Pegasus Alabaster Moonwing [Final]

[SanguineSoul]

Roleplay Type: World of Equestria Rp

Name: Alabaster Moonwing

Sex: Female

Age: Mare

Species: Pegasus

Eye colour: Blood Red

Coat colour: A white so pale as to almost seem blue

Mane/Tail/Markings colour & Style: Her mane and tail are both long and flowing, and often somewhat tangled. They are both pure white, like her coat.

Physique: Rather sleek, her shoulders are a bit more powerfully built than the rest of her.

Cutie Mark: A simple black outline of a shooting star.

Origin/Residence: Born in Cloudsdale, currently resides outside of Baltimare.

Occupation: Astronomer.

Motivation: To count and classify all of the stars in the night sky.

Likes: The night, warm breezes, the stars, flying, books, plays, music (preferably fast).

Dislikes: The day, cold weather, soup, getting sick.

Character Summary:

Born in Cloudsdale to Ivory Snowfall and Rainy Day, Alabaster was a sight to behold, and a little rascal. Slightly paler than the fluffy white clouds themselves, she would often play extravagant games of hide-and-seek with her parents, usually whenever she didn't want to be found. Even after years, her parents still had trouble finding her, though she had learned to let herself be found when it was important.

When it was time for her to go to school she at first protested. Alabaster didn't want to have to spend time every day with a bunch of strange ponies, or even leave the safe and familiar territory of her home. This attitude persisted for several days, until one day when the teacher organized a game of hide-and-seek during recess. What was supposed to be a thirty minute game ended up taking the entire day, with the entire class and even the teacher looking for her. When she was finally found it was agreed that Alabaster was the Queen of Hide-and-Seek. From that day forwards she enjoyed going to school. There was some teasing about her unusual eye colour, as foals will be foals, but it was never anything vicious. Time passed, and her classmates began to discover their special talents one by one. Alabaster's moment of glory would come during as school field trip to an observatory.

It was early evening by the time the class arrived at the observatory. After all, the best time to view the stars is at night, and that night was supposed to be exceptionally clear. Alabaster was especially excited for the field trip, as over the course of the past year she had grown more and more interested in the night sky and all of the wonders that it held, going so far as to unconsciously begin to shift her sleep schedule around so as to stay up later in order to watch the stars.

When it got dark enough, the students filed past the large, stationary telescope and the smaller, portable one without incident, although Alabaster almost needed to be pried off of them. It was when they started to go through on their second looks that she got her moment to shine. One of her classmates, getting sleepy due to the late hour, accidentally bumped the smaller telescope. As the rest of the class could only watch, Alabaster launched herself forwards, diving to catch the telescope. Having put a bit too much force into her drive, both she and the telescope went over the edge of the platform. When the dust cleared, Alabaster had suffered a few minor bruises, but the telescope had been saved, and the outline of a shooting star shimmered into existence on her flank.

As a gift, the observatory gave her her own personal telescope, and told her she was welcome back any time. Now, more than ever before, Alabaster spent her nights looking up at the night sky, staying up way past her bedtime to do so some nights.

Her love of astronomy and the night sky apparent, it wasn't surprising that she was offered a job at the observatory when she graduated school. Within a few short years she shot up in the world of astronomy, quickly becoming a pony to be seen with when it came to conventions on the topic, and an often asked after lecturer in the subject in some of Equestria's more prominent places of education. Moving out to Baltimare to take up a job at one of the larger observatories, Alabaster quickly settled down. Well, as much as her hectic schedule would allow her to. Between guest lectures and appearances, she hasn't had as much time as she'd truly desire to study the stars.

Given her chaotic, packed schedule, Alabaster Moonwing is often somewhat distracted, with her head seemingly up in the clouds. It can take a few moments to get her full attention, but once you have it, you may wish you hadn't. When she focuses on one thing she devotes all of her attention to it, and to many ponies this comes across as if she was studying them. If this is pointed out to her, she can generally pull herself back a bit, but otherwise she's not likely to notice it. Otherwise than that, she's a rather friendly pony, eager to chat on a wide variety of subjects. Her tastes tend more towards the arts, from music to literature to plays, but when she really needs to relax she prefers to go on long, nighttime flights.

[starswirlthebearded]

Warning: The following will be rather nit-picky. Please note that I'm not a RP helper, nor do I have any control over anything that happens to an app. The following is mostly geared towards the look and description given.

I feel like white pelts are more common than red eyes in Equestria. While we see ponies with white pelts (including 2 Wonderbolts), we don't see any ponies within the show that has red eyes. Granted the ponies with white pelts, tend not to have a completely white mane, so that would be odd, it is not odd however for the coat as a whole. The closest in colour scheme would be one Wonderbolt, whom appears to have a white coat with a orange mane and white streaks. You also have any number of Pegasii on Celestia's Royal Guard who happen to be white (again without white mane). (honestly I think non-white mane is to keep the show as colorful as possible)

That said, those ponies that have white pelts don't seem to get sunburned any easier than those with dark pelts. I suspect that is due to the white being pelts instead of skin, allowing for certain level of protection from sun. I'm not sure if an albino pony would still get sunburned regardless, but considering that Celestia is extremely light as well and essentially the goddess of the sun without getting burned, I don't think your OC would get burned that easily.

Further nit-pickiness regarding albinism within equines (Sciency stuff incoming). Albinism within animals generally occurs with a defect in the OCA1A gene, or the gene that encodes for tyrosinase. Tyrosinase is the enzyme that is chiefly involved with the production of melanin. Here is the interesting part... Thus far, no equine has been found to have such a defect ever. In fact, no equine has ever been found to be an albino at all. Is it impossible? Probably not, but as far as we know, it doesn't exist, and white pelts are perfectly natural for horses without it being a genetic defect.

