Frost137 Posted January 27, 2013 Report Share Posted January 27, 2013 Roleplay Type:WoEName:Three Cloud (Clouds, L'il Puff Ball)Sex:MaleAge:Young coltSpecies:Earth ponyEye colour:Dark sea green. Wears black, square glasses.Coat:Mustard yellowMane/Tail:True Blue. Well combed, but has a strands of hair sticking out. His tail is well combed also.Physique:Average colt height, but skinnier.Residence: Born in Ponyville, currently in Canterlot.Occupation:N/A. StudentCutie Mark:Three white clouds with blue outlines. This means that his imagination is high above the clouds. Three Cloud always dreamed to fly and use magic. Obviously, he can't since he's an earth pony. He had a rough time with himself. He really didn't like who he was and can't do anything 'cuz he ain't special until his sister, Jigsaw, told him that he was pretty important with a story to go along with her help.Clouds loved to watch his dad make toys in the toy shop. One day he was inspired to make a little kite-like air balloon. To the best of his ability he made one. He flew it, but then it got lost high above the clouds. Behind, his sister was watching that whole time. (Creeper!) She said, "You see? You are special, I bet no pony in your class can make a toy just like that!"That night, in his bed thinking about it, he was inspired to make things that have not have been made, (airplanes and such). He was going to be an inventor. Then he got his cutie mark the next day.History: He has an older sister Jigsaw and lives his parents are Blue Train, a toy maker, and Sparkling Star, a model. He really likes his sister ever since he was born. She would always take care of him and play with him especially puzzle games. [[They're] like two peas in a pod and [they] did everything together! 8D]Then Jigsaw left to study at University of Stalliongrad. He always misses her, but every summer if had the chance would visit her at Camp Little Lake in Whitetail Wood since she works there.Three Cloud goes to the Ponyville Schoolhouse. Before he got his cutie mark he was teased by several ponies and Jigsaw would take care of them after he told her. He doesn't talk much and doesn't have much friends. His only friend is his sister and now since she's gone, Three Cloud is unable to do anything because he is socially awkward. Later on, the family moved to Canterlot and Clouds is learning to be a engineer to be an inventor since the schools there were far better than Ponyville. The family has decided to move because they want him to have better education, they found a better job for both Sparkling Star and Blue Train. But they do visit Ponyville occasionally.Character Summary:Three Cloud's talent is making things that can fly for earth ponies. Stuff like creating air balloons for earth ponies. He doesn't use the talent much since he's still studying and learning things at school to make his inventions. His motivation is his schoolwork, unicorns and pegasi, and his sister. His dream is to be an alicorn, but he knows in his mind that's a little too far..... The reason why is because that he really wants to do everything from flying to casting magic that can do anything. His goal in life to make the earth pony life easier. He likes games. Yes, games. He wonders why a ball bounces or slowly thinks through his intellectual games such as puzzles and riddles. Three Cloud dislikes everything equally meaning that he doesn't dislike anything but in a way that it's neutral dislike. Three Clouds hobbies are flying kites, playing games, and riding trains.Even though he's smart, he is socially awkward. Clouds acts very innocent and very curious to the world. He is willing to know everything. He wants everything to be perfect so he tries to make it perfect. He is very quiet, but a happy colt. When he is angry, he still gives temper tantrums. But after being friends with him they would be great friends. He can be a silly because of his clumsiness and some ponies may however like him because of that. Others might run into him for help on homework and will be generous to help. Clouds is also kind and can help if you ask. His loyalty with others falters between the parties since he analyzes who is the better so he can help them. He doesn't lie because he is smart enough to know the consequences of it. He waits for someone to befriend him. His faults are that he is not athletic and is very clumsy, (just like a stereotypical nerd....) He fears spiders and getting bad grades. Somehow he runs into problems a lot.(In the picture, his cutie mark looks like popcorn.... Ignore it....) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellosh Posted February 5, 2013 Report Share Posted February 5, 2013 Howdy partner! How's this app coming along? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frost137 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2013 I don't know... I've been doing stuff lately....Quick Q: What is archiving an app? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellosh Posted February 5, 2013 Report Share Posted February 5, 2013 When an application thread is archived (either from inactivity or user request), it gets locked and moved to a "behind-the-scenes section". If a user wants to app that character again, they can ask a moderator to move the app back to this forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellosh Posted February 9, 2013 Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 Please respond to this message within 5 days or this thread will be locked and archived. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frost137 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2013 Alright, I'll get down to this! EDIT: I got the summary down! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellosh Posted February 11, 2013 Report Share Posted February 11, 2013 Ah, good to hear! Be sure to change [WIP] to [Ready] when you're ready for my evaluation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frost137 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2013 It will slowly come.... EDIT: Ready! