Earth Pony Sapphire Sherlock [Ready]

[rulerofeden]

Roleplay Type: World of Equestria RP

Name: Sapphire Sherlock

Gender: Female

Age: young Mare

Species: Earth Pony

Eye colour: Dark Grey

Coat: Fittingly, Sapphire’s coat is, well, sapphire. That is, her coat is a cute, medium shade of blue.

Mane/Tail: Sapphire’s mane is dark blue, and she usually keeps it trimmed rather short. She doesn't intentionally style her mane, but it’s always stylishly messy in a cute, bed-head sort of way. Additionally, she often wears a small blue beret, which is a darker shade of blue than her coat but lighter than her mane, and a dark blue pair of oval glasses.

Physique: Sapphire is a bit thinner than most ponies her age, though certainly not unhealthily so. She is also noticeably shorter at the shoulder than your average pony.

Residence: Sapphire’s permanent residence is in Trottingham, at the (appropriately name) Sapphire Estate. She finds the quiet town to be comforting, though she has a distaste for the lavish lifestyle of its residents. However, because of her job as a detective, she often travels to other major cities.

Occupation: Sapphire Sherlock is a detective, known for her excellent deductive and investigative skills. She regularly solves mysteries and works in major cities whenever she is needed.

Cutie Mark: Sapphire Sherlock’s cutie mark is a magnifying glass behind the classic Sherlock cap (also known as a ‘deerstalker’ cap).

History: When Sapphire was just a filly, she was faced with her very first mystery. It was undoubtedly the most important detective work she would ever conduct, too: Finding out who her real parents were.

Faced with the shocking reality that her parents were not who she thought, Sapphire set out to find her real parents. Searching high and low, she sought every clue she could find on the streets of Manehatten. She tried talking to the city's mayor, but the mayor would always exchange worried looks with her apparently adoptive parents, and say nothing of value. Sapphire sought newspaper articles in the city library, but she would always be ushered out by the librarian, who warned her that, “Too much knowledge CAN be a bad thing, Sapphire. Some things, you simply don’t need to know.”

For a whole week, Sapphire dragged her parents around the city, searching for anything, even something as simple as a name. Not willing to be defeated, Sapphire sneaked out at night and into the library. There, she could finally read all of the newspapers that everyone wanted to hide from her. There, in a yellowing newspaper clipping about a magic school, she saw it: her mother’s face. There was no mistaking it. Her mother was beautiful, and Sapphire shared her unique grey eyes. The caption under the picture read, "Sapphire Sonnet, local choir director” Tired and satisfied, Sapphire Sherlock returned everything to its original location, save the picture which she kept for herself, and sneaked back out of the library.

The next day, she set out all by herself asking all of the ponies around town if they knew anything about the mare in the picture. Most of Sapphire’s neighbors were too young to remember, but there was one stallion who recalled that, “she’s the one who married ol’ Ten-Mile Heat. Such a lovely couple… I used to fancy her, you know? She was quite a beauty, with a voice to match. Shame, that… Goodness, I apologize. I don’t think I caught your name, little lady.”

Sapphire Sherlock told him that it wasn't important, and thanked him for the information.

With both of her parents' names, she now knew exactly where to go. Sapphire headed to the City Historical Committee, and asked if she could see the birth records from the year she was born. A thick tome was set out before her, and after poring over it for nearly an hour, she finally found her birth record. Sure enough, the parents’ names were officially listed as Sapphire Sonnet and Ten-Mile Heat. Now all that remained was to find where they were. She returned the large tome and dashed off towards the mayor's office.

Stopping for a moment to catch her breath, Sapphire sat and though about what her parents might be like when she met them. Would her mother be a kind, loving mare, who’d always be there after a bad dream? Would Ten-Mile Heat be a strong, proud stallion whose fatherly wisdom could always teach her something about the world? Would they really be everything she had been hoping for?

Sapphire walked into the mayor's office, and there was a secretary that she did not recognize. He looked very young, so she figured that he must be new. Nervously, Sapphire walked up to him and gave her name, “My name is… uh… Sapphire Sherlock… And I… I was wondering if you c-could help me find my parents’ address.”

