Stronghold[Ready]

[TheExemplars]

Roleplay Type: World of Equestria

Name: Stronghold

Sex: Male

Age: Older Stallion

Species: Unicorn

Eye colour: Gold

Coat: Stronghold's coat is a dark chestnut, with white socks on his forelegs and white stockings on his hind legs. Stronghold's muzzle is also white, and his left ear is tipped.

Mane/Tail: Stronghold's mane is a dark gray, nearly black, streaked through with lighter gray. His mane isn't as full as it used to be, (Though Stronghold will tell you otherwise,) and while he may cut it short for any type of work or ceremony, Stronghold normally keeps it longer, pushed off to one side. Stronghold's tail is docked, or permanently cut short, and matches his mane.

Stronghold has dark gray-black scruff on his chin.

Physique: Stronghold is a rather large pony, heavyset and well-muscled. He stands taller than most, holding his head high in a practiced stance. When he walks, however, he does have a light, but visible limp in his gait. Stronghold's fur ends just above his hooves.

Residence: Canterlot

Occupation: Royal Guard- Training new recruits(See History for more details)

Cutie Mark: Stronghold's cutie mark consists of two lances crossed over each other. The top lance is blue with silver ribbon, while the one below it is gold with red ribbon.

Stronghold received his cutie mark when he first entered the Guard as a recruit. During one of the exercises, a tower used for training came loose. Stronghold shoved another recruit aside when he saw it falling, damaging his leg in the process. It wasn't until he was patched up that he noticed his flank was no longer blank. His devotion to the guard was such an important part in his life, his cutie mark captured it. The lances are crossed to symbolize protection, not offense.

History:

Stronghold was the firstborn to Frostbite and Delta, his first few years spent nestled in their warm cabin in the north. He grew up in a small village at the base of the mountain range, where the air was always crisp and cool, but the hearths always warm. Stronghold had many excessive bouts of magic in his tender years, some going to the extreme of placing himself or one of his toys on the roof. Luckily for his parents, young Stronghold's magic bursts calmed down with age as he learned to control them.

Stronghold had a bit of natural talent with magic. He was able to levitate small objects with ease, despite a few drops here or there, and was able to hold larger objects during his colt hood. It wasn't until he began training with his father that Stronghold really began to excel.

Delta was a former guard, taking his leave from service to spend more time with his family. A fine warrior, Stronghold will still credit his father for the bulk of his skill if asked. Delta taught him to control his magic, not release it. To concentrate aura to a single wall, blocking an opponent.

"A good warrior must use weapons against their enemy to win. A great warrior only needs his mind." Is what Delta had told him. Stronghold has lived by this creed ever since.

During his time training his father, Frostbite gave birth to Vanguard- the second oldest of her children. Due to training, however, Stronghold was not able to spend much time with him.

Stronghold only learned offensive magic in the months leading up to his entry test. By now, he was able to form a dome over himself or another pony and hold it, as well as wield a lance with only his hooves.

Offensive magic was... Not Stronghold's finest point. His spells almost always went wrong- he was unable to control the orbs of magic, let alone hurl them at someone. After careful consideration, Delta switched tactics, teaching Stronghold how to better his lance skill with magic instead. Stronghold improved his skills until the dreaded day arrived: Entry day.

Stronghold lost his first fight. It was against an earth pony who insisted on piercing his magic with every weapon on the wall. If this is what the guard was, he was afraid. While his head spun, he found himself nudged toward the exit by one of the guards, but never heard that he was out of the ranks.

He was absolutely terrified of what was to come.

The next fight was against a unicorn mare. With a white coat and silver mane, she winked at him and wished him good luck, to which Stronghold hardly stammered a reply. She was truly beautiful, and he hardly realized the fight started before he noticed a blue orb hurtling towards him. Instinctively, Stronghold formed a barrier to the front of him, effectively reflecting the attack, much to her surprise. Seeing the magic strike a wall and disappear gave him confidence.

