Ponies & Dragons - Episode 1: A Tail of Two Cities

[Kirby Krackle]

"Ah! Excellent! Everyone is here!" Curtain Call greeted each one of them with a warm smile, which should be the first tip off that something is horribly wrong. "Friends, I would like to introduce you to... what were your names again? Oh, nevermind, I remember now. Frozen Glory and North Star. Servants of the master, of course. They tell me that he'll be arriving soon! And lunch will be provided apparently, but that can wait for a bit. Frozen Glory and North Star, this is Barnaby Rose, Silvermane and Tornado Alley." Tip number two. "Gracious hosts, while I don't want to impose too much, a fire would do us wonders. It's a might chilly out, to say the very least. Please and thank you." Tip number three. Pay attention, you idiots, Curtain Call was mentally screaming.

"Oh, and I feel silly for even asking this. But master's orders are master's orders. What's the password?"

(( Bluff +4, Charisma +1, Cutie Mark +2, and +3 because ranks in Pathfinder. I look upon those numbers and pray. ))

[Trilobite]

Ironmane doesn't quite stop short, but she does trot awkwardly to a halt. "Yes..." she manages, and then stops, not trusting herself to go on further. She tries to cover this with a stern, serious, look, something which she happens to be very good at.

[Bramble Rose]

((

Roll(1d20)+10: 19+10 Total:29

Um. What exactly are you trying to do with this roll? I'm not following.

))

Bramble Rose stared in slight confusion after Curtain Call. It was obvious that something was scaring him - duh, there were two wooden ponies in front of him, what wasn't to be nervous about? But he seemed to be trying to say something else, too.

​

"Greetings, barbarians of the north," said one of the two wooden chiefs. "Come, sit, and await the wizard's coming."

"The tower is warmed by means beyond your understanding."

"Food and drink of your choosing will be prepared."

"Um ..." said Bramble, cautiously, "Right. Er. Get me ... some roasted apples ... before I tear yer heads off?" he said in his best mock-barbarian. Though in his surprised state, it didn't come out all that barbarianish.

​

"Please do not attack us, dread barbarian."

"We have already been defeated."

And one of the two chiefs left up the stairs at the request.

[Trilobite]

Ironmane sidles up to Curtain Call. "Friend," she said, in a passable imitation of the tone he had been using earlier, "...what's going on?" This last part was whispered, just against his ear.

[Kirby Krackle]

He left the two wodden gaurdians to fetch Bramble's snack with a smile only he knew was fake. Once out of sight, then out of earshot, he counted to ten and practically tackled his three companions. Again, the paranoid mess checked behind him for the chief's return, then basically dragged them all into a headlock.

"These two are what woke up when I checked for booby traps! They think we're in league with the wizard we're after! And their axes are huge! I'm pretty sure they would mean to kill us horribly were they to discover our real purpose here! We need to play along!"

One more look over his shoulders.

"Unless you have any better ideas?"

[Bramble Rose]

Bramble shook his head. "No better ideas, here," he assured Curtain. "We stand more to learn from talking than from fighting, at any case. But wouldn't they expect to be threatened a bit?"

​

(( And Curtain - you never had the chance to *finish* searching the room for booby traps. At this point, you can finish checking over the room quickly, if you like, and aren't too worried about the Chiefs returning while you're in the middle of examining the room. ))

[Trilobite]

"A sound plan. And it may be that deception will convert to truth. For myself, I prefer talking to fighting in every ocassion. Violence is just so...inelegant."

[Kirby Krackle]

"Deception will convert to..."

Curtain Call suddenly felt a little light headed. As if the Paladin's words were a cider a bit harder than advertized. Truth, right now, was something that needed to stay far away from him right now. The thought of those two guards finding out the little 'We're here to kill your boss' detail was making his hooves a little more shaky than usual. So the thief ignored Ironmane's well intentioned but unhelpful words and went right back to work, searching for and dismantling every last booby trap he could stick with a pin.