“Oh, you must be lost. Don’t worry, honey, I’ll help you get home. Just give me a moment, okay?” Sapphire didn't bother correcting him that she wasn't lost. The colt trotted into a back room, and came back carrying a large, dusty leather-bound tome. Sapphire would have been tired of such books, were it not for the fact that she was finally about to meet her parents. The secretary set the tome on the table and flipped it open. “Now then, what are your parents’ names?”

“Uh… my mum is… Sapphire Sonnet. And my dad is Ten-Mile Heat.” The young, skinny colt flipped around for a moment before finally stopping and scanning the page. Suddenly, his eyes went wide, though Sapphire could not see above the table.

“Uh, hang on a moment… I think I should get my boss to help you here… Sit tight, okay sweetie?” He did not wait for her to answer before he started off as fast as he could towards the mayor's office. A moment later, the secretary and the mayor emerged, both looking very somber.

The Mayor spoke softly, “Sapphire, I know that your, uh… parents don’t want you to know this, but since you've obviously gone through so much trouble to get all of this information, I think you’ve got a right to know. Yes, Sapphire Sonnet and Ten-Mile Heat are your real parents. From the time you were a newborn foal, however, you’ve been raised by adoptive parents.”

Sapphire’s eyes lit up. Finally, the answers she had been searching for! “Can I meet them? I’ve never even met them, you know!”

The Mayor cast her gaze to the ground. “Uh… I’m sorry dear, but I don’t think that’ll be possible. Shortly after your birth, your parents were involved in a very serious accident after an earthquake in Baltimare. They were both… they were lost when the earthquake caused a building to collapse. I’m sorry, dear. Your parents…” But she couldn’t say it.

Sapphire didn't need the Mayor to finish. She burst into tears, and her mind raced with questions. How could this have happened? Why them? Why did she survive? Were they bad ponies? Did they do something bad to deserve it? She couldn't keep a clear head. She couldn't see anything either. Her eyes filled with tears, and her heart filled with pain. She could no longer stand up straight, and she collapsed. It was at that moment, faced with the truth which she had sought herself, that something very special happened in the Mayor's office. Sapphire didn't notice, though; even if she had seen it, Sapphire wouldn't have cared. The mayor tried to calm her down, but it was no use. She lay there and cried for what seemed like an eternity…

When she couldn't cry any more, Sapphire wiped her eyes and saw a kind-looking older stallion waiting there, watching over her intently. She turned away from him, not wanting him to see her crying. Seeing this, he called out to her.

“Come now, dear. You look like you've had a terribly rough time today. Now that you finally know the truth about what happened to your parents, I suppose we should be better acquainted. My name is Sapphire Sleuth. I’m your mother’s father, your grandfather. I've come to take you home.”

Sapphire Sherlock sniffed, nearly breaking down and bawling again. However, she contained herself long enough to push out a question to the old pony. “Are you going to take me back to my fake parents? I don’t want to go back there! They’re not real! I don’t want to go back! I don’t want to! I want my real mommy and my real daddy!” And with that, the tears came again.

Softly smiling, Sapphire Sleuth crossed the room and nuzzled her head. “There, there, dear… It’s okay to cry, you know… After all you've been through, I can hardly blame you. I’m not going to take you back to your adoptive parents. I've had a long discussion with them concerning you, and they've told me about their financial troubles. They can hardly afford to take care of themselves, let alone a child. I've also had a talk with the city’s custody agency, and they've agreed to give me temporary custody of you, at least until you’re old enough to handle yourself.”

And so, Sapphire Sherlock and Old Sleuth went back to live together at the Sapphire Estate in Trottingham. Sapphire had never had any friends, so she had no goodbyes to say. She couldn't bear to face her false parents. She knew that the sight of her would just upset them even more. Old Sleuth had already retrieved all of Sapphire’s belongings, and as they set out in a carriage, Sleuth chuckled and pointed at Sapphire’s flank. To her surprise, she had not noticed it until then: An odd looking cap and a magnifying glass. That was the day she understood everything. Because of her burning desire for understanding, Sapphire had found her true purpose. She made herself a promise that day that, no matter how much it might hurt, she would always reach out to the truth.

She gazed out the window and watched Manehatten disappear over the horizon.

Character Summary: Sapphire Sherlock is a detective. She’s incredibly intelligent and observant, and there’s never been a case that she couldn’t solve. She often works in major pony cities, in order to solve crimes and mysteries all over Equestria. She hopes for recognition as the greatest detective in the whole kingdom, though she realizes that it's a lofty goal. When not solving mysteries, Sapphire enjoys reading mystery and detective novels. She can often be seen at one of the book stores in Trottingham.

