Unicorn Time Spinner(WOE) (Ready)

[NeoExlucky]

Name:Time Spinner

RP type: World of Equestria

Sex: Male

Age: Young Stallion

Species: Unicorn

Eye colour: Blue

Coat: Grey, he also wears black glasses and a gold pocket watch with a crack down the middle of it.

Mane/Tail: Brown. His mane is flat and short and his tail is an S shape.

Physique: Kind of skinny and a medium height

Residence: Canterlot

Job: Historian

Cutie mark: An open Pocket watch.

Time wasn't the first to get his cutie mark, but he certainly wasn't the last either. Time got his cutie mark in canterlot, where he grew up. He had applied to a very prestigious school over in manehatten. Time was very excited as he thought he was a shoo in. However a few weeks later Time was declined to not go to the school. Very upset Time threw himself into his studies and focused upon anything that would help him better his knowledge. He had read one book that stayed with him for life. In the book there was a wise cracking unicorn who loved adventure and always lightened the mood by making jokes to his companions. Time being insecure about himself adopted this trait and became very joking. Little did he know that this book was accidently labeled a history book and it was because of this that Time continued to read and study history. Eventually Time did discover that the book was fiction but by then He had already fell in love with Nonfiction and history. One day during his studies he came across an old book in the canterlot public library. Time had borrowed the book and read about the history of the Equestria, as well as a few other kingdoms. (Though many are missing.) It was when Time had finished this book that his cutie mark actually formed. His cutie mark had formed due to his knowledge of history and ability to be able to tell anypony about any point in history though he will probably make a snarky comment instead.

History: Time grew up in canterlot, with his mother and father. His father (Clock sphera) and mother (Blaze bolero) were very good at there jobs. Clock was a watch maker and Blaze was a singer. His mother Blaze was very loving and always taught Time that he should help others, though for a while Time never listened to this. Clock always taught Time about being a young stallion and always being nice to the mares. While Time did listen to him, he preferred to be funny instead of being chivalrous. Both of his parents were paid very well and because of this Time enjoyed the luxuries of his life, including a love for Coffee. His father actually showed Time a lot of the things he holds dear, including a gold pocket watch necklace, which Time keeps as an heirloom. This made it all the worse when his father passed. After this Time focused his life on trying to find a good enough talent. For a while he thought it was magic and applied to join the manehatten school for talented unicorns. When Time was declined he threw himself into his studies and came across a falsely labeled book. He fell in love with it and perhaps fell in love with the heroine of the story. She was very sarcastic and Time adopted this trait. Eventually he found out the book was fiction and he fell in love with both fiction and non-fiction though he enjoyed history books the most. When Time was still growing up he had met a white raven. Time was infact reading a great book about a troublesome raven at the time. The raven seemed to take a liking to Time and he named her Nevermore. Later in Time's life had won a bet with a gambling Pegasus and Time ended up with 'history in the making', the name of his office and store. Now Time studies history, myths, and legends. Trying to uncover the secrets of equestria, one book at a time. While Time does normally show off his funny side, secretly he has a heart of gold and a thirst for friendship, even though he would be the last to admit it.

Character Summery: Time is great at learning history but is mediocre at using magic. He enjoys some of the little things such as chess and Coffee. Time has a good sense of right and wrong but will try to find the most hilarious way to pursue either one. Time likes coffee, chess, helping the weak, fighting bullies, White lies, making jokes, getting paid and history. He dislikes being mean, Showing off, Bullying (Especially foals.), and he is deathly afraid of Dragons, and Spiders.Time's only real hobbies are writing, reading and playing Chess. The latter of all that he does often.. Being around Time can be a history lesson or a night in the comedy club.. If asked about anything Time will probably go into too much detail about it and will end up rambling or he'll make a snarky comment and just continue on. Time can be quick to judge and anger hurt his friends. Time always fails at doing any physical sport or activity due to his weakness. Time can get sick easily and will often end up with a cold. Whenever Time gets confused he will either get curious or angry. Lastly Time doesn't take apologies easy and will not be one to forgive and forget. Time is afraid of Spiders and Dragons.

[StarStorm]

Hai Neo! Starswirl and I will be reviewing your app I love this character! Time travelers are amazing If you'd like to play him in mane, however, were going to need to fit him into the application rules, which can be found here: (will link in a moment, I'm on mobile ^^)

I'm not sure about the rules of magic or time travel, so I really dont know if the history or cutie mark story is going to work. Still, you should wait on Starswirl's post before making edits to it, just to know for sure how much will need changed. I can tell you that oc's applications are not allowed to have any previous relations with cast members, however. I'm also unsure if its cannon that Canterlot used to be Dromopolis. If not, that will need to be changed.

