Jump to content

Dashing Blade [READY FOR REAL THIS TIME!]

MessageinaBottle

By MessageinaBottle
in Original Characters

Recommended Posts

MessageinaBottle 20% Cooler

MessageinaBottle

Posted
Posted

Name: Dashing Blade

Gender: Male

Age: stallion

Species: pegasus

Eye Colour: Light blue

Character Colour: Dark blue

Mane/Tail/Other: Mane Colour: Mane, Tail, and Hair colour: Dark Brown, mane, tail, hair style: plain

Physique: an averge size/weight of a colt, and average head shape, so basically, an average colt

Residence: Canterlot

Occupation: Exploring/building

Cutie Mark: a hammer to represent building. Story:

One day Dashing was trotting around the playground(when he was a little colt), when he saw that a little filly was crying because her toy carriage got smashed by another pony running by. Before he could do anything, her Mother came to her and walked her home. Dashing then felt sad for the filly, and grabbed the carriage, and took it home to try to fix. The next day, the filly was at the playground, but was still sad about what happened. When Dashing came by, he put down the carriage, and smiled at the filly. The filly was shocked to see it, and jumped up and down happily, and smiled back at Dashing.

Dashing then felt a tingling on side, and when he looked, he got his cutie mark.

Unique Traits:

Dashing worked out by building, but he thinks working out is a waste of time.

History:

Dashing was born in Ponyville, and was very happy there. He was good in school, had many friends, and had loving Parents. His Parents had to move because they didnt have enough bits for rent, and food. Dashing hated that idea, and never wanted to leave Ponyville. After Dashing and his Parents argued for 2 hours straight, he decided to go.

Life on the farm wasn't so bad. They had a school nearby, and they grew their own food. Dashing had no friends there, and to entertain himself, he would go exploring in a nearby forest. Dashing loved being alone in the forest, because it was so peaceful. He also had a tree house he made himself in the forest.

After Dashing was big enough to leave the farm, and start his own life, his Parents moved out of Equestria, and Dashing was left alone in Canterlot. He soon was hired for construction, and got good money, so he stayed in Canterlot.

Character Summary:

Dashing is a very great builder, great friend, and an honest stallion, who can get very frustrated if you bother him too much. He believes everything happens for a reason, and so he just goes along with it. Dashing zones off into the distance a lot, has trust issues, and sometimes gets lazy, especially from doing very hard work. He then snaps out of it when someone brings up the farm he grew up on, and quickly gets back to work. If not, Dashing would do nothing and relax, while others needed his assistance.

Dashing loves adventuring, some music now and then, and admiring structures; not really the competition sort. He gets locked uo, and shy when it comes to telling how he feels, and secrets. But when it comes to music, Dashing is all up in it. His second talent would probably be music, because of how much he loves it, and sings with it. But when it comes to arguments, Dashing always tries to prove he's right every possible way, even though he's trying to stop that habit, but can't.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
QuickLime Alicorn

QuickLime

Posted
Posted

Your cutie mark story is really convoluted and confusing, you need to clarify it, and a pawn isn't a representation of strategy, a pawn means you are a tool that is played with, so perhaps you mean a rook, or a knight chess piece?

Also the history and summary are way too short and need to be expanded on, please remove the bit of ooc in your post as well :) You also need to check your spelling and grammar, you make numerous errors that make the application hard to read.

Keep up the good work though!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
QuickLime Alicorn

QuickLime

Posted
Posted

Cutie mark also doesn't make sense, and you mean this older colt didn't get his cutie mark till recently? We don't allow ponies to get their cutie marks any older than the CMC which he obviously isn't so you need to change that, and his story is sorta really improbable, do you know how long it takes to make a building? Weeks, not a few hours ^^;

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Bellosh Alicorn

Bellosh

Posted
Posted

Howdy; I am a Senior RP Helper, and I'm here to lend a hand to my colleague:

  • The Unique Traits field needs to be written in paragraph form instead of a list of traits. Remember that this section should describe your OC's physical/magic/combat abilities; everything else should go in the Character Summary.
  • The Character Summary is too undeveloped for Canterlot Chronicles standards. It has to give us a very good sense of how your OC will act in RP, but all that's there so far is a bare-bones description that barely tells us anything. This thread has some very good suggestions on how to considerably beef up your Summary.

The first app is usually the hardest for new members, but stick through this process, and Dashing Blade will soon be approved for use in CC. The good news is that you are indeed making progress with this app. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...