foxfire Posted July 30, 2014 Report Share Posted July 30, 2014 Name: Wandering Star (Star to her friends, she can't stand the Wandering part of her name).Gender: Female.Age: Young mare.Species: Pegasus.Eye colour: Grey.Character colour: Dark Grey.Mane/Tail/Other: Yellow, her mane is cut short and spiky to avoid nasty cases of helmet hair.Physique: Lean and wiry (as Star puts it, “I'm built for speed”) although she is gaining muscles from the training and flying in armour.Residence: Canterlot.Occupation: Private, Royal Guard.Cutie Mark: A stylized shooting star with a silver contrail behind it. Shortly after leaving Fillydelphia, Star needed to get a job quickly, which can be hard for a blank-flank. She asked at a courier station in Baltimare about emplloyment and badgered him to such an extent that he made her an offer, take a passage to Canterlot and return to the company and a job would be hers. The trip was hard, by the time she returned to Baltimarem exhausted and half-starved but ahead of schedule (thanks to a strong tail wind most of the way from Dodge Junction), he explained that the package was a note for his brother in Baltimare. He showed her the letter. It said 'This pony has completed the hardest courier job you could think of. Give her the job for Celestia's sake'. He gave her the job on the spot although he was a little unsure about giving a job to a teenage who didn't even have her cutie mark. He then smiled, “I guess that isn't a problem”, and motioned to her flank. Star looked down to see a brand new cutie mark on her flank. Star just grinned. “Nifty. When do I start”.Unique Traits: She is missing a small amount of the tip of her left ear (it's missing in the one photo she has of herself as a filly), she won't mention how it was removed other than “I don't want to talk about it”.History: Star was born in Fillydelphia to a pair of Unicorns (both her parents had one pegasus parent so she guesses the wings skipped a generation). She is the youngest of four children and the only mare. She was stubborn as all get out from about the point where she learned what stubborn meant. As the only flier in the family she tried to compete with her older brothers in all the ways she could. When her parents sent her brothers to learn magic Star was left to go to Flight School. She excelled at flight training, maintaining high grades before she was offered a post with Weather Control. There was something of a fracas when Star turned the job down flat, saying she needed to see the world. Her parents were disappointed as they expected all their children to settle down in respectable jobs. Star wanted something completely different. After a massive row, Star's parents told her that if she didn't take the job she would no longer be welcome in their home. Instead of backing down, Star packed her essentials and left that night, flying off with her head held high.Star spent the next six months working as a courier, flying from city to city before arriving in Canterlot. She had been offered a job with a courier firm in Canterlot but seeing the Royal Guard fascinated her. She immediately applied for a post with the Guard. Getting accepted for basic training was fairly easy. Her first boss was a friend of one of the trainers and he convinced her that Star was as stubborn as a mule and about twice as tenacious. Basic training was exhausting but fun, she suspects the trainers were not used to pegasi responding happily to being told to do laps of the training ground as punishment. On the other hoof, flying in armour was just exhausting. Star discovered she was gaining muscles in places where she didn't know a mare could get muscles but she got through thanks to skill mixed with industrial amounts of stubbornness. The day she graduated was the proudest day of her life. She made sure to send a picture of herself in armour to her parents but she was unsurprised when she received no answer.Star has found a role within the Guard, running messages to distant parts of Equestria. If not elsewhere she takes her job guarding Canterlot very seriously. She has a room at the barracks and tends to spend most of her time there when off-duty,Character Summary/Personality: Star would admit privately that her greatest strength (and weakness) was that she is too stubborn to know when to give up. From being grounded most of the time when she was a filly to picking a fight with bigger ponies when she was in school to refusing to back down when her parents gave her their ultimatum.Since she joined the Guard she has tried to maintain her status as 'one of the guys', doing her best to out-party, out-fly and (on occasion) out-fight other ponies. Her room at the barracks contains some of her few reminders of home (a locket with pictures of her parents, a framed black and white picture of her with her brothers where she noticeably has a bruised eye after she attacked a colt who had mocked her for being a stupid blank-flank), a selection of military history texts alongside several trashy romance novels and a quill and ink (for writing reports and her upcoming 'Great