Your character's summary has rich detail and is looking excellent! You used lots of rich detail and gave us a great since of Time's personality :3

He sounds like an awesome character to me, but to play him in mane, its going to take some edits.

[NeoExlucky]

I figured that was going to happen. lol. I originally wrote Time for a Fanfic and when I quit I had a lot of leftover details so that would probably be why he has those. Also dromopolis was just a place holder name until I found the real name. I was sure there was another name but I don't know what it was called.

It should also be noted that Discord was place holder for another character of mine called jamora. I forgot a lot of my place holders luckily there weren't that many. The reason I put Discord was I still was thinking of the name for Time's enemy. (His fanfic was so good I had to rewrite it four times... [insert crying in the corner sounds.])

Anyway thanks. I can't wait to get to work on Time 2.0.

[starswirlthebearded]

I figured that was going to happen. lol. I originally wrote Time for a Fanfic and when I quit I had a lot of leftover details so that would probably be why he has those. Also dromopolis was just a place holder name until I found the real name. I was sure there was another name but I don't know what it was called.

It should also be noted that Discord was place holder for another character of mine called jamora. I forgot a lot of my place holders luckily there weren't that many. The reason I put Discord was I still was thinking of the name for Time's enemy. (His fanfic was so good I had to rewrite it four times... [insert crying in the corner sounds.])

Anyway thanks. I can't wait to get to work on Time 2.0.

First off... I'm so happy you feel that way! I know you've been playing this character in Crossovers, so I'm going to give a run down of everything that would need to be changed for WoE RP. And I really apologize in advance, it will be quite a bit.

I agree that I love time travelers and that they are awesome, but unfortunately, they are not welcome in WoE RP. So, without further adieu, I'll get to my critique, which will build on what StarStorm has already begun!

Now... when StarStorm said he wasn't sure about time magic... I'm almost certain he meant "It is simply not allowed." There are several reasons for this, but I'll spare you the multiple explanations and tell you the main two... First and foremost... Time magic affects other players. By using it you can impose your will on other players, which is not something we are willing to allow in our game. The second is that, according to the show, time magic, is extremely advanced magic. So much so, that any spells relating to time magic are locked away in the Star Swirl the Bearded section of the archives. Being able to cast such spells place you at the level of Twilight in terms of ability. (BTW, Doctor Whooves, whom is based on The Doctor of Doctor Who cannot time travel either)

By that effect, unfortunately your Cutie Mark story doesn't work. And facing off against a dragon, is not something we exactly like to see either.

Now for the history, as StarStorm said... the lore you are using is not approved WoE lore. To start with, we don't know what happened with Celestia and Luna vs Discord... All we know is that ponies were miserable, and that the Princesses used the Elements to imprison him in stone. We cannot say for certain there was a rebellion, and if the stained glass windows were any indication, there was no rebellion, just ponies not being happy.

Next thing that raises a red flag... the magic enhancing necklace... We unfortunately don't allow magic enhancing artifacts in WoE RP applications. Same can be said for the pocket watch.

Next thing is split personalities... We do not allow mental illness in WoE (Which includes Dissociative Identity Disorder (AKA Multiple Personality Disorder AKA Split Personalities)). This is especially true of one side being evil.

After that...Strange incurable disease... That doesn't really fit the flavour of WoE RP. It seems to grim and dark. Lighten it up! You don't need a sad depressing past for your character.

Next... Aku Jamora sending Samurai Jack Time into the future where his evil is law doesn't really work either. The only evil unicorn we know is Sombra. And using those kinds of characters isn't really what WoE RP is all about.

Your history seems to hinge on a few things. Dark past, with troubles and tribulations of a war-like time, with sadness all around. To fix this, first thing you need to do is put it into the present, first and foremost. Perhaps he was like Twilight and liked reading, and found the old stories and myths interesting. But he cannot have experience those things. Make his childhood happy! There is simply no reason for all the depressing grimdark-esque elements to your character's history! I'm sure you can think of a compelling story that would involve him being in modern times and a colt loving to learn about history!

The watch cutie mark can still work. Maybe that symbolizes his love of history!

Now that all that is out of the way... I totally agree with StarStorm on the Character Summary! It is quite good. You could organize it a bit better, but I'll not hold that against you. I really got a sense of how Time interacts and what he likes and enjoys, as well as his flaws. This is really the strong point of the app!

