CandyStar Posted October 3, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 3, 2015 Again, tense error. 'Asked'. If you like I can go back through this and correct all the past tense and change it to present, but to be honest I would use past tense, it works a lot better. That first sentence needs a full stop somewhere though, and a new paragraph. I think... ' "Star?" Zalgy Cake asked. // Dimmed Star glared at her...'Could you? I'm terrible at knowing what words to use. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noedig Posted October 24, 2015 Report Share Posted October 24, 2015 People who offensively slam anyone's work are just jealous.I feel like I need to write an epic soon.Very soon...Anyway, I'd like to criticize your work, but I'm busy at the moment.When I have the time, I'll give you a piece of my mind about your story.I'm really interested to read and help. Even if you already have help, I'll still read it.Toodle-oo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CandyStar Posted October 24, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 24, 2015 People who offensively slam anyone's work are just jealous.I feel like I need to write an epic soon.Very soon...Anyway, I'd like to criticize your work, but I'm busy at the moment.When I have the time, I'll give you a piece of my mind about your story.I'm really interested to read and help. Even if you already have help, I'll still read it.Toodle-oo.Whatever help I can get is appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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