Pegasus Mystère [Ready]

[Valianca]

Name: Mystère

RP Type: FFA

Sex: Female

Age: Young Mare

Species: Pegasus

Eye Colour: Emerald

Coat: Her coat is Turquoise

Mane/Tail: Her mane is well groomed, even during Wonderbolts performances and it is what makes her stand-out from other Wonderbolts. Her tail is a bit messier and is more fitting with fellow Wonderbolts.

Physique: [colour=#282828]An relatively athletic, slender build and slightly taller than most mares[/colour]

[colour=#282828]Residence: A modest-sized apartment in Canterlot[/colour]

[colour=#282828]Occupation: Wonderbolt, former University/Junior Athlete[/colour]

Cutie Mark: A black falcon with a wing raised in front in a 'fist'; the black falcon represents her flight skill, whilst the fist represents headstrong perseverence

History: Mystère was born in Canterlot to a family of high expectations, with her grandfather having been a weather manager and his father being a Professor at Canterlot University, one whose contributions in the field of Firestorm management is one which is still recognised to this day. Her father tried pressuring her into working hard on her studies, but Mystère's carefree lifestyle meant that she didn't really pay attention. Instead, she preferred to play with her friends and exploring the world around. Her father sent her to live with some of her cousins in Cloudsdale . There, she transferred flight schools. Compared to the Canterlot Flight School, it was a more tough experience for the filly; strict training regimes made up much of the day and there was a lot of flight and weather theory to remember. At the start she was essentially a pony with a bit an attitude, moaning about every single instruction given and she refused to do any real work, but eventually the discipline got to her head and from there, she flourished. From becoming an average grade student in Canterlot, that year she graduated top of her class. Her cousin Cloudflare described her as a 'real dedicated Pegasus, she'd be the one flying and cloud busting until she completely worn herself out, then she'd go into the school all tired and do it again'.

She would return to Canterlot in the Summer, with her Father being surprised at her turn-around. After a day of playing with her friends, Mystère would set aside a bit of time at night to practice and revise what she had learnt. She gained admittance to a summer flight camp, where she would earn her cutie mark by distinguishing herself during one of the camp's many activities. Whilst she was walking through the hallways of the Instructor's Dorm to hand in a book report to one of her Instructors, she overheard a conversation between one of the Instructors and a scout for a Cloudsdale-based endurance racing team. She was thinking of trying-out for this team, but despite her Instructor writing a Letter of Recommendation, the scout displayed skepticism over her flying abilities. With a paper aeroplane in her hoof, she threw it at the scout, with the message simply being 'just watch me'. She entered the tryouts and to everyone's surprise, won. She collapsed at the end, the scout's shocked eyes being the last thing she saw. Taken to a local hospital in Cloudsdale, she woke up, seeing the scout again, who told her how impressed he was at the endurance race, setting a relatively fast time for her age group. She was offered a place in the team, which Mystère graciously accepted. She gained her cutie mark, a black falcon with a wing raised in front in a 'fist'. The black falcon represented her flight skill, which could easily be described as commendable. However, this is fairly generic; what makes it distinguished from other cutie marks is the fist in front of the falcon, which represented perseverance, her work-ethic and a can-do attitude to her training. Her place in the team meant she would spend more time in Cloudsdale, rather than her home city.

Despite setting an impressive time, when she joined, she was facing stiff competition among her teammates. The filly just tried as hard as she could. However, she couldn't match the impressive time she set in the competition, but nevertheless did well enough, winning several medals. In her late teens, she started to attend the Junior Speedsters Flight Camp, famed for producing some of the greatest flyers in Equestria. It was more focused on aerobatic stunts rather than the traditional endurance races that Mystère was used to, but this served to benefit Mystère. She was able to stay in the air longer and produce more breathtaking stunts that would tire most other ponies and even hardy Griffins. Whilst they lacked the flare and pazaz of many other Pegasi, it was enough to be offered a Sports Scholarship at Canterlot University. Having spent most of her life living like a Pegasus in Cloudsdale, to now live somewhere where she would only come for the Summer holidays. Living in Canterlot for 3 years was to be a new experience for her. However, it was good offer as Mystère, in addition to her aerial abilities, also took in an interest in the history of the Pegasi and she took the opportunity to study History at one of the best universities in Equestria.