And based on what we know of Spiders and Dragons, being afraid of them are perfectly natural for ponies, regardless of his history!

Now, I know that seems like a lot, but StarStorm and I are willing and able to help you make this character WoE stampable! It will take a bit of work, but the personality is what really matters! I'm sure with a bit of creativity you can think up an awesome Cutie Mark story and History that will fit in WoE!

If you have any questions about what is allowed, or if something will work, you can ask us in this thread, and we'll answer you promptly as we can!

I really look forward to seeing what you come up with for this character!

[StarStorm]

I figured that was going to happen. lol. I originally wrote Time for a Fanfic and when I quit I had a lot of leftover details so that would probably be why he has those. Also dromopolis was just a place holder name until I found the real name. I was sure there was another name but I don't know what it was called.

It should also be noted that Discord was place holder for another character of mine called jamora. I forgot a lot of my place holders luckily there weren't that many. The reason I put Discord was I still was thinking of the name for Time's enemy. (His fanfic was so good I had to rewrite it four times... [insert crying in the corner sounds.])

Anyway thanks. I can't wait to get to work on Time 2.0.

That's really cool! My first character application was also based on a fanfic One little tiny thing that I just noticed is that your character's name is missing the "p" in Spinner ^^

Starswirl did a fantabulous job reviewing, so I'm excited to see what you come up with!!

[NeoExlucky]

First off... I'm so happy you feel that way! I know you've been playing this character in Crossovers, so I'm going to give a run down of everything that would need to be changed for WoE RP. And I really apologize in advance, it will be quite a bit.

I agree that I love time travelers and that they are awesome, but unfortunately, they are not welcome in WoE RP. So, without further adieu, I'll get to my critique, which will build on what StarStorm has already begun!

Now... when StarStorm said he wasn't sure about time magic... I'm almost certain he meant "It is simply not allowed." There are several reasons for this, but I'll spare you the multiple explanations and tell you the main two... First and foremost... Time magic affects other players. By using it you can impose your will on other players, which is not something we are willing to allow in our game. The second is that, according to the show, time magic, is extremely advanced magic. So much so, that any spells relating to time magic are locked away in the Star Swirl the Bearded section of the archives. Being able to cast such spells place you at the level of Twilight in terms of ability. (BTW, Doctor Whooves, whom is based on The Doctor of Doctor Who cannot time travel either)

By that effect, unfortunately your Cutie Mark story doesn't work. And facing off against a dragon, is not something we exactly like to see either.

Now for the history, as StarStorm said... the lore you are using is not approved WoE lore. To start with, we don't know what happened with Celestia and Luna vs Discord... All we know is that ponies were miserable, and that the Princesses used the Elements to imprison him in stone. We cannot say for certain there was a rebellion, and if the stained glass windows were any indication, there was no rebellion, just ponies not being happy.

Next thing that raises a red flag... the magic enhancing necklace... We unfortunately don't allow magic enhancing artifacts in WoE RP applications. Same can be said for the pocket watch.

Next thing is split personalities... We do not allow mental illness in WoE (Which includes Dissociative Identity Disorder (AKA Multiple Personality Disorder AKA Split Personalities)). This is especially true of one side being evil.

After that...Strange incurable disease... That doesn't really fit the flavour of WoE RP. It seems to grim and dark. Lighten it up! You don't need a sad depressing past for your character.

Next... Aku Jamora sending Samurai Jack Time into the future where his evil is law doesn't really work either. The only evil unicorn we know is Sombra. And using those kinds of characters isn't really what WoE RP is all about.

Your history seems to hinge on a few things. Dark past, with troubles and tribulations of a war-like time, with sadness all around. To fix this, first thing you need to do is put it into the present, first and foremost. Perhaps he was like Twilight and liked reading, and found the old stories and myths interesting. But he cannot have experience those things. Make his childhood happy! There is simply no reason for all the depressing grimdark-esque elements to your character's history! I'm sure you can think of a compelling story that would involve him being in modern times and a colt loving to learn about history!

The watch cutie mark can still work. Maybe that symbolizes his love of history!

Now that all that is out of the way... I totally agree with StarStorm on the Character Summary! It is quite good. You could organize it a bit better, but I'll not hold that against you. I really got a sense of how Time interacts and what he likes and enjoys, as well as his flaws. This is really the strong point of the app!

And based on what we know of Spiders and Dragons, being afraid of them are perfectly natural for ponies, regardless of his history!

