johnconer2 Posted December 20, 2012 Report Share Posted December 20, 2012 Roleplay Type:[ cross overName:[YavolinSex:[MAge:[ColtSpecies:[PegasusEye colour:[yellowCoat:[Dark brownMane/Tail:[Light brownPhysique:[ He is athletic and he as a slight torn left wing and he as a scar on the right side of his face.Residence:[Clouds dell.Occupation:[ none he is still in school.Cutie Mark:[ A question mark with a few random iteams around it, he is able to find some random iteam that he needs and use it he has no idea on how he finds it. Yavolin has no clue on how he erned his cutie mark he just remembers he was making something that he needed for class for a project he had little to work with so he made do with stuff that he found around the house. After he had made his project his cutie mark appeared on his flank. He has no idea what it means and tried to explane it to some ponies but he end up confusing some.History:[ He as lived in clouds dell for all of his life with his little brother Marvolin and his father Golvern.When he was born his wing kinda was out of alignment with his right wing. For awhile Yavolin was unable to fly becasue of it. But he never stoped trying to fly. Yavolin never let his disabilty of not being able to fly get the better of him becasue he saw it as an opertunity to better himself.caracture summery: [Yavolin as a few anger issues which makes him unaprocable to some ponies. He doesn't really have that big of a problem in interacting with other ponies but he hates it how other ponies say he is only half a pegasus becasue of his bad wing. Yavolin offten finds it difficalt to do his day to day task becasue of his wing. Mostly becasue of his bad wing it doesn't stop him from trying nor does he allow other ponies to keep him down , Yavolin offten thinks of himself as some pony who doesn't quit. He offten as troubble with working with other ponies but when it comes down to it he is willing to help out almost any pony. Yavolin is often unable to interact with some of his classmates due to his anger problems and most meany make fun of his bad wing so he mostly stays away from some of his classmates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starswirlthebearded Posted December 20, 2012 Report Share Posted December 20, 2012 Hey Prince!First off, please read this guide and fix your formatting (perhaps look at other accepted apps to see their formatting)Now, based on that guide, here are some things that I noticed about your app. (Note after the thing about the numbers, everything would be in reference if it was for Mane RP, if it is for Crossovers, feel free to just fix those things, and you should be fine )Please revisit your RP type. It should be either Crossover/FFA or Mane RP so that RP helpers know where the app is destined for.Your character summary looks more like a history. Character summary should describe your character, likes, dislikes, how he interacts with other ponies, his personality and so forth.Numbers shouldn't be used (whether it be for height and weight or for age). Mainly for the fact that we don't know. Describing physique should read as it is relative to what we know about ponies in the show. Bigger than average, smaller than average, buff, slender, athletic... and so fourth... We need to have a point of reference, numbers provide none.------------------------------------------------------[this is stuff for Mane RP only]Ponyville is usually not permitted as a place of residence without very good and specific reason. There are a lot of ponies living there already and it is a small town, not a city like Canterlot, Manehattan or Balitmare.Previous relationships or reference to cast characters are usually not permitted in Mane RP. So please remove the bit about Princess Celestia.A colt cannot be a royal guard, and should be in school. (or something else that makes sense for a colt)Not many ponies go into the Everfree forest so a manticore that lives there wouldn't cause issue, at least not for mandate from the Princess to investigate. On top of that, that sort of mission wouldn't be a solo mission.All in all this app requires a bit of work, more so for Mane RP than Crossovers. Please let me know if you need anymore help or suggestions (or you can PM a help staff as well) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnconer2 Posted December 20, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 20, 2012 Thank you for your time i will get right on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosewind Posted December 28, 2012 Report Share Posted December 28, 2012 Hi, do you wish to keep this application open? Please reply soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnconer2 Posted December 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 30, 2012 Yes, i would like to keep the app open. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosewind Posted January 11, 2013 Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 Hi! I notice it's been a while since this application has been active. Do you still wish to keep it open? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnconer2 Posted January 17, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 17, 2013 Yes i would like to keep it open. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mojo Posted January 25, 2013 Report Share Posted January 25, 2013 Hi PrinceMorningstar!You have a great start for this app, and I admire the fact that you want to see it through to completion. I also see you took Starswirl's suggestions to heart, that's wonderful, but there are a few things I'd like to ask concerning this character.First, you list him as a Colt, implying that he is not yet reached adulthood, and then you list his occupation as "unable to get a job because he has anger issues." Is he old enough to be out of school since he is currently looking for work? I'm a little confused about this.Second, if he is an 'older' colt, then he probably should have a cutie mark by now. There is no precedent in the cartoon for near-adult ponies to be blank flanks.Third, the history section is a bit too brief. The more you can tell us about Yavolin, the more everyone who reads this app will understand how great he is!I hope you'll continue to work on this app, because this is a great character concept! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnconer2 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2013 Thank you for your time and i'll get right on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mojo Posted February 2, 2013 Report Share Posted February 2, 2013 Any further progress on this app? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnconer2 Posted February 2, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 2, 2013 Yes , i have taken in your sugguestion and added a bit more to his caracture summery. also with hisjob staus i simply stated that hes in school. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mojo Posted February 2, 2013 Report Share Posted February 2, 2013 I can see you've made some changes to the app, and that's good. Two things I see lacking here. The first, a Cutie Mark Story. The story of how a colt got his cutie mark can tell us much about him, so that needs to be added. Second, you need to add some more to the Character Summary about how Yavolin interacts with other ponies. How does he get along in school with his fellow students? Is he outgoing with a lot of friends, or is he more of a loner who keeps to himself. Add these things and you'll be one step closer to an approved character app. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnconer2 Posted February 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2013 i'll be sure to do that. and thank you for your time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mojo Posted February 12, 2013 Report Share Posted February 12, 2013 Any further progress on this app? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mojo Posted February 14, 2013 Report Share Posted February 14, 2013 If there is no response to this reply, this app will be deleted in 5 days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnconer2 Posted February 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2013 yes, i did as you asked i added a cutie mark stroy for Yavolin and added a bit more to the charcture Summary on how he interacts with other ponys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mojo Posted February 21, 2013 Report Share Posted February 21, 2013 Prince Morningstar, heard back from Senior RP Staff about your app. They feel this app is very underdeveloped and is lacking in detail all the way around. The cutie mark story really needs work. Ponies DO know when their cutie marks come in. They might not understand HOW or WHY but they do realize when their flanks are no longer blank. You could consider taking this app into "Crossovers" or "Free For All' instead of Mane RP if you want it to pass "As-Is". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnconer2 Posted February 22, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2013 alright i'll take that into consideration. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosewind Posted February 26, 2013 Report Share Posted February 26, 2013 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnconer2 Posted February 27, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 27, 2013 I'll like to thank ya'll for helping me out with this app. So thank you Rp staff and helpers and hope ya'll have a nice day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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