Secrets of the Dark [Working Title]

[Emerath]

Hey everyone, Emerath here. I recently began to write a fanfic and it has so far received very positive reviews (And it's just the prologue!) and I wanted to show everyone here at my favorite RP and MLP:FiM community my work. ^^

Constructive criticism on both FiMFiction and here are greatly appreciated. Otherwise, I hope everyone enjoys!

Secrets of the Dark [Working Title]

I expect to update this regularly, so please feel free to keep posted to this topic if you enjoy. Cya around.

~Emerath Endilix

[Rabukurafuto]

I quite enjoyed what you have so far. The continuous clanking was unnerving and I could imagine it going on and on. It provided a real sense of dread, wondering what it was supposed to be. I also like the themes of friendship being twisted and subverted to evil ends, something I never grow tired of, and you did it well here. My only complaint was the nightmare Pinkie merely thinking Twilight didn't try to be funny. I think it would work better accusing Twilight of being boring and not fun at all.

[FermataTheBasse]

^ That would be dependent on the authors interpretation of how nuts Pinkie is. I think her reaction was fine there.

Liked and favorited. This looks promising, the writing and characterization is clean and the premise is interesting. Only thing I have to say is that the summary might give away a bit too much?

[Emerath]

Appreciate the feedback, really. It means a lot. ^^

Now, in regards to Pinkie, I was going directly off of obvious opposites to the elements themselves, Pinkie's being laughter. Therefore, she'd hate it if Twilight wasn't funny, not if she was boring. Of course like Fermata said, this is just my interpretation of how Pinkie feels about her friend Twilight. Without being Pinkie herself, I couldn't tell you if she'd hate either or, or both.

The summary hasn't actually given away anything. The Diamond Dogs are introduced in the first chapter about halfway through (as I've written so far) and are more of a plot progression device more than a pivotal plot point in the story. Aside from that, nothing I can see hasn't already been introduced in the story or alluded to in the Prologue.

[FermataTheBasse]

Ah, forgive me. I can derp over things in stories at time...

Why am I reviewing stories then? ETA on the next update?

[Emerath]

Hey, I don't mind a review, even of the sometimes derpy kind.

ETA on next update is probably tomorrow or Monday. Depends on how much I feel like writing on my day off tomorrow, and how tired I am. But chapter one will definitely be updated soon.

[Rabukurafuto]

Appreciate the feedback, really. It means a lot. ^^

Now, in regards to Pinkie, I was going directly off of obvious opposites to the elements themselves, Pinkie's being laughter. Therefore, she'd hate it if Twilight wasn't funny, not if she was boring. Of course like Fermata said, this is just my interpretation of how Pinkie feels about her friend Twilight. Without being Pinkie herself, I couldn't tell you if she'd hate either or, or both.

Ah, all right then. I began following the story so I can learn of updates.

[FermataTheBasse]

In the future I'll be sure to be more careful when reading. Looking forward to that update!