Earth Pony Germanic Powers [Final] Equestrian Crossovers

[SteelEagle]

I told you that you need to make edits for spelling and grammar. When you have finished, post and say you are done. Then I will send it up.

[allthingsgerman]

iam done

[SteelEagle]

Cutie Mark Story: How was he second in command of his squad even though he was still a colt? At most, you could say he was just finishing his training when the event happens and then takes charge. Also, it seems unusual under any circumstance that he could have been so young and advance so rapidly from trainee to a Major. A lesser rank could work, but if you want him to be a Major or something similar, it is doubtful any recent event could provide ammunition for his cutie mark story.

"After the battle Germanic powers was summoned to the main hall where the Princess was. He walked down the hall and bowed in front of the Princess. The Princess pulled out a sword and dubbed him Sir Germaneic powers for his courage in battle. After the ceremony he returned to the base and met with the Major General,"

Two things. First, you can't tell us what the Princess did. Your character can't have had any interaction with any member of cast unless it is pre-approved by the player. Secondly, there is no rank of Major-General in the REA.

In general, your cutie mark story is better, but there are a few other problems.

"He disliked Griffons because of the way they treated Germaneic and the other earth ponies. He dislikes them when they were arrogant, but thought that they made good soldiers."

- We don't wanna blanket the whole species with that. How about he ran into only one griffon who was arrogant, and that is his whole interaction with the species?

No need to mention that he gets into fights with ponies that insult Germaney. Just say he loves Germaney.

Suggestions-

1- If you want the Cutie Mark Story to involve the Changelings, then reduce his rank to something small, no higher than a SGT. Also, after a discussion, it is decided that if you do decide to use the Changelings, that your character be less about fighting changelings and more about opening up an escape route for civilians. It fits in with the REA's MO and makes the story all around better.

If you want him as a Major, then you'll have to have his cutie mark story as something different and he'll have to be older. If you go this route, try a variation of: During a training exercise, there is a huge storm due to a weather pegasi foulup. Trapped with a group of other trainees, he was able to lead them out.

2- Continue to remove references to cast characters. Change the Griffon part so we don't seemingly say that about the whole race. Just say he loves Germaney, no need to mention the fights.

3- Continue working on the grammar.

Your app has moved so far!

[allthingsgerman]

is it good?

[SteelEagle]

You have made even more improvements. Great job! Now, all you need to do is work on the grammar. Take your time and work on it line by line and I'll send it up for approval.

[Rosewind]

Any progress on this application?

[allthingsgerman]

not really I have been working on a 50K word story that I have writtten this month and it needs to be done by this month

[allthingsgerman]

am very close to finishing it you can read the first half of it on Fimfiction.net

[Rosewind]

am very close to finishing it you can read the first half of it on Fimfiction.net

Do you have a link, perhaps? I don't know if you go by a different moniker there.

[Rosewind]

Do you wish to keep this application open? Please respond within five days.

[allthingsgerman]

yes I have been very over worked and that is why have been gone so keep it open here is your link http://www.fimfiction.net/story/57444/The-Luftwaffe-man

[Rosewind]

Awesome! How is this application coming along?

[allthingsgerman]

Awesome! How is this application coming along?

I think I hit all the major errors can you help me find the rest. I tend to ask a friend about the error in-case I missed any

I want to ask you what did you think about the story

[allthingsgerman]

I think it is done.

[Rosewind]

Hi there, Allthingsgerman. This application has been a very heavy focus for several of our staff the past two months, and it pains me to say that -- even with all of the improvements and changes from the original application -- it still is not able to pass our standards of quality and content for World of Equestria roleplay. I understand and respect that English may not be your first language, and I think it is honorable and passionate for you to share your character ideas with us for our roleplay.

World of Equestria is meant to reflect the cartoon My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. We strive to keep the focus on characters away from war, hatred, death, and other elements that belong elsewhere, and it is for this very reason that we can't approve this character. Our original hope was to help you design this character to be closer to that special, friendly canon, but we feel that there is a communication barrier that is preventing us from helping you properly.

I would like to suggest that you tag this character for Equestrian Crossovers in the roleplay type of your application. This will allow you to play Germaneic Powers in the Crossovers and Free for All sections, and provide other players with information about your character. There, you are free to explore the kind of roleplay this character seems to reflect -- one of distinct military prowess and high war drama, two things we can't allow in WoE, but would welcome in the other sub-forums. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask right here in your thread.

Thank you for your interest in our game!

~ The SRP Hive

[TemplarFrost]

It seems like you've hit a wall in terms of your help in Mane RP...

I mean, all hope is not lost just yet. You're entire app is outstanding. The first thing that you need to change is your Cutie Mark, and Name. Here is what I mean.