(( Rolling my numbers again. Character sheet is away from me at the moment, as my computer is still recovering from a bad gremlin infestation. ))

Meanwhile, Tornado Ali was barely grasping the situation, having arrived only in time to be given a big squeeze by Curtain Call (She was busy putting out a fire downstairs). Gaurds? Traps? Axes? Could he talk any faster? It was Ironmane's girly talk of inelegance that snapped her back into reality. That and her divine little friend.

INELEGANT? THOSE NAMBY PAMBY SISTERS OF PLANTINUM WOULDN'T KNOW WAR IF IT BIT 'EM IN TH-

She cut him off with a clearing of her throat. But, to her dismay, she agreed with the Hurricane, but responded with much less screaming. "It's also, at times, the most effective solution, sister."

[Bramble Rose]

Bramble sits himself at the table as Curtain went scrambling about the room, checking for traps... just waiting for the return of the wooden chiefs.

Curtain, knowing that the mage expected ponies to walk on in here, you know any booby traps are probably not automatic... but instead, triggered... so after a cursory inspection of the rest of the room, you focus your study on the much more ornate chair that is, no doubt, intended for the mage's use. A unicorn mage, surrounded by fierce barbarian warriors, would no doubt want a quick way to take the lead on any combat... and while checking for magical catches near the hooves, you spot something right under the table - slipped into a convenient brass 'holster', is one of those artificial unicorn horns - waddayacall them - magic wands. Pointed so that a spray from that wand would catch every seat at the table except the wizard's own.

(( checks char sheet - wow, a rogue with no Use Magic Device! ))

[Kirby Krackle]

Honestly. Do Unicorns honestly love themselves so much that they feel the need to mass produce the one thing that makes them special? He could recall other jobs like this one, where a wand was discovered as treasure or given as reward. What did Curtain do with them? Certainly not fumble around with one until his mane caught on fire only to vow that they be used as kindling from then on. Certainly not. On a completely unrelated note, some magic wands are not safe to throw into fires, as they may be made of Explodium, or some other ridiculous Unicorn invention.

The magic wand stolen but rather than being simply pocketed, was shoved into the hooves of Bramble Rose. Curtain Call knew very much of both his own ignorance and his little buddy's formal education. Bramble was the logical choice to hold onto this.

Once the goods were passed off, he went back to his frantic search for any unwanted surprises. As long as the coast was clear, he searched. Though, about every thirtieth tick or so, he looked to his teammates, his face screaming 'what do we do when we get back?'

[Bramble Rose]

Bramble sat at the table, watching Curtain's frantic searching without a real idea of what he was looking for... or what to do. "Um ... OK, do we want to ... sit here, eat dinner, and wait for the mage to get back? Or do we want to head on up by where those two ... things ... went to, and explore the rest of this place? I think the burning wreckage downstairs might ruin our chances at stealthing this..."

​

[Trilobite]

Ironmane, who was already eating an apple, spoke around a mouthful. "There's no reason we can't be civilized."

[Kirby Krackle]

The wires in poor Curtain Call's noggin were short circuiting yet again. Bramble was absolutely right, for one. Smoldering wreckage does wonders for a stealth mission. For two, civil?! The two guardians who were wandering upstairs to prepare them a hot meal could split them apart as easily as a stalk of celery! He was practically foaming at the mouth before he took one long, slow breath and brushed some mane out of his eyes. He was not stressed. Stressed ponies make irrational decisions, are prone to panic attacks and tend to fidget because they can't keep their hooves still. He had none of those symptoms. So, he thought, constantly flickering his concealed weapon in and out of the horseshoe (definitely not stressed), coming to the following conclusion:

"We follow them. Crash the party. But, yeah, professionals have standards."

Flicking his knives hidden once again, he traced the steps of the barbarians, ever careful of his steps.

[Bramble Rose]

Bramble Rose thought about the several statements for a moment, then nodded. "As civilized ponies, we already tried to talk this out a couple days ago. As civilized ponies, we have the responsibility to protect our fellow ponies, even those we do not know, from this wizard's heavy horn. You saw the terror in how those bandits acted. As civilized ponies, we would be remiss if we were to attend to the rules of etiquette in a guest's house ... when we are not guests, and he is not our host. We do not know if he is not even now standing on a higher floor of this tower, laughing his tail off at us because we were held up not be hordes of spider-ant constructs, not by trap and lock and sharp brass weapons, but instead by a simple polite request by exceptionally polite barbarians." He looked to Tornado Ali. "I think we should take what is, at times, the most effective solution."

