Ponies & Dragons - Episode 1: A Tail of Two Cities

[Trilobite]

"Well, if we can hold him still, then I will be most pleased to deliver a kick to his head he will not soon forget; provided it does not completely knock the capacity for recall from his villainous skull." She reaches over and moves a sugar packet an inch or so. "Fort Shieldheart is near the river, not the road, Curtain Call. Otherwise an excellent representation."

[Bramble Rose]

Bramble nodded somberly, listening to everyone's input and trying to figure out things. "Well, then, I'm sure we can get some scrolls of Dimensional Anchor. Possibly from the palace, as they want this brigand apprehended. They also likely have some dimensional shackles - I'm sure this is not the first time they've had to deal with such villainy from a unicorn who thought he had the perfect escape route, and it's not as if they wouldn't be getting them back along with the cad in question. Crooks always thing they're so clever ... I'll be willing to exert my familiarity here to entreat the guard to lend us a hoof. "

He pondered over Curtain's map, considering it for several long moments. Then he waved a hoof in dismissal. "I'll let you lot figure this out, it's truly beyond my experience. I'm not much one for planning out conflicts like this." He felt a bit ashamed, admitting such ... but wasn't that the whole point of teamwork? He kept trying to tell himself that, but it still seemed like he was doing the most worthless tasks - stuff anyone could do, like just ... asking for equipment from the employer. Or asking a proper scholar about the spell. He wasn't doing anything for himself, he just kept leading them to the people who actually had experience.

Ah well. Watch, learn, do better next time, he bitterly told himself.

[TortoiseShell]

"Sorry, I know I don't have all the information, but do you have any idea where he is now? Or heard about any similar incidents since he last escaped you? Of course we need to get whatever equipment you need, but it's just extra baggage unless we have a direction to point in."

[Kirby Krackle]

Curtain Call could not help but take offense to Barnaby's (He would be using that name for the runt from now on) little 'crooks' comment. Of course we think ourselves clever, the crook in the room silently mused, especially when its clods like you three assigned to do the rat catching. And oh how he wished he could say that aloud, but no. No bad blood today. There will be plenty of bad blood when (or rather, if) his team catches him stealing the secrets to this 'perfect escape'. Even if his heritage prevents him from using this magic personally, he could still think of six or seven veteran crooks (there's that word again) who would pay their life savings and a hind leg just for one use. Thinking about a profit like that almost made his mouth water. Then it hit him, what the profit has always been used for. Why go through the trouble of fencing the spell? Make an even trade: Every detail about this spell, with full activation if possible, for his parents' freedom. Sorry guys, he apologized in advance, but I might just doublecross the lot of you after all. Though, to be honest, he is currently not as happy about this revelation as he thought he would have been a week ago.

He reread the map, now with Ironmane's corrections. With this new information, he redid his own calculations and put on the map a gold coin. Its location represented approximately the enemy camp they spied upon yesterday. "Here", he said curtly. No other words at all. The 'crook' comment still soured him. Though he did like another results-oriented pony on this team. It was refreshing.

[Trilobite]

"Likely, yes. Curtain Call, you have proven yourself adept at anticipating and planning for the details of such conflicts. Bramble Rose, you are the stallion with the big picture, the leader of our stalwart band. May I suggest the two of you give our newest companion the full details of the case?"

[Kirby Krackle]

"Ponyville", Curtain Call pointed out on the outlaid map with, once again, tableware. This time, the pepper shaker. He gave it a gentle nudge with his hoof next, sliding it over a few inches to the spot indicating "Garden Gait. Itchy, Twitchy and I met here. Now, between Canterlot and Ponyville, there have been a string of delivery caravans being robbed. Us three were hired to intercept one and landed about here", tapping on his carefully placed piece of gold. "A campsite full of hired hooves. Combat happened. The mastermind behind it all managed a getaway via some magic I don't understand but Barnaby does because he's a nerd. Who I assumed was the second in command didn't survive the encounter with us. The rest of the minions meanwhile have received a full pardon for their crimes. Happy day. Then there was some research, some psychic monsters, Barnaby's Ma in danger, blahdy blahdy blah. And then I ran into you. And here you are. Anyway", he began resorting the table back to their proper places, folding his map and most importantly, repocketing his gold, "You're brought up to speed. The campsite in question is our best lead and should head there now while the trail is still warm. Come on, my little ponies, we're racing against Luna."