The name "Germanic Powers" in itself, would need to change. It's a really great name, but you see, it represents something else that exists, as a proper noun. (Germaney). In order to get this swiftly approved, you would need to change the name to something original. Something fresh, something new. There are two types of names that could fit in your OC. Descriptive, and Romantic.

Descriptive names, are names that describe your character by use of colourful verbs or nouns. Such as Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Quick Fix, Thunderlane, etc. These are names that also gives the reader more about the character. They are usually in two words. Talk to QuickLime about those names, she is very good at depicting that for you.

There are also Romantic names. Names that are human like, but are old and outdated. They are usually foreign, and fits well with foreign characters, (like yours). These names also usually tells something about your character as well. (These are all German).

Adalric - Noble

Burke - Protection

Claus - Victor

Eckhart - Strength

Garrit - Strength

Herrick - Power

Rolf - Famous

Ulfric - Power

Edited December 25, 2012 by TemplarFrost
Non english language removed due to violation of site's rules and Terms of Service

[QuickLime]

Thanks for the praise Templar, it's very kind of you

However QuickLime is just one word

[allthingsgerman]

how about this for a name [colour=#000000]edler Schutz or in English noble protector. How about this for the cutie mark a ERA banner with a shield behind it[/colour]

[Rosewind]

Hi again, AllthingsGerman. Please understand that while the other users (TemplarFrost) may wish to help you, they do not have final say on what we can allow in World of Equestria. Even with his suggestions, I can't guarantee this character will be viable to play in that specific roleplay.

I'm going to quote myself again, so you understand what your options are at this point. If you have any questions, please ask one of the staff. You can tell who we are based on the award tag in our signature, and the title above our avatar. Thanks!

Hi there, Allthingsgerman. This application has been a very heavy focus for several of our staff the past two months, and it pains me to say that -- even with all of the improvements and changes from the original application -- it still is not able to pass our standards of quality and content for World of Equestria roleplay. I understand and respect that English may not be your first language, and I think it is honorable and passionate for you to share your character ideas with us for our roleplay.

World of Equestria is meant to reflect the cartoon My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. We strive to keep the focus on characters away from war, hatred, death, and other elements that belong elsewhere, and it is for this very reason that we can't approve this character. Our original hope was to help you design this character to be closer to that special, friendly canon, but we feel that there is a communication barrier that is preventing us from helping you properly.

I would like to suggest that you tag this character for Equestrian Crossovers in the roleplay type of your application. This will allow you to play Germaneic Powers in the Crossovers and Free for All sections, and provide other players with information about your character. There, you are free to explore the kind of roleplay this character seems to reflect -- one of distinct military prowess and high war drama, two things we can't allow in WoE, but would welcome in the other sub-forums. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask right here in your thread.

Thank you for your interest in our game!

~ The SRP Hive

[allthingsgerman]

Is that how you tag it?

[Rosewind]

Is that how you tag it?

Nope. Sorry for the confusion. Under "RP Type" in your application, just put "Crossovers" instead of "WoE" and this application will finally be ready for stamping.

[TemplarFrost]

Before you place the app in crossovers, I just want to point out just a few things that could use some a little work, then you could decide if those changes might be too much of a toll for you. Because, after all... Mane RP is a fun experience to play in. You get to hang out with carefully picked cast players, and there are many fun annual events. Of course it does take a little work to get into.

I may not have the final say in the matter, that is true. But I have been playing this game for long enough to know alot about it.

The name you have given will most likely pass. The cutie-mark, just requires a little change. Instead of an REA banner with a shield behind it, why not just a plain old banner? I say this, because we do not have a set-in-stone law, regarding an actual REA banner. Again, just a plain banner would be fine.

Now, about the cutie-mark story, I recommend staying away from any militaristic conflict having to do with it. I know it sounds really cool for your OC to be a war hero, but it really doesn't fit into Mane RP. Just tweak it into something else, and you'll probably be fine.

[Rosewind]

Hey Templar, I appreciate your comments and help with this character, but this player would be best helped by staff from this point to avoid confusion. To be specific and clear, giving the player directions like "This name may pass, this may not," is not helpful, because each application and character is different, and judged to be compatible with WoE RP based on tone, context, design, intent, and other factors. Please leave it to staff to decide what is okay and "what will pass," and give feedback like how to improve character design, personality, writing, grammar, word usage, history, and so on. We have already decided that due to the large focus on war, combat, and design elements that are different from our understanding of FiM canon, this character is not compatible with WoE. The player has already expressed interest in making this application Crossovers, which is appropriate; any further comments will only confuse our player, something we want to avoid.

If you have any further questions or comments, please direct them to me in PMs. Thanks!