sethbramwell Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 While writing my new fanfic, I found myself in need of a song about losing someone you love to suicide and the guilt that follows. (Dark, I know. It comes from a very personal place.) Anyway, I didn't really want to use or modify an existing song, so I took a stab at some lyrics myself, I'd love to know what y'all think. Mind you, I'm not really a musician so bear with me here... I envisioned this as a bluesy ballad (in context it's the opening track on a blues album Vinyl has given Octavia). Honestly, if anyone felt like taking a stab at music for it, bluesy or otherwise, I'd be honored. Thanks for looking! “The Pony Who Comes For Us All” We ran forever through golden fields,You were my love, I was your shield.Until you heard the beckoning callOf the pony who comes for us all. Looking back, I can’t forget that dayI had found that you’d slipped away,That you had gone and answered the callof the pony who comes for us all. If I had been there just to give hope,Would you have not used that rope?If I had given you a better day,Would you have tossed those pills away? Had I been a better equine,Would you not have crossed the line?Just to answer that siren callOf the pony who comes for us all? They say you went by your own will,I can only guess you had had your fill.I wonder now what I could have done,For just a day, yes, even one, To stop you from heeding the callOf the pony who comes for us all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainbowDaringDash Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Other then the fact that...... Little dark with the whole, rope thing.... *shivers* I like this Iv gone over it a few times, will do it more later, with different Rhythms. I know its blue's, so something slow would probably be best. Il try and create a song for this in the following few weeks, as im going to be busy, busy, and more busy Before i do go ahead and try and make a song, what instruments do you want me to use? It is your lyric, best it be your call in that regard.Oh, one other small thing, is it okay if i change the lyrics slightly while im writing it?Just to make it sort of keep the same beat, or voice tune i end up using. Il stick to the idea, would that be alright? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sethbramwell Posted March 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Other then the fact that...... Little dark with the whole, rope thing.... *shivers* I like this Iv gone over it a few times, will do it more later, with different Rhythms. I know its blue's, so something slow would probably be best. Il try and create a song for this in the following few weeks, as im going to be busy, busy, and more busy Before i do go ahead and try and make a song, what instruments do you want me to use? It is your lyric, best it be your call in that regard.Oh, one other small thing, is it okay if i change the lyrics slightly while im writing it?Just to make it sort of keep the same beat, or voice tune i end up using. Il stick to the idea, would that be alright? I'd be honored! I mostly imagined it with an electric guitar sound, though I'm afraid I couldn't explain much about tempo or so on. As far changing the lyrics to fit the flow, go ahead. I was unsure of how the first verse flowed with the rest of it. I can er... try... to do something of a demo if you like, at least for a vocal. Thank you so much! I would love to hear your take on it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SymphonicFire Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 The lyrics are really good! If you guys are going to make the song, i'd be happy to give some tips or help out! I have lots of experience with music Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainbowDaringDash Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 I have a idea on how to make it work well, Il try and record it, if i can find some recording software. Im not that great a singer, but it might give an idea. And if you want to do a demo, it might help out Oh, and the first line fits in REALLY well, but, so far iv only found two tones/Rhythms that suit it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sethbramwell Posted March 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 I would absolutely love to hear it! (Trust me, I'm sure you're a better singer than me...) Incidentally, This is not a tune I had in mind for it, but this song is what brought about the entire story. If this makes any sense, the feel of this song fits the genre I was picturing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNI8aI0srxg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainbowDaringDash Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Tune i thought of is a little different, a little more joy is in it, even though its sad, though in the end, that probably will be gone. Though i understand how its REALLY sad Well, this willl be fun Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sethbramwell Posted March 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 I saw it as mournful myself, but I'd be interested to hear a more upbeat take, perhaps with a hopeful ending Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainbowDaringDash Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 The words, more then likely wont change, just have stuff added Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SymphonicFire Posted March 11, 2015 Report Share Posted March 11, 2015 I can help with singing, but i don't have a wide range. I'm in between an average male's and an average female's Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sethbramwell Posted March 14, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2015 OK, I finally got around to recording an acapella demo. (Please excuse the voice, I'm not a great singer...) The Pony Who Comes For Us All Acapella Demo.mp3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SymphonicFire Posted March 14, 2015 Report Share Posted March 14, 2015 It's good! I was wondering if you are going to add anything else to the lyrics? It seemed kinda short, but that's only my opinion. I'm just here to volunteer to help with the music Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sethbramwell Posted March 14, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2015 I probably wasn't, but I think Rainbow Daring Dash was thinking of adding to it. Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainbowDaringDash Posted March 15, 2015 Report Share Posted March 15, 2015 Yeah, i was going to add some words, and to make it more like a 3 min song i was also going to have some parts where some normal music just plays. You did a good job tho I get the idea, tho like i said earlier, it might end up slightly more joyfully....... Runs to school to start working on it This might take awhile, as i really can only work on it on School PC's, as i cant record it using any instruments live, my piano power cord is.... broken, i dont have anything else..... Well, il try and get ti done when i can Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SymphonicFire Posted March 15, 2015 Report Share Posted March 15, 2015 I can help with the recording. Just give me some ideas and i can immediately get something out. It's like making an art request, except it's a song. Of course I won't to everything since it's your song and I have other things to do, but i'll gladly make it into something real. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sethbramwell Posted March 15, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 15, 2015 I can help with the recording. Just give me some ideas and i can immediately get something out. It's like making an art request, except it's a song. Of course I won't to everything since it's your song and I have other things to do, but i'll gladly make it into something real. I figured it would have some instrumental added to it to beef it up. I'd be honored to see/hear what you do! Yeah, i was going to add some words, and to make it more like a 3 min song i was also going to have some parts where some normal music just plays. You did a good job tho I get the idea, tho like i said earlier, it might end up slightly more joyfully....... Runs to school to start working on it I'd love to hear anything you come up with! This is the first time I've taken potential song lyrics to the music phase, and I'm very excited! Thank you both! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.