Pegasus Morning Haze (Ready)

[Nexar]

Roleplay Type:

Crossover

Name:

The name is Morning Haze. No, don't even think of calling her like that! Whenever possible she is calling herself only Haze, because she hates all those ment-to-be-funny jokes like "Good morning Morning!".

Morning Haze got that name because of her appearance, not because of her personality or future occupation.

Sex:

female.

Age:

Morning Haze is a young mare.

Species:

The wings on her back mark it: she's a pegasus and proud of it! Thinking of it, she couldn't even image herself to be without her wings.

Eye colour:

The eyes of Haze are coloured in a calm grey-blue.

Coat:

Her coat is of a light grey colour, as her feathers are of the same colour. It has proven to be a a pretty neutral colouring and it was also responsible for her getting a name like that, as it really looks a little bit like haze.

Mane/Tail:

Her mane and her tail are both coloured in pale pink and rose. She likes to have her hair just the way the wind forms it, meaning that it most times goes straight back, not disturbing her vision in any possible way. Compared to others her tail might even seem a little short, but that's because of she wanted to make sure, that it never disturbs her while flying. Even her ears are laid back for flying.

Physique:

Morning Haze has got a really slender body, if not even to be called scrawny. Neither her legs, nor her body seem to have much of a mass, neither muscles nor fat. Only her wings are considered to be strong, as this is the part of her body she uses the most. Her muscles on the these regions are pretty strong and well defined, allowing her to do the strong flaps she needs to be doing. But overall her body seems to be a little bit smaller than that of a normal mare, althought she is fully grown.

Residence:

Most of her life, Morning Haze lived in Cloudsdale. Only a few times she set hooves on the ground far below the clouds, until she joined the Royal Equestrian Army. After her time there, she moved back to Cloudsdale again, and since then she likes to call this city her home.

Occupation:

Everything began with her finding out of her special talent in flying. Because of that she wanted to have an occupation where she could stay up in the air for as long as she could. At first she wanted to apply as a weather pegasus or join one of the fly competition teams, but she got the feeling, that she needed to get a little distance to cloudsdale and to see the rest of the land, and maybe experience one or two adventures. In addition she liked the look of uniforms, on stallions as well as on herself, and so she applied for the REA. Since Equestria is neither in war, nor there was any enemy the country they had to prepare or defend against, there was not much to do. In an army without a real enemy or a mission except for training, the only thing to worry about is the soldiers greatest enemy: boredom. This boredom leaded to a silly test of guts, which leaded to a sprained wing and two weeks of not beeing able to fly. Soon after her downtime she decided to leave the REA to search for a better, more exciting occupation. Of course she thought about joining the Wonderbolts, but she knows that only the best of the best are taken there. Not that she wasn't a good flyer, but she knew that she had to let the Wonderbolts know that she was a good flyer. Until then she might settle with one of the smaller groups and work her way up.

Cutie Mark:

Her Cutie Mark wasn't quite a surprise. The symbol is a bright white wing, facing in flight direction on both sides of her flank, with an orange lightningbolt behind the wing. Her given special talent is flying, or better said fast flying where she can feel the adrenalin flow through her body. To her there is nothing more beautiful than the wide sky, the air streaming against and around her body while she controls the airstream with her wings, the wind in her hair and around her ears, the short moment of almost no gravity when she makes a swift turn, and the afterwards kicking in centrifugal force, shaking her whole body. It simply feels great to her, and she honestly couldn't understand anyone who wouldn't like it. The faster she is, the stronger the force she has to overcome, and the stronger the better. Naturally, it doesn't feel pleasant to have a strong force working against her, but she ignores the pain for when she succeeds, she feels really great for overwhelming that force, proving to herself of what she was capable of with her wings.

The story of Morning Haze gaining her cutie mark, is also the story of how she found out of her snake phobia. The flight class she was in took a tour down to the earth, which also was the first time ever that Morning Haze got close to the ground. Haze just flew relatively close to the ground, as she noticed an animal just below her. As she looked down, she saw a snake and her till then unknown phobia struck her, making her instantly change her course to fly straight up as fast as she could, not stopping till she had gained a considerable amount of altitude. To the others it seemed, like if she flew up to the air like if she was a spear, beeing thrown into the sky. Her flight teacher was amazed of her fast direction change and the little filly Morning Haze? Well... she was too much frightened in the first second and then another couple of minutes far too happy, that she was far away from the snake, that she could notice that her cutie mark appeared. But when she finally did, she was very happy and eagerly to show it to anyone else.

History:

Beeing born and raised in Cloudsdale isn't too bad for a pegasus like Morning Haze, who enjoys flying. There are interesting places like the rainbow factory and up there you always have a nice lookout, a good place to see the sunrise as well as the sunset. And everywhere are clouds, lovely, soft clouds. You even build your house out of these! It's an beautiful place, and living there with her mother Berry Truffle and father Dawnwing, which both cared for her, growing up was like an enjoyable holiday most of the time.

