Obsidian Hour [Ready]

[FiniteZero]

So, for my first character, might as well start with this one. While he isn't the first pony character I've ever done, he's the first one not adapted from a previous character I have created.

Roleplay Type: He's more suited for slice-of-life RPs, though I'd be fine with throwing him into whatever.

Name: Obsidian Hour

Sex: Male

Age: Young-ish Stallion

Species: Crystal Pony

Eye color: A rather vibrant purple

Coat: His coat is very black and glassy, like his namesake.

Mane/Tail: Both his mane and tail match his coat in color. His mane is brushed straight forward into a point, and the end of his tail brushed flat vertically.

Physique: He is a little tall and rather scrawny. He is rather weak physically, and can't take a hit.

Residence: Nomad (tends to move around, usually sleeping inside his small wagon)

Occupation: Obsidian is a traveling clock-maker, specifically of the novelty variety. He runs the Traveling Timepiece Emporium of Curiosity.

Cutie Mark: His cutie mark is a set of purple lines in the shape of a clock face, with the 12:00 line extending to the center and pointed at that end. He recieved his mark one day when both his parents and his brother were out, presumably to see a play that Obsidian had little interest in. He took apart his father's grandfather clock, and after staring at the pieces for about five minutes in panic, he managed to put it back together. Not only did the clock function, but he managed to fix the problem of the pendulum catching every once in a while and having to be reset. When his father came home, he was initially displeased that Obsidian had done taken his clock apart without permission, but when he found out that the obnoxious catching problem was fixed he was actually proud of his son. Upon realizing the talent he had, Obsidian recieved his cutie mark.

Unique Traits: He is pretty good at fixing clocks, and coming up with unusual ways to tell time. He can't fall asleep without the sound of a ticking clock. Has a fear of bees, drowning, heights, and mushrooms. Likes very enclosed spaces.

History: He alwas loved taking things apart since he was a wee colt in the Crystal Empire. He wasn't as good at putting things together, much to the chargin of his father Infinity Era. His father was a guard, and his mother Timepiece was a master clock maker. His parents owned a clock store (one passed down generation to generation in his mother's family) that they lived in. While his father was a bit more strict, he also tended to tell more jokes. His mother was fairly sweet to him, though she had a tendancy to complain a lot and was rather forgetful. It didn't take long to get used to his parent's recurring arguments. He would usually spend his time reading or writing stories, as he has a pretty creative mind that he wanted to find a use for. He wanted to play games with other ponies his age, but he was a bit too awkward to go out and make friends most the time. The only times he had friends where when he was forced to interact with others, namely when he was in school as a colt and when he started work at his parent's shop as a stallion. While Obsidian loved working with clocks, he found himself drawn more towards making strange and unusual chronometers rather than traditional elegant clocks that his older brother, Finite Hour, excelled at. Once he became of age, soon after the return of the Crystal Empire to Equestria, he saved up Bits to purchase a traveling wagon and supplies in order to travel around Equestria with the Traveling Timepiece Emporium of Curiosity, or the T-TEC for short, to sell his novelty clocks. He also repairs clocks, to bring in a few more Bits.

Character Personality: Obsidian is rather good-humored, and will tell jokes when he sees the opportunity. He also likes to butcher the Equestrian language for fun. While he is good with his customers, he can become very shy and awkward whenever he's out of his element. Despite this, he will try to make friends with the local ponyfolk. He'll always give bits to those he feels need them more than him if asked. He gets irritated very quickly by children. He gets annoyed easily in general, usually by others humming or whistling.

Character Summary: Obsidian Hour is a quirky traveling novelty clock maker and repairpony. He runs the Traveling Timepiece Emporium of Curiosity. Often tries to make friends with the locals, despite how awkward he can get.

[RainbowDaringDash]

Hello and welcome!!! 

I'l be reviewing your app for you, and honestly i like the look of it so far!!! But there are a few things that need to be fixed before i can approve this for second evaluation

First issue, is there is no Cutie mark story. Its pretty self explanitory, but part of the app, despite it not being shown on the actual form, is a story of how your OC got his or her cutie mark, not much to say here but try and add any challenges they faced, what did they try? Who helped? Who made it hell for them? That kind of stuff might help you out!

Another issue is the history is a bit short, it needs to be expanded a little. What was his childhood like? What did he want to be? What was his relation ship with his family? Try and add more for people to read, and more for people to relate to so that they can know the char better.... English no work just then

For now, thats all il say as those are the biggest issues. Hope this helped!!! Good luck, Obsidian Hour has potential!!!

[FiniteZero]

Alrighty then, I fixed it up a bit. If additional problems ensue, let me know please so that I can unensue them.

[RainbowDaringDash]

Well, the main problems are fixed. And doing my re read, i see no further issues, so, putting up for second eval!! Good job!!

[RainbowFoxxy]

Hi there! I'll do a second review for you

Overall, I like this character. Good design and well put together story.

please give this one more read as there are a few grammatical errors. Example: the first sentence in the history section.  

Also, the note about the name of his clock store can be removed as it's not necessary.

Let me know here when you've had a chance to edit. You're almost there with this app

[FiniteZero]

Okay, I think I fixed the probs, though let me know if I missed any. I type with my ipad, so sometimes it misses a keystroke without me noticing.

[RainbowFoxxy]

Tick tock!