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Lightning Rider [FINAL]

LightningRider

By LightningRider
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LightningRider

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Roleplay Type: World of equestria rp

Name:Lightning Rider

Sex:Male

Age:stallion

Species:Pegasus

Eye colour:Purple

Coat colour:Light Purple

Mane/Tail/Markings colour & Style: Yellow shaggy mane, short yellow tail.

Physique: Skinny, normal sized body.

Cutie Mark: white cloud. lightning received his cutie mark after he learned how to fly.

Origin/Residence: Born in Cloudsdale, Raised in ponyville. Moved back to Cloudsdale dew to father problems, his father would treat me like he was a leaser pony. he left his father dew to his lack of love he had for him.

Likes: He loves flying and proving himself, he loves girls, he's a sucker for them.

Dislikes: He hates being left behind as in the last to know, and he hates it if he doesn't win a challenge.

Occupation: World wide caravan. Like a mail man but i deliver it around Equestria and the other regions.

Motivation: To prove that he can fly the longest and fastest. His dream is to one day become a wonderbolt.

Character Summary: Lightning rider is a feisty, rebellious pony who loves playing practical jokes and was the captain of his flying team in flying school. He is a very smart pony, but lets his ignorant side get to him. His weaknesses are cute ponies and he will never turn down a challenge. Lightning was given his job due to his speed and the fact that he could fly all day. His job was given to him after he was seen flying super fast and long around Ponyville. His cutie mark was earned after his father forced him to go to flying boot camp. During his training he would always be the last one to finish. The least that he wanted was to stay at the camp, so he made a bet with his father. His bet was that if he could fly in two weeks then he could be able to go to normal flying school with his friends. Yet after a few days of training all he could do was nothing close then what he wanted to do. So after one week of pushing himself to his limit he was only able to improve vary little. Finally after the rest of the second week his father came to the camp to see if he could win the bet he made. His father called him to the starting line, he slowly walked up to the line and closed his eyes. He thought to himself, That this was his only chance to show his father that he could fly. The starting gun was shot, and at that second Lightning's mother spoke to him in his mind. She said to him that no matter how hard you try, pushing yourself to your limits will never help you improve unless you believe in yourself. He agreed and flapped his wings as fast as he could and took off. With in a few seconds he sped up and flew faster. Faster and faster he went, till finally the thought of his mother's advise made him realize that he could do it, that he could fly. He dashed off even faster and was able to fly with his amazing speed. At the same time he was able to get his cutie mark. His cloud cutie mark stands for him being able to fly like a cloud, long and fast. Lightning can fly for more than 12 hours non stop, and has the speed of a storm cloud being pushed by a wind storm. To this day Lightning and his father never really liked each other. His father wanted him to be just like him but ended up the opposite of what he wanted. His father kicked him out after he was finished with school. Lightning is a loner pony most of the time but he still is friendly.

​History- Was born in Cloudsdale and spent most of his younger years playing pranks on other Pegasui by putting clouds in front of walls and mountain peaks. His father was a military pony, his name was Thunder Clash, Lightning's mother was a nurse in the Cloudsdale hospital and her name was Light Cloud, she was a sweet young pony that passed a way after Lightning was born. Lightning was told that his mother was she was sick and went to a better place.Sshe was sick with the feather flu and never recovered. Lightning moved after he finished flight school, he wanted to get away from his father. To this day he has not heard from or seen his father. Lightning is still angry at his father and blames himself for his mother's death. But to this day he lives alone. He's only seen when he's called. He's friendly and kind, but shy and cocky. he will always try to find ways to get out of problems such as his job and the jokes he does. He enjoys spending time with his friends and ponies he wishes he could date. He is the only pony in his family that has ever been to Ponyville.

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hinata2000100 Equestrian

hinata2000100

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Hello! I'm not an RP helper, but I'll still give you some criticism on this app. :)

First of all, I agree with frenzyhero. The font size is a bit much, darling. Perhaps shrink it down to normal size, and then that will help. :D

Second of all, maybe you could go into more detail as to why Lightning left his father and their problems. was he angry with his father? Did his father not want him anymore? These things could help with your app being approved.

Third of all, maybe you could expand a bit on his mother's death. How did she die? How exactly did it make him feel? Sadness is obvious, but what other emotions did he feel?

