Jump to content

Skyzipper (Ready)

RainbowDaringDash

Recommended Posts

RainbowDaringDash Alicorn

RainbowDaringDash

Posted
Posted

Name: Skyzipper

Gender: Male

Age: Colt

Species: Pegasus

Eye colour: Reddish pink

Character colour: Ocean Blue

Mane/Tail/Other: Skyzipper's mane and tail are light red. His mane hangs loose down the sides of his neck. His tail rises up and flows while flying and just hovers off the ground whilst walking.

Physique: Skyzipper is a bit smaller than an average Pegasi and also a bit quicker. He trains daily when not busy to keep his flight skills up and to maintain his strong wings. He wears a white bandanna tied around his neck at all times, even when he wears his fire red hoodie, he will have the bandanna on underneath.

Residence: Cloud Home just on the outskirts of Canterlot

Occupation: Freelance Weather Specialist; Wonderbolts Trainee

Cutie Mark: A Pair of wings, side by side with air currents going through them.

Cutiemark Story: Skyzipper was the son of one of Canterlots higher class citizens. Skyzipper had never really flown in public because his parents would only let him fly occasionally and only at home. Skyzipper's father was overprotective. He was unable to fly because of a accident when he was a young stallion. Sky loved flying, so practiced in secret when his parents couldn't see him. Mostly he would sneak out and practice during the night and sometimes during the day. It was during one of these times he was followed by his parents and caught out. A neighbor had told them about what he had been seen doing. At first Sky's parents were disappointed to say the least. Then, when they saw what Skyzipper was doing, they were also shocked by his skills. He performed all sorts of tricks flawlessly. He knew he was good, and when he asked his parents if they would let him fly more often, they were so impressed they said that he could fly whenever he wanted. That was the moment that it became clear to Sky that his special talent was air stunts.

History: Skyzipper was born in Canterlot. His life revolved around the most well known Ponies in the city. His parents wanted him to grow up to be the most well known Pony in Canterlot and made Skyzipper do everything a Canterlotian should do. As much as other Ponies liked this, Skyzipper did not. He didn't like his parent's pish posh ways or their strict rules. Just because of a injury his dad had suffered which left him unable to fly Sky's parents had thought flying was too dangerous for Sky. When they realised how much he loved it and how good he was at it, they reluctantly signed Sky up to go to a training program near Stalliongrad. They wanted Sky to learn discipline and safety so he could experience the thrill of flying freely. Sky went to live at the academy until he was a teen, after which he went back to Canterlot to see his parents. It was then he heard of the best young flyers competition and decided to enter. He managed to earn a name for himself by putting on a spectacular performance there. Sky then decided to enrol with the Wonderbolt Academy. When he was accepted he was overjoyed. During his time there he has given it all and has been rewarded with consistently excellent performance. Sky has decided to live near Canterlot in a cloud house just on the outskirts.

Character Summary: Skyzipper is very shy around new people. He is extremely loyal to his friends. He enjoys hanging out with friends, loves to have fun, loves to joke around with pranks and mess around with jokes. He will be disloyal when it comes to being a jokester but when it comes down to the big stuff, he will always choose to stick by his friends. He is pretty honest when things are serious, but also is dishonest with minor things. He loves sport. Skyzipper dislikes pish posh stuff and insanely hates fashion. He insanely hates being alone. does not like to follow commands of others but will listen to his friends. He is very quick to respond rashly if one of his friends are hurt or picked on. Skyzipper takes time to recover from a insult if it hurts him deeply. He has a very big pride but it never hinders him as he can put it aside to do what is necessary. Skyzippper enjoys reading. He reads when he is resting from practice, when bored or just for fun. Skyzipper especially likes the Wonderbolt History books and the Daring Do books. Skyzipper helps with the weather when the other Pegasi need help. During the his free time he hangs with his friends and practices flying. Skyzipper dislikes to bring harm to anyone and is quick to help an injured Pony whether it is someone he hates or someone he cares about. Skyzipper would follow his friends anywhere they go. Skyzipper is very impatient and makes hasty decisions when things are going too slowly. Skyzipper wears a fire red hoodie for cold days, or just in general when its not a boiling hot day. Skyzipper will rarely be seen without his trademark white bandanna which he wears around his neck at all times.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
SteelEagle Alicorn

SteelEagle

Posted
Posted

Hey there! I'm SteelEagle and I'm the Senior Roleplay Helper assigned to this app to help you get it approved. We have a few things to do so let's move!

