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'Doc' Holly Whoof [Final]

NurseRedheart

By NurseRedheart
in Original Characters

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NurseRedheart Parasprite

NurseRedheart

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(Holly Whoof Ver.3.5.1)

Roleplay Type: World of Equestria RP

Name: 'Doc' Holly Whoof

Sex: Female

Age: Mare

Species: Unicorn

Eye Color: Ice Blue

Coat Color: Mint green

Mane/Tail/Markings Color & Style: Mane and Tail: scruffy white, black highlight, Mane Style: Long down hair (Messy)

Physique: Slender The average build of a pony, ribs can be felt under a thin layer of marshmallow, ribs cannot be seen through skin.

Cutie Mark: Ponyville Medical Cross

Origin/Residence: Originally from Ponyville (Then left because of Over population) Now lives in the "Regal" city of Canterlot. Honestly the only appealing thing about it to her is the pastel looking buildings.

Occupation: Formerly an "adept"... Accountant. She now spends her days as a "Qualified" Surgeon (Intern)

Motivation: Her parents dying (Not in front of her) The death of those two brave... Accountants shall forever serve to push her when she's at her lowest. But probably at a higher level is her kind of creepy passion for surgery (Of the pony variety)

Likes: Ike

Dislikes: Pears and ponies that bother her. But above all else... Hipster Ponies. Why? She doesn't know.

Character Summary:

History: As a filly, Holly was never really looked at as a "Respected member of society" She did her own thing and let the others do what they wanted. Everything was pretty normal for her. Living near enough to the Everfree Forrest to throw rocks at it. She spent most of her free time trying to stir up trouble. Mostly by throwing rocks at the forrest.

Her favorite rock/mineral was a piece of amethyst, partially covered in obsidian named Winter Eclipse, became a very close companion and mentor to her. She has never steered her astray. To this day Holly keeps "Winty" in her saddle bag... In case she feels lonely or sad. Take that as you will...

Her parents were both accountants and worked 9-5 jobs. Never saw much of them. (But she did see them!) But they all loved each other because, well how do you not love multicolored pastel ponies? As she grew so did her interest in... accounting. This continued for a few more years, until... She received a letter from Ponyville saying that there had been an accident in her parents cubicle, and they had... passed on.(Peacefully). After a bit of an... episode at the farmers market involving celery, a tomato and an excessively long chat with Winter Eclipse. The mare decided to use her non existant skills of accounting toward advancing pony medical science by being a pony surgeon in Ponyville (She later learned that accounting didn't help very much but it certainly didn't hurt).

Four to eight pony years later, the focused pony obtained a pony Medical degree in pony surgery. She has recently started her internship at Canterlot Memorial Hospital.

Parents: The foal of two dedicated, hard-working, skilled... Accountants (Deceased)

Cutie Mark Story: Never having a cutie mark during her fillyhood or her time as an accountant. Due to the fact she didn't do anything too "especially talented". The Doc received hers half way through a pony anatomy test at Med school. Causing her to fail said test. But as those weird, old stallions at the park say you can't win them all.

Flaws: Can be compulsive, critical, and/or manipulative. She has a tendency to be a cliché. Also most of her interactions with Winter Eclipse would be considered "flawed"

Personality: Tends to be a doctor/intern cliché. Seeing as she had a pretty tame life, she has her own "little rebellions" including: "playing for both sides", always chasing somepony (from a romantic standpoint), acts flirty when in reality shes not. She always has a feeling somepony is watching her. But perhaps a more out lying trait is she talks to a rock.

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MyLittlePonyTales Alicorn

MyLittlePonyTales

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Cutie Mark Story: Well, after being shipped off to some Celestia-Awful orphanage, Her parents demise seemed even worse. She became obsessed with the fact that her parents died trying to save her. Leading her to read every medical textbook the filly could get her hands on, she got to perfect this in the Pony-Griffin war which Princess Celestia "kindly" volunteered her for. Obsession + War = Cutie Mark :D

Sorry to burst your bubble, but there have been no recent wars in our canon. Plus, I doubt Celestia would be the type to force a pony into war even if there was one. In addition, this would imply that Celestia knew who she was. The RP rules state that character's can not have any previous relationships with Cast characters, so this would not work either. But, no wars, so that bit will fix itself. :)

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Mojo Alicorn

Mojo

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Made a couple changes hope that fixes it :) (Also I'm sorry I have no idea how to change the title to final)

Ok, here's what you do:

Go to the entry and press the EDIT button as before, but then when the screen changes, press the FULL EDITOR button beneath the tet window. That will give you access to the Title line so you can edit it.

:D :D :D

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Mojo Alicorn

Mojo

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Ok, now that this app has been marked FINAL, I will offer a full evaluation.

First of all, I must say I am flattered that you'd dedicate your OC to me, but to be fair, I'm just a 'RP Helper', not a Mod.

Second, MyLittlePonyTales is a Mod, and I can see you haven't taken her advice on changing the Doctor's Cutie Mark story. Can't really move forward on this app until this is resolved.