I'm not saying its BAD to have an all white OC (others might, I'm not sure), I'm just saying its not rare, even in the real world. And the whiteness of equines isn't a result of being albino so far as science knows currently.

Other than that, I really don't see issues with your app, other than lack of parents, and lack of personality description.

(That last part may actually be the only issue with your app I'm just a bit insane with science and stuff like that in general )

[Mojo]

Hi SanguineSoul!

I must say, for this being a first app, it is VERY well written! All of the required fields are filled and I do like the general structure of your writing! Excellent!

With all due respect to starswirlthebeard, I have NO problem with the colour of her pelt. We here in Canterlot.com are Equal Opportunity Employers, accepting of all ponies regardless of their species, size, gender or colour! That's not an issue with me.

The ONLY things I can see that could be a 'snag' to approval are the mention of the "Army" and the brief Cutie Mark story. I'll consult with Senior RP Staff on these, but as far as I'm concerned, this app looks good to go!

[SanguineSoul]

Well dratness, I knew I was forgetting something in the write-up. I'll get working on the personality aspect of it after class today. Well... during class, but I won't be able to post anything until after. The parents were going to be mentioned briefly, and then I did a quick check and found out that the names I had planned were already in use, so for the sake of time at that point I opted not to include them. They weren't central to the story.

Now, onto the white coat issue. I hadn't actually done any research into albino equines, which is my bad. I did realize that there where white ones, naturally occurring and non-albino, hence the "White fur wasn't terribly uncommon" line. A rather large portion of the character was supposed to be tied into that physical albino-nature, such as her nocturnal inclination as well as a few other personality quirks (which will be explained when I actually add the personality section, can't believe I forgot that).

Also, I was going to have her motivation be 'Join the Canterlot Royal Guard' or whatever they are in the show, until I saw the REA sticky in the World and Lore forums. It was amazingly well-written, and a very, very interesting idea, and I decided to go with that rather than the 'Canterlot Royal Guard'. If that is an issue, I can edit it, as well as attempt to expand upon the cutie mark story.

Thank you for the comments!

[starswirlthebearded]

No problem. Just remember, I'm insane with science, most people aren't. Also, though equine albinism hasn't been found, does not mean it doesn't exist. I'm sure it's possible.

If you are uncomfortable with running with that, you can simply take out the albino part and just make her nocturnal. I'm sure there are ponies like that. I mean... after all... Luna needs to hire her guards from somewhere, right?

And I realized that my point about the pelt wasn't clear. Mainly because it was late and forgot to put my point. Because of the pelt colour not being uncommon, I don't see why that would be a point of ridicule, rather than the eyes, which are more rare (unseen in canon).

[SanguineSoul]

Thank you, Starswirldthebearded. I shall have to improve upon what I was trying to say with the ridicule. It wasn't because of her coat colour individually, but because of the combination of coat and eye colour, as well as the fact that she went around covered up most days.

Also, writing the personality section up now.

[Rosewind]

Any progress on this application?

[SanguineSoul]

Oh! Sorry, yes. I have updated it with a personality section, at the end of the character summary, I just didn't post in this thread saying so, my bad. I'm still waiting on a response for if the mentioning of the "Royal Equestrian Army" is a problem / not allowed, or if the cutie mark story needs to be expanded. If either thing needs to be fixed / improved upon, please just let me know and I'll get to work on it right away.

Thanks!

[Rosewind]

Hi there! We'll need you to adjust a few tidbits before this will be ready for the stamparoo:

1. The sunburn references don't really work, especially for a pony. A white coat would reflect light, as well as protect the skin -- horses don't burn (unless you were to shave one, but that is for the FFA+18 area). Please remove that, or explore another way to make this character interesting (more on that in a moment).

2. The "ridiculed by peers to feel like an outcast, unable to live out her dreams" trope/cliche has been used quite a bit -- maybe you might try spinning this into something of a happier character? Mane RP is a happy RP full of happy ponies; you don't need a grim back story for a character to work for the RP. Think: would this character readily appear on a real episode of FiM? That is this kind of game.

You may keep the red eyes and the white coat, but the above adjustments will be really helpful in getting this character (and you) ready for Mane RP. Thanks!

[SanguineSoul]

Ah! Mkay, I wasn't aware that the sun-burn thing had to be changed, given that it was raised by one person, and that was more of a 'real horses don't'. I can work on changing that, then. Thank you! And ick, no, no shaved ponies.

As for "ridiculed by peers to feel like an outcast, unable to live out her dreams", it was less that and more of a reason to have her practically nocturnal... I've wanted to do a nearly-nocturnal character for a while now. It wasn't my intention to make her seem grim or depressed, so I'll definitely work on that.

I'll probably keep the coat and eye colors, simply because I like them. Thank you! I'll get to work on fixing this right away.

[Rosewind]

Excellent! Sorry if this is sounding nitpicky, because it definitely is. We hold Mane RP (and the detail of the characters in it) to a very high standard. Thank you for your understanding and effort -- I can't wait to see how this application develops. If you need any help or ideas, feel free to ask!

[SanguineSoul]

Don't worry, nit-picky is fine, since it's intelligent nit-picking. I'm actually going to shift this into WIP, since I'm currently in the middle of completely re-writing the character back story. Same physical description and cutie mark, mostly the same personality, different everything else.

It should be done tomorrow or late Thursday, in all likelihood.

Sorry for the trouble!

[Rosewind]

Not a problem, we're here to help. If you need any assistance, please ask!

[SanguineSoul]

Argh, weekends spent running around making sure events run can be... frustrating. Posting the updated character now.

[Mojo]

I can see definite improvement with this app!

Well done!

[RarityDash]

Looks fine to me now... so: