BeGoneThots Posted January 16, 2016 Report Share Posted January 16, 2016 dead Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedCedar Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 Hi! I like what you have here, but I have just a few questions. First, is "Shelding" in his name spelled correctly? Second, is there a reason why he's resistant to burns? The reason I ask is that without actually concentrating on a spell to make him resistant, it makes him sound like he has more of a super power than being a magic user with a special talent. Finally, you mention his cutie mark, but not how he got it or what talent it represents. Since getting a cutie mark is a defining moment in a pony's life, there should be some story behind it included in either the Cutie Mark or History sections. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeGoneThots Posted January 18, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 The first is spelled correctly. The second is part of his training with his father. I should put that down. His father drilled it into his skull on an hourly basis. Hes casting a control spell continually without even noticing. Its more subconscious. But its not perfect. its just enough that he can touch a hot object like an ember for a few seconds and not get burned. any longer or stronger flame and he will get burned. and thank you for reminding me about the cutie mark. I need to fix that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeGoneThots Posted January 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 20, 2016 Think I fixed it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedCedar Posted January 20, 2016 Report Share Posted January 20, 2016 The story of how he got his cutie mark is still a little short. How did he come to realize that the military was his calling? Was there some event that triggered it? usually it's something more than just thinking to yourself what you'd like to be when you grow up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeGoneThots Posted January 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2016 fixed it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellosh Posted January 22, 2016 Report Share Posted January 22, 2016 Before we stamp this application, can you specify in your Unique Traits field that your OC's resistance to flame is the result of a learned spell? For the sake of other players reading this app, such important information about a character's abilities should not be buried elsewhere in some other section. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeGoneThots Posted January 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 23, 2016 Will finish editing at a more opportune date Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeGoneThots Posted January 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 23, 2016 Give it a look over now. it aint finished yet, but I wanna know what I messed up before I work on anything else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeGoneThots Posted January 24, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2016 have a look now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellosh Posted January 24, 2016 Report Share Posted January 24, 2016 Once you change your app's status back to [Ready], we'll be allowed to evaluate your app revisions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeGoneThots Posted January 25, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2016 done Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellosh Posted January 26, 2016 Report Share Posted January 26, 2016 And we're back! Thank you for making the requested edits, but other revisions you've made haven't helped to enhance this app:Remove the entire Spell List section. We're not interested to know what sort of amazing things your OC can do in combat. On the contrary, our primary aim with making applicants spell out their OC's unique traits is to establish gameplay boundaries to prevent a character from displaying overpowered behavior. The actual minutiae of what spells your OC can reasonably perform in a RP is best decided by collaboration with your fellow players so that everyone is on the same page concerning magic usage. Not everyone will be keen on playing with a character who generates 10-feet high flame walls.We can't allow your OC to be knowledgeable in self-levitation. That ability is so rare that even Twilight Sparkle was shocked when Starlight Glimmer used that spell in the S5 finale. Since it's clear that fire spells are your OC's specialty, we feel that also giving him self-levitation will make your character OP for our roleplay environment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeGoneThots Posted January 26, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2016 finished Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellosh Posted January 28, 2016 Report Share Posted January 28, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.