Three more blocks later, and his nerves stopped their trembling.

The mare was growing tired, he could tell. One, two... Three more shots out of desperation, all deflected. The fourth, however, caught him by surprise, forcing him to sidestep rather than block. While she tried to regain enough strength for another spell, Stronghold took a lance in his magic and rushed her. He was the one who was surprised next.

She met him evenly, their blades catching each other.

It had been a ruse.

Stronghold just smiled.

She was a worthy opponent, and he truly didn't know who the guards were watching more. She would not give up, and neither would he. Multiple times they had each other pinned, but the one on the ground always escaped the hold. In the end, however, Stronghold came out on top. Both of them were sweating, sides heaving for breath, hoping that the battle would be over. The mare yielded to him at last, almost unable to keep her eyes open. The offensive spells had worn her out more than she had let on in the beginning.

Stronghold helped her up, allowing her to lean on him as he plodded to the exit. Making sure his opponent was able to lay down somewhere was on his mind. What wasn't on his mind was that the guards were waiting for them.

Or that they both had made it through.

Returning home to an elated mother, Stronghold tried his best to make the most of his home before he had to leave. This was the one time he could see Vanguard, and he planned to spend as much time with his brother as he could.

Stronghold grew worried when Vanguard avoided him the entire week, even hurt that his brother wouldn't speak with him. However, the guard needed him, and Stronghold left for Canterlot a heavy heart... And no farewell from Vanguard.

When he arrived in the station, Stronghold was pleased to see Starlight in the crowd, surrounded by ponies whom he could only assume to be fellow recruits. Heading towards their direction, Stronghold was surprised when the group rushed around him. Apparently, they had more viewers than he had noticed sitting in on the fight. Accepting all praise with an awkward, humble dip of his head, Stronghold made sure that Starlight received praise as well.

Training was always in partners or teams. On that first day, when the captain told them they would choose their partners, all it took was one look from across the field. Stronghold and Starlight stood shoulder to shoulder, proudly, both with a gleam in their eye. Their bond truly strengthened when Stronghold saved Starlight in their first exercise.

The lookout towers used for teambuilding were old. When an earth stallion barreled into one, it teetered, falling towards the ground... Directly over Starlight.

Stronghold galloped towards her, shoving her forward more forcefully than intended(He was incredibly sorry about her sore shoulder that week), but saving her from the crashing tower. The pain in his side ebbed away when Starlight pointed out his no-longer blank flank. Two lances, one gold, one blue, for protection and Devotion to the guard.

Stronghold and Starlight passed their final exam with flying colors, another spectacular battle taking place between the two. This time, the captain had to call an end to the fight, for neither of them would yield. Both were recognized for their devotion and hard work during their training.

It was no surprise when, a few months after their rise to full guard rank, Stronghold and Starlight announced that they were getting married. The two were wed on a balcony overlooking Canterlot, and though they were not able to take a proper honeymoon, Stronghold made for a romantic night.

Stronghold and Starlight served side by side, protecting their beloved city from threats both great and small. Soon, Starlight's belly was noticeable- she wasn't simply putting on weight. While patrolling wasn't the same without his wife, Stronghold still served up until the week when Starlight was due. Though the birth was two days late, the pair was overjoyed to welcome Pastel- their newborn daughter- into the world.

Pastel was a lively little filly. Stronghold enjoyed his days home, caring for his daughter and mate, helping Pastel explore her possibilities. When she was older, Stronghold found her taking to painting. Their walls were covered in Pastel's drawings. What had been just a name for her soft-colored coat quickly became her talent. Stronghold couldn't be more proud when she earned her cutie mark of a paint brush and pallet.

Foxtrot lived with Stronghold and Starlight for a few months, a surprise to the older stallion. His youngest brother was planning on opening a shop in Canterlot, and enjoyed his stay in Stronghold and Starlight's care.

