blorgle Posted April 19, 2011 Report Share Posted April 19, 2011 blorgle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teh_Brawler Posted April 19, 2011 Report Share Posted April 19, 2011 I like her! I have somewhat of a bias, but I like her. I would recommend adding a little backstory to her cutiemark/talents, and maybe a bit of history. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blorgle Posted April 19, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 19, 2011 blorgle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StrawberryBlossom Posted April 19, 2011 Report Share Posted April 19, 2011 ^^ I'm a little curious as to what sets her apart from Twist, who has the same pelt color with red mane and tail and whose special talent is making peppermint candies. ^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MudBug Posted April 19, 2011 Report Share Posted April 19, 2011 I do have to add mw own concerns that this apart from a few minor details is very disturbingly similar to Twist, maybe a few more notable differences need to be added? Maybe a different sort of candy product cutie mark? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blorgle Posted April 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 20, 2011 blorgle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thunder Boomer Posted April 20, 2011 Report Share Posted April 20, 2011 Even if you made her before you saw Call of The Cutie, the fact remains that she is fairly similar.Hmm. . . I think I could forgive the creme pelt and the candycane cutie mark, it's the origin story that's the kicker. Particularly the part about making peppermint candies for her friends and school mates (Which is exactly what Twist did).I do like that she enjoys babysitting.I think the best course of action to get her approved would be to:A: Re-work her to focus more on the baby sitting side. Give her a cutie mark that reflects that.B: Keep the candy making, but take her as far away as Twist as you can. Change her background story. (Do her parents have to be candy makers? People might wonder where their candy shop is in terms of RP and it might seem less close to Twist if they're not. Maybe she loved watching candy makers through shop windows. Totally change up her cutie mark story. There has to be another way other than giving out candy to her friends.) . . . and change her cutie mark? What about candy buttons, candy toys(This would work great since she likes to babysit), hard candies, candy ribbons, orlicorice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blorgle Posted April 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 20, 2011 blorgle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skye Posted April 20, 2011 Report Share Posted April 20, 2011 The re-write is going better, but I'm not sure how her special talent relates to her cutie mark at this point. But I do like where this is heading, just a little more tweaking is in order, I think! Firstly, what did she do to actually earn her cutie mark, and what does it have to do with it? I think having something to do with candy is fine, it's just making sure it's not too close to Twist, perhaps. Maybe she started babysitting as a foal (A lot of little girls get their first jobs this way) and she learned how to make different kinds of candy treats to appease her charges? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thunder Boomer Posted April 20, 2011 Report Share Posted April 20, 2011 Looking much better! Just remember to update your picture so people aren't confused. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blorgle Posted April 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 20, 2011 blorgle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skye Posted April 20, 2011 Report Share Posted April 20, 2011 I'd recommend splitting up the last paragraph into two, right around where it says 'But one day, Sunnydew started crying'. Split it in front of the 'But' into a third paragraph, and it'll look good. Approved! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blorgle Posted April 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 20, 2011 blorgle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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