With that, Bramble nodded and voted with his hooves, taking to the stairs to silently follow Curtain Call upwards, and Thorn Blossom followed along afterwards. The wooden 'sleeves' of his armor receded, and for once he showed the true nature of his armor - broad leaves, alchemically fixed together in the semblance of noble plate mail, flexing with his movements but obviously stiff and resilient against damage.

​


But even as the two rogues slipped up the stairs, the door at the top opened up, and one of the two barbarian chiefs returned, his wooden gaze taking in the two stallions stepping up the stairs.

"A word of warning, stray not upwards from this room," said the pony-turned-statue. "There are many deadly protections upon the rooms above, and if you are very, very lucky, you will only die, and your chief will not have to join our ranks. Sit, and await the wizard's coming. Food and drink of your choosing will be prepared."

[Kirby Krackle]

Curtain Call, predictably, started grinding his teeth again. Security this polite shouldn't be this... polite. Or mechanical, for that matter. Whatever dark magics turned these barbarians into wooden soldiers must have also sucked the personality from them. For the first time in a good long while, he hated his antagonists because they were boring. After showing his comrades an eye roll, as if to say 'Get a load of these rubes', he plopped himself back down and had a bit of a thought.

"Lost Bread", he ordered. "Please. If you think you can make it." It wasn't a terribly complicated or time consuming dish, but hopefully this would keep them in the kitchen long enough for him to do some much needed extra snooping. The rogue scooted forward just a bit. To the would-be golems, he hoped this action looked like a search for comfort on hard wood floors. To his comrades, he hoped this would say 'Still going up there. I do what I want.'

[Bramble Rose]

Bramble Rose blanched at the looming barbarian statue suddenly appearing above them, and quickly backpedaled as their surprise went the wrong way, retreating down the stairs right before Curtain.

​

The wooden servitor nodded to Curtain Call. "Food and drink of your choosing will be prepared." he replied to the rogue, as he carried a bowl of roasted apples down to set on the table. He didn't wait a moment before turning around and heading back upstairs.

As soon as the door closed, Bramble hopped to his hooves again. "That doesn't change our plans, right?" He paused a moment... looked around at the others... "Have you ever *met* such polite barbarians?"

​

[Trilobite]

"Anyone is capable of civilized behaviour. I rather like this--I feel it bodes well for a peaceful solution."

[TortoiseShell]

Ali sighed and downed one of the roasted apples. She was getting impatient. The spider-ants were a nice diversion, and she wanted more of it.

"Guys, you know I do have these..." she flutters her wings a bit, still hovering off the ground. "I could fly outside the tower and see if there are any windows or something."

[Trilobite]

Ironmane looked to Bramble Rose, giving a slight nod in response to Ali's suggestion.

[Kirby Krackle]

"Polite or no, Bramble, I cannot ignore the possibility of them smashing us to pieces if they discover what side we're really on. After all, I'm downright charming." He implied heavily there. Not that they could catch on, he assumed. With that bit of pessimism hopefully planted in the noggins of his team, he then turned his attention to- "Don't be gone too long, Bluebird. If you're back before they are, then I don't have to lie. Not that I haven't been lying to them since the beginning but... hang on, I think I lost the idiom somewhere. Nevermind. Off you go."

Before the pretty periwinkle Pegasus could take off to see what she could see, he did violate her personal space for just a moment to wish her good luck. How? By knocking 'shave and a mane cut' on her helmet. Curtain Call, being the gentlecolt that he was, left the 'two bits' end of the bargain up to her discretion. His attention went next to Itchy and Twitchy.

"Itchy. Twitchy", he called them. "That's my cue. I also promise to not be long. That way, you", namely Ironmane, whose nose he booped for emphasis, "don't have to lie. That's my job."

He bowed to his friends and turned, now back in business. Force of habit (crippling paranoia) made him inspect the door first before creeping upstairs to dismantle every security feature this wizard owned.