1- Just for future reference, please do not say your character is at a highly exclusive place like the Academy without asking one of the leaders of the team. This goes for any similar situation in the future. As World of Equestria's Soarin' player I have no problem with this but others may have.

2- So he is effectively unemployed? Just say "Freelance Weather Specialist; Wonderbolts Trainee".

3- Remove the Special Talent and Unique Traits parts of your app as they do not conform to the World of Equestria application form.

4- The Cutie Mark Story and history have some good diamonds in there but it falls a wee flat. Why would pegasi parents specifically outlaw their son from flying? Canterlot or not it doesn't make much sense and the only reasoning seems to be pish posh ways. It doesn't really work except to make the parents obstacles for no real reason. I'd suggest something more along the lines of the father or mother got seriously injured during flight after his birth and they were therefore paranoid. While this isn't a great story either, it at least gives them reason to be worried enough to be incredibly cautious. Even them, complete flight banning seems silly. I'd get rid of that.

5- Canterlot and Stalliongrad are leagues away from one another. It doesn't make sense why he would go there. The only other logical place mentioned would be Ponyville but we're trying to not get a huge grouping of players in one area. So if we want Stalliongrad, we need a reason. How about this: His parents see that Skyzipper has an intense love of flying and disdain for Canterlot, maybe partially because of of the airspace around it being so busy, so they sign him up for an intensive training program near Stalliongrad. This would remove the running away from home bit (which is overused), make his parents sympathetic rather than just plot points, and give the character a great focus on his goals.

6- "After that Skyzipper made a name for himself by winning that years best young flyer competition and then enrolled with the Wonderbolt Academy. Skyzipper is the best flyer in his group at the Wonderbolt academy. Skyzipper nearly equalled the top records at the academy." - remove this, please. A lot of this is RPed on the forum, is planned to be, or is kept vague for a reason. Having a character introduced into a thread with other Wonderbolt aspirants and automatically being better than them because the app says so makes it hard for other players to get involved. Say something along the lines of, "He made a name for himself with an impressive showing at the Best Young Flyer's Competition, after which he was invited to and enrolled in the Wonderbolts Academy. Since he has joined he has given it his all and has been rewarded with consistently excellent performance."

7- One big issue reading this app is how incredibly similar he is to Rainbow Dash. This is most evident in the personality section, which for you can change names around an see as a description of her point by point. Work on it a bit more to showcase why your character is unique.

8- Grammar throughout the app needs work.

This may seem like a lot of work but the truth is you've got a very nice and solid core that just needs editing and focusing. His history and cutie mark should reflect the sort of focus that can produce a top-notch flyer through not just natural skill and talent, but hard-work and determination. I know you can do it! I'll be following closely. Make sure to post when you've made changes so I may follow it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
RainbowDaringDash Alicorn

RainbowDaringDash

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Wow, that is more then expected. Well, looks like CC and WoE apps are very different. Anyway, il start working on those things you recommended. Thanks for taking the time to help me out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
SteelEagle Alicorn

SteelEagle

Posted
Posted

Hey, no problem! I like helping people. And yes, WoE is a lot more strict entry than CC when it comes to the sorts of characters that are allowed in. The good thing is that the core is fine and there isn't anything outrageously unallowable, so the fixes aren't too difficult.:)

Link to comment
Share on other sites
SteelEagle Alicorn

SteelEagle

Posted
Posted

Hey, no problem. Now, two things:

You pasted the app five times. You only need one app for one character, not five for one!

Change teen to colt. Then I will stamp and the character will be approved.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...