Generally, Sapphire is a very quiet, reserved girl. Though she is incredibly talented as a detective, her social skills were not always stellar. While living with her grandfather, Sapphire Sleuth, she never wanted to be around other ponies. She much preferred to be alone, even politely turning away Old Sleuth from time to time. Sapphire liked reading detective novels in her grandfather's study, dreaming that one day, she, too, could be an intelligent, cunning hero. However, isolation certainly took its toll, stunting her social skills for a long time.

Despite this, she has progressively overcome a previously cold and detached demeanor. Her constant detective work has afforded her a deep understanding of others’ emotions, which helps her to sympathize with others easily. Her friends often confide in her whenever they are looking for a solution to their troubles. Sapphire is not without her share of strong emotions, either; her temper is quick to flare up when she's on the case. She dislikes when the older ponies look down on her because she's younger than they are, even though her investigative skills are unquestionable.

Sapphire is extremely persistent when it comes to her detective work. She doesn't often talk about it, but she has a deep-seated fear of failure. This stems from her beginnings as a detective: Because her first case was so significant, Sapphire often fears that she will fail at a time of similar importance.

(And yes, this pony was originally based on a certain detective from a certain video game. Internet high-five if you caught that fact.)

EDIT: Picture goes at the bottom, and I had it at the top. Apologies.

EDIT 2: Fixed some details, made Sapphire older, and changed her location to an accepted one.

EDIT 3: Fixed up some details about her personality, made her less awkward, and various history changes for clarity.

Edited January 30, 2013 by rulerofeden

[starswirlthebearded]

Hello rulerofeden! I'm Star Swirl, and though I'm not a helpstaffer I think I might be able to help you a bit with your app. Before I start please keep in mind that everything I say is opinion, so if you don't like something please feel free to disregard it and wait for a Help Staffer's input

First and foremost the name. As much as I love Sherlock (seriously, huge Sherlockian here, more than willing to discuss the ins and outs of all of his cases and stories), Sherlock Holmes is a product of our world. And because of this, I foresee help staff possibly taking issue with the name. Yes they do reference Sherlock Holmes in MMMmystery, but they don't say his name, they merely reference his pipe and deerhunter cap. So yeah, you can probably still keep that part since it seems to be their universal signature for their detectives as well. I'd just revisit the second half of her name. Maybe Sapphire Scout or something else with a detective connotation to it? (Basically take out references to Sherlock Holmes)

Location: Bet-on-the-bay. I don't think that is on the map unfortunately. So please try and choose a location on the world map. Thanks!

Age/occupation. This is a combination one... You say she is a filly, but is a detective whom works in many cities. I have never heard of a teenaged or child detective doing such things (Other than Detective Conan and Kindaichi of Japan, everything else is fairly contained in terms of area with that age range, like Shelby Woo and the Hardy Boys (iirc)). And I doubt highly it would be the case in this world. Fillies tend to be in school. Her being a detective within her town is fine, but it would be closer to a game though. I mean they can be real cases, but she wouldn't be traveling Equestria. She'd be staying within Manehattan for the most part, and I'm sure there are more than enough mysteries to keep her busy there. You can say she occasionally visits other cities with her grandfather on breaks and does the same there, but it is less of free will and ability to move freely and more along the lines of opportunistic sleuthing. Basically I can't see a way for a filly to be able to have that much freedom of movement to visit other cities or towns. Though that can still be her aspiration. Overall she would still be a student, that does detective work as a hobby or for fun.

Now as for the character summary, seems almost Sherlock Holmesish (Think marey sue for detectives). (You have the basic archetype of every sleuth in history dating back to Edgar Allan Poe's Dupin) My suggestion is to flesh it out a bit more, try to make it stand out from that archetype. Give some more depth, some different flaws, some different strengths. Give reasoning to her nature. As I read her character summary, basically I was thinking "This is Dupin, Poirot, Holmes, Monk, Shawn (from Psych), Rampo's Akechi ..." and so fourth (I've read a lot of mystery and thriller in my day, and almost every single modern detective can trace their lineage back to C. Auguste Dupin created by Poe). Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE those novels and shows. However, the one problem they all share almost is that the main character is almost always the same, and they rely on the strength of the mystery to carry the novel. Now, yes, it almost always works, but realistically I'm watching the same character, occasionally with a slightly different quirk that makes him/her socially awkward, solve mysteries. And the worst part is, almost every single writer admits to it. Though Conan Doyle also admitted to taking some of Holmes's abilities from one of his Medical School professors. Basically, to sum up my meaning. Separate your character from the likes of that archetype. I'm sure you can make a more interesting character that is still a detective.