[TortoiseShell]

Ali listens intently to the story, since it is very important to know all the details. Her brows furrow at one point though. "Wait, why were the others pardoned? Were they being forced or blackmailed? Why would you just let them go?" She puts her hooves on the table, getting really worked up. "What's to stop them from just doing it again?"

[Kirby Krackle]

"I suppose we don't", Curtain Call shrugged. "Call it faith. You're a preacher, aren't you? Faith that it was just one more job to get their lives back in order. And then, the Princesses let them skip past the killing and stealing part. Lucky them." There he goes again, spilling his guts to a complete stranger. At this rate, he'll have a tell-all book published by year's end.

Thinking of the bandit patsies and their free second chance made him sick to his stomach, cold, bitter. Best to let the brim of his hat hide the glare and hope that nopony notices him grinding his teeth. Why the hay were they so lucky? Where the hay was his royal blessing? How many more lives does he have to destroy, including his own, before something decent happens? Officially now, he needed that spell.

"We going?", he asked, already on all fours and fully packed. Though, it wasn't so much a question as an order with an upward inflection.

[TortoiseShell]

"Ehhhh I'm not that kind of pony...I don't have blind faith. Unfortunately, the Big Guy won't let me forget he's around." Darn it Ali, shut up! She still hasn't explained her "situation" to these ponies and she has no idea if they'll think she's nuts...or if they already do. "If we run out of leads, at least keep those fellows in mind. I'll bet if this mastermind was paying them well or holding something dear hostage, they'll be back."

[Trilobite]

"Excellent point, T. Ali, and Curtain Call, I concur with you. What say you, Bramble Rose--shall we depart to seek Ponyfessor Hagreed and whatever else we may need before we commence our quest?"

[Bramble Rose]

Bramble blinked in surprise at Ironmane's summation. Him?! The leader?! When had that happened!?

Quickly he looked down at the map to hide his surprise. She saw him that way? That was a shocker. And Curtain hadn't even argued or hesitated at that! Curtain must see him the same way, despite all the Barnaby cracks.

Woo. There was the weight of responsibility. He'd better not screw this up.

He looked up to Ali with a small smile. "What Curtis here had rather glossed over ... and parts he was nay there to see ... was that the Princesses, in their wisdom, did nay even wait for me to give details upon the events. They had seen into minds and hearts, into the deeds and histories, of all so involved, and were ready with their verdict before I had drawn nigh. The bandits had indeed been tricked, threatened, and blackmailed into brigandry, taken from their ordinary lives with the hope of a better tomorrow. They had been held to criminal activity in the hopes of saving their families. The Princesses gave to all not only a pardon, but jobs, and the opportunity for training - to let the former criminals start forward upon a productive live in service to princess and country, family and honor, so that instead of theft, they could save their families through honest service. She also looked at we three, and and our hearts and deeds, and knew that we had the ability and knowledge to serve them in honor ... " He gave a small smirk. "Though I admit to being not so sure what they saw in me, next to these two intrepid ponies. But I must trust to the princesses."

He grinned softly to Ali. "I must admit to being a bit jealous of you - you speak of your patron so personally. It must be quite heartening to have such faith in you shown on such a regular basis."

He took a deep breath. "The issue with the creatures came into play when we went searching for more information on the magic powers our quarry used to escape - the wizard who had done the threatening and blackmailing upon the other brigands, and the sole pony involved who had not received a pardon for all past misdeeds. The professor I had inquired of had asked of my dam to help him in such research, and during that research she, and her maidservant, found themselves beset by little psychic purple vermin that enslaved their minds and wills to feed upon their magic and lifeforce until they were dead. By our own fortune we came upon them in time to rescue them, and put paid to those verminous beasts."

