Pegasus [READY] Air 'Psyren' Siren

[AirPsyre]

Roleplay Type: Free For all

Name: Air ‘Psyren’ Siren (Previously known as 'Elegant Prance.' Big guess as to why he changed his name)

Sex:Stallion

Age:Younger Stallion

Species:Pegasus

Eye colour: His eyes are a lighter shade of brown.

Coat: His coat is green, with a light minty green around the muzzle

Mane/Tail: Both his mane and tail are a dark brown. His mane is styled in a slightly messy manner stopping at the base of his neck. His tail is surprisingly well groomed as opposed to the rest of his body and often hangs freely down to the middle of his hind legs. His mane is commonly complemented by a raggedy old top hat that is full of holes.

Physique: Psyren is rather thin due to the amount of moving around he often does. He was born with an above average sized wingspan with his leg muscles well toned as well

Residence: Apploosa.

Occupation: Traveling Performer/Town Crier

Cutie Mark: His cutie mark is a turtle she with the ‘yelling’ comic symbol over it. He had obtained this marking the day he witnessed a fire when he was home alone watching the house. The kitchen caught on fire when the cook was preparing his dinner, which Siren quickly noticed, letting out a yell for help which rang through the entire mansion. The servants were alerted and quickly dealt with fire while one them awknowlaged Siren's bravery. He praised his loud voice and his refusal to run away like most colts his age.

History:

Born in Manehattan, Elegant Prance’s family was considered among the Noble Ponies, due to having a lot of wealth. As such, Twinkle was raised with the expectations of following the rules of high society. Air was scolded for nearly half of his life, for eating wrong, speaking out of place, playing around in the dirt. Air always loved the dirt. He was fascinated by how easily it could break, yet it held all the ponies on the planet.

One day, his parents had left him alone at the mansion with the other servants so that they could go see the opera. Prance wandered the mansion, bored as can be until it was around his dinner time. He went to the kitchen to see what the menu was, only to find that the cook had abandoned his post for a quick break, causing a large fire in the oven which had already spread to the surrounding counter. Now, most colts would have ran away crying, but Prance sat there, processing the situation, trying to comprehend what was going on. It took five seconds. In one deep breath, Prance breathed in as deep as he can, and let out a yell.

His yell sounded throughout the mansion, the servents quickly hearing and rushing towards him discovered the fire and quickly put it out, while one servant checked on Prance's saftey. He praised him on the action he took, complementing his surprisingly loud voice, something Prance hadn't used as much. He told him his refusal to leave, even if it was from fear, was simular to that of a turtle, which simply retreated into it's shell. He told him Prance had a voice like and air horn or a siren. The servant had no idea how much his words would influence young Prance.

Since than, Prance had become MUCH more vocal, constantly yelling for fun and to exercise his voice, causing him to be dubbed 'Siren' which he took a liking too. He decided to go and take it a step father and add 'Air' to the front of his name, deciding that it was a fitting name for a pegasus. Thus he began to call himself 'Air Siren'.

His parents often tried to convince him to act like other noble colts, but Prance (He tried to get them to call him Siren, but they refused to encourage that) never saw the appeal in acting like a high class pony. Sure he had money, but that didn't interest him; He wanted freedom, something he felt that he couldn't find by living with his family's name. So once he became a full blooded stallion he told his parents his intent to leave.

In all honesty, they took it better than he thought. Sure his mother kind of cried, and his father was dumbfounded by his reasoning for wanting to leave, but they didn't discourage him as much as he thought they would. Instead, his father actually offered to help fund his journey, thinking that whether or not he was meant to travel he'd find out. Prance refused, stating that only leaving with a small sack of bits would be much more exciting than leaving in a carage. After rejecting his money, Prance's father instead gave him his hat, a top hat which was passed down to him from HIS father, who recieved it from his father, and so on and so forth.

