FIC help

[Scarfish]

(guess this goes here. Sorry if it doesn't)

I have been working in this fanfic for a little while. And people have read it but no one is giving me any feed back and I want to know if I should just give up on it or not. It would pretty nifty if someone would read it and tell me what I should work on.

It's sort of a sad story and all that fun stuff (might be part of the problem)

Negative and positive feed back is much appreciated.

Link:

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/4700/The-Clash-of-Worlds

[accountdeleted]

Disclaimer: I dislike most OC's. Author-inserts even more so.

hmmm...

Read the whole thing. It was... okay, I guess. Short though. I cannot be bothered to structure proper sentences, so bullet point time!

• Fish (lol!) comes across as... well, not very nice. I find that this makes it difficult for me to sympathise with him. I do kinda feel sorry for him about feeling that he needed to change who he was, But this is not enough to counteract his... twit-ness...
  
• Part way through chapter 4 you seem to shift from past tense to current. This is fine (passage of time, presumably to present hence the change), but the next chapter you are back in past tense.
  
• Show, dont tell. Show the personality of Fish (cannot stop laughing). Try to avoid saying: "character was sad. Now character is happy".
  
• kinda waiting for the "The Clash of Worlds". Some tension on the part of fish as to this regard would be good, even if it is as simple as a decision as to where to spend time.
  
• The latest chapter has a significantly different tone to it. The cursing and parental disputes.
  

overall, it seems to have a prolog-ey feel to it... if that makes any sense. No? well, everything progresses quite quickly, Not much is described. It just seems to flit from one idea to another, never lingering or explore much. The bit with the clover is an example.

As to weather or not you should just scrap it, my feelings (as someone who has never written a fic at all) are that it depends upon you. Are you enjoying writing? Do you have ideas you want explore? If yes, continue; if no, dont.