But Morning Haze has always had a little problem, which were other class mates. It wasn't particulary insulting, but over the years it grew really annoying to hear something like "Good morning Morning!" over and over again, even if it wasn't meaned to be insulting. Haze had only small problems in school, certainly not writing the best grades, but giving her best and so she passed. During that time she made a couple of close friends, mares as well as stallions as she didn't make any difference in such a thing as the gender. She attended to the flight shool and anthought she was able to quickly learn how to use her wings, she wondered when her Cutie Mark would finally show up. As time passed and her Cutie Mark appeared, she attended the flight exam. Morning Haze could probably had passed it without much of a problem, as flying was the one thing she loved even by the time back then, but she wanted to do something spectacular apart from the boring things. And so she tried to do a barrel roll while flying through a cloud ring. However, by doing so she crashed right into the cloud and failed the test. From then on she was even more determined to improve her flying skills and her teacher told her, that she would need more discipline in order to know when she was allowed to make stunts and when she should get a grip on herself and only do what she is ought to do. In her second attempt she resisted the need to make stunts and sticked right away with what she was supposed to do, and so she passed. From that day on she did basically everything where wings were needed and where she was allowed to fly, and as such helped in the weather department or helped the mail-ponies whenever either needed an additional pair of wings.

As soon as she was old enough, she decided to take her chances in the Royal Equestrian Army, applying for a company far away from home. She thought that seeing a diffrent part of the world could bring some excitement into her life, as well as serving in the army could lead to one or the other adventure for her. At least... it's the army! If there wasn't adventuring in an organization like that, then where else? At least that's what she thought. Another reason was, that she liked the old traditional guards in Canterlot from the first moment on she had seen them and ever since continued to see herself in armor and uniform, and that she admired the diszipline those guards possessed, knowing that she lacked that discipline and that it would do her good to get some.

It didn't took too long for her to be deillusionized. Her wish to be placed into a company nowhere near cloudsdale was granted, and so she came to a REA base in the western part of Equestria, where nowhere around a few hours of flight was anything else than that military base. There wasn't even a city where the free time could be spent! Because of that many of the members of the REA choosed to stay inside the camp almost all the time. Expecially the first weeks and months were pretty harsh for Morning Haze, and about half of the ponys which applied for the army left in this time, but as her feelings for Nightsky grew stronger and stronger, she wanted to prove herself to him and to gain his attention. So she gave her best in every single training they did, althought her physical strength didn't really help her in gaining any positive attention while doing push-ups. Instead the sergeant kept saying "You can't even give me fifty push-ups! How are you ever going to carry a wounded fellow soldier back to base? You'll be a disappointment to your whole platoon if you don't start training harder!" She really pushed herself close to her limits, but she just didn't seem to grew stronger or to gain any positive attention from her crush, at least till the training went on and the military flight training began. It was there where she exceeded. Every time when they had to fly in strict formation, she was easily annoyed of the others around her, making her not able to fly the way she wanted to, but she remained strict in discipline, continuing to fly in perfect formation without saying anything against it all. But every single time, when she was allowed to fly alone, she did so with full power, flying as fast as she could. Willing to do her best, Morning Haze came up with the idea for herself to not pull up from a sky dive till she could be able to see the white in the eyes of a pony below her. Doing so she made her Sergeant Nightsky notice about her and so he started to train her even harder, pushing her more and more to her limits as she willingly tried to exceed these every time again and again. Soon the sergeant spent more time with her and gave her personal training sessions, pushing her further and further into loosing the fear of such a dangerous maneuver and even orderer to bring in a whole rack of hay, so that she wouldn't get too much hurt if she eventually hit the ground. Soon she also gained confidence in her own skill, allowing her to succeed in making dangerous maneuvers without too much of a problem. In the end sentences like "When you can feel the grass on your hooves, then pull those legs up and fly lower, till you can feel it on your chest!" were normal during the training for extreme low altitude flight. However, besides of training Haze didn't do anything else, except for trying to flirt with Nightsky with little success.

It was the tenth month of her service in the REA, and still Morning Haze didn't manage to get anything going with her sergeant. And still, she wasn't willed to give up, and doing things like sky-diving from high above, pulling up in the very last second and then continue to fly on extremely low altitude at very high speed were already standard for her. None of these things really helped to prevent an little accident from happening. The Pegasus mare was trying to write a love letter, saying how she really feeled to her Sergeant, as she wasn't able to tell it to him in person. One of her fellow soldiers saw that, and in an attempt to tease her he said that he would tell it to the others. Frightened that anyone could find out about it, Morning Haze challenged him to a test of guts, with the condition that he was never allowed to tell anyone of it if he would lose.

Soon after both of them were outside the camp, dressed in their shiny armour, and flying straight into each other. The rules were simple: the one who drew away first, would be the loser. Morning Haze was too much afraid of letting everyone know how she felt for her Sergeant, and so she decided to close her eyes on the final meters and hope for the other Soldier to pull away.

Thanks to the armour they were wearing, the injuries weren't that great for neither of them as both decided to not move even a single inch, but as they recovered from the crash mid-air and the following landing on a cloud, Haze noticed that one of her wings was sprained and that she wasn't able to fly. Luckily for her, her fellow soldier wasn't too much injured and was not only still able to fly, but also to carry Morning Haze with him back to base, where she then was treated. The day after her Sergeant Nightsky came to the bed Morning Haze was lying in and told her, that what she did was stupid to no end, but also showed discipline as she didn't evade the enemy and instead head right into the crash. The mare didn't tell him, that she didn't crash willingly, but she was surprised too, that he said nothing about the loveletter. Later on the other Soldier which she crashed into told her, that he thought of all the thing with the loveletter and telling anypony else as a joke and that he didn't tell anypony anything at all.

Shortly after that she recovered from both her sprained wing and her broken hearth, and after some further time she decided to leave the army, looking for something different where she could make her skills earn her some bits. Of course she thought of applying with the Wonderbolts, but then she thought back of how she hated the strict formation flying. Instead she decided to join another group, the so-called Shadowbolts, which were in talk due to their dark apperance. As the dark uniform reminded her on her former sergeant Nightsky, she asked to join the team and showed off her skills.

