Flamingshadow(READY)

[RainbowDaringDash]

Name: Flamingshadow

Gender: Stallion

Age: Teen

Species: Unicorn

Eye colour: A dark red

Character colour: Shadow black

Mane/Tail/Other: Mane is a shadowy blue and is styled with it covering his left eye while the tail is a shadowy gold and flows in the wind.

Physique: Flamingshadow is in tip condition with his magic, but on the physical side, he is just like any normal stallion, strong and healthy though he has a lot of stamina even for a stallion.

Residence: Ponyvile is his main home, but he travels Equestria every now and then.

Occupation: Flamingshadow has no job, he just helps out in town earning bits doing odd jobs and from friendly pony's.

Cutie Mark: Fire with a shadow aura

Cutie mark Story: Flamingshadow grew up in Stalliongrad with foster parents. He had a hard colt hood as he was constantly bullied.They beat him up, called him names and a lot more. One day the bully's went way to far and went after Flamingshadow worse then they ever had. The chase went on for about an hour before shadow gave up, he just sat there and closed his eyes ready to be beaten. Just as they were about to pounce, Flameingshadows horn began to glow and he disappeared into thin air. Flamingshadow opened his eyes to see that he was invisible, he crept away only to remove the spell by accident. They saw shadow and went after him. He knew he couldn't out run them so he tried something dangerous, something that could lead to disaster, he casted a fire spell that just appeared in his mind. The spell literally made a massive wall of fire that separated him from the bully's. He just ran after the wall appeared so he didn't notice when it had appeared, but once he was way away from them it was there.

Unique talent: Casting shadow and fire spells

Unique Traits: Is exceptionally skilled at shadow and fire spells, can make fire black instead of red, and although he finds fire spells extremely easy, it still took a lot of practice to be able to do. Can see at night as if it were day through a spell he made.

History :Flamingshadow has no knowledge of where he was born, all he knows is that he was found as a colt by two pony's in Stalliongrad who had taken him in. They said they had found him with a note and a bag. Inside the bag was a shadow black hoodie that he has been wearing since he woke up and all the note said was this" Flamingshadow, that's your name, Sorry we were not there for you. I hope you fit in your new home well" and it was signed by a Icyshadow and a Shadowcaster. After that all Flamingshadow decided to try and fit in but as a young colt he found it hard to fit in with all the other pony's. He had bully's that often bulled him on the fact he was adopted, one thing that helped him and got him through colt hood, was the fact he was almost fully black, he could blend into shadows and hide from sight so they couldn't get him. To manage his stealth he had to develop good vision, as such he has gained the ability night sight. Another thing that saved him was his good stamina, he was able to run very fast so he could out run them. He managed to survive school and said goodbye to his foster parents and though they were sad, they were also happy that he was ready for the world. Flamingshadow has occasionally tried to find out who Icyshadow and Shadowcaster were but has had no success.

Character Summary: Flamingshadow is lonely as he has lived most of his life being bullied and on the run from them. Flamingshadow has been known to take odd jobs for pony's or just helping where needed. Flamingshadow is a faithful pony who even though is cautious, is kind and will talk to any pony he can. He is trying to become friends with some of Ponyviles pony's so he wouldn't be so lonely which he hates feeling. Flamingshadow enjoys sleeping, reading and also enjoys to practice magic. Flamingshadow can cast black fire instead of red, he figured this out when he was practicing magic. He was angry at the time and found that he was letting his anger out a bit, he decided to try and see if he could direct his anger into his magic, he found that it turned black and became a bit more powerful. Originally he had to be angry to be able to do this Though practice he found that he could do it anytime, it just took a bit more effort. Flamingshadow sometimes inquires about his true parents but never seems to find anything. He finds he cant stay focused on jobs thus he has been unemployed for awhile though he is always happy to help around town. Flamingshadow hates listening to instructions from pony's he doesn't trust so he prefers not to have a job anyway. His goal in life is to succeed and just live his life, which he does do.

[Bellosh]

Okie dokie, while we do provide plenty of room for CC characters to deviate more from the established FiM-norm, it's our job to make sure that OCs don't become too over the top. At least, not without very good reasons. Therefore, there are several things I need to point out:

• Users are not allowed to create Location Lore for their OC apps. Please refer to this list for approved locations to set your unicorn's backstory in.
  
• One of the big problems I see with your guy's backstory is that it just sounds so incredibly implausible that suspension of disbelief cannot be maintained by users. While CC is indeed set in a universe with fantastical elements, this is also supposed to be a setting where OCs themselves are not fantastical, in terms of their past. To put it simply, there's no way that a kid, without any help or instruction, could survive in the most hostile wilderness for 7 years straight. Heck, your OC would DIE of starvation within a month or two (assuming the thirst hadn't killed him before that) As for the wolves in the Cutie Mark story..... they'd have the smarts to NOT live in a prey-starved fiery volcano land in the first place. I hate to say this, but the entire backstory needs to be replaced with something more plausible. We'll allow the kid to have a hard life in CC, but it needs to be a life with a decent chance of survival.
  