Equestrian novel').Star tends to live her life by the credo “Work hard but party hard", although she is extremely careful to make sure that her fun times don't effect her work (she's normally the 'designated flyer' on pegasus drinking trips). She is deadly serious when she needs to be and a joker when she doesn't. She joined the Guard simply out of a desire to help ponies, she guessed that she could probably do the most good there. If she had just wanted to fly fast she could have joined the Wonderbolts but she guessed she could do more good as a Guardsmare. Her only real regret about the way her life has gone is that her sister-in-law was about to have a foal when she left Fillydelphia. She would like to find out what happened to her little niece/nephew but her jobs haven't led her back to Fillydephia yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainbowDaringDash Posted July 30, 2014 Report Share Posted July 30, 2014 DISCLAIMER: I am NO RPH, just here to offer some adviceCool char, i have a few things i would like to suggest1. I would suggest you Turn off the tiny script thing, its really hard for me to read, and that might make it hard for the RPH to read as well.2. I think you might want to add a CM story, although in the app form it does not show that part, it is a necessary part in a App.3. Las Pegasus is a place only Pegasuses can live in, as far as i know, if her parents are Unicorns i dont know how that would work for her history.4. I would suggest you extend both your character summery and your History.Thats all i can really suggest, best of luck getting Shooting Star.... I mean Star, into CC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxfire Posted July 30, 2014 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2014 Edited to move some things around and add assorted bits and bobs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainbowDaringDash Posted July 30, 2014 Report Share Posted July 30, 2014 Wow that was good, those changes basically fixed everything i could see. The only thing i could suggest now is that you add a CM story. DISCLAIMER: U guys know it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxfire Posted July 30, 2014 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2014 The cutie mark story is in the History bit (it would probably be a bit more elaborate but I've pretty much exhausted my knowledge of obscure Equestrian places on this bio) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainbowDaringDash Posted July 30, 2014 Report Share Posted July 30, 2014 Oh, i see that. I would say you make them separate, though thats minimal. Anyway, this App looks EPIC, i cant wait to RP with you Best of luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxfire Posted July 30, 2014 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2014 I had the idea that she's suffering from a slight worry that what she's doing may not be her destiny (staying in one place, doing the same job all the time). For some reason I've got a lot of ideas of where to go with this character (which is unusual, half of the time I'm winging it with new characters) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxfire Posted July 30, 2014 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2014 Modified to put the Cutie Mark story in the Cutie Mark section.Bumped for review Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mojo Posted July 30, 2014 Report Share Posted July 30, 2014 Hi Foxfire!My pal RDD has given you great advice!However, one thing I must tell you, there's already a OC with the name Shooting Star. You'll need to change the name before we can proceed with analyzing the app. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxfire Posted July 30, 2014 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2014 There is, darn it. Actually the name is way to close to the cutie mark description. I'll change the name toot-sweet (even if the other alternative is a little bit Lee Marvin) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mojo Posted July 31, 2014 Report Share Posted July 31, 2014 Great job!I doublechecked the character registry, and "Wandering Star" is a unique (and I'll add, excellent) name for a pony!I've read over your app, all of the required fields are filled and it is very well written.However, I'm having a little trouble understanding the Cutie Mark story. Perhaps I'm just not 'getting it', would you please explain it to me further? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxfire Posted July 31, 2014 Author Report Share Posted July 31, 2014 I've rejigged the Cutie Mark section. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mojo Posted July 31, 2014 Report Share Posted July 31, 2014 Ah! NOW I understand it!Thank you for further elaboration! I'll recommend this app for further Senior RPH evaluation! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunsetSombra Posted August 6, 2014 Report Share Posted August 6, 2014 Looked over the App, looks like it works out fine to me - welcome to Canterlot Chronicles! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.