Unicorn Luminescence [Ready]

[Luminescence]

Roleplay Type: World of Equestria

Name: Luminescence “Lumi”

Sex: Female

Age: Young Mare

Species: Unicorn

Eye colour: Purple

Coat: Blue

Mane/Tail: Violet with white streaks

Physique: Average although she seems a little weaker than most due to her being tired most of the time

Residence: Sapphire Hill Observatory, Canterlot

Occupation: Owner of Sapphire Hill Observatory

Family:

Father – Sunlight Burst

Mother – Evening Radiance

Brother - Daze

Cutie Mark: The Big Dipper – Each star is made up of golden coloured gem with a white line connecting them to form the constellation pattern. This pattern is set against a purple background.

Many ponies assume that Lumi got her cutie mark simply by working at the observatory she now owns. Not so, in fact she had it long before the day she became owner. Lumi got her cutie mark the night after she broke up an entire classroom in a fit of rage and fled the scene. After hours of running she came to a stop as night was falling. She didn’t know where she was and the fear of her current situation suddenly hit her. She panicked and continued running, unknowingly heading deeper into the forest.

The night continued to close in and every rustle of leaves or hoot of an owl sent a chill up her spine. She finally reached a small clearing and stopped. All around her the forest was dark and foreboding and the young filly curled up and started to cry. She just wanted to go home, to curl up in a warm bed and be loved for who she was. She looked up at the starry sky, the night which had been so comforting from her bedroom window now seeming so scary.

It was in this moment, as her eyes met the sky and her mind dwelled on home that she felt a rush of magic surge through her. Without her own input a brilliant ray of white light shot from the tip of her horn and screamed into the sky. For a moment the light of the glow made it seem almost like the middle of the day but as suddenly as it had happened it was gone and the forest was plunged into darkness once again.

Lumi squealed and curled up again but eventually looked up at the sky once more. Something was strange. One of the many stars in the sky was glowing brighter than it had been, almost looking like a miniature moon as it hung in the darkness. As she watched a ray of white light shot from the star and linked to another star. This one too began to glow brighter and another ray of light sprung from it towards another star. As Lumi watched the stars began to glow in a pattern above her, a massive arrow pointing away to the north.

For a moment she didn’t know what to do but something deep down told her to get up and go in that direction. As she did the starlight arrow in the sky vanished and different starts appeared forming new arrows in the sky. It was almost like watching the constellations being drawn out in the sky. Lumi’s heart and spirit began to climb as her pace changed from a walk to a trot and then a gallop as she followed the patterns of stars in the sky.

It was a few hours later when she crested a hill to find herself gazing at the spires and lights of Canterlot. For a moment she stopped and looked up at the stars. A last arrow of light was pointing the way but as she watched the stars glow faded to nothing. She whispered a small ‘thank you’ to the sky and was about to set off home when she felt a slight tingle pass through her body. Looking herself over she found that her cutie mark had appeared on her flank, a representation of the Big Dipper set against a deep purple background. Lumi was over the moon, so to speak, and set off once again at a gallop towards Canterlot.

History: Luminescence grew up in Canterlot and was a second child to her elder brother. Her parents paid her very little attention as she was growing up, whether this was due to Lumi just being very quiet or the fact her brother was very loud is debateable. Either way Lumi found herself left alone for long periods of time as her parents focussed their attention on her brother.

Was this warranted? In the eyes of her parents, yes. Daze was a highly talented unicorn and was showing promise in his early school at magic kindergarten. Lumi meanwhile was having trouble grasping even the most basic spells that most unicorns could perform such as levitation. Her parents cared a lot about the image their family had given they were both descendants of proud unicorn families that had been in Canterlot for generations. For them to admit their daughter was a failure was unthinkable to them.

You could say that they should have spent more time with her helping her but in fact the opposite happened. As soon as she was old enough her parents enrolled her in a magic boarding school. Lumi was already accustomed to being alone and a change of scenery meant little to her. Still it didn’t help her mood and the young filly often felt lost and forlorn as she stared out of the school window at night.

Lumi had taken to staying up late into the night to watch the stars. The sleepy night scene of Canterlot was soothing to her and the beauty of the twinkling sky fascinated her. Soon her nocturnal activity would begin to impact on her school work though and she would often fall asleep in class and be so tired she couldn’t pull off much magic at all. She soon started to become disillusioned as to why she was a unicorn and started to resent the very fact that somepony was forcing her to learn magic. This was a very odd position for the school to deal with and their response wasn’t the best; they forced yet more schooling on the young filly, lumbering her with extra classes, assignments and detentions.