From now on she thinks, that everything could get only better. She wants to earn reputation, to be known as far as possible and, even if it might only be a little dream she likes to have, to someday meet Nightsky again and try a new start with him.

Character Summary:

What are your character's talent? What manner of things does he or she excel at?

Morning Hazes special talent? Well... that's easy! It's flying of course! But not simply any kind of flying, as most other pegasi can do it too. Her special talent is, that she is able to turn the direction she flies really fast, and she does so often because she likes the feeling of the powerful, physical force going through her body when she does so.

Using this skill she learned to make a special sky-dive, which she combines with extreme low altitude flying, where the tips of her wings are almost touching the ground with every flap, flying as low as somehow possible. Because of the sky-dive before she can reach a really great speed. For almost a year she trained this skill, overwhelming her fear trough confidence in her abilitys. Other ponys would call this an insane stunt, other pegasi would call her crazy for beeing willed to perform this on free will, but she? She herself calls this her routine, as she is specially trained to perform this dangerous stunt over and over again.

What is his or her motivation in life? How about dreams or goals?

Fame, glory, reputation and a couple of bits is what she desires, together with the feeling of adrenaline rushing through her body. In her eyes, there is nothing more beautiful than this, except for maybe some nice day to have a strong stallion all for her own. Her first attempt at getting something like this didn't turn out too well, but she wants to keep trying and maybe some day...

What kinds of things does your character like? What does he or she dislike?

There are many things Morning Haze likes. For example if one is ok with calling her only Haze, as she likes that much more than her full name. Also of course she likes flying and everything involving the air and clouds. After that she really enjoys, if she feels respected, when everyone takes her just the way she is and doesn't question anything. Sports and any type of movement, where she can use her wings, are her favourite! She isn't playing any sport good enough to go to a contest and win, but she enjoys moving as much as she can.

On the opposite side she dislikes... most of all snakes, but right after that are any word games containing her name. She hadn't got the ability to choose her name on her own, and so she has to make the best out of that name, but she doesn't want to suffer through it, if she can prevent it. Because of that attitude she might seem rude sometimes... She also doesn't like if anyone says something bad about her, particulary when it's not true. Another thing she can't stand is to be grounded, not beeing able to fly because of any reason. Also... with all that girly stuff like singing you can't do much more to her, than to annoy her. At least she does consider singing to be girly, or at least most kind of singing, and she thinks of herself as a terrible singer too. But she does like music, basically all the other art of music, may it be a faster rock song or maybe a dark seeming melody.

Does your character have any hobbies? What does he or she do with his or her time?

Sadly, Morning Haze hasn't got any particular hobby. Flying is her life, and almost anything she does either contains flying and therefore either counts as training or her work, or is pretty much uninteresting for her. Reading a book? Playing card games? Singing? Not a single thing she actually likes to do besides flying. Doing any kind of sport game, ball games or stuff like that, is pretty cool for her, because she likes to use her wings as often as she can. Now that she is out of the REA, she has much more free time, and so she likes to help out in the weather department or with the mail ponies whenever needed.

How does your character behave in general? What's it like to be around him or her? How is he or she at making friends?

Hazes general behaviour isn't too outstanding. When she hasn't got her former uniform or armor from the time in the REA, or the uniform of the Shadowbolts, she pretty much looks like any other pony. She likes to be treated nicely, but can react pretty mean when someone else is mean to her, but that's just normal for anyone. So... what makes her special? She doesn't know it exactly, to be honest. She simply lives her life and trains to become an even better flyer! Besides of that she hasn't got any problems in making new friends, as she is usually friendly towards anyone she doesn't know and hasn't got problems talking to others. Only when one starts to get to know her better, he can actually see that she isn't particulary girly but rather a tomboy, and also has a particular lack of a romantic sense. But you won't ever seen Haze saluting with her left hoov, ever, not even in a playful manner, as in the ten months in the REA she learned to simply never ever do such a thing as saluting wrong, as in with her left hoof or with a far wrong angular, as that has been teached to her to be almost like an insult to every soldier alive, dishonoring them and such. Yes, her Instructor might have been a little bit too strict on that part, but she had never forget it again.

Does your character have any fears or worries?

In order to better describe the faults of Morning Haze, a small knowledge of her fears and worries is important first. Her biggest fear, even when noone knows why it is like that, are snakes. The very first time she saw one, she was frightened at instant, and till now there is no change. Pictures of snakes are no problem, but a real one, especially a moving one, is a big deal for her.

Next to snakes there are a few things she is worried about. Sometimes she asks herself, what she'd do if her skills would fail her someday, or what she should do when her time as an active flyer is over. Also she worries about one thing in particular. After she had such a disappointment with Nightsky, she wonders if she would ever happen to find a stallion for herself, or if she might end up one day, all alone and old, not even having children...

What are your character's faults? What isn't he or she good at? Where does he or she always seem to fail?

One big fault about Morning Haze is, that even after months in the army, she hasn't learned to get along with knowing, that she likes someone. At first she doubts that she really is in something like love. After time, when she starts to feel, that it is ineviteable, that she truly has feelings for someone, she has problems with telling that pony so. She hadn't even tell it to the one stallion she had been in love with on the last day of her time in the REA. He should never know about her feelings, and if you'd ask Haze about that... she wouldn't know know if that was a good or a bad thing. On the one hoof she really was in love, but on the other hoof she was afraid of what might have followed if she ever was to tell him about it. Afraid of maybe being rejected as well as afraid to be in a relationship at all.