Third, and I don't mean to be negative, but the overall tone of this app seems very dark and grim. Though everyone/everypony might have drama in their lives from time to time, to thing to remember about the 'universal' of MLP FiM is that for the most part, it's a lively, pleasant place to be. If I may suggest, why not give her a more happy backstory?

If you are dedicating this character to me, or more specifically, my OC Doc Holly Day, please take a moment to read his app. Notice the overall tone. Doc Holly Whoofs has tremendous potential as a character. I'm not saying that she needs to be a perfect 'goody-four-shoes' but at the same time we really don't need to go all Bruce-Wayne-ish grim-dark either.

Please take the time to revise this app, this character has real possibilities if this app is made more acceptable to Canterlot.com guidelines.

:D:D:D

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NurseRedheart Parasprite

NurseRedheart

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.

Second, MyLittlePonyTales is a Mod, and I can see you haven't taken her advice on changing the Doctor's Cutie Mark story. Can't really move forward on this app until this is resolved.

I'll write the history later, but this part of the evaluation caught me. Not to be mean (sorry if it sounds that way) but I did change the part about the war. And the part about being shipped off to one.

However, Thank you for reviewing it! I'll fix it when I have some time.

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Mojo Alicorn

Mojo

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"Oops! My bad!" (to quote Derpy Hooves). I just saw the word 'war' and thought you hadn't changed it.

I stand corrected, and apologize.

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Rosewind Alicorn

Rosewind

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Hiya, Nurse Red! I can only begin to imagine your frustration. I'm going to set aside this application for a moment and extend my heartfelt apologies to you. I think the way you've been treated has been the result of a pretty big misunderstanding, and the design of this application seems to reflect that. If you'll give me a moment of your time, I'll try to enlighten you on what I think happened, and how we can fix it together.

As I'm sure you're well aware, Canterlot is a roleplaying community. The game has been active for over two years now, and it's certainly not a perfect system. However, we try our best to keep it fun and interesting for other players -- old and new -- and I think the way you were treated was a result of misunderstanding the conventions we have in place to balance the game. I am very sorry, as the way some of them are written is often not clear. We're working hard to make the rules of this game less confusing, so again, I am sorry for any frustration this has caused you as a result.

If you're still interested in playing with us, I'll need your help with understanding a few tidbits:

1. You'll need a Mane RP approved application (such as this one) to gain posting permissions in the roleplaying areas, including Crossovers. The beauty of this is that it would allow you to play Nurse Redheart to your hearts' content in the Crossovers subforum -- just not World of Equestria (Mane RP). I'm sure you could probably roleplay her very well, as you seem to have a good style of writing. You could actually do that right now in the Free for All section, without any application whatsoever. You are welcome to dive into any open thread there, or you are welcome to create your own.

2. The strange restrictions you see (such as limiting residency of Ponyville, war, death, etc.) are the result of hundreds of players introducing the same trope or cliché to the game. Our main goal is to keep Mane RP a living world just like an episode of FiM. To do this, we do things like limit Cast Characters to one player only in this area -- these are claimed by application and approval from the staff. If you are still interested, I suggest you look at a few other applications to see how they are written; maybe you'll get some ideas on how to design this character.

Again, I don't agree with how you were initially treated, and for this I am very sorry. I think you've been caught off guard by certain restrictions we have in place, and it provided a souring experience. I hope you'll give our game another chance, and perhaps you'll give this application more thought and development if you are still interested in playing in the Mane RP area or Crossovers. If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to PM me directly, and I will respectfully do everything I can to help you feel more welcome and resolve any issues you may have.

All the best!

~ Rosie

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NurseRedheart Parasprite

NurseRedheart

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Please don't get me wrong I wrote all the in perenthases (did I spell that right?) because when I write things I think of things and I'll just write it down. I mean no disrespect to any canterlot members. I kind of wrote that part as a joke for Mojo. Since he/she (I'm sorry I don't know) usually reviews my application.

But, Thank you Rosewind! I'll make some adjustments real soon! :)

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Mojo Alicorn

Mojo

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I have to say, this is a significant improvement from your first attempt!

I like the brighter, more humorous tone of this app!

I also applaud your originality here!

There is one thing I ask, and it would greatly improve the chances this app would be accepted, please remove that first one:

"Special Thanks to Mojo the 'RP Helper' Pony and MLPTales the Mod Pony! AND Rosewind the Sr. RP Helper Pony!"

We Canterlot.com Staffers are a humble bunch, and though I appreciate the 'shout out', RP apps do not normally have 'dedications' attached to them.

Thanks! Excellent progress on this app! I look forward to seeing this character accepted into Mane RP!

:D:D:D

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Rosewind Alicorn

Rosewind

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Thank you for your patience! I just need two things from this application, and it will be ready to go. If you would pretty please remove all of the ellipsis, it would make this application easier to read. Also the rock's name should be changed because it sounds close to a cast member, and we don't want to upset her. Have you considered a different mineral? Halite or Quartz might be good names.

After that, I think this application will be ready to go! I know how frustrating this process can be, and I really am sorry it's taking so long. Thank you very much! :smirk:

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