This app is still a WiP in my opinion, but with a little hard work, this could be a fine character to add to the Mane RP cast list. :)

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LightningRider Blank Flank

LightningRider

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Hello! I'm not an RP helper, but I'll still give you some criticism on this app. :)

First of all, I agree with frenzyhero. The font size is a bit much, darling. Perhaps shrink it down to normal size, and then that will help. :D

Second of all, maybe you could go into more detail as to why Lightning left his father and their problems. was he angry with his father? Did his father not want him anymore? These things could help with your app being approved.

Third of all, maybe you could expand a bit on his mother's death. How did she die? How exactly did it make him feel? Sadness is obvious, but what other emotions did he feel?

This app is still a WiP in my opinion, but with a little hard work, this could be a fine character to add to the Mane RP cast list. :)

thanks for your help. iv added abit more. id like you to read it plz and tell me if its better or not. :D
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SilverSwirl Wonderbolt

SilverSwirl

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Mind fixing some of the grammatical and typographical errors? It makes it hard to read and take it seriously. Otherwise, I think others have said what is needed to be said about improving your app.

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LightningRider Blank Flank

LightningRider

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Mind fixing some of the grammatical and typographical errors? It makes it hard to read and take it seriously. Otherwise, I think others have said what is needed to be said about improving your app.

Ok iv added a lot more then what i had. i just want to know what do you think of it?
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hinata2000100 Equestrian

hinata2000100

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Patience, young one. You have to wait for a REAL RP helper to come along and view your app, then, if they like it, they send it off to see if it's ready to be approved. Then, if your app is ready to be approved, after that, a RP helper comes and stamps your app, then you have to manually be moved to the Roleplayers group to RP.

Also, most mods look at apps going from the bottom of the page upwards, so bumping won't help. :)

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LightningRider Blank Flank

LightningRider

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Patience, young one. You have to wait for a REAL RP helper to come along and view your app, then, if they like it, they send it off to see if it's ready to be approved. Then, if your app is ready to be approved, after that, a RP helper comes and stamps your app, then you have to manually be moved to the Roleplayers group to RP.

Also, most mods look at apps going from the bottom of the page upwards, so bumping won't help. :)

ya i know. im sorry. i just want to rp. well i guess all i can do is wait.
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Mojo Alicorn

Mojo

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Hi Lightning Rider!

I know you are anxious to begin Roleplaying so hopefully I can help you get this application accepted quickly.

Looks like you've gotten some good advice from other members and that's great!

Having a little difficulty understanding his 'Occupation', is he delivering packages like an Equestria version of Fed Ex or UPS? Please explain.

You have explained well his cutie mark story and a bit of his life history, but what is his personality like? You need to expand a little on that.

Feel free to consult the RP Guide and the Character Application Guide for more helpful tips and information.

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QuickLime Alicorn

QuickLime

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Hello there! This is your first application it seems! Welcome to Canterlot! We look forward to having you here :D! I have just a few questions about your character and some suggestions

First off is it really important to have both his mother passed on and him mad at his father? Those don't sound very MLP and we've had a surplus of "tragic" backstories recently! I'm sure there is a way for you to tell a good backstory without unneeded angst hne? ;D

Second I really would want to know about Lightning! You do talk a good deal about his parents and such but not a lot about him, what does he do as hobbies? Does he have many friends? Does he like cupcakes? :D

Overall it's a great first app! I'm sure with tweaking and some staff imput you'll do great!

I look forward to seeing you in the rp boards soon ;D

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Mojo Alicorn

Mojo

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Lightning Rider, I brought your app to the attention of Senior RP staff, and they have some concerns:

First, one asked about why it was so hard to move a cloud? In the cartoon, clouds can be pushed, grabbed or even molded into shapes (like in Cloudsdale) rather easily. Secondly, they wanted me to remind you of the ‘housing crisis’ in Ponyville and suggest your character live someplace else. Lastly, there are a good many spelling/grammar errors they’d like to see fixed too.

You just need to do some more editing on this app and then we’ll have another look at it!

:D :D :D

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Mojo Alicorn

Mojo

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SLIGHT problem with this line: "He enjoys his time living there aswell." A SRP Staffer spotted this as confusing since he doesn't live in Ponyville. If you'll clear up that line, then I think this app will pass.

:D:D:D

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LightningRider

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SLIGHT problem with this line: "He enjoys his time living there aswell." A SRP Staffer spotted this as confusing since he doesn't live in Ponyville. If you'll clear up that line, then I think this app will pass.

:D:D:D

ok i got it, i felt so dumb after i saw it to lol, thanks.

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Mojo Alicorn

Mojo

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ok i got it, i felt so dumb after i saw it to lol, thanks.

It's alright, pal. I missed it too.

We're all human..... well, in RL we're all human...

:D :D :D

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