Unicorn Vitae [Ready]

[shyshy]

Roleplay Type: FIM Free For all/ Equestria crossovers

Name: Vitae

Sex: Male

Age: Stallion

Species: Unicorn

Eye colour: dark purple

Coat colour: lighter charcoal grey

Mane/Tail/Markings colour & Style: mane is mid length and well kept and parted to one side (covering that side of Vitae's face), tail is mid length and thick, both the mane and tail are a two tone dark purple and charcoal grey.

Physique: average build/height/weight (although Vitae tends to appear rather feminine he is 100% Male)

Cutie Mark: a red book with a quill

Origin/Residence: Fillydelphia

Occupation: writer (most renowned for his works in the genres: horror, romance, and documentary/biographical)

Motivation: to entertain himself and keep himself occupied. Vitae is easily bored and has made a philosophy out of constant activity.

Likes: books, old fashioned things (fashions, relics, architecture, cultures, etc.), classical music (specifically pieces featuring the harpsichord), and apple cider

Dislikes: closed spaces (claustrophobic), uptight behavior, and illiteracy

Character Summary: (devided in sections below.)

History: Vitae was born and raised in Fillydelphia by his father and mother. He was an only child until his younger brother was born. His younger brother was born a year or so after Vitae got his cutie mark. growing up he had just about anything a young buck could want and his family was considerably wealthy due to the success of Vitae's father's publishing business. but as he grew and delved into his talents he realized there was more than to being a good pony and spent his time getting to know ponies of all types and was known to be a "social butterfly". this granted vitae many opportunities and connections, and even lead to the founding of his career as a writer.

Parents: Vitae's father is the owner of a large publishing business that has been known to publish very up-scale works by writers o all types, most of which started in Fillydelphia. Vitae's father has always pushed Vitae to give up writing and instead take over his business but has had no luck. Vitae's mother is a stay at home mother who lives very well and tends to be very critical about maintaining a high standard. she used to baby Vitae until his younger brother was born and soon after placed most of the responsibility of raising Vitae's little brother on him. Vitae's younger brother attends a fancy up-scale boarding school in Hoofington and is working to get his degree in medial sciences. both of Vitae's parents are certainly proud that Vitae has been so successful, but they take every opportunity to express their overt disappointment in his decision to not take the publishing business from his father. Vitae's brother rarely sees Vitae or even his parents anymore due to his schooling but supports Vitae 110%. Vitae and his brother get along like peas in a pod and have always been there for one another. Vitae promised his brother that when his brother becomes a famous pony physician that he will right about his success in a biography.

Cutie Mark Story: just about a year before his younger brother's birth, Vitae was attending a boarding school in Hoofington. he and his classmates had all been assigned a writing assignment for their final exam in literary arts. the assignment was to write a short satirical story based on a significant political event that influences the lives of everyday ponies. the assigment was due in a week. a week passed and with nearly 0 hours rest, Vitae was still working through the class period, he felt his work was incomplete. when he was asked to turn in his story he replied "im sorry but im afraid i cannot. this work of art still needs to be completed and refined. please, give me atleast a few more days and i promise it will be worth it." and his request was granted (seeing as nearly nopony in his class even did the assignment to begin with). he was given an extra 3 days to continue working on his story. after the 3 days were up, he confidently handed the assignment in and the teacher nearly fell over dead from surprise at the quality of the work. Vitae was recommended and accepted into advanced literary arts classes and along with this he was offered a publishing contract that would have his assignment published for the masses. Vitae graceully and cheerily accepted and upon seeing his father read a copy of his work, he felt the spark in his heart and he saw it, his cutie mark.

Flaws: very picky about his work, rather dense (difficulty sympathizing with others), a skeptic (unaccepting to new ideas), not very good with his magic.

Personality: although Vitae is rather refined and well mannered, he finds danger and uncouth behaviors and mannerisms to be the most entertaining. Vitae is relentless, if he sets his mind to anything he will not rest until it is completed to the absolute best of his ability. despite this, Vitae is well aware of his limits and is known to turn many responsibilities down if he does not find them beneficial or at least entertaining in some shape or form. Vitae has a very firm grasp on reality and is very "down-to-earth" and tends to push newer ideas aside in favour of older ones. Vitae is a very old fashioned pony with a taste for older things. Vitae is trusting but withheld, and is often notably sensible when deciding whether or not to trust somepony. Vitae DOES NOT like animals at all.

{[CLICK ME]}

[SonicRainboomGirl]

WOOHOO! SHY'S GOING TO BE A ROLEPLAYER!

*ahem* but first, a few things...

After your listing of species all capitalization kind of fades into oblivion. It's an easy thing to fix, though.

Sex: Male/Stallion

You can just say male you know, the age is listed soon after

Occupation: writer (most renown for his works in the genres: horror, romance, and documentary/biographical)

*renowned is what I'm pretty certain you mean

Physique: average build/height/weight (however Vitae does have a rather feminine appearance)

Isn't he a stallion though?

Motivation: to entertain himself

This could use a bit more detail, entertaining oneself is all fine and good up until a point. What is his dream? What makes him ponder in life, what is he truly longing for?

born and raised in Fillydelphia by his father and mother and was an only child until his younger brother was born a year or so after he got his cutie mark.

This is a pretty confusing run-on sentence, some paraphrasing may be helpful.

Vitae's Father is the owner of a large Publishing business that has been known to publish very up-scale works by writers o all types, most of which started in Fillydelphia.

Your capitolization is very odd, I must say. Publishing and father don't have to be capitolized, but every time Vitae's name is brought up, it MUST be capitolized.

Don't get me wrong though, Shy, this app is pretty freaking fantastic and the character is wonderful. You obviously put quite some work into it, all that it needs is a bit of tweaking! I can't wait to RP with you when Vitae is approved!

[shyshy]

WOOHOO! SHY'S GOING TO BE A ROLEPLAYER!

umm i already RP here. but thank ya kindly mate :3 i done fixed it up. how say you now?

[SonicRainboomGirl]

But...your member title says only "member" not "roleplayer"

No matter, it's time for reviewing take two!

You may want to bold the prompts, like Eye Colour:. This makes it much easier to navigate.

Eye Colour: Dark purple

Coat Colour: Lighter charcoal grey

Physique: Average build/height/weight (although Vitae tends to appear rather feminine he is 100% male)

The capitolization still needs some work, and I've put some examples of how it should look above.

Mane/Tail/Markings Colour & Style: Mane is mid length and well kept and parted to one side (covering that side of Vitae's face), tail is mid length and thick, both the mane and tail are a two tone dark purple and charcoal grey.

You've got some serious run-on sentences in this app. Using more than one "and" in a sentence is almost always a bad idea. Commas are your best friend

growing up he had just about anything a young buck could want and his family was considerably wealthy due to the success of Vitae's father's publishing business.

Capitolization!

That's your main mistake.

You're almost there, my friend! Good luck

[shyshy]

i have another app that was already accepted where the capitolization and such was not considered a problem ill get to it later

[SonicRainboomGirl]

Don't get me wrong here: this app is fantastic! All these suggestions are just minor shine and polish!

[shyshy]

well thank you kindly. i aint up ta fixin it right now, im not feelin so good.

[SonicRainboomGirl]

Oh no! Feel better, Shy!

[Rosewind]