Earth Pony (Final)Whacky Wilson

[Deadpool]

Roleplay Type: Crossovers

Name:Whacky Wilson

Sex:Male

Age: young Stallion

Species:Earth pony

Eye colour: brown, but the mask makes them appear pure white.

Coat colour:red.

Mane/Tail/Markings colour & Style: Black, shaven to fit his mask.

Physique: flexible, skinny

Cutie Mark: Whacky got his cutie mark as a young colt, in an argument with a bully to defend himself, he blabbered witty comebacks and annoyed the bully into giving up. Making his cutie mark, a comic book speech bubble.

Origin/Residence:Whacky grew up in Fillydelphia, but later on moved to Canterlot.

Occupation: free lance guard (Think a rent-a-cop.)

Motivation: Whacky Wilson is an awkward pony, as such his motives are usually awkward.. But most of all it is his paycheck that keeps him going, he is a very greedy pony, and that is a habit he is often trying to work on. He also keeps going to taste another vegetarian chimichanga the next day. This being his Favorite food.

Likes: Chimichangas, Money, Craziness,Dislikes: (optional)

Character Summary:

Whacky was far from a normal pony, he was in a word, whacky. Here is a small origin story of how he got like this, it was when he was a young colt, he was a good and well behaved colt, but he always felt like something was missing, basically, whenever somepony was bragging about how much better they were then him, or bullying him, he would never defend himself. Until one day when he had enough. He decided to dress in a red and black shirt instead of his usual sweater vest. And tried to join a conversation.Where he encountered his Elementary School bully, Big Bud. Bud tried to bully him, but Whacky had enough of Bud and made comebacks that destroyed Bud's entire argument. This was the argument that god him his cutie mark.

From that day forth, Whacky was like a god of talkativeness, once he was in an argument over who was cooler, and despite all of his opponents insults, Whacky found creative, and funny comebacks that attracted an entire crowd, to the point where the other pony plain gave up. As a young stallion, he left home and became a free lance guard, he found criminals and brought them to jail and guarded... other stuff. He wears a mask, made of cotton, out of the pure fact that he finds the feeling cotton against his face comfortable. He got athletic abilities after learning the key to chasing criminals in Canterlot was by rooftop, he learned all kinds of flips and tricks, such as front flips, back flips, mid air cartwheels, and barrel rolls.

He has many skills such as acrobatics, but his most commonly used skill is his mouth, he will talk endlessly into winning an argument or just blabber nonsense until the other pony gives up.

He has trouble getting along with other ponies, and has resorted to talking to himself in the form of two speech bubbles that only he can see, one yellow, one white. These two speech bubbles "Fred" and "Charlie" are extremely argumentative with one another.

Fred is basically interested in "EXPLOSIONS,COMIC BOOKS, OTHER MANLY THINGS"

Charlie is interested in "High society manners and being a gentlecolt."

These two are not MPD or Schizophrenia, but merely imaginary friends in a word. Whacky has asked them multiple times where they have came from. To which they reply

"High society"

-Charlie

"That place, you know, that one down the street, take a left, down the block. go to the moon, go back to Equestria (Further directions)"

-Fred

Here is a brief way on how they work:

Fred is basically there to KEEP Whacky awkward and funny, where as if Whacky gets too awkward and out of touch with reality, Charlie will talk him back into sense. These two are a fun comedic gag, here is a list of things I have planned for them to do.

Arguing with the angel and devil on his shoulders

Breaking the fourth wall to acknowledge that I quoted someones post.

Also I have been warned to keep these on the lighter side, so don't expect me to use them too much.

[Deadpool]

Can I have some feedback

[Deadpool]

Done, I finished WITHOUT your feedback suckaz.

[Halide]

As it's currently written, this application will only be accepted in crossover, and you can use him for free-for-all, but given the nature of the character this isn't currently acceptable for Mane RP.

If you want him to be acceptable for mane RP, there's going to be a lot that needs fixing up. First of all, use of hearts desire to grant permanent supernatural powers is, well, way over the line, and would not be allowed.

Though the use of the deadpool mask might possibly be feasible in mane RP, the use of weaponry isn't. As much of the mane RP is G-rated, such a weapon would likely be unsuitable - and, furthermore, there's the question as to how an earth pony would work such mechanisms with nothing but hooves and teeth. Also, keep in mind that the vast majority of mane-style RP involves little or no physical conflict, and more often focuses on character interaction and some peaceable problem-solving.

