Help on First Person Writing

[Kumaphin]

Hello brony-friends! I've been working on a pony story, but I'm doing it a little different than I usually do stuff. I've been writing in the third-person for a long time now, but I'm trying out first person this time.The problem is that I'm not really sure how to progress the story along, and I'm having a lot of trouble getting character description in. Can anyone give me a hand or some tips with this?

My first attempt at an intro/character description:

[spoiler] It’s been a few years now since I moved from Ponyville to Manehattan. Most of my family and friends question my choice to move from quiet Ponyville to the busy life of Manehattan. The truth is that I hate the busy life. I hate the fact that when I come home my fur is matted down and black instead of a its usual brown; I hate the fact that my mane and tale look like the muddy waters in the Everfree Forest, instead of the it’s natural blue, and I’m pretty sure my horn is much more brittle than it used to be, not very appealing to other colts. Sometimes I go back to Ponyville to see what I’m missing, and of course it’s wonderful. I love the scenery, the shops, and even the Winter Wrap-Up. And then it happens, I have to see my family again. I come from a large and ancient family of unicorns who make a living by writing spell books. I’m the fifth child out of seven, with three brothers and four sisters. There an unfortunately conservative family, who feel that the ancient ways are far superior to the new, not only in magic, but in what you do. I can’t stand them. I remember the first time I brought home my first colt-friend; he ran out of the house crying after just two hours and never came back. That’s why I put up with all the rush of Manehattan, so I don’t have to be around my family. It’s not like I don’t love them, I just can’t stand being around them. [/spoiler]

[lordbrony]

aside from it sounding like its an opening narrative to a movie is ok by me

[Kumaphin]

My problem is that I don't really know how to transition from that into the actual big chunk of the story, without it sounding like a diary.

[lordbrony]

well from what I know there are 2 ways:

Chapter One:

Dear Diary,

It’s been a few years now since I moved from Ponyville to Manehattan. Most of my family and friends question my choice to move from quiet Ponyville to the busy life of Manehattan. The truth is that I hate the busy life. I hate the fact that when I come home my fur is matted down and black instead of a its usual brown; I hate the fact that my mane and tale look like the muddy waters in the Everfree Forest, instead of the it’s natural blue, and I’m pretty sure my horn is much more brittle than it used to be, not very appealing to other colts. Sometimes I go back to Ponyville to see what I’m missing, and of course it’s wonderful. I love the scenery, the shops, and even the Winter Wrap-Up. And then it happens, I have to see my family again. I come from a large and ancient family of unicorns who make a living by writing spell books. I’m the fifth child out of seven, with three brothers and four sisters. There an unfortunately conservative family, who feel that the ancient ways are far superior to the new, not only in magic, but in what you do. I can’t stand them. I remember the first time I brought home my first colt-friend; he ran out of the house crying after just two hours and never came back. That’s why I put up with all the rush of Manehattan, so I don’t have to be around my family. It’s not like I don’t love them, I just can’t stand being around them.

[ponyname here] [did something such as sighing and closing the diary] [rest of story]

the alternative is to break it to manageable chunks and spread them around the 1st chapters so basically you'll have a character doing random things and thinking to him/herself

[kal413]

In the exposition, it's normal that most of it would be in the thoughts of the character. But as the story goes on, that's when other's come into the story to make it more dynamic.

By making it first person though, you are stating that the character, and who she is, plays a very important role, so it would somewhat be a sort of diary, no matter what way you look at it.