Another fault of the mare is, that she is easily annoyed. Of course, that doesn't hurt anyone, but it still is a bad thing. Her one interest after all is flying, and anything that has nothing to do with this or even was something slow, quickly annoyes her. So you can really hunt her with reading a book or something similiar.

Edited February 18, 2013 by Nexar

[Corsair]

Hi Nexar! I've been looking over your application. First some minor editing details:

Besides her parents there has been only one person till date allowed, to call her by her full name,

Technically, it should be 'pony' and not 'person,' but that's just a minor detail.

] Age:

She might not be specially old, but she has reached her adultness already, remaining a young mare.

This sentence is kind of confusing, should probably just be shortened to "Young Mare"

In addition she liked the look of uniforms, on stallions as well as on herself, and so she applied for the REA, where she joined the so-called AvRec, short for Aviation Reconnaissance, where she got trained for a year.

A bit of a run-on sentence here. You should probably break this in two. Something like this: "In addition, she liked the look of uniforms, on stallions as well as on herself, and so she applied for the REA. For a year, she trained with the so-called AvRec, short for Aviation Reconnaissance."

I've noticed a common typo throughout the application; you use 'tought' instead of 'thought'. A quick find and replace in a word processor program should fix all the errors quickly.

Once that nit-picky stuff is out of the way, we'll see about sending your application to the next step!

[Nexar]

Hi Nexar! I've been looking over your application. First some minor editing details:

Technically, it should be 'pony' and not 'person,' but that's just a minor detail.

This sentence is kind of confusing, should probably just be shortened to "Young Mare"

A bit of a run-on sentence here. You should probably break this in two. Something like this: "In addition, she liked the look of uniforms, on stallions as well as on herself, and so she applied for the REA. For a year, she trained with the so-called AvRec, short for Aviation Reconnaissance."

I've noticed a common typo throughout the application; you use 'tought' instead of 'thought'. A quick find and replace in a word processor program should fix all the errors quickly.

Once that nit-picky stuff is out of the way, we'll see about sending your application to the next step!

done, done done aaaaand done

Thank you for the advice and the suggestions on how to fix it. I've replaced everything you asked for^^

[Corsair]

I'm very sorry for the delay on this Nexar, I've been distracted during the holidays. Everything looks good to me, but one of our Senior RP Helpers will need to take a look at this and see if anything else needs to be changed or added.

[Nexar]

Ok, thank you!

I sure hope that someone will look at her

[Rosewind]

You should be getting feedback for this character soon. Please be aware that PMing multiple staff asking for status updates for your application does nothing to speed up the process, as we are busy working on other applications on our free time. You have presented us with a complex character that will take careful revisions and scrutiny before we are able to approve it for World of Equestria, so you will likely need to make changes that we ask for. I suggest you prepare yourself to receive and implement any character design changes that staff need by looking over your application and designing this character to mirror the accepted canon, tone, and flavor of Friendship is Magic.

Please keep any business relating to this character in this thread (instead of PMing multiple staff), so we may keep information consistent, which will also help speed things up. Thank you for your understanding!

~ Rose

[Rosewind]

I'll be handling feedback of this myself. This took a lot of time and will need to spread over two posts, so please read them both. Read this with an open mind; we're not out to cut down your character or make you feel bad, just to help you understand what World of Equestria is about and how you must design this character to fit within. I understand English is not your first language, so a lot of what I will be asking for is clarification of what you are writing. I'll bold the problem areas in red, so you will understand what needs to be removed, changed, or clarified. Let's get started!

Roleplay Type:

This Pegasus is going to be a proud member of the World of Equestria RPG.

Name:

The name is Morning Haze. No, don't even think of calling her like that! Whenever possible she is calling herself only Haze, because she hates all those ment-to-be-funny jokes like "Good morning Morning!". [colour=#ff0000]Besides her parents there has been only one pony till date allowed, to call her by her full name, and that one person was a really big exception, a dark grey pegasus called Nightsky.[/colour]

Morning Haze got that name because of her appearance, not because of her personality or future occupation.

Character applications should be intense, focused presentations of a single character. They should stand on their own merit without a supporting cast. I'm not even sure what you are suggesting with this sentence, or even who Nightsky is and why s/he is important to the name of this character. I would just remove this and keep the rest.

Sex:

[colour=#ff0000]Haze might not really act like this, but she is definitely a[/colour] female.

Age:

Morning Haze is a young mare.

Just her sex will be fine. If you wish to present her as a tomboyish pony, that is fine, and it should be presented in the character summary or history of your application instead of here (as it is).

Species:

The wings on her back mark it: she's a pegasus and proud of it! Thinking of it, she couldn't even image herself to be without her wings.

Eye colour:

The eyes of Haze are coloured in a calm grey-blue, [colour=#ff0000]beeing able to either look really warm and friendly, or pretty much frightening to anyone looking into her eyes, when she wants them to look this way or when she is truly mad at someone.[/colour]

Again, I'm not really sure what you're trying to describe here. Why should her eye colour scare other characters? Just her eye colour is fine, and nothing more.

Coat:

Her coat is of a light grey colour, as her feathers are of the same colour. [colour=#ff0000]This colour isn't really good for anything like hiding, as a cloud usually is in a brighter white and a storm cloud is much darker[/colour]. Still it has proven to be a a pretty neutral colouring and it was also responsible for her getting a name like that, as it really looks a little bit like haze.