Perhaps somepony should have seen it happen, the building rage that had been growing inside Lumi ever since her parents abandoned her. Perhaps nopony expected it from such a quiet reclusive filly but it happened none the less. It happened during one of her extra levitation classes. In a flash of rage Lumi finally snapped and so too did her magic. Before the teacher could do anything chairs and desks around the room lifted and started flying around the room. The sound of smashing furniture filled the air as Lumi took out her pent up anger on anything her magic would lift.

One such desk sailed clean through the window and Lumi used this opening to flee the scene in floods of tears. She ran and didn’t look back. Day was quickly turning to night as she finally came to a halt and looked around. She didn’t have a clue where she was and her rage and tear quickly turned to fear and dread. This was the fateful night when Lumi finally earned her cutie mark (see above) but her return to Canterlot wasn’t all she expected.

Her parents had been informed of what had happened by the school and had already arranged search parties when Lumi arrived back the following morning. Glee, happiness and relief were shared all around. Lumi apologised for running away and destroying the classroom and her parents apologised for ignoring her for so long. Even her brother, who had shown nothing but resentment towards her in his youth, hugged her and cried on her shoulder.

From this point on Lumi’s life improved. She was fed back into normal classes and although she struggled at first she managed to keep with the pace of learning this time round. She was still quiet, preferring to spend many a long night sitting by an open window gazing up at the stars.

Her parent’s tried to get her to act more lady like, the young Lumi having grown a rather stubborn rebellious streak, but this was halted at every step they made. It seemed that Lumi wasn’t destined to be a normal refined lady like unicorn. Instead she was often found asleep on a table at one of the many cafes that littered Canterlot with a copy of astrology books and scrolls littering the table top.

The study of the night soon became her one love and the events of the Nightmare Moon incident sealed the deal. She wanted to teach everyone about the night, especially the young colts and fillys. It seemed that fate was willing to help her out this time too. Much to her surprise an old observatory on the outskirts of Canterlot came up for sale and she managed to buy it.

Renovating the old building became her main objective and she worked hard, often late into the night which was no chore for her. It took some time but she finally accomplished it and Sapphire Lake Observatory finally opened to the public.

Lumi now spends much of her time at her new home, organising school trips and teaching the younger generations about the night sky.

Character Summary:

Magical Talents: Lumi’s magic is fairly limited in its breath. Like many unicorns she can use levitation magic and, despite her problems in her younger years, has become fairly apt at it; able to hold a number of items in the air at once. Her main magical talent though comes from the power that granted Lumi her cutie mark. She calls it Astral Navigation. Using her knowledge of the night sky her magic can work out where she is in relation to where the constellations are and from that work out where her destination is. When used individual stars light up in such a way that they form a route guiding her to any place she wants. This is limited of course; she can’t use this magic during the day as the stars cannot be seen and for destinations further away the whole route is unlikely to show up meaning she has to keep moving forward in order to see the rest of the directions. In addition only Lumi can see the glow of the stars under normal situations. The spell has a slight radiance to it but its limited to a few feet so anypony else who wishes to see the glow must be almost standing on top of her which Lumi finds a little invasive. As such she tends to keep it to herself giving rise to it all 'being in her head' as some ponies like to say. Her magic gives off a pure white glow when used.

Other Talents: Lumi has shown great aptitude when it comes to stellar observation. She can easily name all the constellations and can talk for hours about astral phenomena’s she has seen through her telescope. She is also a dab hand at baking, the observatory often smelling of cake and muffins.

Dreams & Goals: Lumi likes to think big but she knows that such thoughts require a lot of work. Lumi one day dreams of meeting the pony responsible for the night although she fully believes that such a dream is unlikely to come true. She also wishes to bring her love of the night to as many young ponies as possible.

