FiM fan fiction or the MLP universe. It might even be stronger for that, though I understand how much harder an audience venue would be to find.I like the Anubians. Interesting idea.There are a few parts though that I had to re-read sections a few times to follow the conversation. The words of the dialog itself flow fine, but the transitions lost me at times.It also seems like Mitishamba and Jangwa take things a bit too much in stride. To me it would feel better to do just a bit more back-building to explain that. (Show at Union's appearance that they are familiar with his history/role, or have Jangwa have a premonition...)But all-in-all, if I read this as an excerpt from a fantasy novel I'd buy it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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