Why does your character need to hide? Also, clouds in Equestria aren't all the same shade. Who is to say how white or dark a cloud is? Just remove this, please.

Mane/Tail:

[colour=#ff0000]As Haze isn't her full name, the Morning also had to need it's origin[/colour]. That is maybe because of her mane and her tail, which are both coloured in pale pink and rose. She likes to have her hair the way, the wind forms it, meaning that it most times goes straight back, not disturbing her vision in any possible way. Compared to others her tail might even seem a little short, but that's because of she wanted to make sure, that it never disturbs her while flying. Even her ears are laid back for flying.

What is her name, then? This is a contradiction to the character you are applying for, and the information you are presenting us with.

Physique:

Morning Haze has got a really slender body, if not even to be called scrawny. Neither her legs, nor her body seem to have much of a mass, neither muscles nor fat. Only her wings are considered to be strong, as this is the part of her body she uses the most. Her muscles on the these regions are pretty strong and well defined, allowing her to do the strong flaps she needs to be doing. But overall her body seems to be a little bit smaller than that of a normal mare, [colour=#ff0000]and it doesn't seem, that she's ever going to grow again. So she can be considered to be on the shorter side of life[/colour].

What does it mean she's not going to grow again, or she's on the shorter side of life? You might just remove this.

Residence:

Most of her life, Morning Haze lived in Cloudsdale. Only a few times she set hooves on the ground far below the clouds, until she joined the Royal Equestrian Army. After her time there, she moved back to Cloudsdale again, and since then she likes to call this city her home.

Occupation:

Everything began with her finding out of her special talent in flying. Because of that she wanted to have an occupation where she could stay up in the air for as long as she could. At first she wanted to apply as a weather pegasus or join one of the fly competition teams, but she got the feeling, that she needed to get a little distance to cloudsdale and to see the rest of the land, and maybe experience one or two adventures. In addition she liked the look of uniforms, on stallions as well as on herself, and so she applied for the REA. [colour=#ff0000]For a year, she trained with the so-called AvRec, short for Aviation Reconnaissance[/colour]. Since Equestria is neither in war, nor there was any enemy the country or it's army had to prepare or defend against, there was not much to do. In an army without a real enemy or a mission except for training, the only thing to worry about is also the soldiers greatest enemy: boredom. This boredom leaded to a silly test of guts, which leaded to a sprained wing and two weeks of not beeing able to fly. Soon after her downtime she decided to leave the REA to search for a better, more exciting occupation. Of course she thought about joining the Wonderbolts, but as she rather believed in herself and her own skills, than in the precision of each other team member, and as the application list for the wonderbolts was crowded, [colour=#ff0000]she applied to the Shadowbolts. Now she works as a stunt flyer in the Shadowbolts, performing difficult and dangerous stunts, just to show her skill in doing so and to get better every day.[/colour]

Since the REA lore is in development, and much stands to change about what is accepted as canon to WoE and how they operate, please remove the "AvRec" reference. The issue of the Shadowbolts has been ongoing and confusing; if you want to have her as a flyer of the "Shadowbolt" stunt group as a fact of her own canon, that's fine. However, anything beyond that will probably not be acceptable. It's even in question if the Shadowbolts will remain an accepted part of WoE, so I'll ask that this part of the character is left vague, and functions as just one part of this character instead of her focus. This is all subject to change, and I will look for more official word from Manestream about how much (or how little) of Shadowbolt business is acceptable for WoE.

Cutie Mark:

[colour=#ff0000]Her cutie mark is nothing special for a pegasus, neither in form, nor in the meaning[/colour]. The symbol is a bright white wing, facing in flight direction on both sides of her flank, with a lightningbolt in orange behind the wing. Her given special talent is flying, or better said fast flying, again nothing too unusual, [colour=#ff0000]except that she suprisingly exceeds in one special movement during flying[/colour]. It was the pure wish, to get as much distance from the ground in the least possible time, that made her and the flight teacher discover her ability, to pull up to from any situation so quickly, that it almost seems as if she would do it in a split of a second.

The story of Morning Haze gaining her cutie mark, is also the story of how she found out of her snake phobia. The flight class she was in took a tour down to the earth. Haze flew relatively close to the ground, as she noticed an animal just below her. As she looked down, [colour=#ff0000]she saw a snake and her till then unknown phobia struck her[/colour], making her instantly change her course to fly straight up as fast as she could. To the others it seemed, like if she flew up to the air like if she was a spear, beeing thrown into the sky. Her flight teacher was amazed of her fast direction change and the little filly Morning Haze? Well... she was too much frightened in the first second and then another couple of minutes far too happy, that she was far away from the snake, that she could notice that her cutie mark appeared. But when she finally did, she was very happy and eagerly to show it to anyone else. However, as unimportant as this story might seem, [colour=#000000]discovering that talent of hers lead to everything she is today.[/colour]

More contradictions in the first paragraph. I'm not sure how her cutie mark relates to her ability to pull up out of a flying dive quickly. If she was afraid of snakes, I'm pretty sure the phobia would be known to her. I think this story is confusing and doesn't really demonstrate or describe what her cutie mark is really about. I'm not saying you must completely change it, but perhaps provide some details and clarify. If a cutie mark isn't special in form and meaning, what is the point?

[Rosewind]

Continued...