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellosh Posted February 14, 2013 Report Share Posted February 14, 2013 Alrighty, time for my evaluation. You've got all the required fields filled in nicely, so that's good to see. Unfortunately, you can't have your character live in Ponyville at this time due to an ongoing housing crisis. However, your OC is more than welcome to visit the town during the course of Mane RP, even if he actually lives someplace else.I also ask that you revise your wording concerning the parts describing Three Cloud as an inventor. To be specific, please clarify that he has not in fact invented the air balloon or other items seen on the show, since claiming so would constitute unauthorized lore creation. While I'm believe that this isn't actually your intention, your confusing wording makes it hard for me to understand your intentions with 100% certainty. Additionally, I find your character to be a bit too young to actually be inventing things... at least not anything too complex. However, it would be fine and dandy to have him come up with ideas for smaller and more trivial items (which shouldn't be too hard for the son of a toy maker) as well as study on how he can learn how to invent and built more complicated things later in his life.Finally, because you describe your character as socially awkward, it is important for you to specify just how Three Cloud makes his friends. What types of ponies does your OC gravitate towards, and what ponies does he not want to be around with? What specific qualifies does your pony have that would endear him to likely friends? If you answer these questions in your app, it will give other RPers a sense of how their characters should befriend your guy here.With all that out of the way, I think you're off to a really good start with this app. It's clear that your character would fundamentally be one for other characters to hang around with. If you follow the above recommendations, I'm be even more sure that your OC would be an awesome fit for Mane RP. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellosh Posted February 16, 2013 Report Share Posted February 16, 2013 I just realized that you have two app threads marked as [Ready]. Please switch one of them to [WiP] ASAP, as you can only have one [Ready] app at a time. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellosh Posted February 19, 2013 Report Share Posted February 19, 2013 Just letting you know that I haven't forgotten this app yet, even though you're waiting on your other app to be approved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frost137 Posted February 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 19, 2013 So... even though a colt is not able to invent how do they become inventors in stallion years? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellosh Posted February 19, 2013 Report Share Posted February 19, 2013 Well think of it like this: do you see kids in real-life inventing gizmos and what-not? Not really; even the most gifted children have to start from somewhere, and at a young stage in life, children would need to be learning all about all the other stuff that has been invented before. That way, they have a groundwork to go on when they become adults, and they can use that groundwork to actually know what things can be invented. Essentially, treat your colt OC as an apprentice who's busy learning the skills he needs to know if he'll become an inventor in his adulthood. Hope that helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellosh Posted February 23, 2013 Report Share Posted February 23, 2013 Just a reminder that we're still waiting on your other app to be approved before you can mark this as [Ready]. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frost137 Posted February 24, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 24, 2013 Yeah, yeah. I edited a bit of the cutie mark story. How's it so far? I'm not done yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellosh Posted February 24, 2013 Report Share Posted February 24, 2013 To be frank, I have no idea what you mean by a puzzle piece story. Also, I think what you've got so far for the CM story could be a bit more tightly focused and less meandering. There's not much else for me to comment on since the CM story's still a work in progress. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellosh Posted February 28, 2013 Report Share Posted February 28, 2013 UPDATE: You are now cleared to mark this thread as [Ready] whenever you feel ready to do so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellosh Posted March 5, 2013 Report Share Posted March 5, 2013 Any updates on this app?PS: Upon further consultation with fellow RP Helpers, I want to issue a clarification and state that if you deem it absolutely necessary for your character to live in Ponyville, then that will be accepted. We still encourage you to have your new OCs reside elsewhere in Equestria, but we're open to exceptions on a case-on-case basis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frost137 Posted March 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 5, 2013 In my Jigsaw app, I didn't change that she used to live in Ponyville when she is younger. I guess the family shouldn't live Ponyville, but they did and then moved to somewhere else! Hoho! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frost137 Posted March 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 6, 2013 Double post...!?Shouldn't the cutie mark story be like into a bit of detail? Or... by what you said by less meandering you mean less tiny details?((Less meandering = Less tiny detail for short)) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellosh Posted March 6, 2013 Report Share Posted March 6, 2013 To be specific, your CM story does not actually describe the exact moment your character got his cutie mark. Instead, most of the space is used describing how your OC looked at clouds and wanted to be an inventor and all that. The most important details of a CM story consist of describing what events led up to it and what things exactly transpired that made the mark appear. Anything that doesn't accomplish this task is best saved for either the History or Summary sections. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellosh Posted March 10, 2013 Report Share Posted March 10, 2013 Any further updates, if I may ask? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frost137 Posted March 10, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2013 Not yet.......Yet.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frost137 Posted March 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 15, 2013 Slowly but surely.Got it done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellosh Posted March 15, 2013 Report Share Posted March 15, 2013 Now that's looking real nice! The only things I now ask of you are that you remove the references to cloud CMs being exclusive to pegasi and that you beef up your OC's history section by just a little bit more. Maybe you can explain why your OC's family moved to Canterlot along with how Three Cloud adjusted to living in a new city. Once those are taken care of, I can move this app along. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts