Who dares to live forever? [Invite only]

[Halide]

Warning - the following thread, by the very nature of it's intended subject matter, is not going to be a happy one. If you are of the type to be disturbed or upset by the idea of loneliness and losing one's friends, I suggest you stop here and read no further.

It was late - the sort of late that hung between being far too early to start the day, and far too late to get a good night's rest. Being awake wasn't a problem, really - there weren't usually pressing matters in the morning, not during the cold, short days of winter. Spike didn't really want to be awake, it would make him all the crankier the next morning, as those around him would surely expect that he be every bit as useful on half an evening's sleep as he would be on a full night's rest.

3 o'clock, said the enchanted little glowing hands of his trusty mechanical clock. Something along those lines, anyhow. 3 was generally just a bad hour to be awake, unless a really good party was involved. Nobody he knew wanted to be up past 3 in the morning, it just wasn't healthy. But, that wasn't the problem either.

What was bothering him was the noise. The twisting of sheets, the quiet yet distinctive huff of frustration, the tiny little tells that said something was awry. Twilight was either having a bad dream, maybe even a nightmare, or something was keeping her up. He didn't think it was her wings; she was getting used to those, or so it seemed, and that wouldn't have her kicking every now and then at her increasingly-wrinkled sheets.

Of course, Spike was used to Twilight being restless, but usually he was able to point out the reason with easy precision. Tests, finals, overdue letters, mind-teasers she'd been working on all day, puzzles she was still solving, spells that had eluded her considerable repetoire during the day... those, he'd heard her toss and turn over. But she hadn't really been working on any of those things during the day - or if she had, she'd been uncharacteristically silent about voicing her frustrations with them to him.

Not that she was the only one with something hanging on her mind, if that was indeed the case - Spike couldn't sleep either, though with a much smaller stature and fewer limbs, he'd been quieter about it. Things were on his mind, too, and if Twilight was awake enough to continue her stirring, then the odds were that she was cogniscient enough to tell that maybe Spike was similarly restless, not that he'd be aware of it either way; Spike thought himself to be much more subtle than he actually was.

The young dragon ended up deciding to break the slightly uneasy silence between the newly-realised princess and her draconic assistant, choosing his words and his tone carefully - he kept his voice low and hushed, his ennunciation clear, his words slow, and most importantly he avoided calling her name, as it might subconsciously alert her if she was sleeping.

[colour=#800080]"You still awake?"[/colour]

[RCTwilightSparkle]

The moonlight trickled in through Twilight's window as she twisted around trying to roll away from it. She closed her eyes tighter and tried to ignore her new wings, which were nothing but trouble at night. The awkward new appendages made nearly every sleeping position seem impossible. When she was lying on her back, they just seemed to stretch out awkwardly and make Twi extremely aware of their presence. If she tried tucking them in they just dug into her shoulders, which was equally uncomfortable. She finally settled into sprawling out on her tummy; letting her limbs just lay wherever they wanted to. She kicked at the covers until they were down low on her back, not touching her wings at all.

The clock ticked loudly and Twilight did her best to focus on it; pour all of her thoughts into the sound, into the very idea of it. Unfortunately, her mind wasn't having any of that. There were too many important new thoughts, new ideas and new fears to consider.

I never asked for this.

That was all Twilight could really think about as she tossed and turned in bed. During the day while Twi was distracted by her friends and her duties, everything didn't seem so bad. However, as soon as this new alicorn princess was left alone in her own head, she was filled with a sense of loss. She would never again be who she once was; her once planned future meant absolutely nothing now. Twilight - the biggest planner and preparer for all situations, was not given any warning. She had no time, or even any say in what happened to her. The thought of blaming Celestia seemed wrong and unfair, so she did her best to insist that it was nobody's fault; just a part of her life that had to happen.

Tears silently welled up in Twilight's eyes and she quickly wiped them off on her pillow.

There was a distinct lack of snoring in the bedroom, which meant that Spike probably wasn't sleeping either. Twilight wanted to say something, anything, but she had no idea what to say or how. Instead of reaching out to Spike who truly was her best friend, she just let out a long sigh and did her best not to sound like she was crying.

Finally, after more silence and crying... Spike decided to break the silence. Twilight was very grateful for that.

Twi took a deep breath to steady her voice and quietly said [colour=#800080]"Yes."[/colour] In spite of her efforts, that little quiet yes came out very shaky. She tried again, but she just couldn't say anything else. Twi felt that as soon as she opened her mouth again she just would not be able to stop talking; like everything that was hurting her would just spill out. So instead she just waited to see what else Spike had to say.

[Halide]

Just as Spike thought he was more subtle than he actually was, well, the same went for Twilight. Perhaps someone else would've completely missed that faltering tone of voice, and the slight tremor in her sigh - but he was a clever young dragon, and one did not spend years upon years with someone who needed an eye kept on them without picking up on details like that. Not only was she tossing and turning, but she was an audiably upset princess, too.

[colour=#800080]"Yeah... me too."[/colour] Was Spike's reply; it was dumb, it was obvious, it was pointless, it was short. It was the best he had to fill the otherwise awkward silence that ensued as he tried to figure out what to say next. Still, Spike had spent the last six hours curled up in a ball, trying to rest - he was stiff, and so he arched his back in a somewhat cat-like stretch. Slowly, the young assistant rose, approaching Twilight quietly, his feet padding across the floor.

Of course, he'd been up with his own troubles. The very question of the disparity between his expected life and Twilights was one he had previously avoided like the plague - he'd developed his own little way of shoving the questions of mortality out of his mind if they ever cropped up. For good reason, too - Dragons lived many, many, many hundreds of years longer than Unicorns, and he thought of Twilight growing so very old just as he began his adulthood was more than he wanted to bear. That had changed, of course, but it had only changed for Twilight, and truth be told there was more than one pony on the face of the planet he liked. Facing those sorts of thoughts had kept him uneasily awake, but the idea of at least having Twilight and Celestia to rely on for presumably ever at least helped.

Still, Spike didn't know for certain why Twilight was upset and restless, so rather than asking 'how come' directly and thus forcing issues out of her, Spike decided to try and bring up his own concerns. If it turned out that Twilight had different reasons for being upset, after all, she had a tendancy not to bottle them up.

At least they'd have one-another; hopefully, touching on that would at least make the ensuing conversation a little easier. A glance towards a lonely, slightly scorched bird's peg gave Spike all the more reason to realise that things just didn't last because he wanted them to, and those that would last he should be grateful for.

[colour=#800080]"So... Dragons and Alicorns live for a really long time, don't they?"[/colour] Spike murmured, taking an uninvited seat on the corner of Twilight's bed.

[RCTwilightSparkle]

Twilight listened to the quiet sound of Spike's feet as he moved gently across the bedroom. She smiled slightly and tried her best to breathe without stuttering. It was taking everything Twilight had inside of her to stay quiet and somewhat in control of her emotions.When faced with a dangerous situation, Twi was fantastic at controlling her emotions and being effective; when left in her own head with upsetting thoughts, she often fell apart completely. This was nowhere near the first time that Twilight had been like this in front of Spike. As always, he was not only a wonderful assistant but also her rock; the one who she could always lean on when she was lost and felt hopelessly sad.

This time felt different. This time, Twi's entire world was flipped over and everything she was expecting out of her life seemed to be gone. It wasn't really, but it felt that way. Right now it was impossible for Twilight to see beyond what she lost; the life that would never be.There were good things about this; she was now a princess who had access to all of the knowledge in Equestrian history. Everything that Celestia and Luna could read, she could read too. She had fancy new wings, which would be kind of useful once she got the hang of them.

She was also going to be around for the foreseeable future. This was the problem.

Twilight felt a gentle weight at the edge of her bed as spike spoke. The scared princess tucked in her new wings and pushed herself up on the bed. She moved closer to Spike and then pulled him into a soft hug, hoping that he wouldn't mind.

Twilight quietly murmured [colour=#800080]"yeah"[/colour] and then she paused. Still feeling at a loss for words, this was all she could think of. She couldn't just come out and say it, it felt wrong. It felt like it wasn't really happening until she said it out loud.

Twilight had not even asked Celestia if alicorns had a known lifespan, or if she was now destined to watch the world forever.

[Halide]

Spike had, of course, been the voice of optimism a few times now, when Twilight had managed to find herself getting terribly upset. But this time? This time felt different. This time, something had irreversably changed. It was impossible to avoid that fact, and although things had seemed to be all smiles and amazement early on, but there were some heavy implications. The other horse-shoe had fallen, but with it came plenty of silver lining.

At this point, he was rather certain that they had the same general thought on their minds : Both of them were going to live a very long time, and very few of their friends were going to do the same. Of course, simply trying to force out optimism towards Twilight wouldn't help anything - and frankly, he wasn't sure that it was all sunshine and happiness either. Her own sudden realizations were bringing out some of his own uncertanties; they'd have a lot to discuss, once they'd sorted themselves out.

A rustle came from Twilight's wings, and soon enough he found himself playing a part that Smartypants might have once held. Not that he minded in the slightest, of course. The leg around his chest was met with a gentle brushing with the back of his claw for a few moments, and then the sturdy limb was consigned duty as an armrest. Hugs were fine. Hugs helped. He was pretty sure that was an immutable fact.