History:

Beeing born and raised in Cloudsdale isn't too bad for a pegasus like Morning Haze, who enjoys flying. There are interesting places like the rainbow factory and up there you always have a nice lookout, a good place to see the sunrise as well as the sunset. And everywhere are clouds, lovely, soft clouds. You even build your house out of these! It's an almost beautiful place, and living there with her mother Berry Truffle and father Dawnwing, which both cared for her, growing up was like an enjoyable holiday.

But Morning Haze has always had a little problem, which were other class mates. [colour=#ff0000]It wasn't particulary insulting, but really annoying to hear something like "Good morning Morning!" over and over again[/colour]. As soon as she was old enough, she decided to take her chances in the Royal Equestrian Army, applying for a company far away from home. She thought that seeing a diffrent part of the world could bring some excitement into her life, as well as serving in the army could lead to one or the other adventure for her. At least... it's the army! If there wasn't adventuring in an organization like that, then where else? At least that's what she thought.

It didn't took too long for her to be deillusionized. Her wish to be placed into a company nowhere near cloudsdale was granted, and so she came to a REA base in the western part of Equestria, where nowhere around a few hours of flight was anything else than that military base. There wasn't even a city where the free time could be spent! Because of that many of the members of the REA choosed to stay inside the camp almost all the time. [colour=#ff0000]Morning Haze has been assinged to the Aviation Reconnaissance troops, her drill instructor beeing a Pegasus with a dark grey coat and green eyes. His name was Nightsky, and it seemed that the name really fit, because in the darkness of the night he was almost invisible when flying in the sky. The instant that Haze saw him, she grew feeling for that stallion in his grey uniform and always thought of them both beeing connected somehow because they both had the same uniform colouring (as everyone else of the platoon did).[/colour] Expecially the first weeks and months were pretty harsh for Morning Haze, and about half of the ponys which applied for the army left in this time, but as her feelings for Nightsky grew stronger and stronger, she wanted to prove herself to him and to gain his attention. So she gave her best in every single training they did, althought her physical strength didn't really help her in gaining any positive attention while doing push-ups. Instead the sergeant kept saying "You can't even give me fifty push-ups! How are you ever going to carry a wounded fellow soldier back to base? You'll be a disappointment to your whole platoon if you don't start training harder!" She really pushed herself close to her limits, but she just didn't seem to grew stronger or to gain any positive attention from her crush, at least till the training went on and the military flight training began. It was there where she exceeded. Every time when they had to fly in strict formation, she was easily annoyed of the others around her, making her not able to fly the way she wanted to. But every single time, when she was allowed to fly alone, she did so with full power, flying as fast as she could. [colour=#ff0000]Sergeant Nightsky wanted his pegasi not only to be able to fly high up in the sky, able to see everything, but also close to the ground, making them harder to see when beeing on the run back to base to deliver important informations. Also he wanted his soldiers, or as he liked to call them "his little fillys", not only to be good high-altitude and low-altitude flyers, but to be able to switch between those fly styles quickly, especially making them able to perform a sky-dive from a high altitude and immediatly continue to fly at low altitude.[/colour] Willing to do her best, Morning Haze came up with the idea for herself to not pull up from a sky dive till she could be able to see the white in the eyes of a pony below her. Doing so she made Nightsky notice about her ability to quickly pull up and so he started to train her even harder, pushing her more and more to her limits as she willingly tried to exceed these every time again and again. Soon the sergeant spent more time with her and gave her personal training sessions, pushing her further and further into loosing the fear of such a dangerous maneuver and even orderer to bring in a whole rack of hay, so that she wouldn't get too much hurt if she eventually hit the ground. [colour=#ff0000]In the end Private Morning Haze was his favourite soldier under his command, making him utterly proud of her.[/colour] Soon she also gained confidence in her own skill, allowing her to succeed in making dangerous maneuvers without too much of a problem. In the end sentences like "When you can feel the grass on your hooves, then pull those legs up and fly lower, till you can feel it on your chest!" were normal during the training for extreme low altitude flight. However, besides of training Haze didn't do anything else, except for trying to flirt with Nightsky.

It was the tenth month of her service in the REA, and still Morning Haze didn't manage to get anything going with her sergeant. And still, she wasn't willed to give up, and doing things like sky-diving from high above, pulling up in the very last second and then continue to fly on extremely low altitude at very high speed were already standard for her. None of these things really helped to prevent an little accident from happening. [colour=#ff0000]One of her fellow soldiers said, that she had a crush in her drill instructor, but instead that she simply agreed in that, she didn't want anyone to know. So she challenged the stallion to a test of guts, flying straight up to each other till either one pulls off or they both crash. Whoever pulls away would be the loser. Soon later the stallion and the mare were flying, heading directly for each other. Haze would had to lie, if she said that she wasn't afraid of crashing into somepony, but she was also afraid of giving up and loosing in a competition she challenged someone else to do so. While flying she decided to simply close her eyes and pray, that the stallion would pull away soon enough. He sadly didn't and so they both crashed into each other.[/colour] Thanks to the armour they were wearing, the injuries weren't that great for neither of them, but as they recovered from the crash mid-air and the following landing on a cloud, Haze noticed that one of her wings was sprained and that she wasn't able to fly. Luckily for her, her fellow soldier wasn't too much injured and was not only still able to fly, but also to carry Morning Haze with him back to base, where she then was treated. The day after Nightsky came to the bed Morning Haze was lying in and told her, that he heard of a rumor that she was in love with him and that that was the reason for her sprained wing. As Haze then finally decided to say the truth, that the rumor was true, the sergeant couldn't help himself but to laugh.[colour=#ff0000] "You look cute, Morning Haze, especially in your armor, but I'd never do anything with a fellow soldier." he explained himself, before leaving the mare.[/colour]

Shortly after that she recovered from both her sprained wing and her broken hearth, and after some further time she decided to leave the army, looking for something different where she could make her skills earn her some bits. Of course she thought of applying with the Wonderbolts, but then she thought back of how she hated the strict formation flying. Instead she decided to join another group, the so-called Shadowbolts, which were in talk due to their dark apperance. As the dark uniform reminded her on her former sergeant Nightsky, she asked to join the team and showed off her skills.

