Unicorn Shooting Star [Final]

[Inuchan]

Roleplay Type: World of Equestria RP

Name: Shooting Star

Sex: Male

Age: Stallion

Species: Unicorn

Eye Color: Medium Blue

Coat Color: Light blue-ish lavender

Mane/Tail/Markings Color & Style: White Appaloosa body and leg markings. Spiky powder blue mane with light blue streaks. Spiky tail with same colouring as mane.

Physique: He is quite slender, with strong hind legs.

Cutie Mark: A comet with a trail behind it.

Origin/Residence: Manehattan

Occupation: He works at a bakery as a chore pony. Shooting Star isn't very good at this job but he has to do it to earn a meager living. He wants to take his science big-time but struggles to get time away from his job. At the moment, he is looking for a way to either change jobs to something less time-consuming or try and negotiate with his boss about having fewer hours.

Motivation: Shooting Star is inspired by the great ponies at the science ward! He believes that someday he will rise to the ranks of those mighty minds and become a top astrologer.

Likes: (optional)Stars, astronomy, science, studying, quiet, peace.

Dislikes: (optional) Mean or greedy ponies, foals, music, most food (very fussy eater)

Character Summary:

Shooting Star was born in a Manehattan Hospital, to mother and father Juniper Kiss (Possibly NPC, might make her an OC Later) and Lifting Storm (Possibly NPC also) and spent a lot of his time learning. As a colt, he was a shy bookworm and was frequently bullied by aggressive ponies, so that added to his shy and quiet manner. The bullies targeted him because he was always applying science and math to real-life situations, out of the classroom, and this annoyed the said bullies. His mother, Juniper Kiss is a teacher at a local school, and she teaches a science class to young colts and fillies. This is also a reason for Shooting Star's love of that subject. Lifting Storm was a builder, and he was frequently off on work, so Shooting Star didn't see him much. Juniper Kiss is still working at a Manehattan Public State School, but Lifting Storm went missing a few years ago. Shooting Star often went to sit out by a small hill where he last saw his father. After a mere month had passed, he realized that his father wasn't going to return. Due to this, Shooting Star is overly possessive of those he loves to protect them from whatever might hurt them. Juniper is very distraught over this and clingy to her son, a trait that he returns to her.. Shooting Star's Cutie Mark is a star with a small curving trail behind it. He recieved it after discovering a small star in the sky as a colt and showing it to some big-time scientist ponies. This star was a bright blue, a very pretty one in fact. The discovery wasn't very big but Shooting Star still watches it in the sky each night. The said big-time Scientists were a bit shocked that a colt had found a star that they, major scientists, had missed altogether. He is very interested in science and astronomy, and this sets him apart from the majority of other ponies as his interest in the 'art' is extremely high and he believes that if he studies astronomy enough he will understand the way of the world. He is very reluctant to make serious friends, and doesn't trust many ponies at all. On a night of the Winter Solstice he snuck into an observatory to watch the stars and moon. He was caught and punished for trespassing, and he is very cautious about this kind of thing nowadays. Shooting Star is very calculating and serious, and he doesn't like to make mistakes. He speaks slowly but with cold tones. He can't deal with noise very well, and often snaps out of his shyness to yell or shout at the noise-maker. The stallion is very irritable also, with an easily frayed-temper. Despite this, he manages to keep calm most of the time.

[brianblackberry]

Greetings, reading your application here I noticed a few things that could be tweaked as well as a couple of FYIs for you.

First the FYI - For parents, you can play the as NPC’s, create them as actual OCs or ignore them altogether in the RP. There is no requirement to play family members of an OC even if that OC still associates with his family or even lives with them.

There is no need to mention him being bullied in school twice, once it has been established, it shouldn’t need to be mentioned again, as it is just repeating oneself. Also I wouldn’t say a love of science separates him from “most ponies”, although the idea of him being seen as an egghead by his peers in school is fine, and could be elaborated upon to establish exactly why he was ostracized (also perhaps he was seen as a teacher’s pet, given his teacher was also his mother).

You mentioned his father went missing. We see how this affected his mother, but how did this fact change his life, and how did it alter him personality wise. Since you felt it was worth covering, it should be tied in some way to the shaping of who Shooting Star is.

The area that really concerns me and I feel should be altered as the idea of astrology as a science. Astrology isn’t a science, it is a belief system. Astronomy is the scientific study of the universes, it is completely separate from any sort of divination an astrologer may believe the stars divulge to them. If you wish to play the character as an aspiring scientist, you should alter his desire to be in astronomy. If you wish him to be an astrologer, you should alter his story to be more interested in fortune-telling and other similar arts where the focus is magic.

He was caught and punished more cruelly than was necessary.

This particular piece of information feels frivulous and doesn't fit in with the rest of the summary. It feels purposeless because we are not given the why as to him being treated so poorly, and more importantly, how this treatment influenced his personality for good or ill.

[Corsair]

To add to what Brian has stated: I think some part of your story could be expanded.

In his cutie mark story, was there something unusual about the star he found? Was it a new discovery? How did the scientist ponies he talked to react to a little colt making that discovery?

You also list that he's working at a bakery. Now, there's nothing wrong with having a job that does not relate to his talent, but is he trying to get into a more scientific position, or is his science just a hobby at this point? Is he maybe trying to get into a university to continue his studies?

Just a couple of things to think about.

[Inuchan]

@ Brian

Thank you very much for your help.

With the astronomy/astrology thing, I got them confused. >.>

@ Corsair

Thank you also for your help.

Okay, I've edited the form, it should be better now.

[brianblackberry]

Alrighty, looks good to be; I'll add it to the list for the final approval stamp.

[Inuchan]

Thank you so much!

[Manestream]

I would like a little more depth on the cutie mark story- i'm curious if shooting stars' desire to understand the world and heavens is somehow tied into his desire to understand the actions and/or find his father. Parts of it seem like it could be fleshed out (like how did he get the attention of leading astronomers to recognize a new star, and how did shooting star know it was a star that hadnt been catelogued?)

I think these are places you should look at expanding into as you enter into the RP, but aside form that, approved!