[TortoiseShell]

Ali simultaneously blushed at being called "bluebird" again, and knocked him in the ribs twice to finish the melody - probably harder than she needed to. With that, she flew outside and slowly made her way up the tower to find out whatever she could.

((Perception +5))

[Bramble Rose]

((

Ali:

Perception Check

Roll(1d20)+5: 4+5=9

Curtain Call:

Perception Check

Roll(1d20)+7: 13+7=20

Disable Device Check

Roll(1d20)+9: 12+9=21

Jehoshaphat, you need at *least* a 26 to disarm this trap... and other magic traps are even harder.

Will Save

Roll(1d20)+2: 20+2=22

Bramble Rose

Will Save

Roll(1d20)+6: 1+6=7

Ironmane:

Will Save

Roll(1d20)+6: 13+6=19

))

Ali: You fly up around the outside of the tower, back out into the cold - though thankfully Bramble's spell keeps you from feeling it entirely, it's still not entirely *comfortable*. The tower is made without any window that you can see - no windows means the cold winds can't get in, after all. But at the top of the tower, you find a trap door set in - it looks sealed by ice, and obviously hasn't been used in a long time, but there is a potential way in up there.

Curtain Call:

Indeed, the door has a trap - runic symbols of a sort you recognize to allow those through with a specific magic key. In the past, you've easily gotten past these by pickpocketing the mage in question - all that power, all that magic, and they think that just because their key is all magic, somehow that makes it more secure.

Of course, when the mage isn't around to pickpocket, that does make it slightly more difficult. Still, you've seen this done before. All you need is a bit of silver wire - which you happen to have a scrap tucked away in your kit for just such an occasion - and you can just jump this runic symbol to this runic symbol, and-

A *fwump* of shimmering, multicolored sand *poofs* out into your face, the runes shimmering and then disappearing, as you accidentally set off the trap. You feel a wave of sleepiness settling over you, but your annoyance at having triggered the trap overcomes the spell's soporific effect, and you shake it off.

Iron Mane, you, too, feel the magic tingling around you, but your holy protection fends it away without effort... but you hear a quiet, squishy noise, and turn your head to see Bramble face-first in his roasted apples. Then a not-so-quiet noise as he lets out a delicate little snore.

Curtain - if you stay back, to deal with Bramble falling asleep, that's fine. Otherwise, as you move forward, you would find the next level up is a kitchen. In the kitchen, the two wooden ponies are standing there, staring, unmoving, at a fresh loaf of bread sitting next to a cornucopia. Just staring and waiting.

Then they turn in unison. "A word of warning, stray not upwards from this room," they say together. "There are many deadly protections upon the rooms above, and if you are very, very lucky, you will only die, and your chief will not have to join our ranks. Sit, and await the wizard's coming. Food and drink of your choosing will be prepared."

[Kirby Krackle]

"Nice try, you little plague rat", Curtain Call growled, spitting out the now magic-charred and useless silver wire. He stomped on it as if still smoldering for good measure, mainly out of spite. This was clearly the fault of faulty manufacturing, not his own shaky hooves. How hard is it to work the impurities out of metals anyway? "But I've been gassed more times than I can-"

Twump.

"That's not a good sound..." The would-be saboteur turned to see just what the price of his fumble was: the leader of their string face first in his desserts. While initially very funny, he could suddenly recall all the deadlier tricks that could be lying on the other side of a manacircuit. The humor faded away shortly after once he started imagining the more gruesome details. Curtain Call then decided that was his fault after all and put off the push up the tower. Just for a moment or two.

"You're okay, Ironmane? You're sure you're okay? Is he okay?" Concern was in his voice, but not quite panic. He was a professional, after all.

[Trilobite]

"Magical traps! How uncouth a use for the mystic arts." Ironmane sounded disapointed more than anything, trotting over to use her own magic to lift Bramble out of his food. She shook her head. "All is well here, I believe, but we had best be cautious. This ruffian is not above attempts at deadly force, after all."

[Bramble Rose]

Bramble Rose dangled from Ironmane's magical grasp, brownish goo dripping from his messed-up muzzle. He responded to their concern with another quiet, delicate little snore, smacked his lips, and softly mumbled, "clover sausages..."

​