From now on she thinks, that everything could get only better. She wants to earn reputation, to be known as far as possible and, even if it might only be a little dream she likes to have, to someday meet Nightsky again and try a new start with him.

Okay. The "morning morning" thing isn't very endearing. I'm not saying you have to pull it out, it just seems silly to me that a pony named Morning would get offended by something like that, and choose to join the army because of it. As I also pointed out, it seems a lot of this history is talking about Nightsky instead of Morning. Most of the highlighted text is where the focus is really on Nightsky and his interactions with the other soldiers, instead of just Morning. The thing with the crush seems to be too focused and doesn't offer any detail about this character that suggests her personality or useful information other players could use to interact with this character. I think you should aim away from the army monologue and give a more general rehash of this pony. Her life didn't start and end in the army. Does she have other interests or bits of information that could give more complexity, rather than just a sour love story that didn't go anywhere between her and another pony we know next to nothing about?

Character Summary:

What are your character's talent? What manner of things does he or she excel at?

Morning Hazes special talent? Well... that's easy! It's flying of course! But not simply any kind of flying, as most other pegasi can do it too. Her special talent is, that she is able to turn the direction [colour=#ff0000]she flies really fast, allowing her swift turns with an turning arc of up to 90°. That pretty much makes her able to quickly fly straight up, down, or in any direction. She does so by not even trying to slow down her speed in order to turn, but instead directs the speed into another direction, holding her wings for a second of time in an 45° arc and then make a strong flap. She does so instinctively and never needed to think about doing so.[/colour]

Using this skill she learned to make a special sky-dive, which she combines with extreme low altitude flying, where the tips of her wings are almost touching the ground with every flap, flying as low as somehow possible. Because of the sky-dive before she can reach a really great speed. For almost a year she trained this skill, overwhelming her fear trough confidence in her abilitys. Other ponys would call this an insane stunt, other pegasi would call her crazy for beeing willed to perform this on free will, but she? She herself calls this her routine, as she is specially trained to perform this dangerous stunt over and over again.

This is too specific, and suggests she has an ability to ignore natural physics. Aim for more general like "she's good at changing directions in flight while flying fast."

What is his or her motivation in life? How about dreams or goals?

Fame, glory, reputation and a couple of bits is what she desires, together with the feeling of adrenaline rushing through her body. In her eyes, there is nothing more beautiful than this, except for maybe some nice day to have a strong stallion all for her own. Her first attempt at getting something like this didn't turn out too well, but she wants to keep trying and maybe some day...

What kinds of things does your character like? What does he or she dislike?

There are many things Morning Haze likes. For example if one is ok with calling her only Haze, as she likes that much more than her full name. Also of course she likes flying and everything involving the air and clouds. After that she really enjoys, if she feels respected, when everyone takes her just the way she is and doesn't question anything. Sports and any type of movement, where she can use her wings, are her favourite! She isn't playing any sport good enough to go to a contest and win, but she enjoys moving as much as she can.

On the opposite side she dislikes... most of all snakes, but right after that are any word games containing her name. She hadn't got the ability to choose her name on her own, and so she has to make the best out of that name, but she doesn't want to suffer through it, if she can prevent it. Because of that attitude she might seem rude sometimes... She also doesn't like if anyone says something bad about her, particulary when it's not true. Another thing she can't stand is to be grounded, not beeing able to fly because of any reason. [colour=#ff0000]Also... with all that girly stuff like singing[/colour] you can't do much more to her, than to annoy her. [colour=#ff0000]Considering that one wants to see her more often in his life than only on the first time they meet, that wouldn't be too bright of an idea to do.[/colour]

How is singing girly? With the second sentence, I'm not quite sure what you are trying to say. Either remove or clarify what you are writing so we understand what your character is about.

Does your character have any hobbies? What does he or she do with his or her time?

Sadly, Morning Haze hasn't got any particular hobby. Flying is her life, and almost anything she does either contains flying and therefore either counts as training or her work, or is pretty much uninteresting for her. Reading a book? Playing card games? Singing? Not a single thing she actually likes to do besides flying. Doing any kind of sport game, ball games or stuff like that, is pretty cool for her, because she likes to use her wings as often as she can.

That's kind of boring. Are you sure you want to make flight the only thing that makes her interesting? Don't limit yourself. You could put in that she likes flight-related activities, like maybe cloud surfing or volunteering to be a weather pony.

How does your character behave in general? What's it like to be around him or her? How is he or she at making friends?

Hazes general behaviour isn't too outstanding. When she hasn't got her former uniform or armor from the time in the REA, or the uniform of the Shadowbolts, she pretty much looks like any other pony. She likes to be treated nicely, but can react pretty mean when someone else is mean to her, but that's just normal for anyone. So... what makes her special? She doesn't know it exactly, to be honest. She simply lives her life and trains to become an even better flyer! Besides of that she hasn't got any problems in making new friends, as she is usually friendly towards anyone she doesn't know and hasn't got problems talking to others. Only when one starts to get to know her better, he can actually see that she isn't particulary girly but rather a tomboy,[colour=#ff0000] not into singing or any stuff [/colour]like that and also having a particular lack of a romantic sense. [colour=#ff0000]But you won't ever seen Haze saluting with her left hoov, ever, not even in a playful manner.[/colour]

I would avoid referencing singing as being "girly." Why should this even matter to her? If you just say she's a tomboy, that's great. We can leave it at that without getting into strange interpretations of definition. I'm not sure what you are implying with the left hoove salute, so please clarify this or remove it.