• Additionally, there are a few abilities that we won't be able to permit. Firstly, a unicorn shouldn't be able to instinctively know how to make fire black. Simply knowing fire magic is one thing, but giving that fire special colors without proper magic training falls too deep into special snowflake territory. Telepathic links with animals are also not permitted, as we have never seen a case of this ever being possible in FiM itself. And we strive to make sure the mechanics of CC's universe remain true to those of the show.
  
• Apps are not allowed to dictate how others view an OC. You'll need to remove all mentions of ponies fearing Flaming Shadow; only other users have the right to determine how your character is perceived.
  
• Finally, I notice loads of writing errors in this app. Particularly glaring are uncapitalized proper nouns and improper endings to plural words. Remember: the better spelling and grammar you use in your posts, the more likely users will want to RP with your characters. Therefore, please give this app a thorough proofreading to make sure that everything is written correctly.
  

To be honest, this just might be a character who'd be better off in Free For All, especially if my suggestions will only end up removing the elements that make him special for you. If you still want to see this application through however, implement my feedback, and I'll be back with further advice based on your edits.

[RainbowDaringDash]

alright, i can change it up. Thanks for the tips.

[RainbowDaringDash]

okay, i made some adjustments. I changed where he grew up, rewriting the history a bit but not enough to change him. I changed the black fire bit, making it he had practiced to gain that skill. I got rid of the telepathic link. I made his survival a bit more realistic. I did my best to improve grammar though i think i still need to fix that part up. How did i do?

[Bellosh]

I'll be honest, the survival backstory now makes even less sense to me than it already did before:

• What reasons would ponies have to throw their little boy into a forest (or any other thinly-populated area for that matter)? Why didn't they think of dropping him off at the orphanage? I also don't get at all how someone can conveniently forget everything in their life before waking up in the forest. Your app has no explanation for this at all.
  
• The Whitetail Woods overall is a poor setting for a survival story. Not only are ponies unafraid of entering there, but the place is also inhabited by deer, making it highly likely that your OC would have been found and adopted in a short timespan.
  

To put it plainly, Flamingshadow smells to me like a fanfic character, with a fanfic-geared backstory and motivation, transposed into a RP environment that fundamentally can't fit it in because it wasn't built around your OC's needs. Because of that, it'll be an uphill battle to make Flaming Shadow fit in CC unless these drastic measures are taken:

• Scrap the survival backstory altogether. By all means let your OC's parents abandon him, but let someone else take him in, be it adoptive parents or an orphanage.
  
• Give your OC a primary purpose in life other than trying to figure out who gave him up. Trust me, it'll be far easier to place him in RPs if he has a more logical place and position in the RP world. Maybe he makes random inquiries from time to time, but it's not realistic to assume that he'd throw his life away trying to figure out his past, when his primary concern should be on how to get by in the present. You know, like any other person in the real world who never knew who their real parents were.
  

Basically, the less you think of Flamingshadow as someone who needs to be the star of a very niche story, the higher odds you'll have in believably putting him in any other situation. I'll be back with more feedback when you finish the next round of edits. ^_^

[RainbowDaringDash]

ok, i will edit bits, thanks for the feedback

[RainbowDaringDash]

okay, iv changed what you reccomended, and now the only thing im stuck on is the CM story, how do you recommend i change that?

[Bellosh]

Ah good, this app is starting to come together now. I suppose for the cutie mark story, you could use a variant of the old one, but with bullies instead of wolves. Unless you think of a different idea however. Now that the fundamental aspects of your OC are becoming more solid, I'll now focus on the smaller details:

• We still want to keep Ponyville an idyllic place even in CC, so there shouldn't be tons of bullies there. It'd be much more believable to have your OC raised in a more gritty place, like Stalliongrad or Beakbreak City, where you can get away with themes of injustice without messing with the spirit of a canon place.
  
• Remove the description of Flamingshadow's tail blowing even without a wind. We've never seen any other pony with this physical ability in the show, so I'm going to rule against it here.
  
• You should specify that your OC's Night Sight is a magic spell, and not an ability of his eyes alone. We just want to make sure that the physical characteristics of CC ponies are consistent of those depicted in the MLP canon. Oh, you also need to explain how your unicorn figures out to give a black color to his fire magic.
  
• To expand on my point yesterday about adopted ponies living normal lives, do you prefer Flamingshadow without a stable occupation? If so, could you give some explanation as to why he's incapable of keeping a job like most other ponies? We allow unemployed ponies in CC, but they need to have well-explained reasons for doing so.
  

Keep at it, you're getting there!

[RainbowDaringDash]

thanks, i will start working on it again.

[RainbowDaringDash]

Next round of edits done.

[RainbowDaringDash]

alright, i removed the tail thing, i changed the setting, i managed to get a cutie mark story...bit brutal though, and i made a decent reason for no job, is there anything else you think i need to fix up? Oh i also put a mention about how the black flame started and night sight being a spell

[Bellosh]

You're almost there! I suppose at this juncture, the main thing that needs to be worked on is your spelling and grammar. It's still a bit sloppy in places, so please make an earnest attempt at proofreading before you mark this application as [Ready] again. Once you've corrected the writing errors once and for all, gimme' a shout and I'll judge whether I can move this thread along. ^_^

[RainbowDaringDash]

thanks for your help, well time to so some spelling.....my favorite class(Sarcasm)

[RainbowDaringDash]

I did my best with the spelling and grammar, hope its acceptable

[SteelEagle]