Prance's, or rather Air Siren, now that he was on his own, first stop was Fillydelphia, making it there purely on the kindness of other passing travelers on his way there, giving him food and letting him stay at their camp. Upon arrival, Siren quickly discovered the difficulties of being poor in the city. He could not afford the expensive food or lodgings, and he was ignored the very same noble class he was once a part of. However, Siren soon found hope upon meeting a bat living in an abandoned building Siren had broken into for the night shelter. He befriended the bat and it followed him, hiding in his wings during the day. The way he befriended the bat involved him sacrificing the last of his bread rations, causing him to have to try and scavenge money the next day.

The next day, Siren walked into the entertainement district where many ponies preformed on the side of the street. Ponies would do their talents and passing ponies would put money in their money jar. This gave Siren the idea to entertain for his traveling money.

His show consisted of him flying into the air, drawing out ‘Air Psyren’s(Psyren looked cooler than Siren to him) Fantastic Spectacle’ which consisted of him doing simple flight maneuvers and making strange noises as well. Knowing the noble ponies (having been one himself), he charged a whopping 25 bits for the cheap show, knowing how much many nobles loved bad things that cost a lot. His friend the bat (Who he had taken to just calling 'Bat'), would occasionally join in, making the ‘spectacle’ somewhat more enjoyable.

After collecting enough money, he decided to get on the road again, and ended up traveling with a passing caravan that was headed towards Appleoosa. Upon arrival he resumed his dumb show, but lowered the price to a single bit, considering he was nowhere near any ‘noble ponies’ in Apploosa. While he does plan on leaving, he finds himself unable to bring himself to leave, enjoying the small towns open expance and the friendly ponies around him. It was a small town with lot of land to mess around in. Infact, after he displayed his yelling techniques, he was offered a position as Town Crier, even as a temporary position. So until Siren gets bored with the fun he is having, and figures out where he will end up heading to next, he has decided to stay at Appleossa, buying a small room in the local inn.

Character Summary:

Siren is extremely adept at analyzing crowds, a trait that was metaphorically beat into him as a colt, due to the nobles wishes to take care of him. He also is a capable flier with great stamina, making up for what he lacks in speed and flair.

He is fasinated by Bat's ecolation.

He finds it rather easy to make friends, but often tends to push them away if he feels to attached. His greatest fear is to be tied down to a single place again. Even then, he still respects his friends and isn’t afraid to have a good time.

As mentioned earlier, Siren has a unique fascination with dirt, often kicking the dirt in a slight character tic.

Siren treasures his hat, being the one thing that reminds him of the good times he had at his old life.

He is rather loud when he talks, which often causes some ponies to cringe. When he rant's his voice quiets down slightly.

He is somewhat cowardly. Having lived a mostly sheltered he is unused to seeing some of the more fearsome creatures, such as dragons and hydras, causing him to be more frightened by them than others. Some creatures, however, like the Timberwolves and Cocktrice, he finds fascinating due to their unique abilities, ie regeneration and stone vision.

His least appealing trait is his motor mouth, which will sometimes prattle on about some of the most pointless and unimportant things imaginable, like the effects of a Cocktrice locking eyes with a gorgon or a butterfly flying away.

[QuickLime]

Hello Air! I'll be the RPH helping you with your application! While an interesting concept this character needs some tweaking to bring out the real shine to his coat! Alright so I am going to highlight problem areas in Blue and then number them, below each quote I'll tell you why this wont work, and what you can do to fix it ! Alright you ready? HERE WE GO!

Name: 1:[colour=#0000cd]Air ‘Psyren’ Siren [/colour]

Coat:Mint green (2: [colour=#0000cd]fur[/colour] covers his entire body. It is typically knotty and full of dirt due to his adventurous nature. Around his mouth the [colour=#0000cd]fur[/colour]) grows a lighter green

Physique:3: [colour=#0000cd]Psyren is rather thin for a stallion due to his lack of eating constantly. His wingspan is large for a pony his size due to his constant use of them[/colour] and his legs are well toned as well.

Residence:4: [colour=#0000cd]Homeless.[/colour] He travels. Currently(at the start of my first post) Staying in Apploosa.