Likes: The night, stars, astrology, muffins, naps, quiet time alone, singing

Dislikes: Being ignored, dandelion sandwiches

Hobbies: Stargazing, baking, napping

Personality: Lumi is a very quiet pony and can often be found apart from larger groups enjoying a snooze by herself. She is however very friendly to ponies she knows and, although a little timid, will seek out those who look alone and unsure of themselves to try and befriend them. She also loves foals and would spend all her time amongst them if it wasn’t for her greater love of the stars. She has a tendency to be quite well spoken and this can be a little unsettling to ponies that don’t know her as her behaviour is normally not lady like in quality. Also due to her habit of staying up late stargazing she has become somewhat nocturnal which makes her look quite odd during the day as she stumbles around having not had enough sleep. This in turn leads to her taking naps at every opportunity she can whether it be standing in a queue at the post office or during a pause in conversation. Oh...and she snores... Finally she does suffer from a fear of the dark, not the night, pitch darkness; this is due to her experience before she got her cutie mark.

Edited January 7, 2013 by Luminescence

[starswirlthebearded]

Hey there! I'm no help staffer but I thought I might be able to help you Please keep in mind that I am not a help staffer and because of this, everything I say is my opinion, and you can feel free to ignore it if you please.

Though you only used Princess Luna's name to describe your character, it isn't needed. You should seek to describe without referencing cast characters! (honestly, you did that well enough as is, and can just take out Luna's name )

I love the cutie mark story. I would have said things like "we don't know what constellations exist in Equestria," but judging from Twilight's original vision of her dress for the Gala and the Ursa Major/Minor. I'm willing to say that there are enough similarities to make that totally passable.

On the cutie mark story (and abilities in general)... I just have some questions about it... Did she light up a constellation? Or just random stars that leads her home? Like... is it an extension of her own knowledge of astronomical maps (or the night sky in general) coming through her magic allowing her to guide herself and ponies home using the stars?

Now on to your character's history. I actually like it, everything works the way you wrote it, and if my first issue is OK by help staffers, then you should be golden with the rest... almost (most questions and concerns related to acceptance in WoE relate back to it)

Remedial magic boarding school... Not sure that exists in Equestria. I'm not even sure they would need it. It would probably be like a regular school rather than remedial magic school, as it is rather common for Unicorns to be very limited in magic, even in Canterlot. So while having a special school for highly gifted Unicorns makes sense, the same cannot be said for those that are not gifted. Mainly because that would encompass the majority of the Unicorn population. (Keep in mind, again, that I'm no help staff and this is all just my opinion, and I have been known to be wrong before)

Again, the references to Luna should be removed. However one day meeting her being a motivator MIGHT be OK... maybe... Especially since she knows that it will likely never happen. But not with the "seeing her in the night sky" part. It isn't a huge issue, but usually name dropping cast characters is something the RP help staff don't want to see in apps. So they might ask you to remove those. Please keep that in mind

Origami might need to be removed as we don't know if that exists in Equestria. However, it is harmless enough, so it should be fine. And they have paper, so I see no reason why artistic paper folding would not exist in some form.

Lastly... That doesn't sound like insomnia, rather than unwillingness to sleep because of her love for the night sky. Twilight stays up all the time, yet doesn't have insomnia. People stay up if they are doing what they love. Insomnia is the inability to sleep, not the unwillingness to sleep. So please remove the references to insomnia. Mental conditions, like insomnia, are not permitted in WoE.

OK this seems like a lot... However, realistically... I wouldn't change much just yet, unless I bolded it (as those are important).

Other than that...

FANTASTIC APP! I actually really like it! It is well thought out, well written, your character is interesting and endearing (though falls slightly into some tropes, but nothing bad), and you have covered all your bases. The things I mentioned are just things that help staff may not allow due to the WoE RP rules, and you shouldn't take them personal. And if they do ask you to change them, they will give you suggestions on how to fix it to make your app WoE acceptible.

Good luck! And if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask!

[Luminescence]

Howdy Stars, thanks for the pointers. No prob about not being staff, at the other boards I used to RP on everyone tended to drop their two cents in. It's really helpful.

Now then lets see...I've editted a few things. Knocked out the references to Luna and the mention to insomnia. I see where youre coming from on these points and I agree, I guess insomnia was a poor choice of words to describe what I wanted. Anywaaaaaaaaaaaaaay...oh yeah, I changed remedial boarding school to just boarding school as it would work either way without issue and removed origami (i like doing that myself so I thought I'd throw it in, no biggie).