I'm really sorry, this seems like a lot. I wish you luck, and if you have any questions, let me know, and I'll try to help. And again, if you disagree with anything, feel free to wait or contact a help staffer for input.

Good luck!

PS: Despite my extensive knowledge of mystery, I am ashamed to say I don't tend to play mystery games, and have no idea who this character is based upon, at least story wise. As I have demonstrated, in terms of character, it basically goes all the way back to Monsieur Dupin.

Edit: OOPS! Forgot the most important part! The PRAISE! I got caught up in the character summary and the minor errors that might need to be fixed, I totally forgot to say this: I LOVE the history. Aside from the location issue, it is a really great history. It seems slightly cliched but it is well thought out and detailed, which is a big thing for me. I'd say the dead parents thing is overdone, but honestly, it works so well for what you needed it to do, it was well worth the usage of the trope. It became part of the story and made perfect sense, so I have no personal issues with you using that trope. Your history read like a short mystery story which fits in perfectly with this app. So bravo on that front! :D

[rulerofeden]

Hello, Starswirl! Thank you so much for such a lengthy critique. It's certainly a lot to consider, but I do find it helpful whenever someone takes time to tell me what's wrong with my work and how I might fix it.

First, the name. As much as the term 'sherlock' is associated with history's greatest detective, it's actually come have a much broader meaning over time. A sherlock is simply one who solves mysteries, or someone who shows great perceptiveness. I'm aware that Holmes is the origin of the term, but I feel like it could just be a word without any particular origin in the world of ponies. I see where you're coming from, but I hope the RP Helpers won't have too big a problem with it. If they do, I'll change it.

I've changed the location. I didn't plan on Bet-on-the-Bay being an actual location where something happens, just a clever name for a hometown.

Age/occupation: I've made her a bit older than she originally was, but I still hope to play her as relatively young for her age bracket.

As character archetypes go, you caught me. I'm not great at coming up with deep characters, but I am hoping to flesh out her personality beyond "awkward detective." I just don't know exactly where she's going right now, but I know where she's been. That's not to say I don't understand the character, but that she's supposed to be an archetypical character right now, and that I plan to develop her character out of the archetype over time.

Thank you so much for your praise, too! I really enjoy writing, and I was hoping that my little mystery would at least be coherent I was REALLY afraid of using the 'dead parents' thing, because I wasn't sure if I could use it in an interesting way. Glad that you enjoyed it!

[starswirlthebearded]

Hello, Starswirl! Thank you so much for such a lengthy critique. It's certainly a lot to consider, but I do find it helpful whenever someone takes time to tell me what's wrong with my work and how I might fix it.

First, the name. As much as the term 'sherlock' is associated with history's greatest detective, it's actually come have a much broader meaning over time. A sherlock is simply one who solves mysteries, or someone who shows great perceptiveness. I'm aware that Holmes is the origin of the term, but I feel like it could just be a word without any particular origin in the world of ponies. I see where you're coming from, but I hope the RP Helpers will have too big a problem with it. If they do, I'll change it.

I've changed the location. I didn't plan on Bet-on-the-Bay being an actual location where something happens, just a clever name for a hometown.

Age/occupation: I've made her a bit older than she originally was, but I still hope to play her as relatively young for her age bracket.

As character archetypes go, you caught me. I'm not great at coming up with deep characters, but I am hoping to flesh out her personality beyond "awkward detective." I just don't know exactly where she's going right now, but I know where she's been. That's not to say I don't understand the character, but that she's supposed to be an archetypical character right now, and that I plan to develop her character out of the archetype over time.

Thank you so much for your praise, too! I really enjoy writing, and I was hoping that my little mystery would at least be coherent I was REALLY afraid of using the 'dead parents' thing, because I wasn't sure if I could use it in an interesting way. Glad that you enjoyed it!