1: Lets start off with his name, You mentioned his parents were high class and rich right? I don't think naming their child "Air Siren" is something high class ponies would do, you could have that be a name he gave himself maybe? That and his birth name could be something he finds embarrassing so he doesn't tell anypony about Like I don't know "Fancy Prance" ?

2: Ponies don't have fur, they have hair, so simple rephrasing that his coat is green, with light green around the muzzle" might be the best method for this Other than that his description is fine.

3: The implied starvation is a little too much, even if he were homeless (another issue I will address) because it's a touch dark for Mane Rp , and not to mention he's a pony! He is surrounded by delicious delicious grass to eat, so there is no reason for him to not eat Also wings don't work like that, just because you use them more doesn't mean they get bigger! Rainbow Dash's wings would be HUGE! Perhaps he was just born with slightly bigger than average wings?

4: Being homeless is really not something we encourage around here, him being a wandering traveler is fine but maybe you should consider him making Appleoosa his permanent home?

His cutie mark is a turtle she with the ‘yelling’ comic symbol over it. He had obtained this marking the day he broke out against his family’s proper ways. After feeling himself repressed for far too long, told to be silent, clean and polite one too many times, Siren yelled. He yelled and yelled at them for almost an hour, finally finding his voice. He stood firm like a shell taking a blow for the turtle, living up to his name ‘Siren’ with his loud voice.

I'm not going to highlight this, because well it all seems a little off, his special talent is that he can yell really really well? And got this mark by being incredibly rude to his parents? This is not something we like in Mane Rp, it feels mean spirited and needs to be tweaked.

How about instead of him getting it because he screamed at his parents he got it because when he was a young colt he spotted a fire, and flew as fast as he could, yelling out the emergency, projecting his voice so well that his cutie mark became a megaphone with yelly lines coming off of it? And he then realized he was meant to be a town crier? A town Crier is very loud and calls out things of emergency, and the time

5: [colour=#0000cd]He was also a social outcast due to his blank flank. He never got his cutie mark when he was expected to, causing his family a lot of grief. One day when he was an much older colt(borderline stallion at that point),[/colour] his parents and he were invited to an opera[colour=#0000cd].6: Air’s parents yelled at him to come along, much to Air’s displeasure. He remained silent just as he always did when confronted with a problem. Then Siren’s mother told him to come with them or he would not be allowed outside for the rest of his school year to his last. That was it. With a fire of a thousand suns, Siren yelled no.[/colour] His voice shook his parents very core as he went on to give a verbal lashing on how he didn’t care about nobility or being accepted as a normal pony. He just wanted to be accepted for who he was. He didn’t back down. [colour=#0000cd]Not when his father threatened to disown him. Not when his mother sobbed. Air had made his choice. And he had gotten his Cutie Mark from it. [/colour]

5: We really can't allow this, a Cutie mark happens to a colt or filly BEFORE they are a stallion, I suggest you remove this, as well as all the abuse that you are having his parents dish on him, this whole back story is far too dark for Mane Rp, They can be strict but they can't be 'disowning" and nasty by locking him in his room for months on end! Here on Canterlot we strive very hard to keep things the same flavour as MLP itself so maybe try to soften these edges?

Overall your app needs some work, His history is too dark, him living a life of being homeless needs to be changed, as said it's too dark for MLP, and while having a pet bat is alright though, and rather adorable It's a very unique pet!

I think with some editing and such you can make this character a great fit for our Rp without all the drama and angst he has in his past Try making him a little more perkier, a little brighter! Chin up and all that

Maybe Emphasis his bond with his Bat? Explore his love for Knowledge a little more as well, but the whole application needs a little lightning since it is currently very dark and heavy for WOE Rp

But I have faith that you can turn it around and become a very welcome and interesting addition to our Rp

Let me know if you need any help alrighty dighty?

[AirPsyre]

Thanks for the advice. I'll try to revamp it tonight.

As for the whole issue of the angstyness of him, I see your point. In my defense, Most Rp's I've done have been, well... ussually things like Helsing and Fairy Tail. Dark violent series, so it's more of it affecting.

