Valianca Posted July 27, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 27, 2013 Sure thing. Will get to work ASAP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valianca Posted July 29, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 29, 2013 QuickLime, do you think it's possible that you could give some criticism on what the OP? I haven't worked on it for a long time, so it would be good to know where to plug the holes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuickLime Posted July 29, 2013 Report Share Posted July 29, 2013 QuickLime, do you think it's possible that you could give some criticism on what the OP? I haven't worked on it for a long time, so it would be good to know where to plug the holes.Sure I'll look it over the moment I get a chance Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valianca Posted July 29, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 29, 2013 Sure I'll look it over the moment I get a chance Cheers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuickLime Posted July 29, 2013 Report Share Posted July 29, 2013 There is still a LOT to work on, 1: you don't explain her cutie mark at ALL you just gloss over it, this needs to be told in detail, we need to know what it symbolizes 2: "At the age of 16" needs to go, we don't use number ages for ponies3: There are no "superiors" and "inferiors" in the WonderBolts, they are a TEAM! You are making up a lot of lore on how the WonderBolts work, and I don't think you quite understand how they work here.They are a flying team that when needed perform aids for Canterlot, like dealing with Dragon problems, but they are primarily a elite flight team, your characters history makes them sound more military which is a more combat sort of thing than what we are going for.I don't think you really understand this fully enough to be a Wonderbolt, your app needs to come down several notches, as it is a MOUTHFUL to read, and the made up lore doesn't helpAll I know is that your pony is a workaholic obsessed with the wonderboltsFocus on the Wonderbolts LESS and focus on your character more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valianca Posted July 30, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2013 I've edited the application, adding in the explanation of the meaning of the cutie mark, removing the reference to age and editing the parts regarding the Wonderbolts. Thank for your help, do you think you could give it a read and give your opinion on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuickLime Posted July 30, 2013 Report Share Posted July 30, 2013 Looking over it now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuickLime Posted July 30, 2013 Report Share Posted July 30, 2013 Reading it all over again I'm going to strongly reccomend FFA, the fist isn't something we'd see in WOE and you keep making the character more and more confusing, I suggest playing with her in FFA to get a handle on what you want before trying to apply for WOE (Much less a WonderBolt too) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valianca Posted July 30, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2013 Fair game. To be honest, now that I've been away for a few months, the character sort of confuses me as well and I have less understanding of what I want to get out of it in comparison to four months and one week ago. Yeah, keep it for FFA I guess, I'll come back to her at a point in a future, although my interest for her has waned and even if it got accepted, I probably wouldn't have done anything with her. Go for it then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosewind Posted July 30, 2013 Report Share Posted July 30, 2013 You're not the first person to have trouble with their first application for this roleplay type. We're looking for characters we would easily find in the cartoon, Friendship is Magic. There's a lot here that would make passing this character difficult. Simply edit the roleplay type to "FFA" and we'll take care of the rest. Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuickLime Posted July 30, 2013 Report Share Posted July 30, 2013 Thank you for your cooperation, I sincerely appreciate it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosewind Posted July 30, 2013 Report Share Posted July 30, 2013 Great! Have fun! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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