Writing critique

[Lux]

Hello ponies.

I'm trying to improve my writing talent, but I need help.

Can you give me a few pointers on how to improve my writing?

Below is a link to my recent fafic which is currently in progress called Grow Up, Apple Bloom.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/32366/Grow-Up%2C-Apple-Bloom

Please let me know what you think and I'd appreciate the tips on how to improve future chapters and future stories.

Thanks,