Still thank you for the excellant advice, I'll hopefully have it redone tonight.

[QuickLime]

Thanks for the advice. I'll try to revamp it tonight.

As for the whole issue of the angstyness of him, I see your point. In my defense, Most Rp's I've done have been, well... ussually things like Helsing and Fairy Tail. Dark violent series, so it's more of it affecting.

Still thank you for the excellant advice, I'll hopefully have it redone tonight.

Oh I can understand that! I'v done Dark rps in my time, but here we try to keep it light I appreciate your willingness to revamp You have no idea how much

[AirPsyre]

History's almost done.

I appreciate your willingness to revamp You have no idea how much

What have people thrown fits about their characters before?

[QuickLime]

History's almost done.

What have people thrown fits about their characters before?

Yes lol sometimes they don't take too well to being told they need to change thing ^^

[AirPsyre]

I see. Yeah well I don't mind haveing to change things as long as it's nothing to major and I can always flex it to a more suitable position... wait... does that make sense. Bah well...

[AirPsyre]

Done editting. Any other suggestions?

[QuickLime]

Give me a touch to read it over

[AirPsyre]

Alrighty.... You really like that Twilight Smiley. XD

[QuickLime]

It looks better but there are still a few tweaks!

1: The picture should move to the bottom, looks sorta strange there in the middle

2: He's still begging for scraps and being snubbed, so that needs to change not sure if I care for the idea that he (and you) think all high class ponies are snobs, we've seen that they arn't.

3: The Mention of Pinkie Pie and YE old Royal Capslock is unneeded and should come out

You are making terrific progress !

[AirPsyre]

Must have moved the picture on accident. Alright! I'll get editting. Thanks for the advice.

[AirPsyre]

Edited.

[QuickLime]

Looking it over!

Okay it appears Turtle Shell is missing it's L's! It looks like Turtle she lol

And thinking on it the fact that it's a turtle shell really doesn't make sense, when a turtle is "in it's shell" that's considered cowardly NOT courageous , I suggest changing it to a megaphone instead.

and in one line you call Siren "Twinkle" Lol another character of yours?

And I know that his name by birth is "Fancy Prance" but could you stick to ONE name? You call him three through the entire app and it's REALLY confusing D:

1:Prance

2:Twinkle

3: Psyren

Streamlining the history would be a good idea, it's sort of just a big mess, why don't you shave off any unnecessery bits that aren't crucial to your character? I know you are rather interested in the Cockotrice and the Hydra but those arn't common pony knowledge so I really think you should remove all mention to them, not to mention there are no Gorgons in WOE rp currently

I think you should overall focus on his personality more than you have and try to make your idea more clear

One last thing, while you have made serious improvements your app is rather hard to read, I'm going to link you to a finished application to see how they wrote theirs, so you can try to mirror it.

Here we are this is actually one of mine QuickLime

Alternatively if you want you can switch this app to FFA and it can be accepted as is, but do know that if you do this he cannot be used in Mane Rp.

[AirPsyre]

Alrighty

[QuickLime]

Are you making this FFA or going to keep trying to make it Mane Rpable?

[AirPsyre]

FFA. Shoulda specified I guess. Sorry 'bout that.

[QuickLime]

Alrighty! I can send this off to be stamped then

[AirPsyre]

What do you mean stamped :3

[Rosewind]

Stamping is our method of approving an application for play, signified by the image you see below. Free for All (FFA) and Crossovers (CO) are roleplay areas that you may participate in without an application, but you are welcome to make one as a reference to show other players who your character is. World of Equestria is the only roleplay area that requires an application; characters for there must follow a certain design and quality standards, so they take more work to develop because they must stay close to the canon and flavour of Friendship is Magic.

I recommend playing this character in the Crossover and Free for All areas to get an idea of how our game works, and designing a WoE character for play once you are comfortable there, if you'd like. Until then, consider this application ready to go for Crossovers and Free for All!

[AirPsyre]

Sweet! Thank you all! I look forward to hanging with you all!