Pegasus Flare Chaser [Ready]

[mjt014]

Roleplay Type: World of Equestria

Name: Flare Chaser

Sex: Male

Age: Colt

Species: Pegasus

Eye colour: Light-Brown

Coat: Orangeish Brown

Mane/Tail: His mane and tail are black. The mane is styled in an upward brush pattern like a flame. His tail also has the same flame-style.

Physique: He is a little shorter compared to the average mare, but is well built with strong wings.

Residence: Canterlot

Cutie Mark: His Cutie Mark consists of a flame with a lightning bolt inside. During one day when Flare was a little foal, he was trying to fly at great speeds, but he just couldn't seem to reach that speed level. He was sitting near his house's door with a sad look on his face as his father came out and told him what was wrong. Flare told him that he was sad because, he couldn't fly fast and that he'll probably never will. His father sat down and told him that he can fly fast. He said to never give up and keep on trying. This lit a spark in Flare as he got up and hugged his dad, thanking him for saying those words. He decided to keep training as he walked to a lush field of grass in Canterlot. He started to fly, feeling the wind blowing throw his mane, his tail flapping in the breeze. He decided to try and fly faster. As he flapped his wings harder, he began to tire. He then, remembered what his father said. To never give up and to keep on trying. Those words encouraged Flare to keep flapping his wings harder and harder as he felt the wind's intensity increase. Even if it started to hurt, he just pushed through it. As he flew a surge of speed rushed through his body. This caused him to go a great distance from home, accelerating at a high velocity. He stopped and turned around to see the distance he cover from the starting point. His was happy that he managed to fly this far, so quickly, but it left him tired, so he flew back to his home. When he land near the doorstep, a shine from his flank caused him to look down and see he has finally gotten his Cutie Mark. Flare was fill with such happiness that he decided to tell his family immediately. He thanked his father for encouraging him to fly fast in the first place. Since he's got his Cutie Mark, he has never given up on anything else.

History: Flare was born in Canterlot, the center of ponydom. As a young colt, Flare has always dreamed of becoming a great flyer. He would train to become faster and try new techniques. This is how he got his cutie mark. His friends were very supportive about his dream as he was about theirs'. They would often play together outside until Flare's mum told him to come in. His mother is Moonlight Treasure, a beautiful unicorn. She is very caring towards her children, whom she loved very much. She would often scold them for doing something bad, mainly Flare for his mischievous nature. His father is Northern Light, an amazing pegasus. Northern likes to spend time with his sons. They practice flight together or he would join Flare in pranking other ponies. This resulted in a prankster part of Flare. Flare has an older brother and a little sister. Their names are Thunder Strike and Shine Bright. Thunder and Flare would do everything together, from their chores to even walking side by side. Shine would always like to play with Flare. They would have lots of fun together, which often led to Shine falling asleep out of exhaustion. He would carry her to bed ad tuck her in for a good night sleep.

Ever since he got his Cutie Mark, Flare has become more confident in himself. So confident that he was certain he could do anything he set his mind to. His skill in flying often caused him to be full of himself as he bragged about how good he was. His friends didn't mind his boastfulness, although some would roll their eyes. Flare has always been a hot head. Other ponies, who were very snobbish, would make fun of him, if he happened to walk by them. This enrages him to a great extent as the look in his eyes scared them off. Flare currently lives in Canterlot with his family, happily enjoying life.

Character Summary: Flare's talent is that in flight. He likes to fly, feeling the wind in his mane and the rush it gives him when flying fast. He excels greatly at soaring at a high velocity. Flare dreams of becoming a great known flyer in Equestria like his father. He also likes to go where ever his brother is going, hopefully going on adventures. During his free time when there's nothing to do, he tries to search for adventure. Other than searching for adventure, Flare often practices his flying skills and comes up with new moves. He likes to perfect their technique. Flare also likes to pull harmless pranks on other ponies. If he happens to take it to far, he'll apologize and make up for it. He dislikes when his friends are hurt by others. He especially, doesn't like to be insulted. This often leads to Flare going into a fit of rage. He may seem like he's not afraid of anything, but he does have fears. Flare has a big fear of bugs. When he was little out in the wilderness, he was surrounded by spiders, stinkbugs, and beetles. He cried until his mother and father came to his aid. He's also afraid that he might not be fast enough to accomplish his dream.

Flare is kind like his brother, but more brave and more outgoing. He's very prideful of his talent in flight and is very confident that he can do what ever he puts his mind to. He can be arrogant at times, bragging about his skill in flying. This can annoy his friends at time, if it gets out of hand. He also has a fiery temper as he's very easy to anger, especially when somepony insults him. When pushed far enough Flare get a vicious look in his eyes. This can strike fear in many ponies. Those who know Flare well will be wise not to get him mad. Despite his hotheadedness, Flare is a really nice colt to be around. He makes a good friend as he will stuck up for his companions when they're being bullied. He's a very tough Colt and won't hesitate to stand up for his friends. Though highly skilled in flight, Flare was never a pony to use his head in complicated situations. He prefers to use brawn over brain. When it comes to problems that require him to use his mind, he has trouble coming up with a solution. He often tries to do it himself without any help from his friends, worrying that if he doesn't solve his current problem on his own, he won't be able to solve anything that requires his mind.

Overall, Flare is a nice pegasus with a hot temper, who would make a good friend.

Image:

[mjt014]

Um, I'm waiting to be accepted.

[starswirlthebearded]

Um, I'm waiting to be accepted.

You shouldn't bump your app. All it does is actually delay review by RPHS, as they work from bottom up. So please be patient.

That said, since I'm here, I'll go ahead and give my input on this app. Just keep in mind that I am not a RPHS, and everything I say is my opinion.