After that, for mane RP, you're going to have to put a fair bit more into his personality, including giving him a home, an occupation, a backstory, a quick story as to how he got his cutiemark, and a bit more of an explanation as to who he is.

Furthermore, I'd strongly suggest against making your character be part of any official Equestrian guard, as to do so does require some in-depth understanding of the setting and the organizations. I don't think such a self-stylized 'antihero' archetype would really fit in.

Finally, for mane RP, you can't have your character granted his position by Shining Armor, or by any other presently-existing canonical character, without the permission of the player in question. Though Shining Armor (and, for that matter, Princess Celestia) are currently being played by Diomedes, I doubt that he would agree to this as this character currently stands.

As crossover RP is largely unrestricted, this will probably pass for crossover RP, but it is a very long way from being acceptable in mane RP.

[Deadpool]

As it's currently written, this application will only be accepted in crossover, and you can use him for free-for-all, but given the nature of the character this isn't currently acceptable for Mane RP.

If you want him to be acceptable for mane RP, there's going to be a lot that needs fixing up. First of all, use of hearts desire to grant permanent supernatural powers is, well, way over the line, and would not be allowed.

Though the use of the deadpool mask might possibly be feasible in mane RP, the use of weaponry isn't. As much of the mane RP is G-rated, such a weapon would likely be unsuitable - and, furthermore, there's the question as to how an earth pony would work such mechanisms with nothing but hooves and teeth. Also, keep in mind that the vast majority of mane-style RP involves little or no physical conflict, and more often focuses on character interaction and some peaceable problem-solving.

After that, for mane RP, you're going to have to put a fair bit more into his personality, including giving him a home, an occupation, a backstory, a quick story as to how he got his cutiemark, and a bit more of an explanation as to who he is.

Furthermore, I'd strongly suggest against making your character be part of any official Equestrian guard, as to do so does require some in-depth understanding of the setting and the organizations. I don't think such a self-stylized 'antihero' archetype would really fit in.

Finally, for mane RP, you can't have your character granted his position by Shining Armor, or by any other presently-existing canonical character, without the permission of the player in question. Though Shining Armor (and, for that matter, Princess Celestia) are currently being played by Diomedes, I doubt that he would agree to this as this character currently stands.

As crossover RP is largely unrestricted, this will probably pass for crossover RP, but it is a very long way from being acceptable in mane RP.

Thanks for the feed back, will make changes later

-sincerely, Deadpool

[MyLittlePonyTales]

You should pick a Roleplay Type, rather than 'both'.

All Mane RP characters can be used in Crossovers.

No Crossover characters can be used in Mane RP.

So if you're planning to fit him for the Mane RP, you can just put Mane RP for Roleplay type. If you only want him for Crossovers, put Crossovers. Never put both, either, etc. Pick one. (Makes it easier for the staff to critique.)

[MyLittlePonyTales]

How is this Application coming along?

[MyLittlePonyTales]

If a comment is not made saying you would like to keep this character, it will be removed in 5 days.

[Deadpool]

Yes I would like to keep it

[MyLittlePonyTales]

Okay. Please check up on the app every few days.

[Rosewind]

I'm going to take over for Tales, so hello there!

Since it's been over a week since this application has seen any comments or activity, I would like to warn you that it will be removed in five days. Please let me know if you would like to keep it open for development.

Thankies!

[Deadpool]

I will make some edits right now if that is the case

[Rosewind]

For realsies? Yay! When you're all done, please be sure to tag this application as Final.

[Deadpool]

The app is finished and ready for critique

Starting up GIMP right now to make a picture

[Rosewind]

Hi there! I'm going to be giving you some heavy criticism for this character, so please bear in mind my tonality is quite friendly. Let's get down to business, okies?!

Though while creative, I'm still seeing a lot of problems with this application that Halide brought up originally. World of Equestria (Mane RP) is a roleplay environment designed to echo FiM very closely. Characters are scrutinized carefully by several staff before being approved for play. Ask yourself this: if you turned on an episode of FiM right now, would this be a character you would see in it? I know it sounds like a pain, but it is necessary to keep the game fun, interesting, and conducive to the rules and environment we've worked scrupulously to make.

Whacky Wilson is still going to need some pretty big changes, so I think you'll need to mull over the character design carefully.