He forced himself to face this head out. "The vermin might have been coincidence, but I am loathe to think so in this case. So we seek out more information upon such vermin and how they might be sent upon those near and dear to us, in the hopes of protecting our loved ones, and gaining another lead upon the villain whose tactics must, by reason of lack of minions, change now. But it is true that it may have merely been coincidence, and we are delaying ourselves by this search solely so that I can protect my dam instead of innocent strangers threatened by the evil warlock."

He took a deep breath. "And with that, unless there are more questions or any objections, I believe we can indeed seek out the esteemed Professor Hagreed and pursue that lead."

[Kirby Krackle]

"No no no, no questions, comments or concerns. Lead the way, Barnaby. Nice speech, by the way." In the most lovable way possible, Curtain Call trapped the much smaller stallion in a headlock to savagely noogie his pretty mane. He knocked three times on his skull for good luck before letting go. "But it's not 'Curtis'. It's 'Uncle'", he hinted as a devilish grin stretched across his face. Such a smile could only mean a dark future of snakebites and kick-me signs and swirlies and the dreaded Awful Waffle, which is not a well known ritual but it involves pancake syrup and a tennis racket.

[Bramble Rose]

Bramble Rose bristled not just at the pain of the noogie, but also as a hundred old memories and reflexes flared up all at once. Noogies and swirlies, awful waffles and spicy waffles (with hot sauce), pinkbellies and gravity checks, apple cores and pudding and pencil shavings and applesauce and oil and grease and gum and everything imaginable ground into his mane, hours spent stuck in a locker, and being forced into a cheerleader skirt and out onto the hoofball field during homecoming ... that one had happened after one of the hoofball starting team had hit on him, and then made it out to the school like Bramble had led him on. Then it'd gotten really bad. Make it as fun as possible and they won't escalate it. Said those reflexes, and he was about to start over-reacting, crying out in pain, when he stopped himself.

He wasn't that helpless little nerd anymore. He'd faced *real* death and danger, and lived. He had friends and allies, and successes a plenty. He had magic and power. What made his eyes water, though, was the betrayal. He'd thought Curtain was better than that. He couldn't keep the pain and bitterness out of his voice as he growled back, quietly enough for only Curtain to hear, "You try that, Carbunkle, and you'll see how you like having accidentally picked a poison ivy patch to sleep on ... every ... night ... for the rest of your life ... whether you're indoors or out."

Then he shrugged fiercely out of Curtain Call's headlock and stormed forward, not wanting anypony to see his face ... or the tears standing in his eyes ... "Right. To Hagreed's" he said tightly.

[Trilobite]

Ironmane giggled at the interchange, the big mare delicately covering her muzzle with one hoof. She looked at T. Ali and rolled her eyes as if to say 'boys', before moving to follow Bramble Rose.

[Kirby Krackle]

"Poison Ivy? Ouch. Good one, Bramble", he purposely name-dropped as a truce. "I knew you still had that fight in you." There were plenty of other things Curtain Call could have added. Most of them involved the title of 'little brother' and followed such trains of thought as 'I can't be with you for much longer. I have to toughen you up somehow' and 'Don't feel bad. My hazing rituals involved knife fights'. He, sadly, couldn't say any of those things, as much as he wanted to. There was little point to it. It would only lead to questions and the inevitable foiling of his schemes.

The rogue tipped his hat to the little guy and even held the door open for him. His other hoof was up as well, to ensure no kick-me signs or similar shenanigans. Besides, "Lead the way, boss" sounded nicer in his head than 'I hope I don't have to kill you later today.'

[TortoiseShell]

Ali couldn't hold it back any longer and burst out laughing, a slight whinny to her laugh as usual. It tickled her pink that her mistake with Bramble's name led to such horseplay. She follows the group out the door.