When Pastel opened her art shop, it was a bittersweet moment. Right across the street from Foxtrot's storefront, she moved into the shop and out of her parent's house. It was odd not having their little girl around, but Stronghold and Starlight adapted. They never changed Pastel's room, though, always welcome their daughter home.

Stronghold still lives in Canterlot today, definitely one of the older guards in Canterlot, yet still willing to serve. While Starlight retired, happy to stay home and rest her legs, Stronghold now takes part in training the new recruits and offering advice to his fellow guards. He isn't able to go on many field missions, but can be seen patrolling the streets as he used to, normally with Starlight by his side.

Character Summary:

An Exemplar of Canterlot, Stronghold is a stallion with both a kind heart and steadfast will. He prides himself in protecting those who cannot protect themselves, and is not above helping even fillies resolve a dispute over a toy. Stronghold is very family oriented, and would do anything in his power to protect them, even at the cost of his own life.

Though retirement is not something Stronghold wishes to face, he does look forward to the day when he can spend the morning with Starlight, and spend the rest of the day visiting Foxtrot and Pastel.

Between the Guard and flattering Starlight, (That is a full time job), Stronghold enjoys painting with his daughter. It is a favorite pastime of his and nearly an everyday thing. Pastel is teaching him watercolor currently.

Stronghold's main fault is his physical condition. Due to an old injury from his training and his age, Stronghold is not able to do many things he used to without difficulty. He also tends to refuse medication or hospital care for his leg, forcing Starlight to hide his medication in his food, or make him rest at home.

[RainbowFoxxy]

Hi there TheExemplars! I'm not an official RP helper here, but I noticed a few things to help you move through the application process quicker and get Stronghold into the RP action here at the Canterlot forums.

I do want to say before I start that I really like this character. He's got a lot of depth and you've obviously spend time making him an excellent history!

With that, here's my hopefully helpful pointers:

1.) I've noticed quite a few small grammatical and punctuation errors through out your application. You might want to give the whole thing another read through, focusing on checking for these small errors. Although sometimes a few things get through, the cleaner the application is written the more enjoyable it will be to read.

Example:

and his left ear Is tipped.

Mane/Tail: Stronghold's mane is a dark gray, nearly black, streaked through with lighter gray. His mane isn't as full as it used to be(Though Stronghold will tell you otherwise,)

Stronghold was nearly ready to joining the guard.

Fixing a few little things like this will make the whole thing read smoother.

2.) It is not acceptable to refer to cast characters in your application for an OC character. You've done this a couple times:

Species: A lovely, majestic Unicorn like Miss Rarity

About a hand taller than Big Macintosh, Stronghold is heavily built and well muscled.

3.)

Occupation: Royal Guard

You might want to flesh this out a little bit. What exactly are his duties in the Royal Guard?

4.) Your cutie mark story has the essence of being a great story however, pushing some pony out of the way to save them and receiving an injury in the process doesn't really have enough depth to be a cutie mark earning moment. What are some other instances when he showed his devotion to the Guard? Maybe they lead up to his moment of receiving a cutie mark? The other issue would be that recruit aged fillies and colts would most likely have already earned a mark, earning his mark while being a recruit seems like it might be coming a little too late to stay canon. (I'm not 100% sure on that...but it's a pretty good guess I think)

Maybe he earned his cutie mark for protection and devotion before entering the Guard and that spurred him on to enter it? Just a thought...

5.) Your history story is really great! I love the relationship between father and son and the relationship between Stronghold and Starlight. I am thinking though that the amount of use of weapons, fighting, and the relationship between Stronghold and his brother is much more suited for Canterlot Chronicles.

but the blade of his lance, drawing blood and disqualifying him.

Blood letting and the like is not canon in the show, that makes this much more suited to Canterlot Chronicles. WoE is 'slice of life' from the show and the amount of sparring and weapons being used would not be seen in the FiM show.

