New fic Idea...Help? Ideas?

[Thoth]

As usual, a billion different story ideas have been crossing my mind. All of the sudden, I came up with this one after watching "The Road to El Dorado". It may seem like a take-off, but I pride myself on staying as original as possible in parody fics, or "characters in movie plot" fics.

Basically, the idea of the fic revolves around Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie. The fic takes place not a terrible amount of time after all the events of FiM, where Pinkie and Dash are now grown mares. The two constantly get into trouble with their pranking, but still maintain a fair reputation around Ponyville. However, on a particular day Pinkie Pie realizes how little adventure she's seen in the last years at Ponyville, to which Rainbow Dash agrees with as well. This being the case, Rainbow Dash suggests they go off to find an adventure of their own elsewhere.

It's not long before the two run into a snag in their plan, as they are stopped by an odd group of Pegasi outside of Manehattan, who attempt to take advantage of Pinkie's good nature and, while looking to mug them of bits, realize they have barely any money on them. In frustration, the group of Pegasi that kidnapped the two drop them into a nearby ocean, which leads them to a new land that they believe could be the adventure they're looking for...at least Pinkie Pie, as Rainbow Dash continues to try and navigate themselves back to Ponyville...with obviously little success throughout the story.

As the two journey through the strange place they've ended up in, they run into a group of zebra, who quickly ask them to follow them. Soon after, Pinkie and Dash arrives with the zebras in a land of pure wonder. A world constructed of everypony's wildest dreams and luxury. A dream world, if you would. Thanks to a mis-understanding, however, Rainbow Dash is mistaken for Princess Celestia, which causes the inhabitants to worship Dash. Of course, RD embraces this without hesitation, and forgets all about going back to Ponyville.

However, because of this mistake, Rainbow Dash must keep up the act of being Celestia. Of course, she manages to do a horrible impression of the Princess, but the zebra fail to notice thanks to the fanfare of it all, and because of their isolation from the princess. Meanwhile, Pinkie lives it up in this place, doing what she calls "Princess' Assistant' work, which includes gorging and playing around and having fun in the ways only Pinkie Pie can do.

Not the entire idea has generated for me, but that's about what I have. I know, the outline sounds quite a bit like the inspiration, but like I said, once you know the material you're inspired by, you know what to do differently.

So...any consultation? Ideas? Help? I'll gladly accept any ideas!

[Ashton]

Personally, I think you need either AJ or Twilight (or even Spike) there to help ground the group and provide a voice of reason "Your not celestia! your going to get us all in DEEP trouble!" because unless Dash/Pinky get homesick, I have no doubt they would stay there forever. (unless that's the ultimate plan)

Also I want to point out something here that I see as a potential symbolism that I dont think is on purpose. The pair is mugged and thrown into the river, then end up in Paradice.

Translation: The group dies and goes to heaven.

I dont think that is what you intended (though if it is, kudos on slipping it in!) so you might want to reconsider just how you transport them from manehatten to paradice...

Just my inicial thoughts, I'll think about it more later and give you some more in-depth suggestions

[Trilobite]

I think this sounds like it could be a lot of fun. There may be difficulties in reaching a conclusion. Perhaps Rainbow and Pinkie, after a time, realize that they're essentially conning innocent people? I don't think either of them would want to do that...so how do they get themselves out of the act, and make amends? There's also the issue of their friends, who I'm sure would be looking for them, and perhaps you can leverage that for a satisfying ending. All told, sounds like a story I'd enjoy reading, with elements of road trip movies and the self-discovery they often entail. Nice idea!

[Thoth]

Thanks for responding!

@Ashton

While I do believe that'd be good to have a sort of "straight man" character to end up leading the story to them leaving, the idea WAS for them to get homesick, and quickly realize their act can't stick much longer. After all, it wouldn't be too long before the zebra realize Celestia is an allicorn...and Rainbow Dash is noticeably missing a horn...Frankly, having Twilight to make it even in the department of character conflict would work, but I'm not sure whether doing that would be for better or for worse...Still, I'll consider that! Heck, I just realized that with Twilight, it'd shape the main cast to be:

Rainbow Dash - Pegasus

Pinkie Pie - Earth pony

Twilight Sparkle - Unicorn

Which would indeed make a good bit of sense to represent each group of pony. Just for the fun, xD

Also, that little bit of symbolism WAS intentional, actually. In fact, my idea was to have Rainbow Dash and Pinkie deduce this that they may have died, but this could be quickly dashed (No pun intended ) by some way or another. But yes, this bit of symbolism was intentional, as I've seen many types of films that use that technique of symbolism, and I find it a fun little bit...

@Trilobite

That point of Dash and Pinkie realizing the conning situation is actually a good callback to what "Road to El Dorado" slightly touched on. Besides, that IS a viable point about the plot. Essentially, Rainbow Dash is conning people, while Pinkie is basically just playing it like a game and having fun along the way, making Pinkie Pie the "innocent" pony, if you want to put it that way. This could actually use Twilight Sparkle in that case...I suppose I AM going to need a third pony in there...

I'm glad you like the sound of it! I always consult with my future readers on my ideas, so they know what to expect and even to help in shaping the story. After all, like I said when I started here, I write my fanfiction to please. No point in writing without pleasing your critics!

Keep the feedback coming! Positive or negative, doesn't matter. I take every opinion with the same, important worth...

[Ashton]

Thanks for responding!