[Trilobite]

Ironmane joined in the laughter, continuing her own delicate giggle. She bowed to Curtain Call as she swept through the door he held open, giving him a brilliant smile between giggles.

[Bramble Rose]

Bramble Rose blinked and stared at Curtain Call briefly in utter confusion. This stallion was *so* mercurial, Bramble had no idea what to expect or how to interpret anything he did. This whole job was really, really confusing.

The soft giggles from the mares certainly colored his face, though, and he stepped forward with his head held high, trying to ignore the mirth at his expense... he would be *proud*. This is dam had taught him well enough. When in doubt, show them that you are not bowed down.

It wasn't far to Hagreed's office - at the request of pretty much every single other professor, he had his own private entrance around back, with direct access to the magical creatures facilities - which had three sets of walls between them and the rest of the university. As useful as the other professors found the various bits and pieces Hagreed harvested from his flocks, they didn't like the sheer chaos and danger inherent in the zoo.

Bramble himself was wary of Professor Hagreed. He had absolutely no idea what to ever expect from the esteemed scholar - brilliant knowledge or schoolfoal innocent glee. He did know that this area had more accidents than any other area in the school - and an abnormal number of them were from those unwarned or unheeding students who risked eating the treats Hagreed continued to try to bake ...

[Trilobite]

Ironmane was speaking with T. Ali. "...but what I do not understand is whether I am 'Itchy', or whether I am 'Twitchy'." She paued. "I should not like to be either."

[TortoiseShell]

"I think you must be Itchy. Bramble seems like a nervous fellow, and I'm sure all your armor does get bothersome!" Ali smiles, so thankful that she has other ponies she can actually talk to now.

[Kirby Krackle]

"If we are mark'd to die, we are enow

To do our country loss; and if to live,

The fewer ponies, the greater share of honour.

The Princess's will! I pray thee, wish not one pony more.

By Jove, I am not covetous for gold,

Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost;

It yearns me not if men my garments wear;

Such outward things dwell not in my desires.

But if it be a sin to covet honour,

I am the most offending soul alive."

This astounding impression of Ironmane was preceded by a rather grisly hack and cough as Curtain Call tried his damnedest to clear his throat and get that pesky octave right. Hearing her sing helped, but he was proud of himself, being able to nail down that voice only after a day. Too bad he would need platform shoes to pull off a complete disguise.

[Trilobite]

"That....was amazing! Oh...we should sing a duet next time! As we did in the garden, but with two of the same voice. Yours, admittedly, is probably better than mine." To Ali, she says, "Curtain Call has a remarkable signing voice. As does Bramble Rose. Really, they are quite the talented couple."

[Kirby Krackle]

"Flattery will get you everywhere. But a cheap copy is never as good as the original. Though, that does give me an idea..."

He looked back to the newest member of the troop and gave her a good and dissecting look in the eyes. He circled her, continuing his analysis, which was finalized by being awfully familiar with the placement of his hooves. One went straight up into her diaphragm, not too rough, but enough to get some noise out of her. He was looking for a belt. As a side note, this helped him discover how toned she was, and was pleased with his findings. His second hoof went to her throat, obviously pressing much lighter, this time looking for a chirp from the larynx. This information, plus what he gathered from his conversations with Miss Ali, conjured up more than a few 'ahems' before...

"A proper copper coffee pot."

One cough. That wasn't it.

"Rubber baby buggy bumper."

No. But closer. One more cough.

"The seething sea ceased to see, then thus sufficeth thus. Much better!" Now satisfied with his mimicry, he recited something fitting for a Pegasus, "Blow, blow, thou winter wind. Thou art not so unkind as pony's ingratitude." And finally, as over the top as possible, he tipped his hat and bowed to the imaginary applause. In his mind, it was a standing ovation complete with roses.

[Trilobite]

Ironmane, for one, claps delightedly.

[TortoiseShell]

"WHOA! Take a filly to dinner first!" Ali squirms, trying to get out of his embrace, as it were, but then deflates and let him have his fun.