Does your character have any fears or worries?

In order to better describe the faults of Morning Haze, a small knowledge of her fears and worries is important first. Her biggest fear, even when noone knows why it is like that, are snakes. [colour=#ff0000]The very first time she saw one, she was frightened at instant[/colour], and till now there is no change. Pictures of snakes are no problem, but a real one is a big deal for her.

Next to snakes there are a few things she is worried about. Sometimes she asks herself, what she'd do if her skills would fail her someday, or what she should do when her time as an active flyer is over. Also she worries about one thing in particular. After she had such a disappointment with Nightsky, she wonders if she would ever happen to find a stallion for herself, or if she might end up one day, all alone and old, not even having children...

This is a contradiction to your earlier comment about her sudden phobia of snakes when flying.

What are your character's faults? What isn't he or she good at? Where does he or she always seem to fail?

One big fault about Morning Haze is, that she likes to play. By then I don't mean sport games or anything like that. [colour=#ff0000]She likes to play with stallions. In specific, she likes to flirt just a little bit in order to see, if he'd be interested in her. As soon as she knows, that the stallion is interested in her, she drops him, as she feels not to be ready for something like a relationship. [/colour]Of course, there was one pegasus which she loved, and with which she would had no daubt about a relationship, but most of the people she tries out this way, weren't like her personal dream pony Nightsky and therefore were nothing more than a prove to herself, that she could find herself someone if she needed to and that it would be unlikely that she ended up all alone.

I'm not too sure about this information. I think you're putting too much focus in her trying to find love, or about her previous relationship with Nightsky (who we know nothing about). Remember that World of Equestria is a roleplay about Friendship is Magic, not a dating sim -- although I must admit, sometimes it's hard to tell the difference with some roleplay threads I've read. Leave this part of your character open to the roleplay and see what happens, and suggest she's out to find a special somepony. Specifics about how she treats other stallions is not necessary, and you might instead describe more about her personality so other players can understand what she would be like to meet in the game.

Whew. I know that's a lot to take in. I admire your passion and enthusiasm, but as you are aware, World of Equestria is very specific about the quality and kind of character we can accept. Try clarifying, removing, or changing the bolded parts of this application, or ask questions about how you might change them in this thread. We can't help you if you are messaging multiple RP staff across many different channels, so please keep your character development focused to this thread only. Trust me, it will help you in getting this character accepted faster. Again, please do not take any of this feedback personally -- we're here to help you.

~ Rose

[Rosewind]

Please reply soon or let me know this application is still active, or we'll need to archive it. Thank you!

[Nexar]

Hello and thank you for this big review!

I don't know why, but I didn't get a notification for the previous answers here, but somehow I did fet one for your post now.

I'm sorry that you had to wait, I will work on this app right away! But don't expect an edited version till sunday because I'm currently on a 24 hour shift in my barracks.

But thank you for your review!

[Nexar]

I edited most of what you said, but let me have some final words here:

The thing about the name: Maybe there was a little misunderstanding, but she was never truly offended by something like "Good morning Morning", but only annoyed. Also her former classmates might have thought of it as something funny, like a funny coincidence, and said so without wanting to harm her or anything like that.

For joining the Army... I don't know how you see it, but I think the Equestrian army is much like the Austrian army, where I am in. Both countries have no real enemy they have to fight against, and exist more because of tradition than of actual need. Most of the time there is only training to be done. (at least from what I know of Equestria)

I don't know if I would have joined the Army if I was in America, as there were real wars going on, but I dare to say, that you don't need too much to join the army. First hands I can say, that all you need is the will to do so (and of course you need to pass the entry exam, but that's another story)

About the Snake Phobia (or if you want to call it that way also Ophidiophobia) and the first time seeing a snake for Morning Haze: She grew up in Cloudsdale, and as Pictures of snakes are no problem for her, simple education in school shouldn't trigger any reaction in her. The time when she saw the snake, it was her first time close to the ground (as written) and I didn't think that there would be snakes on clouds. Also I don't see any contradiction with this.

The last part about her fault... I understand what you mean and I changed it. According to this I also changed the end of her history to fit with this. Hopefully it is ok now

Last but not least: Thank you again for that big review! I didn't take any of this personally and I appreciate how much work you have put into reviewing my Morning Haze.

~Nexy

[Rosewind]

Hi! Lime will be taking care of this application for now. She is, indeed, a Roleplay Helper, so please listen to everything she says. Thanks!

[QuickLime]

ALRIGHTY -cracks knuckles-

The main issue seems to be a lack of understanding!

I can understand the desire to go on about her glorified military history and her crushes, but quite frankly nopony is going to care about that, you need to focus on Morning Haze as a pony, and while YOU may see the Military like that, it is NOT EQ Lore, so I think you need to remove that entirely.

The snake Phobia is alright but you need to tone it down severly.

And could you follow the guide in Rarity's Fabulous Application Guide? The extra categories are just padding the application.

I look forward to helping you with this

[Rosewind]

Thanks for your understanding and effort!