1. Powers from eating heart's desire have got to go. He might have eaten it and received a temporary effect, but this will not work in the long term.

2. His eyes may not be pure white. He is welcome to wear a mask (a la Mare Do Well), but he must have an original eye color.

3. His cutie mark story needs...a story. A description of what it is (a cracked nut) does not describe his special talent, which you're suggesting is a healing ability. This doesn't match up. Please think of an anecdote that describes his cutie mark, and what it means to the character. This is very important.

4. You're talking about him being beatable, which seems to infer that this character is meant for some sort of fighting RP environment. This is definitely not that kind of roleplay.

Remember: think FiM! This character would be fine in Crossovers and Free for All, but you need to have an approved, Mane RP character application before you are able to participate in the roleplaying group (thus able to make Crossover roleplay posts). If you like the character concept, you can A. Make a new character more in-line with Mane RP rules. or B. Overhaul this once to work with the rules, then do whatever you like for FFA or CO.

TL;DR - This character needs to be overhauled with more canon-appropriate details or it won't be acceptable for play.

Thank you, and good luck!

[Deadpool]

Hi there! I'm going to be giving you some heavy criticism for this character, so please bear in mind my tonality is quite friendly. Let's get down to business, okies?!

Though while creative, I'm still seeing a lot of problems with this application that Halide brought up originally. World of Equestria (Mane RP) is a roleplay environment designed to echo FiM very closely. Characters are scrutinized carefully by several staff before being approved for play. Ask yourself this: if you turned on an episode of FiM right now, would this be a character you would see in it? I know it sounds like a pain, but it is necessary to keep the game fun, interesting, and conducive to the rules and environment we've worked scrupulously to make.

Whacky Wilson is still going to need some pretty big changes, so I think you'll need to mull over the character design carefully.

1. Powers from eating heart's desire have got to go. He might have eaten it and received a temporary effect, but this will not work in the long term.

2. His eyes may not be pure white. He is welcome to wear a mask (a la Mare Do Well), but he must have an original eye color.

3. His cutie mark story needs...a story. A description of what it is (a cracked nut) does not describe his special talent, which you're suggesting is a healing ability. This doesn't match up. Please think of an anecdote that describes his cutie mark, and what it means to the character. This is very important.

4. You're talking about him being beatable, which seems to infer that this character is meant for some sort of fighting RP environment. This is definitely not that kind of roleplay.

Remember: think FiM! This character would be fine in Crossovers and Free for All, but you need to have an approved, Mane RP character application before you are able to participate in the roleplaying group (thus able to make Crossover roleplay posts). If you like the character concept, you can A. Make a new character more in-line with Mane RP rules. or B. Overhaul this once to work with the rules, then do whatever you like for FFA or CO.

TL;DR - This character needs to be overhauled with more canon-appropriate details or it won't be acceptable for play.

Thank you, and good luck!

I made some more edits

Now he is more about, being witty and his cutie mark is a comic book speech bubble, the story to how he got it is in there too

[Rosewind]

Looks much better! I'm sorry I didn't bring this up the first time, but we don't actually measure character ages by years in this roleplay. We measure by the type of pony and gender (like colt, young stallion, stallion, older stallion), so this character would probably be a stallion. and I would put "As a young stallion, he left home"; "As a young colt, he got his cutie mark" instead of giving specific ages. It's all about the flavor! The speech bubble cutie mark is a nice work around, and I see you gave him an eye color.

Outside of those changes, what kind of details can you provide? You say he's good at acrobatics -- how did he get good at them? What are his signature moves? This is your character, so put some interest and thought into the kind of pony you want him to be. The more details you can give me, the quicker I can process this application and get you into the game!

Thank you for working hard to get this application looking good! A few more tweaks and fleshing out, and I think this will be ready for approval!

[Deadpool]

Looks much better! I'm sorry I didn't bring this up the first time, but we don't actually measure character ages by years in this roleplay. We measure by the type of pony and gender (like colt, young stallion, stallion, older stallion), so this character would probably be a stallion. and I would put "As a young stallion, he left home"; "As a young colt, he got his cutie mark" instead of giving specific ages. It's all about the flavor! The speech bubble cutie mark is a nice work around, and I see you gave him an eye color.

Outside of those changes, what kind of details can you provide? You say he's good at acrobatics -- how did he get good at them? What are his signature moves? This is your character, so put some interest and thought into the kind of pony you want him to be. The more details you can give me, the quicker I can process this application and get you into the game!