She did impressively on the endurance flying squad and she Captained it from her Sophomore year (OOC: I'm British, does this mean the second year? Argh, why can't we have one form of English? ). On the aerobatics squad, the Junior Speedsters had taught her vital skills and techniques. She adapted them well and taught much of what she learnt to her fellow ponies, leading them to success in the university leagues. However, she was also nearly expelled for her aggressive behavior, where she pulled off a series of pranks which made the local newspaper. Her carefree nature came back to her, but she learnt to mix hard work with fun. Whilst her Filly years were those of hard work and effort, her University years were the best time of her life, spent with the young and bright socialites of Canterlot.

When she graduated though, she fulfilled one of her ambitions and that was to enter the Best Young Flyer Competition back in Cloudsdale. She gave an exemplary performance and her old University coach recommended that she should seriously consider attending the Wonderbolt Academy. She filed an application through and after a long wait, received a reply stating that she had been accepted. She joined just after and spent several years of hardwork and dedication towards improving her flight abilities. It was the hardest experience of her life, for the Wonderbolts made her work on her weaknesses rather than her strengths. Her last training session was the one in which she finally made her break. As a lead pony, she displayed excellent synchronization and teamwork with her wingponies. The current Wonderbolts concluded that her training was complete and she was formally accepted as a member of the Wonderbolts.

Character Summary: Mystère is a pony who maintains her discipline as a Wonderbolt at times where it's required. She's dedicated to her career, ensuring that she works as hard as she can most of the time. She is truly a workaholic and whilst this may make her unsociable at times whilst on duty, she enjoys what she does and she's trying to make the most of her time as a Wonderbolt before she gets too old. On duty, she hides her emotions rather well, keeping her stiff upper lip. She takes pride in the uniform that she wears and she doesn't want to do anything that would taint it, often throwing a hissy fit over spotting the slightest that she missed whilst ironing it, or staining it. She has a particularly frosty attitude and she's often hard on her fellow Wonderbolts, constantly getting frustrated with them. She isn't obnoxious or passively aggressive towards her team mates. She's simply a perfectionist and that's all there is to it. As a result of her perfectionist attitude, she is often very stressed out and moody, with a frequency to make sarcastic comments to highlight the negatives of another pony. On the inside, she has a lot of respect for her fellow Wonderbolts, but she doesn't like to share this warm feeling during training or demonstrations in order to keep her aurora of assertiveness.

Unfortunately, her serious demeanor extends outside work. Others often see her as being stressed out and she has a short temper, easily agitated by the slightest things. From time to time, it actually seems like she's looking for a confrontation. She even takes out her stress on whatever unfortunate pony happens to be talking to her, either that or she practically just ignores them completely. She doesn't have the greatest sense of humour either, especially in regards to pranks and practical jokes, often throwing down a cold stare at the perpetrator whilst shouting their eyes off. Whilst she isn't overly competitive, she does get annoyed at her own personal failures and will berate herself to death for mistakes and failures in front of other ponies if she doesn't take out her rage on them.

However, if you look over her more negative traits, Mystère can be quite empathetic and she is happy to help those who, in her, mind deserve it. She can be surprisingly helpful, often going to great lengths to help other ponies. To ponies who have done wrongs, she has a strong sense of justice and is often willing to give second or third chances, being one who doesn't judge on first appearances and she likes to see the better of ponies. Despite this, she believes first impressions for herself to be important and she tries to make a good one. In return, she expects a similar attitude from her friends, as her attitude can often agitate other ponies. She can be quite emotional herself, but this allows to understand other ponies emotions. She can be quite analytic, noticing things that other ponies don't notice.

In regards to cuisine, she has a preference for fruit, especially if they're made into smoothies, and she often starts her day by brewing an orange and mango flavoured one. She likes to snack on oranges, grapes and bananas, plus do the occasional fruit salad in order to keep healthy, something vital to any Wonderbolt However, when she gets the chance, she loves to gouge down on tottenham cakes, eton mess and apple crumble for desert. Margherita pizzas is one of her other favourite foods and whilst she needs to ensure that regulates her diet, she can't help getting her hooves on it, especially if they're take-aways. Strangely enough, she doesn't like vegetable salads, unless they have absolutely no dressing what so ever and as long as everything it is green. She flinches over everything else inside salad.

