Pegasus Pyper Uscroll [ready]

[TemplarFrost]

i was thinking of the stunning not as something that would be used against another pony, but against wild things (like wolves, ursa major/minors) that she might come across while travelling. i realize that if directed against another pony it could be harmful, but given Pyper's personality I think she'd be very careful to not hurt anypony.

Okay... I'm not sure of this, but i'll go out on a limb here and say anything that subdues a wild creature that doesn't cause pain, or hurt the creature in anyway. My suggestions would be.

• Sleep aliments
  
• Numbing aliments
  
• Freezing (External)
  
• Any sort of fear tactics, like screaming, fake-growling, or just a stare.
  

You know, cartoonish ways.

[RarityDash]

It doesn't matter if the intent is to use it on wild beasts or not. If it's something that could be potentially used against another player we have to be very wary with what we allow. That said, even if the intent is to use this on wild beasts, your pony should not be strong enough to disable an ursa. Twilight calms an ursa minor through careful use of magic, but she is taken within the scope of the game to be the absolute peak of power potential for a pony.

Pegasi's magic is taken to be focused on weather manipulation and control. Typically we frown upon special abilities for pegasus characters that fall outside of that scope. For that reason the things Templar is suggesting aren't entirely viable options.

[Makuzui4220]

Okay, I understand. I'll have to work a bit on the app then... thanks for the help

[TemplarFrost]

Pegasi's magic is taken to be focused on weather manipulation and control. Typically we frown upon special abilities for pegasus characters that fall outside of that scope. For that reason the things Templar is suggesting aren't entirely viable options.

Oh, just to clarify... I meant the options to be from an external magical source, like potions.

I'm sorry that I didn't make that clear.

[Rosewind]

Thanks for the clarification Phil. I would additionally like to point out that if you are not sure if something is allowed in World of Equestria or not, your best source of reliable information is from an approved RP Helper.

You can tell who we are by these awards found in our signatures:

Templar means well, but his information is not always accurate. It is important to remember that staff will have the final say on any content you place in your application, so it is best to hear it directly from the source to avoid frustration.

Templar, I understand you're eager to assist other users, but I will kindly ask that you avoid using absolute statements when giving other users feedback about what is allowable in the game or not. There are numerous factors that go into our collaborative thought process that you are unaware of, so please try to give feedback on how to improve a character's design, rather than bullet pointing what you think is or isn't okay for the game. That is up for the staff to decide. Thanks!

[TemplarFrost]

I will kindly ask that you avoid using absolute statements when giving other users feedback about what is allowable in the game or not

Okay.

[Makuzui4220]

Okay, I've thought it over a bit and made some changes to the application.

[starswirlthebearded]

Hey there! I see you have indeed made some extensive changes to this app from the last time Rosie gave you feedback! However there are still some issues! Like Rosie I'll highlight the areas in what she calls "[colour=#ff0000]Robi Red[/colour]"

[colour=#ff0000]Gender: Mare[/colour]

This is simple. Gender should be "Female" and Age should be "Mare"!

The Story: Pyper was born in Canterlot to a somewhat wealthy family. Her sire and dam were very strict about social etiquite; something Pyper did not do very well with. She has a dear love of storytelling and singing since she was foal, and pursued things in both in search of her cutie mark, but it never appeared on her flank. When she was a filly she went to the Gala with her friends and, wanting to impress everypony, sang an opera on the history of Equestria. [colour=#ff0000]While she sang, whispers broke out across the hall and Pyper paused in her epic to see that snow was falling in the middle of summer, her songs had called up winter![/colour] Her flank itched as a snowflake cutie mark appeared and she decided then to become a bard, to travel and entertain anypony while bringing winter in behind her.

I talked it over with the other RPHS. And that line doesn't really work for how we have seen weather work. Climate change, as would occur with "calling up winter," isn't so simple that it can be achieved by just one pony! It would probably take the whole weather team to perform such an act. Overall that ability seems over powered. Keep in mind, cutie marks can be metaphorical as well as literal. Perhaps her tale was so chilling that it made the room feel colder with the air of being somber.

History: Since gaining her cutie mark, Pyper has traveled across Equestria seeking to entertain anypony who'll listen. She loves social gatherings, from the Gala to apple kicking out with hind-legs season, and keeps one ear raised to the wind in search of new events. The only family she has kept in touch with is her grandsire, who lives in Stalliongrad. When she was a young mare she fell in love with a unicorn when she was visiting Fillydelphia, and soon after had her son, Silt Treble. When he was a foal he traveled with her around Northern Equestria, but ended up staying for seasons at a time with her Grandsire in Stalliongrad after a close encounter in wolves. Occasionally, she returns and takes Silt with her on her travels.