Now, I know that seems like a lot, but StarStorm and I are willing and able to help you make this character WoE stampable! It will take a bit of work, but the personality is what really matters! I'm sure with a bit of creativity you can think up an awesome Cutie Mark story and History that will fit in WoE!

If you have any questions about what is allowed, or if something will work, you can ask us in this thread, and we'll answer you promptly as we can!

I really look forward to seeing what you come up with for this character!

Luckily this is were my skills come in. I have another back story of Time that isn't completed but can be used for this. While Time will lose his trying to be the good guy personality he does gain a very sarcastic one.

(Also glad someone caught on to my giant samurai jack reference. Though jamora was actually a reference to Legend of Zelda Majora's mask...)

[NeoExlucky]

Now before I work on the history how is the cutie mark story?

[starswirlthebearded]

I think it is a huge improvement. I would clarify it a bit. It seems a bit confusing the way it is explained. I think I understand it, but it could use some more detail on how he went from reading a mislabeled fiction book to historical nonfiction.

Just one thing... The explanation of the cutie mark doesn't exactly work. Cutie Marks are related to talent and destiny, not the pony's personality. So loving fine things and having a heart of gold don't really apply to the cutie mark.

But you are definitely moving in the right direction for WoE! I look forward to further improvements and the revised history!

[NeoExlucky]

Okay...instead of preferences, how about knowledge. (AKA i changed it again. XD)

[starswirlthebearded]

Okay...instead of preferences, how about knowledge. (AKA i changed it again. XD)

Works for me

[StarStorm]

This is looking fantastic!! I can't wait to see what you come up with for history!

[NeoExlucky]

Okay first draft of his history is done but I'm going to add a bit more detail and some more about his parents. But what do you guys think right now?

[StarStorm]

It's looking great so far! Good job, Neo!! I can't wait to hear more about him!

[NeoExlucky]

Okay so I added a bit more but I do have one thing that I question. Time's father in this version dies. Can I put that or should I change it?

[starswirlthebearded]

Okay so I added a bit more but I do have one thing that I question. Time's father in this version dies. Can I put that or should I change it?

Sure! We are alright with that so long as its not overly grim or anything like that.

[StarStorm]

Okay so I added a bit more but I do have one thing that I question. Time's father in this version dies. Can I put that or should I change it?

There is nothing about having a deceased parent against the rules, so you're good to go Besides, Applejack's parents aren't around anymore.

I did notice, though, that killing the innocent is in his dislikes. I would take that out, as there really won't be any killing in this kind of roleplay environment. But other than that this is looking glorious, Neo!!

[NeoExlucky]

There is nothing about having a deceased parent against the rules, so you're good to go Besides, Applejack's parents aren't around anymore.

I did notice, though, that killing the innocent is in his dislikes. I would take that out, as there really won't be any killing in this kind of roleplay environment. But other than that this is looking glorious, Neo!!

Yeah that never got changed from the original app.

Luckily Time 2.0 has better taste than Classic Time...wait was that a reference to a coke-cola commercial?

[StarStorm]

Spectacular!! Perfect even, as far as I can see!! Any thoughts Starswirl?

Well, I didn't mean to make a coca-cola reference, but coca-cola is glorious as well!!

I hope that the stars have guided you well

[NeoExlucky]

I can't believe I almost forgot. Time has a pet raven. (Named Nevermore. ) That has now been added.

[starswirlthebearded]

I can't believe I almost forgot. Time has a pet raven. (Named Nevermore. ) That has now been added.

A fan of Edgar Allan Poe are you? (It's alright, one of my characters has a pet fox named Chrome)

[NeoExlucky]

He is one of my favorite poets. (Fairly good considering I hate poetry. My only other poets I like are Robert Frost and Dr. suess so that should tell you something. XD) And I never thought of Naming a fox chrome. That's pretty funny.

[NeoExlucky]

Well I guess I switch this to ready. Unless one of you guys has any suggestions.

[starswirlthebearded]

I don't see any major issues.

I still think a bit of clarity in the CM story would help (like what sort of book he read, and how that lead to reading history books). But I don't think it is a huge deal.

And this line

[colour=#ff0000]While the dragon phobia probably stems from a moment he had as a foal[/colour] it is unknown why he is afraid of spiders.

Should probably be removed or at least the part that I highlighted should be changed to reflect changes to the history.

Feel free to post as [Ready] whenever you reword that last line though.

[NeoExlucky]

Well that's done and now it's changed to ready. XD

[StarStorm]

Hooray!! This app looks good to go, Neo!! I'll have senior staff come check it out.

Can't wait to see you and Time in mane!!