Pegasus Shadow Myth[FINAL]

[Karnaloth]

update: added cutie mark story

[AsthmaticPegasus]

No problem, man

[Karnaloth]

added a pet, felt like she needed someone who sticks to her most of the time. so I introduce falk the snow falcon

I think the application is a go for assessment, I hope I did it properly.

[SunsetSombra]

The application is, for the most part, clearly carefully considered - although a couple of niggles stand out to me...one of them a little more trivial than the others, but still.

1:

her pillow(which she drags along everywhere)

this is my small trivial point, but why would she need a pillow in cloudsdale? Clouds are fairly plush as they are and apparently work in a similar fashion to pillows.

Just something that stuck out at me initially when I was reading through.

2:

Seeing this as a challange, she went back to her original self, and did the thing she regrets most, she flew around the lands looking for any snow blizzards she could ride upon, opon finding one she dove right into it, she thought everything was going well until she felt one of her wings give in to the harsh weather conditions. she crashed into the snow below and found her wings to be broken.

I don't see the need for her to break her wings...as much of a trying ordeal as that is for what you wanted to get across, I feel it's just a little *much* for the theme of the board - plus, it seems that pegasi wings are a lot tougher than they look to simply break. You mentioned that it was cold weather...so perhaps use a more comedic spin on it, such as her wings were simply 'frozen stiff' in the cold climate proved to ultimately ground her, and forced her to spend the time wandering aimlessly until her rescue.

3:

[4:12:48 AM] "Motivation:Too be the fastest, like her idol Rainbow Dash, who she has never met in person, but heard a great many stories about."

[4:13:21 AM] "Not much later, she developed her love for her idol, Rainbow Dash, by hearing the stories of her deeds, she now strives to become like her."

I think the problem here is...just what has she heard?

We've sorta established as the series has gone on that Dash and the others aren't REALLY talked about or made to be public hero's - most other ponies tend to ask who they are, and for the most part Rainbow Dash is only REALLY known to her friends - the RD fan club from Mare-Do-Well doesn't really count, being both mostly local to Ponyville AND almost entirely comprised of younger ponies. It's always dicey when using a reference to cast in an application, even indirectly, and can usually cause headaches trying to find a good workaround.

If anything, it may be best that you simply omit it as it's 'fluff 'in regards to the overall application content itself and doesn't really change much overall.

Just a couple of things there really that caught my eye with the application that could probably be adapted as required...although the first one isn't ultimately all that important. However, I do feel that the broken wings is probably a little bit far, and could stand to be perhaps altered into something serious enough to convey your point but not going over the top.

Edited March 13, 2012 by Robikku Pegasus

[Karnaloth]

first off, thanks for the feedback.

1. I wanted her to have something she clinged on to, since she likes sleeping, I figured she'd take a pillow everywhere. But you make a very valid point I hadn't considered, I'll remove the pillow.

2. I figured that a comical approach would be un-realistic as in, too the point that if one were to drop from the sky during all out blizzard they'd be certain to break something, especially when one is being as reckless as Myth in this case, however I do believe the comical way would proof a much more entertaining story to her parents. so I'll edit that out 2. I think I'll change it to frozen over, so she can't fly, but come home with minor injuries and just a bit shaken about her own foolishness.

3. I wanted her too have an idol. I honestly blindly assumed that the happenings in the season had happened her too, so I figured she'd be pretty well known. sorry that I wasn't up too date about this. is it okay if I were to change her idol(s) too the wonderbolts?

thanks again for the feedback

[MyLittlePonyTales]

3. I wanted her too have an idol. I honestly blindly assumed that the happenings in the season had happened her too, so I figured she'd be pretty well known. sorry that I wasn't up too date about this. is it okay if I were to change her idol(s) too the wonderbolts?

This sounds better. The Wonderbolts are definitely known all throughout Equestria, and maybe even beyond that (i.e. the Griffin lands). They're a touring group; they visit royal events like the Gala and perform shows in arenas all over Equestria.

[Karnaloth]

alright, I've edited

[SunsetSombra]

. I honestly blindly assumed that the happenings in the season had happened her too, so I figured she'd be pretty well known

These events HAVE happened, it's just that the mane 6 are ALWAYS asked who they are - Rainbow Dash's name, for example, when namedropped by Rarity in sweet and elite was met with a confused parroting of it and no immediate recognition...suggesting that, actually, her name isn't all that important beyond Ponyville.

As another small point, Rainbow Dash's name wasn't really mentioned during the event...she was referred to as her number, as was Rarity, when they both went out to perform.

The only way anyone would have really 'heard' her name at that event was having been up close to the group at any point..something that obviously isn't the case.

However, I can't see much else really holding up the app, and the corrections seem to be all in order - I'll toss it on up the ladder and see how it goes for ya!

[Karnaloth]

ah, thanks for the heads up

[Skye]

As for having something to cling to, maybe she could have a small saddlebag or pouch with which she keeps a small Teddy Ursa? I'll let you add this in if you want even after Approval.

[Karnaloth]

thanks but she's fine now, she has Falk