Alright, so I'm not highlighting because there isn't much wrong with it, so much as it being short. The cutie mark story and this section are somewhat intertwined. Which is understandable since the cutie mark story is often a culmination of how the pony was raised and their total life experiences. However, history allows you to be more detailed! Did she tell stories and poems to her friends, family? How did they react? Were they bored the first time? Did she need to acquire any skills? Improve her abilities? Did she do anything else for fun? What was her childhood like? Don't be afraid to be detailed!

Last but not least Character Summary...

Character Summary: Pyper travels alone, but she meets many ponies on her travels that she can call friend. Even so, she worries that her choice to be a bard will cause friends to grow distant, but the friends she makes know she will be loyal despite the distance and that time apart does nothing to damper the friendship. Her independence has taught her basic herbal medicine and how to travel by the stars, as well as how to scavenge in the wilds. Pyper is very kind, especially to foals, and loves to entertain. While entertaining, she is very outspoken and chrismatic, and loves to listen to anypony's stories as they give her ideas for her own. However, outside any social situation she becomes quiet and tends to ponder her own thoughts and surroundings. Even though she frequents big events such as the Gala, she hates being restricted by social etiquette and acts how she pleases. Pyper is a bard, so naturally she is very skilled at storytelling and singing. She specializes in opera, and wishes to display her skill to anypony who asks. Even though she sings for free, and never asks for payment, she loves it when ponies give her gifts. [colour=#ff0000]Pyper hates fighting and will flee rather than stand her ground, unless she is protecting Silt or another foal.[/colour]

While overall the character summary is quite good, that last line is a bit out of place. That is a general attribute of most ponies. They are more peace loving and tolerating than violent and ready to attack. In a word, they are non-confrontational. While I understand the sentiment of what you are trying to say, it comes off as unnecessary. And we don't like to encourage the idea of violence in the RP. I'd recommend removing the idea of violence or rewording it so that it doesn't seem as confrontational!

You certainly have come a long way though! This app just needs a bit more before it is approvable!

[Makuzui4220]

Just a question, and then i'll go and fix some things in the app. With the cutie mark thing, I was thinking that she could create small weather changes. Like, for an example, a single cloud raining over a pony. Perhaps I should've been more specific, but the storm she called didn't effect the whole area, it was just inside the building. Is that still overpowered?

[Rosewind]

I think the main idea is to be less specific. The ability to affect other characters (especially in a negative way) really is not welcome, or allowed. Give focus to the character as a whole and her personality instead of "special abilities" and the like. This is a roleplay meant to serve as an extension of Friendship is Magic. Try to make your character interesting and fun for others to engage and play with. If you need suggestions on how to do this, we're more than happy to step in and offer you ideas and support!

[Makuzui4220]

Thanks Rosewind~! I'm gonna switch Pyper's app to "not ready" for now. I have quite a few things I'd like to change or add. Thank you all for your help so far!

[Rosewind]

Absolutely! It's my pleasure!

[Makuzui4220]

Another question... Can the cutie mark be more of a symbolic thing, rather than a direct representation of abilities?

[Rosewind]

Sure, but make sure the symbol isn't something that isn't found in Equestria. The important thing to consider is why the cutie mark relates to your character, and what she's all about. It defines her special calling in life, but it's not all she is. A good example is Pinkie Pie. She likes to party, but she also likes to bake, foalsit, and save Equestria with her friends! All of those things could easily a cutie mark make, but her one special quality is her goal to make everyone she knows smile, have fun, and laugh.

[Makuzui4220]

That's true. I think I might have some trouble finding the perfect mark for Pyper though...

[Rosewind]

Your application says Pyper is a bard, so how about something music related, like a flute or ocarina? It would make sense with a name like "Pyper," yanno?

[Makuzui4220]

Oh wow I can't believe how bad I derped on that. I was thinking music notes and quills!

[Rosewind]

Hiya! It's been a while. How is this application coming along in development? Do you need any help or further ideas?

[Makuzui4220]

Hello Rosewind! I think my app is doing alright now. Would you mind looking it over and seeing if there might be something I should change about it?

[Nico]

I read how you originally wanted your pony to be a tobacco chewer. I have a suggestion if you want to keep a similar air about her. How about having her chew mint leaves? It seems like a clean alternative and it leaves your breath minty fresh!

[Makuzui4220]

thanks for the idea Nico! i've decided not to give Pyper any habits, though. it doesn't seem to go to well with her personality.

[Rosewind]

Hiya, any progress on this application?

[RarityDash]

No, progress needed, Rose. It's maybe a touch short, but I think the content here is good enough for it to finally get a stamp.