Thank you for working hard to get this application looking good! A few more tweaks and fleshing out, and I think this will be ready for approval!

Okay, Finished.

[Rosewind]

I like the added details. I see you still have his age (at the top of the application) listed as 21 though!

[Deadpool]

I like the added details. I see you still have his age (at the top of the application) listed as 21 though!

Fixed

[Rosewind]

Thank you muchly! I'll let you know if anything else needs editing, otherwise sit tight!

[Rosewind]

I'm sorry this has been sitting for a while. I've reviewed it carefully, and it's going to need some work. The first applications are usually the hardest. The main idea is that we want this character to be like we would see him in FiM for real. I'm going to go over this application piecemeal and give you constructive ideas on how we can make this character work. Keep in mind this is positive feedback; you need a mane-approved character before you may indulge in Crossovers, which is where I think you'd like to roleplay the most.

Roleplay Type:normal

Name:Whacky Wilson

Sex:Male

Age: young Stallion

Species:Earth pony

Eye Color: brown, but the mask makes them appear pure white.

Coat Color:red.

Mane/Tail/Markings Color & Style: Black, shaven to fit his mask.

Physique: flexible, skinny

Cutie Mark: Whacky got his cutie mark as a young colt, in an argument with a bully to defend himself, he blabbered witty comebacks and counter-trolled the bully into giving up. Making his cutie mark, a comic book speech bubble

Origin/Residence:Whacky grew up in Fillydelphia, but later on moved to Canterlot.

Occupation: free lance royal guard

What is a free lance royal guard, and how did he come to find a paycheck by doing that? Also the "counter-trolling" seems a bit off to me. You might just say he talked his way out of the problem instead of putting the other pony down.

Motivation: Whacky Wilson is a crazed pony, as such his motives are usually awkward.. But most of all it is his paycheck that keeps him going, he is a very greedy pony, and that is a habit he is often trying to work on. He also keeps going to taste another vegetarian chimichanga the next day.

You say he gets a paycheck -- where does he work? Try to make it realistic to FiM's universe. He likes chimichangas as a motivation? Does he spend all his money on them??

Likes: Chimichangas, Money, Craziness,

Dislikes: (optional)

Character Summary:

Whacky was far from a normal pony, he was in a word, whacky. Whacky was like a god of talkativeness, once he was in an argument over who was cooler, and despite all of his opponents insults, Whacky found creative, and funny comebacks that attracted an entire crowd, to the point where the other pony plain gave up. As a young stallion, he left home and became a free lance royal guard, he found criminals and brought them to jail. He wear a mask, made of pure synthetic leather, out of the pure fact that he finds the feeling cold synthetic leather against his face comfortable. He got athletic abilities after learning the key to chasing criminals in canterlot was by rooftop, he learned all kinds of flips and tricks, such as front flips, back flips, mid air cartwheels, and barrel rolls.

Synthetic leather won't work, as that doesn't quite fit into the canon of FiM. Try to think of another pony-friendly material that would exist in the cartoon, such as cloth or cotton.

He has many skills such as acrobatics, but his most commonly used skill is his mouth, he will talk endlessly into winning an argument or just blabber nonsense until the other pony gives up.

He has trouble getting along with other ponies, and has resorted to talking to himself in the form of two speech bubbles that only he can see, one yellow, one white. These two speech bubbles "Fred" and "Charlie" are extremely argumentative with one another.

Fred is basically interested in "EXPLOSIONS, COMIC BOOKS, OTHER MANLY THINGS."

Charlie is interested in "High society manners and being a gentlecolt."

I hope you enjoyed my self insert

Is Whacky suffering from a multiple personality disorder, or i this just something he does for fun? Characters in Mane RP are not welcome to be afflicted by mental illness, so I'd like to ask you to clarify this element of your character, and perhaps make it clear why this aspect is important to Whacky.

That said, I think more details about the character in general would be helpful. Try to give him real personality. Does he have any aspirations? Where does he live? Does he act like a normal pony during the day, trying to hide his other identity? Try to think of ways you can make this character complex in a way that makes sense, appealing, and fun for other players to roleplay with. Good luck!

[Rosewind]

Hi! Any progress? Please comment on this application within five days or we'll have to remove it. Thankies!

[Deadpool]

I'll get right to it.

[Deadpool]

Did some more edits.