Nico Posted March 29, 2013 Report Share Posted March 29, 2013 Roleplay Type: World of EquestriaName: Serene DouseSex: FemaleAge: MareSpecies: Earth PonyEye colour: Honey GoldCoat: Serene's coat is light grey, almost white in colour.Mane/Tail: Her mane is croped short and slightly curly at the ends. The tail is kept at moderate length and slightly curly at the ends as well. They are both shades of turquoise and sea green.Physique: Serene stands a bit taller than other mares her age. Her build is fairly normal, however.Residence: TrottinghamOccupation: Ferry SupervisorCutie Mark: A wave of water.History: Serene was born in Baltimare with a Earth Pony sailor for a father, Captain Douse. Although widowed soon after the young foal's birth, her father did his best to raise Serene with much love and care. Eventually Captain Douse quit his career as Captain of his ship and traveled to the quiet Village of Trottingham with his daughter's best interests at heart. There, with the permission of the City Council, he started a Ferry service across the Great Nimbusgait Lakes.Serene went through her adolescent years at the top of her class, and she was invited to study at one of the most prestigious schools in Manehatton. The young filly accepted the invitation and went to stay in Manhatton, leaving her father behind to run the business on his own.Serene was not happy, however. She soon found out that she much preferred the quiet life in Trottingham near the water. Regardless, the Filly endured this life until she graduated. She wanted to make her father proud.After her graduation and eventual maturity, Serene made her way back to Trottingham. There she was greeted by her father who had seemed to age much due to the solitary life he previously held. Serene vowed to help run the Ferry business with Captain Douse. Eventually he handed over complete ownership to Serene with the decision to retire.Character Summary: Serene feels happiest near a large body of water. She didn't always feel this way, however. When she was a foal she had a strong fear of drowning if she were to get too close to a lake or river. This continued until one day her puppy had fallen into a particularly dangerous part of the Delamare River. With out thinking, Serene dove into the raging currents after her beloved pet. After quickly grabbing him by the nape of his neck, the young filly and her dog was quickly swept away by the currents. The two had miraculously survived when they washed ashore further down the river. After coming to her senses and trotted home with her puppy, Serene realized that she no longer feared water. A few days later, she found that she had a natural talent for swimming and enjoys herself the most in or around the water.. It was after that realization that her cutie mark had appeared.Serene is very strong willed, but far from loud or obnoxious. Instead, she is quite calm and quiet. She loves to stop, breathe, and take in the beauty around her every chance she gets. This does not mean that she dose not enjoy the company of others, however. She is an extremely good listener and makes long time friends easily.Serene is very tolerant of many things with few exceptions. Among these exceptions are ponies who refuse to take care of themselves properly. It is at these times when Serene almost always steps in, welcome or not.The Mare is tone-deaf, clumsy on land, shy around attractive Stallions, a terrible dancer, and a horrid cook. Serene is a bit persistent when it comes to these faults of hers and looks for every chance that she can to try and improve.Although this usually ends in failure, she has learned to laugh at her mistakes rather than feel embarrassed or shamed.Drawn and coloured in gimp2 with a basic figure as reference. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mojo Posted March 29, 2013 Report Share Posted March 29, 2013 Hi Nico!This is a very well written character application! All of the required fields are filled and it has a generally smooth tone to it. This character is very unique, and her shortcomings are also well defined.The only problem I can see initially is the part about having the "blessing of Princess Celestia" to start the family business. In general 'name dropping' in an app is drowned on here. May I suggest that instead go with something like, "blessing of the Trottingham town council" or "blessing of the Royal Court", something more general than naming a Princess.Also, the Senior RP Staff who will be evaluating this app next might have a problem with the name "Delimare River" if it's not on the official 'canon map' of Equestria. Personally, I like this touch, but the SRP staff may not. Again, I would suggest generalization, like saying the dog fell into 'a river' rather than be specific.Overall, this is an EXCELLENT app! Just needs a wee bit of fine tuning. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nico Posted March 29, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2013 I edited it, but I do want to say that the Delamare River is on the map in the Heartland Area. It is the river right next to Trottingham. If it is an issue, however, I will change it. ( Did however mispell it as Delimare instead of Delamare if that is what sparked your confusion. )Thanks for the review. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mojo Posted March 29, 2013 Report Share Posted March 29, 2013 I edited it, but I do want to say that the Delamare River is on the map in the Heartland Area. It is the river right next to Trottingham. If it is an issue, however, I will change it. ( Did however mispell it as Delimare instead of Delamare if that is what sparked your confusion. )Thanks for the review.Wow! I can't believe I missed that! My apologies, there is a Delamare River! I stand corrected, and well done with this app! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nico Posted March 29, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2013 Is there anything else that needs to be done, or am I just waiting on the other RP Helpers? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mojo Posted March 29, 2013 Report Share Posted March 29, 2013 I've submitted your app to the Senior RP Staff for their evaluation. Please be patient, I'm sure one of them will be looking this app over soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nico Posted March 30, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2013 Oh it's fine. Was just wondering.Edit(April 2): Busy busy bees these RP Helpers and so many applications. I hope I can get my first OC in soon so that I can at least participate in the roleplays. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mojo Posted April 2, 2013 Report Share Posted April 2, 2013 Oh! You changed the name of the character!That's ok, but it also means I have to put in a new request to Senior RP Staff for a next level evaluation.Had the previous request logged under the old name.I'll get right on it! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nico Posted April 2, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 2, 2013 Oh SOrry. Yea i thought that this name was better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunsetSombra Posted April 4, 2013 Report Share Posted April 4, 2013 Whilst the application is a little on the short side, I can see it's been carefully crafted! :3Stamped and ready to hit the RP - congrats! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosewind Posted April 5, 2013 Report Share Posted April 5, 2013 Moving to earth pony! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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