Unicorn ShadowSmith [FINAL]

[SlayerZorgin]

Roleplay Type: crossovers

Name: ShadowSmith

Sex: male

Age: stallion

Species: Unicorn

Eye colour red

Coat colour Black

Mane/Tail/Markings colour & Style: red shaggy hair (i don't know how to explain the tail) Swordlike tail sometimes seen in a brown robe when in town

Physique: tall muscular

Cutie Mark: A Book And Anvil*

Origin/Residence: Lives in an old building renovated fit to be a library comprised of old anchent books of spells history and tales of legend and lore and just outside is a small shed full of blacksmithing tools and old leather book's with tools and weapon ideas he found this place after awakening to find a house blown up next to him and him very weak and out of energy and found his way to the house and sleeping there and afterwards heading to town to seeing it as an open place with plenty of people who might know him he had tried everyone but nobody had known him he living out in a forest far from people so he had set out back to the broken down place he had found and renovated it to the way it is now as explaned

Occupation: Blacksmith and librarian

Motivation: To protect the Land around him with all his might and make great weapons to do so

Likes: Reading and Smithing and noodles

Dislikes: being bothered during studies or while working

Character Summary: Suffers from amnesia so he does not remember much about his past. Which made him somewhat easy to manipulate by others. But eventually gave up trying to remember his past and made his life to studying books and forging armor and weapons for royal guards of castles and ever since has helped others in times of need as well as tools for farming and construction and many other purposes

Backstory of his parents dissapearance:when he was younger he lived on an private estate close to a forest with his parents both of them very wealthy and both of two different profesions the father a blacksmith and the mother being a librairian and a holder of a lot of old and rare books. but one day during a hot summer day his father had learned of some kind of new way to make tools out of a new matirial out in the badlands and since then he never returned. As for his mother she learned of some anchent books deep in an old relec near the shores and had gotten into so much work her past life became a blur behind her leaving her only son behind and the luxurious life to research the past

CMstory: after losing both of his parents to their jobs he had become sad and alone with only the remenants of what his parents left behind a bunch of old spell books anvils and hammers, books with tool designs so he had decided to try and work on being a blacksmith at first making tools for the mechants that had come by every few days then he had started to trade books with the merchants and learning all sorts of spells from levitation to teleporting but one day he had decided to start making tools from older books and had made it perfectly he had made plenty of them the tool being an old hoe the had plenty of uses for farming and since he had his mark appear

Amnesia event**: plenty of years after his mark appeared he had been very used to his new lifestyle of workbut still saddened from his loss of parents so he had tryed to find ways to talk with them even though he had never tried he had tryed exparamenting with spells causeing him to get a small temper at every time he had failed after trying out a new spell causing a mirror to explode after a losing balance due to a small tremor makeing him furious he had shot various spells here and there causing the house to be nearly destroyed while leaving the house he didnt notice that he had set an explosive spell causing the entire place to blow forcing him to fly through the air and him into a tree knocking him unconsious

like i had said my charactor suffers from amnesia I know the past but my char doesnt

Edited November 4, 2012 by SlayerZorgin

[Mojo]

Hi SlayerZorgin!

You have a very good start for this application, and this char seems to have great possibilities

However, this application is too brief in many places. For starters, you really need to expand on his Cutie Mark story. A pony's cutie mark story can speak volumns about his/her personality and outlook on life. Also, the Character Summary is way too brief. Those who read this applicaton need as much information on your character as possible so they can see what you see in him.

The concept is very original, which is a plus, but we really need to 'see' more about this character in this app.

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me!

[SlayerZorgin]

I'm truthfully working on it i didnt notice that i had finished down and can't figure how to change it

Edited October 27, 2012 by SlayerZorgin

[Mojo]

I'm truthfully working on it i didnt notice that i had finished down and can't figure how to change it

Ok, all you need to do after you press the EDIT button to begin editing it, press the FULL EDITOR button to get access to the Title line of the app and edit it there.

:D

[SlayerZorgin]

i cant find the button but heres a pic

http://imageshack.us/f/846/editpostpicture.png/

[starswirlthebearded]

i cant find the button but heres a pic

http://imageshack.us/f/846/editpostpicture.png/

Try again now. You need 3 posts.

[SlayerZorgin]

of course

i wouldent have guessed

[SlayerZorgin]

this is as ready as it will be

[Rosewind]

Hi! Thanks for showing interest in our game. We're very specific about the kind and quality of character we let into "Mane RP." You are, however, welcome to make this character strictly Crossovers, in which case I can stamp this and you can get into the game right away. However, if you wish to play in the World of Equestria RP, there's a lot to develop, and it will take a lot of time/tough decisions on your part before we can stamp this application for play there.

I'll gloss over what I feel needs the most attention:

1. The amnesia cliché has been done to death like crazy. I'm sorry if this is a bit point blank, but there are other ways to make your character interesting, or to give him back history. In addition, mental disorders or grievous medical conditions are not allowed.

2. "Living close to Ponyville" is really not allowable. Try picking a new location from the location list.

3. Dead parents are really overdone too. For realsies.

4. The application needs to be cleaned up, at least grammatically. It's extremely hard to read the information you are presenting. Try throwing it through a spell check. Try using this application form to give you a better idea of how to make an application.

5. Mane RP is a happy RP that is like an extension of the cartoon -- try to design your character like he would appear in a real episode, and you'll get a better idea of how you should be designing this application.

My apologies in advance if this information is rather blunt; nobody likes to see their creative work scrutinized. I want you to understand why these changes are necessary, and that is to uphold the high standard of quality we expect for new characters entering this particular roleplay. If you have any further questions, feel free to ask them right here. All the best!

~ Rosie

[SlayerZorgin]

my replys back

[colour=#282828]1. i will try to change this that and i would have to compleatly redo my history[/colour]

[colour=#282828]2. [/colour][colour=#282828]im thinking of a different location[/colour][colour=#282828] thinking ether [/colour][colour=#282828]bareback gulch or appleloosa[/colour]

[colour=#282828]3. parents are not dead just missing[/colour]

[colour=#282828]4. [/colour][colour=#282828]grammar is going to be last cause its easyist[/colour]

[colour=#282828]5. im changing it back to crossover[/colour]

[Rosewind]

Have fun in CO!