Overall, Mystère is a perfectionist, short tempered and moody, alienating other ponies by taking it out on them, but if you see pass this exterior, she's quite the generous pony that's willing to think the better of other ponies. She is understanding of other ponies and her willingness to help in one worthy of merit.

[Valianca]

Ok, ready. Below are two links. The first was a first draft made by a friend of mine. It was the original concept, with a Magenta coat, a Lime Green mane/tail and Sky Blue eyes. I was going to include it along side a Pony Generator version, but the lime green came out funny. I have included it out of appreciation for my friend, Cloudflare, a fellow user on Canterlot. It also has the cutie mark of my pony, but the wing covers up half of it. He did this without a tablet, so considering that he used only his mouse, it's pretty decent.

http://picturepush.com/public/12500181

The second is the pony herself, made on pony generator. Excuse the blank flank if you'll please. The coat is Turquoise, the mane/tail is Sky Blue. Sadly I forgot the code, but I have an image uploaded on PicturePush.

http://picturepush.com/public/12500245

[SunsetSombra]

Hi there - you've forgotten to tell us which RP this character classes as, so let me fill you in:

World of Equestria {WoE}

the mane Roleplaying forum, and the one that is most canonically focused - this is where all of the regular ponies will fit, according to App regulations.

Typically, applications will be looked at and assessed on criteria, passing once all checks are good an' cleared to go.

Crossover and Free For All

A little more lax, allowing you to stick to more outlandish ideas of pony/creatures in Equestria, and allowing full reign of your own roleplay styles.

This simply only needs a finished application, as a stamp will usually be rendered without a full assessment, as per WoE standards.

So there's the two types of RP styles you can generally apply for - just go ahead and choose the one that's right for this application and await for the relevent actions to take place. Essentially, once the RP type is written in somewhere at top, you should be seen to shortly by a resident RP helpstaff for assessment!

Your application does look pretty very well written, though, so I can most certainly see the effort you've put into it at this stage of the process!.

May your application have an expedient and swift stamping to wherever you choose it to go!

[Valianca]

Hi there - you've forgotten to tell us which RP this character classes as, so let me fill you in:

World of Equestria {WoE}

the mane Roleplaying forum, and the one that is most canonically focused - this is where all of the regular ponies will fit, according to App regulations.

Typically, applications will be looked at and assessed on criteria, passing once all checks are good an' cleared to go.

Crossover and Free For All

A little more lax, allowing you to stick to more outlandish ideas of pony/creatures in Equestria, and allowing full reign of your own roleplay styles.

This simply only needs a finished application, as a stamp will usually be rendered without a full assessment, as per WoE standards.

So there's the two types of RP styles you can generally apply for - just go ahead and choose the one that's right for this application and await for the relevent actions to take place. Essentially, once the RP type is written in somewhere at top, you should be seen to shortly by a resident RP helpstaff for assessment!

Your application does look pretty very well written, though, so I can most certainly see the effort you've put into it at this stage of the process!.

May your application have an expedient and swift stamping to wherever you choose it to go!

I presumed that seeing as the application subforum under the World of Equestria category would mean that it would mean it would automatically be a WoE application, but thanks for the clarification and I appreciate your commendation for this application. To confirm, it's a WoE application and I'll add that to the OP.

[Cloudflare]

Amazing O~ Oh wait...I am the one who helped made it XD Silly me :3

[Valianca]

Just as a notification, I won't be here from the 28th March-5th April due to the fact I'll be off Skiing on a school trip.

[Valianca]

Ok, just got back from France. I'm fully ready now.

[Valianca]

Don't want to be the one who says this, but this application was ready almost exactly a month ago and it is yet to be reviewed. May I inquire into the reason why the process is taking a long time?

[Rosewind]

Don't want to be one, but this application was ready almost exactly a month ago and it is yet to be reviewed. May I inquire into the reason why the process is taking a long time?

Applications are reviewed on a volunteer basis by our Roleplay Helper staff on their free time. Your patience is appreciated!

[Valianca]

Applications are reviewed on a volunteer basis by our Roleplay Helper staff on their free time. Your patience is appreciated!

Ah, I see. Sorry for complaining whining. I fully understand.

[QuickLime]

Hello there, writing a review up right now

[QuickLime]

Alright lets get this ball rolling!

Coat: Her coat is a plain Turquoise, no stripes, freckles or any other distinguishing features. She's just a plain coloured mare.

Mane/Tail: Her mane is well groomed, even during Wonderbolts performances and it is what makes her stand-out from other Wonderbolts. Her tail is a bit messier and is more fitting with fellow Wonderbolts.

Physique: An relatively athletic, slender build and slightly taller than most mares, but she doesn't stand out from the crowd and her build certainly isn't the most impressive

First off all this putting your character down , via calling them a “Plain coloured mare” and “Doesn’t stand out, and isn’t impressive” is not needed, We get that you are trying to make this character seem average and normal, but it just comes off poorly, please rephrase these to just deal with her colour and physique...for example, Say her Coat is Turquoise, not ramble on about how it is boring and indistinguishable.

At the start she was essentially a Diamond Tiara-like pony,

We advise strongly against comparisons like this in WOE, so please take it out

She devoted herself to the values of a Pegasus, cutting out everything else. Her cousin Cloudflare described her as a 'real dedicated Pegasus

This makes no sense to FIM canon at all “Values of a Pegasus”? There is no such thing, this also needs to be removed.

She would return to Canterlot in the Summer, with her Father being surprised at her turn-around. This took a toll on her; Mystère completely shunned her friends back in Canterlot and she refused to hang out with them, instead dedicating herself to the traditions of her Pegasi ancestors.

This is NOT WOE acceptable, her being bullied and shunned, and her refusal and dedication to “The traditions of her pegasi ancestors” Is not allowed, you need to lighten this tone up, it is far too heavy hooved, and you are starting to invent lore with this ideas that a “Pegasus” would have.

Her Grandfather gained her admittance to the Junior Wonderbolts

This has to go, there is no WOE canon lore for this, nor is this ever mentioned in the show, please refrain from making up lore for your application

she witnessed the scout tear up the letter and say 'I don't want a prissy pseudo-unicorn who cares only for clothes, fashions and curves'. She returned to her dorm sulking. Her friends laughed at her for showing this sign at weakness and Mystère herself felt ashamed for publicly sulking. However, she entered the tryouts and to everyone's surprise, won

Sorry this is in no way acceptable, for one the implied racism is something we /NEVER/ see in the show, and it’s certainly not allowed in WOE either, implying the Scout would insult her just because she was from Canterlot is bad enough, but then having her own team mates mock her for feeling upset? That’s too much, this needs to go, as said this needs lightened up considerably.

it was enough to be offered a Sports Scholarship at Canterlot University, at the age of 18, along with a mixture of strings pulling by her father, a Professor at Canterlot University

No this has to go too, “At the Age of 18” is not needed, we don’t know how pony aging works and having her father “Pull some strings as a professor” isn’t going to work either, it seems like she got in souly on his influence not her own, that needs to change.

she excelled ahead of the Canterlot-born Pegasi. Despite this success, she was nearly expelled for her aggressive behavior, where she pulled off a series of pranks which would have been acceptable in Cloudsdale but dangerous in Canterlot.

More city based racism here “Canterlot Born Pegasi” ? The Wonderbolts dont care where you are from! And the aggressive behavior that is dangerous is NOT WOE acceptable in the slightest, this needs to go as does any reference to her being the best of “Canterlot Born” and any racism or discrimination done to her simply because she was born there.

She tried to balance the Canterlot pony life with that of the one she learnt in Cloudsdale. Her Father, who was now aging and was a bit more liberal in his thoughts, accepted this and did not try to oppose her.

This needs to go, mentioning politics like this is not necessary, and it’s bringing up where she was born again, I will repeat that the fact she was born in Canterlot does not matter

due to the fact she was able to stay in the air so long. Her performance lacked the more daring elements of other performances,

But that’s what Pegasi do? Why vouch for her just because she can stay in the air for a long time? Pegasi are supposed to naturally be able to do that which leads me into this next bit

but this Wonderbolt spotted potential and filed a Letter of Recommendation to the Wonderbolt Academy. Similarly, Mystère was offered a place in a Canterlot-based professional racing team which competed in several major competitions and with that, she would also be extremely likely to represent Canterlot in the Equestria Game

No, that’s also controlling a canon characters actions, as well as highly unlikely, and she came in 4th place? Why would she represent Canterlot ion the Equestria games? That needs to be removed.