Although the relationship between Stronghold and Vanguard is very interesting and fun to read, it doesn't really fit with the keeping of the FiM series. I am thinking you will be asked to tone down Vanguard's reactions, and also the part about Stronghold being depressed.

I hope this helps you out! Once he's approved it would be a pleasure to RP with you here at Canterlot!

[TheExemplars]

The ipad was not nice to me today, sorry for all the stupid errors. Thanks for pointing them out.

Eh... the first one was more of a joke from the app form. Will fix both.

In his history, it states what he does now. He trains new recruits for the most part and patrols the city, but I will add it to the occupation

His cutie mark was originally earned by uniting the Lunar and SOlar guards when Luna returned (Stronghold, Vanguard, Foxtrot, and Starlight are all pre-established in my fanfiction I am working on), as he was Captain before Shining. Since none of that could be used... I had no idea how to really do it. I can't imagine Stronghold without a crossed lance cutie mark. I will try to come up with something else possibly.

Blood was my bad.

And I will cut out Vanguard screaming at him, but I feel like the magic blast is no less than Trixie egging on Twilight. As for depressed, it was only a word. If your brother didn't like you, you would feel sad, I hope? Especially when you try to help them. Slice of life does mean everyday things, but how would the guard accept recruits? I figured that the life of a guard would be much different than a regular pony, but I will take your advice and wait to see what happens.

Thanks for the help~

[QuickLime]

We also discourage using the main cast to describe your characters, so please remove all references to Big Mac, or any other character as a form of description

[TheExemplars]

I may be slow in editing the changes FireFoxx suggested- My laptop is deciding to be a butt.

[RainbowFoxxy]

Oh ipads, you can be hard to type on. I totally understand that Sorry your laptop is being a butt too! Bummer...

I don't think you should change his cutie mark unless you want to. I like the crossed lance idea. I think maybe just altering how and when he earned it a little would make it usable for WoE.

It would also be ok I think to write (see history for full detail) in the occupation section. That way you're not just copy pasting. Maybe just give like a sentence or two with basic job description in the occupation section and then tack (see history for full detail) after.

I'm glad you've found my pointers useful. Stronghold is gonna be great for RPing here when you're all done with him!

[TheExemplars]

Fixed all spelling errors

Fixed canon references

Added to Occupation

Took out the blood

Lessened Vanguard's actions

Cutie mark story is still the same since I can't really come up with something different. :C Saving his future wife is sort of sticking.

[RainbowFoxxy]

Glad you were able to make the the changes. I've done all I can do to help you The RPH's will take it from here!

[Halide]

Speaking of RPH? Bam, here's one! (spoilers : I am the RPH. It is me).

Arright, so, your history reads more like a fanfiction than a summation. If you could trim it back a bit, especially when it comes to dialogue and characters other than the one you're applying for, that'd help. This app's for Stronghold, not Vanguard or FoxTrot or Pastel or Starlight, but you seem to go on about them all for a rather sizable chunk. I'd really suggest paring back on all of that, especially the parts that don't even involve stronghold's direct involvement.

That aside, the 'family and friends' section of the app isn't actually part of the WoE application form, I'd honestly give it a miss. Not that you need to remove that from the character's setup in general, but it's basically an unnecessary addenum.

So far, you've done an OK job of keeping this character in WoE's bounds, at least from the readover of the history you've got going. However, with all the focus you've got on his whole military career and background, I get the sense you might wanna itch to use this character more in Chronicles than in World of Equestria. I don't think that you're gonna have to change anything in the character summary, but if you're looking to put this guy on adventures and heroics, that'd be the best place for it.

Gimme a shout when you've edited down the history section, and I'll poke one of the staff with an approval stamp.

[TheExemplars]

Here's my shout! I've edited all the history and things

As for heroics, well, Stronghold's just a bit too old to be running around doing that, despite his attempts to try(Starlight might confine him to the house if he does anything like that) which is why I thought he'd fit into WoE for the slice of life.

[Armony]