As for the cutie mark. I guess you could say it works along the lines you've mentioned. The way I saw it working is that as she knows the constellations so well her magic can use this information to work out where she is in relation to the constellations and then work out where her destination is from there. I was thinking individual stars would light up to form directions rather than the constellations themselves. Speaking of the constellations though, I figured the references in the show pointed towards a similar layout to what we know but I am more than willing to change things if the staff deem it necessary.

Thanks for the compliment too. I've been RPing for years now and writing is one of my hobbies so I just love putting these profiles together...and if other people enjoy them too so much the better. Again, thanks for the help. *crosses fingers and waits for the staff*

[starswirlthebearded]

My only reaction is <3

Ok that is not entirely so... Awesome! My thinking was correct, which makes it more believable. It would be odd if her magic could lead ponies home without knowledge . It is also an interesting bit of magic. (and thanks for that bit of clarification)

Seriously fantastic! I'm no help staffer, but I really can't figure a reason why this would be held up at all! Fantastic work! Hope to see you in the game soon!

[Rosewind]

I fully endorse all of the feedback Starswirl is giving you. Follow his advice, and this character will be ready for approval very soon!

[Luminescence]

Okie doke, think I've covered everything with a few small edits now. I've fixed everything Stars mentioned with the exception of one bit in her history that still mentions Luna.

The study of the night soon became her one love and the reappearance of Princess Luna sometime later during the Nightmare Moon Incident sealed the deal. She wanted to teach everyone about the night, especially the young colts and fillys. It seemed that fate was willing to help her out this time too. Much to her surprise an old observatory on the outskirts of Canterlot came up for sale and she managed to buy it.

Not sure how to reword this, is this ok seems as though its talking about an event that happened or do you want me to remove it.

Apart from that I think I've fixed the rest as I said. Ready for another check over.

[starswirlthebearded]

I think that might be OK because it is an established event that incurred parades in Luna's honor. So it was a well known event. And it is clear that people would remember it, unlike, say, the return of discord, which only a select few seem to remember.

The problem with name dropping, I have found, is that it usually involves some form of imposing the will of one player on another player, which is unfair to the player who won the character being named in the app. So long as the event in question makes sense, I see no reason why it can't be used. I would liken that to being inspired by Celestia's raising of the sun at the summer sun celebration.

I don't see any other major issues, but I only gave it a quick once over. I'll read it thoroughly again when I get home from work.

[Rosewind]

Hi, do you wish to keep this application open? Please reply soon.

[Luminescence]

Yup, I've made the suggested edits so its all ready to critique. ^^

[AlisonRose]

Wow, honestly this app blew me away when I read it, very well done!

Only a few things I see with it.

Why name the family ponies if they do not have players? its not something that I can tell you to take out simply since they do not really help nor hurt the app.

But the way our naming system works is that if someone wanted to use that name they wouldn't be able to unless they fell into that relation with you since YOU used the name and your app has already been passed to approved.

Other then that all of my points are positive. Good work!

[Luminescence]

Hmm, you make a good point I hadn't thought of. To be honest the naming the parents bit was something I tend to do by instinct these days. Every other RP board I've joined in the past has wanted to know about family details (at least names) so I just kinda include them. But I get the point you are making about future applications, I certainly don't want to hamper anyone in the future. I've removed them in case they cause any problems later on. Thanks for the heads up and the compliment. ^^

[QuickLime]

I personally don't see an issue with naming the parents! I'v named parents in apps before and it's never been an issue before o_0

[RarityDash]

Hi there.

I have one real concern with this app before I stamp it, and it has to do with the magic. When she lights up the stars, who can see it? Everypony in Equestria sees more or less the same set of stars, after all. Will anypony who happens to look up when she uses it see her illuminated stars? We're typically fine with magics that effect things rather than other characters, but when it comes to effecting celestial bodies like stars, it's easy to go too far. If she can effect the glow of the stars in a way that everyone would notice, that is too powerful. The limits in regards to this should be clarified.

Other than that, I'd say this app looks pretty good. I imagine it should be easy to approve.

Oh, and since it's being discussed here, naming the parents/family is perfectly fine, acceptable and encouraged in OC apps. It's only with cast character apps that we do not like to see it.

[Luminescence]

Howdy Phil, I hadn't considered how other ponies would see her magic. I've added in a little section about that uner magical talents. Basically she can see it but if anyone else wants to see it they have to be practically on top of her in order to do so. I added the family section back in too, thanks for the clarification. ^^

[RarityDash]

Excellent! In that case, I think this application can be safely stamped.