First off the physique, you don't need to use the mane 6 as a reference, in fact it would be preferable if you don't. And on that point, he is a colt, so being only a bit smaller than the "average mare" (this is the term you should use btw instead of the mane 6), that would make me assume a bit on the older side of colthood?

[colour=#282828]Flare was also born with the ability to control fire as he practiced his manipulation over flames.

[/colour]

[colour=#282828]Uh... Not sure this is going to work. Pegasi have domain over the weather, not elements like fire. That is more of a unicorn ability. And there have been unicorns apped with fire based magical ability iirc, as well as ice. So that will probably need to be removed or changed. I'd think of a better and more detailed cutie mark story that is in line with what we see in the show. Perhaps it is a metaphorical cutie mark, like he flew so fast that it was like wild fire? Cutie marks don't have to be literal. And in this case, it would probably be beneficial to not make it so. Heck, with the name you chose, you could make it, he got it when he chased down a magical firework. And you can run with that idea showing off his speed and whatever personality traits you wish him to have in the process. Maybe make it fun, like the magic singed his fur. [/colour]

[colour=#282828]And on that vein, I've noticed that cutie mark stories need to be a bit more detailed. As your app currently stands, you really don't have one. You explain the ability which allowed him to get it, but not the event (and as previously stated, that probably won't fly over well). The cutie mark story is an exceedingly important event in any colt or filly's life, a life changing event that allowed them to realize their special talent or what they enjoy the most. It really should be a unique and meaningful event to Flare Chaser.[/colour]

[colour=#282828]Continuing with the history... It is rather bare bones... What was his friends like, what did he do for fun, what was his relationship with his siblings like, and so fourth. Don't be afraid to be detailed. Let us get to know your character and what made him what he is today![/colour]

[colour=#282828]Two last things with his history... Lightning Chaser is the name of another character's OC... As such there is a conflict with that name, so you might have to change that. [/colour]

[colour=#282828]The second thing is you should remove references to Rainbow Dash. Referencing cast characters is usually discouraged without the permission of the person whom plays them. And in this case it doesn't even make sense... How does a colt that lives in Canterlot know of Rainbow Dash, or idolize her in anyway. I would understand the Wonderbolts. As they are a well known and highly regarded aerial team. However, Rainbow Dash isn't. Think of it this way... in the episode "Sweet and Elite" the well informed high class ponies had no idea who Rainbow Dash was (which subsequently allowed Rarity to lie). If they didn't know who she was, why would a colt in the same town?[/colour]

[colour=#282828]​Now on to the Character Summary... Talent in flight is fine. Talent in controlling fire, see previous comment. NOW here is the thing... I'm not sure if trailing flames is a taken flight enhanced ability or not. I think that is kind of similar to something Tales had in her Spitfire app. However I am not sure. So I'm not sure how the RPHS will take that, but please don't be surprised if they ask you to change it...[/colour]

[colour=#282828]I would also revisit the whole "Eyes changing colour" thing and the mane and tail bursting into flames (I know we saw Twilight do that, but I imagine that RPHS will cite that as sight gag, and not something to be mentioned in app). I don't think that would be something that would be allowed in WoE. Though that is just my feeling. I recall other apps having issues with similar ideas. Eye colour, mane colour and coat colour should be static, unless there is some legitimate reason why they wouldn't be (Like there was a caribou with a coat that could change in the winter, which falls in line with what they do in the real world) [/colour]

[colour=#282828]Other than that... It seems awfully similar to Rainbow Dash. I would focus on trying to distinguish your character as a character in his own right. Try to give him unique personality traits. As well as going into likes, dislikes, fears and ambitions. (As I said, meeting Rainbow Dash doesn't make sense in my opinion).[/colour]

[colour=#282828]You are off to a pretty decent start, but you do need to do some work on this app. If you are having issues or have any question, please feel free to contact me, or a help staffer for help. And if you want to check anything I have mentioned in this critique with them, I'm sure they would be more than happy to give you their input [/colour]

[colour=#282828]Good luck Hope to see you and Flare Chaser in RP soon [/colour]

[mjt014]

I've edited the profile, tell if there's anything else I need to put in.

[starswirlthebearded]

Nope! I think that covers everything! Excellent work! I especially liked the interaction between Flare Chaser and his father in his cutie mark story.

Now please be patient while a help staffer gets to your app . As I said before, they go from bottom up, so it could take some time, but I assure you, they will get to it

Good luck! Hope to see you in RP soon!

[mjt014]

Thank you, I hope to see you in the RP too.

[Mojo]

Hi mjt014!

This is a very strong app, and thank you Starswirl for your excellent advice!

Great job! Flare Chaser now sounds less "Rainbow Dashian", which is a good thing.

You're one step closer to getting this character approved!

[Mojo]

mjt014, I checked with Senior RP Staff, and although they like this app overall, the whole "leaves a trail of fire as he flies' bit has to go. They feel that since no Pegasi in the cartoon ever does this, then any Pegasi in Mane RP shouldn't either.

So far on the show, only Rainbow Dash and Lightning Dust leave any trail at all (except for the Wonderbolt's smoke trails) and even those aren't fire related.

If you'll edit that part out of this app, it'll help in getting it approved for Mane RP.

:D

[mjt014]

I've edited out the "trail of flames" part.

[Mojo]

One more thing Senior RP staff pointed out, and I'm sorry I missed this too.

Pony 'family names' are not normally 'passed down' in the World of Equestria.

There are a few examples where they are, but for the vast majority of ponies, each pony name is unique.

So if you're remove that reference from this app, I believe it'll pass this time,

:D

[mjt014]

I took out the "family name passed down" part and change their names.

[RarityDash]

I think it looks good now... so:

[mjt014]

Thank you so much for this acceptance.