@Ashton

While I do believe that'd be good to have a sort of "straight man" character to end up leading the story to them leaving, the idea WAS for them to get homesick, and quickly realize their act can't stick much longer. After all, it wouldn't be too long before the zebra realize Celestia is an allicorn...and Rainbow Dash is noticeably missing a horn...Frankly, having Twilight to make it even in the department of character conflict would work, but I'm not sure whether doing that would be for better or for worse...Still, I'll consider that! Heck, I just realized that with Twilight, it'd shape the main cast to be:

Rainbow Dash - Pegasus

Pinkie Pie - Earth pony

Twilight Sparkle - Unicorn

Which would indeed make a good bit of sense to represent each group of pony. Just for the fun, xD

Also, that little bit of symbolism WAS intentional, actually. In fact, my idea was to have Rainbow Dash and Pinkie deduce this that they may have died, but this could be quickly dashed (No pun intended ) by some way or another. But yes, this bit of symbolism was intentional, as I've seen many types of films that use that technique of symbolism, and I find it a fun little bit...

You could actually play off the three as "ok, we're stuck here, we have to work together!" Dash takes care of flying, Twilight does magic, and Pinky does... pinky stuff, to keep the Zebra convinced that Dash is celestia.

Also if you want to take the death joke a step further, have everything go southward and Somone deduce "we may have died, but we didnt go to heaven, we went to hell!"

If you want to be cheasy about it, you could always have the real celestia save the day, or just to really screw everyone, have LUNA decide to come visit the zebra!

"Oh Princess Luna, your sister is here as well!"

all the meantime the trio then has to lay low and avoid luna untill they can work out a plan to escape...

[Thoth]

You could actually play off the three as "ok, we're stuck here, we have to work together!" Dash takes care of flying, Twilight does magic, and Pinky does... pinky stuff, to keep the Zebra convinced that Dash is celestia.

Also if you want to take the death joke a step further, have everything go southward and Somone deduce "we may have died, but we didnt go to heaven, we went to hell!"

If you want to be cheasy about it, you could always have the real celestia save the day, or just to really screw everyone, have LUNA decide to come visit the zebra!

"Oh Princess Luna, your sister is here as well!"

all the meantime the trio then has to lay low and avoid luna untill they can work out a plan to escape...

Those would be hilarious! Would definitely try to work those in!

Personally, tongue-in-cheek humor is something I love, so those would mix fine into my style!

Thanks for the new ideas! Definitely helps in the thought process.

I have thought up different ways to end it, but all of them kinda cop out a bit...I'd share the ideas, but I'm tired as anything and I'll just wait for better ideas to help flesh one out a bit.

Like I said, more feedback and ideas are absolutely accepted!

[kal413]

I don't know how you plan to outline the story, whether more comical or more dramatic in nature.

But instead of just making them homesick, which would no doubt be all-too convenient. You could make them struggle through it, and perhaps even have them face their inner demons as the go deeper and deeper into their lies. Maybe even have Pinkamena? That would certainly be interesting, but what Ashton was saying works well too!

Keep up the good work.

[Strife]

Any mention of abandonment or misplaced loyalty would snap Rainbow Dash out of it fast. She is the Element of Loyalty after all. You could use this as a tool. Pinkie Pie can say something to the effect of "This place is much more fun than Ponyville, no more letters or work to do!" That would remind Rainbow Dash that she has responsibilities at Ponyville and to her other friends which she can't abandon. This would allow you to only use Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash if you wanted.

Or you could even have one of the Zebras say sometime in the story "Princess, we thought you had abandoned our town, but we continued to stay loyal to your crown."

[Thoth]

Any mention of abandonment or misplaced loyalty would snap Rainbow Dash out of it fast. She is the Element of Loyalty after all. You could use this as a tool. Pinkie Pie can say something to the effect of "This place is much more fun than Ponyville, no more letters or work to do!" That would remind Rainbow Dash that she has responsibilities at Ponyville and to her other friends which she can't abandon. This would allow you to only use Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash if you wanted.

Or you could even have one of the Zebras say sometime in the story "Princess, we thought you had abandoned our town, but we continued to stay loyal to your crown."

I....really like that!

After all, Rainbow Dash's character obviously shines on the loyalty aspect, and it would definitely provide an interesting sort of conflict for her once that idea of displaced loyalty comes in to play!

Thanks for the ideas so far! Keep them coming!

[Trilobite]

I'd urge you to avoid deus ex machina endings if you can. This really has the potential to be a story about character development and important lessons learned--with those lessons being shown in the development of the plot, not explained! That's a tough thing to do, and half the trick is in the premise.

[Thoth]

I'd urge you to avoid deus ex machina endings if you can. This really has the potential to be a story about character development and important lessons learned--with those lessons being shown in the development of the plot, not explained! That's a tough thing to do, and half the trick is in the premise.

Oh, believe me, I absolutely HATE deus ex machina endings! It makes a huge fool out of the audience, and insults their intelligence in that it makes the author out to thinking their readers are too stupid for a complex ending. I FULLY intend to make the ending conclusive and full of sense!

I AM also a fan of character development and learned lessons through the subtly of the text. Explaining it like a neanderthal is NOT fun, whether for the writer or the reader, so frankly I intend to make the lessons learned and development subtle, but identifiable and even relate able. I've been writing for too long to stoop to a lower level, ya know?

Thanks for all the support! Please continue doing so if you have any more feedback or ideas!