I'm glad you find my ramblings helpful

I understand where you are coming from with the name, but... my thinking is this... Sherlock as a word came from Doyle's well known protagonist Sherlock Holmes, as you mentioned. Without them the word would have never been coined, and thus the word wouldn't exist within Equestria (basically the etymology is rather shallow and it is a fairly modern word based on our world's literature, so I don't know how it would be coined without that). There is a saving grace though! There is an active (I think?) character here known as "Sherlock Hooves." SO! It may be acceptable, but the acceptableness of the name would fall to the decision of RPHS/SRPHS. And keep in mind that it is an old app, and previously accepted apps do not have in impact on the acceptance of any other apps, as they are done on an individual basis. (basically, when the app was accepted, the standards were much different)

Awesome, about the age thing. Small changes can go a long way here! That makes her traveling far more believable, especially since she would have finished school and had a good starting knowledge base for her detective work

Well, adding depth to a detective character isn't that difficult, especially if you want to just separate them from the basic archetype. I'd consider doing that for one major reason... The archetype you are using is rather antisocial, having few connections and rarely interacting with others outside work (and having a proclivity for getting under people's skins). So changing it up a bit might make for better interactions with other ponies as it tends to be more slice of life type RP.

If you want to keep the archetype, I'd just go into detail why she is like that. What causes her to be so observant, was she naturally observant as a child and decided to hone the skill? Was it tenacity that she discovered while searching for her parents? Think of reasons why she is like that. She is your character. Take two of the examples I chose... Monk is like that because he is OCD (btw, you shouldn't use disorders in the RP, I'm just using it as an example). His attention to detail comes from his obsessive compulsive actions and his general germaphobia. Then you have Shawn from Psych. He was groomed to be that way by his father, and he decided to use that to become a fake psychic. They took the archetype and built upon it to make those characters be more unique and stand out. You can easily do the same! Give your character personality that would make someone not think "I must be RPing with Sherlock Holmes." (I hope that makes sense )

Well it wasn't initially dead parents, it was missing parents that became dead parents. She didn't know of her situation until she figured it out and that became her first mystery, which is why I personally liked it. I can't say for sure that the RPHS will feel the same though.

You corrected the major issue already, the other things would be up to RPHS/SRPHS to decide upon, so if you'd rather wait before changing things, I totally understand . Good luck. And if you need anything don't hesitate to ask!

[rulerofeden]

Updated the history, and changed Sapphire's personality to be less awkward. Comments and criticisms welcome.

[SonicRainboomGirl]

Hi there! I'm not a member of the helpstaff either, but I think I can offer some good suggestions on how to improve your application. I've had quite a few of them approved in the past

I think you should remove all references to humans here, considering Lyra is the only one who really knows about them

In your history you never really explain how she discovered that her parents weren't her real parents. It seems a bit too mysterious and odd.

Additionally, her back-story is a little dark. I don't think a mayor or librarian would lie directly to a pony's face in this universe. It just seems a bit out of place for Equestria, especially the fact that the librarian told her that too much knowledge can be a bad thing. Princess Celestia oversees a school after all. Knowledge is highly valued in Equestria.

For a whole week, Sapphire dragged her parents around the city, searching for anything, even something as simple as a name.

This also confused me. Why would she take her unreal parents around with her? Wouldn't that make them upset?

Another general issue is the fact that she doesn't seem to love her adoptive parents one bit. It's very saddening, actually. I mean, they raised her. They're not biological, but there isn't much reason for them to just give Sapphire up to her grandfather so easily. Surely they loved her!

Other than that, I really enjoy this application and character, I think she'd be super fun to RP with! If she is approved sometime you should definitely PM me and we should plan an RP. I'm sure there's a character I play who'd be a fun Watson to have around

[Rosewind]

Hi! I was just reviewing this application for approval. It's all ready to go, except for one final detail:

(known [colour=#ff0000]to humans[/colour] as a ‘deerstalker’ cap)

Just delete the bolded text and I will approve this application. I understand you're using humans as a point of reference, but it is important to stay away from doing so to preserve the illusion and keep faith that this is, in fact, a roleplay where humans do not exist. Thanks!

[rulerofeden]

Whoops, I thought I had removed that text before! My bad.

Thanks for your critique, SonicRainboomGirl. I hadn't noticed it until just now, sorry!

Glad to be in the home stretch for approval!

[Rosewind]