She was torn between these two offers, with her Father surprisingly telling her to go for the offer from Canterlost, whilst her Grandfather, an ex-Wonderbolt, told her to become a Wonderbolt. She based it solely on a coin toss, which landed on tails, meaning that it would be the Wonderbolt Academy.

The thing about her Grandfather being an Ex Wonderbolt needs to go, I’m sorry but this doesn’t sit well with me, and basing such an important offer on a coin toss is frivolous.

she joined just after and spent 1 year of hardwork and dedication. It was the hardest experience of her life, for the Wonderbolts made her work on her weaknesses rather than her strengths. There were those who would drop-out or who would not become Wonderbolts and whilst many would go onto to have distinguished careers in Pegasus athletics and the traditional Pegasus occupations, she didn't want to let down her family and fail

Just ONE year? and going on about how others dropped out is unnecessary, please change this.

She narrowly made a place on the reserve team, being a mark away from being turned away from the process and she had a lot to credit to her lead pony. It was likely the synchronization and teamwork with her lead pony that helped her get through, rather than her own individual skill, but these are talents that the Wonderbolts admire.

Again this is making her far too average with this barely just making it... you need to fix this and make it so that they noticed how well she worked with a team instead of pointing out that she nearly failed.

Mystère spent most of her time on the bench, opening shops and restaurants filing paperwork and signing autographs. She was bottom of the reserve team and she pretty much existed for Ponies to take picture of her and to say that they saw a Wonderbolt. Despite all the perks that came with being a Wonderbolt

This makes no sense, the WonderBolts are a sports team, opening Restaurants? paperwork? They’v been called in to handle problems, and perform, occasionally making appearances at important events, this is not “On the Bench” and her existing just to have her picture taken is ridiculous.

Overall I can not agree with making this character a Wonderbolt, heavy changes need to be done, you focus too much on Racism, making her too “Humble” and make up far too much lore.

I’m afraid this character can not be a WonderBolt until this work is done, however if you enjoy her as is, feel free to make this Free For All and Rp her there as you see fit

And thank you for your patience

[Valianca]

Your constructive criticism is appreciated . Also, not really related, but I really like your style of criticism. Anyway, I've made the requested changes.

[colour=#282828][Regarding Junior Wonderbolts] This has to go, there is no WOE canon lore for this, nor is this ever mentioned in the show, please refrain from making up lore for your application.[/colour]

[colour=#282828]Actually, I based that section from the Wonderbolts thread from the 'World & Lore Archive' ([/colour]http://www.canterlot.com/topic/3595-the-wonderbolts/), which specifies that there are Junior Wonderbolts. I was therefore adapting that to my character. However, I'm guessing that it's been retconned, especially considering that it was posted 2 years ago and also the fact that it doesn't contain other Wonderbolts canon (the Wonderbolts Academy, etc). Can I have some clarification regarding this please, and also regarding other elements of Wonderbolts lore in World of Equestria?

[Rosewind]

Sorry about that! Old lore from the old archives really should not be used; it was written at a time when the game was different, by different people with different ideas. Since then the game has changed, and we follow canon in WoE closer to FiM. So, nope -- no Jr. Wonderbolts. I really appreciate your understanding with this.

As Lime has a Wonderbolt herself, she will be able to fill you in on what kind of detail that would be helpful to include as part of your character.

[Rosewind]

Do you wish to keep this application active?

[Valianca]

Do you wish to keep this application active?

Yes please.

I made the required edits in the OP, but I forgot to inform QuickLime that I made them. Should I had made it another post?

[Rosewind]

It's useful if you let us know when you make an edit and you're ready for another look, or you check your "edited by" tag so we can see when work was done on an application.

[MisterRe]

Your character's name sounds a lot like mine...

[QuickLime]

Your character's name sounds a lot like mine...

Please refrain from commenting on apps unless you have feedback

[Rosewind]

Do you wish to keep this application open?

[Valianca]

Yeah, I'm a bit busy right now I won't be able to update it for some time, but keep it open please.

[Rosewind]

Hi! Same question as before. If you'd like, we can archive this and pull it back out when you're ready to work on it again. We do this to keep the applications forum from getting cluttered with inactive applications.

[Valianca]

Sure, go ahead, I'll be busy for another week so that works for us all.

[Rosewind]

Unarchiving at user request.

[QuickLime]

Ready to get cracking?