After a bit of hesitation from royalty, Twilight managed out a shaky [colour=#800080]"yeah", [/colour]leaving Spike temporarily grasping for what to say next, stuck between being grateful he'd have his best friend around for much longer, or to comiserate that they were both going to very much outlive their friends in Ponyville.

[colour=#4b0082]"...I kinda never wanted to think about it, because... well, it'd mean spending a lot more time remembering you instead of having you around. Even if everyone else... I-I mean..."[/colour]

His voice trailed off there. He'd tried to bring up both good and bad at once, and largely, it just crumbled into ideas and trying not to upset Twilight further. Was mentioning all of their other friends a bad idea? Was he being self-centered? ...Well, at least they'd have time to discuss everything. Dawn was quite some time away, after all.

[RCTwilightSparkle]

Twilight closed her eyes and appreciated Spike's reaction to her hug. Being with him for a very long time would be nice; however, the idea of them watching time fly by while they stood almost stagnant in it seemed so strange. Twilight never expected - or asked, to have something like this. Celestia has probably seen countless generations of ponies, do they all start to blur together? Would her life eventually be measured in larger units like eras instead of just days and weeks. How could every individual stand out to somepony who watches the ages go by before her eyes? Twilight was very afraid that she'd lose track of what is right now her entire life. At the moment, it all seems to be such a long time and so very important. A thousand years from now, would it really still seem that way?

Spike's next statement made the entire situation real. It was out loud and it was true, the two of them were going to outlive almost everyone who they loved dearly.

Purple wings rustled nervously as Twilight tried to figure out what to do now. New limbs came with new possibilities for nervous, twitchy habits; something Twilight did a lot. She took a deep breath and said [colour=#800080]"I'm so happy you're a dragon and not a pony."[/colour] The thought came out strangely, but at it's core what Twilight meant was simply that she was glad she wouldn't go through this alone... at least for a while. Twi frowned, realizing that even Spike wouldn't be there forever. What if even something as long enduring as their friendship could become a small point in her timeline?

Twilight did not like this, and she didn't know what to do.

Part of her mind was wondering if it would hurt less to stop finding friends with short lifespans. Maybe it was time to go back to hiding in her bookfort all day.

After another moment of silence she asked [colour=#800080]"How do you live with this, Spike?"[/colour]

[Halide]

[colour=#800080]"I'm so happy you're a dragon and not a pony."[/colour]

He briefly considered muttering a 'yeah, me too', but he caught himself just before opening his mouth, considering it to perhaps be in poor taste, considering the scenario. Spike had heard similar sentiments a few times before in his life - usually in scenarios involving fire. But usually, that statement had been said in releif, rather than in a mix of intangible worry and distress. Another rustle of her wings, and a little purple down managed to waft briefly through the air.

Another moment of silence ticked by on his little clock in the corner, the little dragon keeping quiet amidst his own thoughts as he tried to find some straw or another to grasp in conversation. Something nagged at his mind, that maybe there were plans for things to turn out as they had - Twilight, the newly-coronated Alicorn, and himself, her extraordinarily long-lived assistant. ...Did Celestia predict all this? Did she know, or was this simply how things were hoped to turn out? That would be something for a future letter, certainly.

But, that would have to wait, as Twilight took in another breath, deciding to look to him for assistance. [colour=#800080]"How do you live with this, Spike?"[/colour]

[colour=#4b0082]"I, um... I didn't, really." [/colour]Murmured the juvenile dragon, his voice quieted by a sheepish tone. [colour=#4b0082] "I just told myself that I'd know better when I was older, or that... we'd figure it out when the time was right for it. When I was older, and you were older too. That it'd just be easier then, somehow." [/colour]That sort of thinking had, after all, served him pretty well for the last few years. There wasn't anything stopping it from working for him now, either. But, that probably wouldn't work for Twilight, and if it didn't work for her, then he'd hear of it, and it'd stop working for him, too. Ignorance and apathy were never really the sorts of things one carried in for a long-term plan, and more than ever, Twilight was surely thinking about the bigger picture.

[colour=#4b0082]"I guess we're not allowed to just see how it turns out, hunh? I mean, seeing as you're a princess now, there's... there's probably going to be a lot counting on you - on us, even." [/colour]Spike's tone got a little less confident, his head bowing just a little. It wasn't just going to be Twilight and her baby dragon forever. He was going to grow big, strong, and powerful himself; not soon, but he was going to, someday. A clever dragon could do a lot in Equestria, and such a mantle of responsibility would require a lot of careful attention.

And yet, the idea of him, a full-grown dragon with all the wisdom and experience of growing up alongside Celestia's protege - maybe even her replacement - that offered him a bit of a reason to smile. Someday, after all, the two of them would be capable of great things. Greater than he could probably imagine. But they were going to be important, and that brought him some solace amidst his uncertainty.