Pegasus Tangerine [Ready]

[CryoFox]

Roleplay Type: WoE

Name: Tangerine

Sex: Female

Age: Filly (between mid and late fillyhood/teenagehood)

Species: Pegasus

Eye colour: Aqua blue.

Coat: Pale peach with no discernible markings.

Mane/Tail: She has an extremely voluptuous curly hair that does what it wants, although on occasion she braids it to make it more manageable. It only has one colour which is kind of a mixture between tenné, burnt orange, and rust.

Physique: Tangerine is on the smaller side physically but is a tiny bit pudgy around the edges. She has a heavy (as heavy as a Pegasus can get away with) set of hindquarters and fairly large wing span for a pony her size.

Residence: Tangerine grew up just outside of Garden Gait somewhere between Roundbottom Hills and Whitetail wood but has recently moved to Canterlot.

Occupation: Student at the current moment.

Cutie Mark: She is currently without a cutie mark. She is becoming growingly worried at the fact she hasn’t found her purpose in life.

History: Tangerine was born in a small cottage on the border between the Roundbottom Hills and Whitetail wood where she grew up in relative comfort with her mother Rosy, father Cloud Rush and older brother Reynn. Although her father would be gone for long periods of time since before both her and her brother were born both of their parents had lived in Ponyville but unfortunately her father could not find a position near Garden Gait when her parents had moved and had to continue to commute to other cities. With Cloud Rush absent for weeks on end, her older brother Reynn would eventually be the one who taught her how to fly. From there, both siblings shared a pretty close bond and both ponies played almost exclusively with each other until Reynn had aged well into Colthood. But their tight knit relationship had a wedge put into it when her brother was picked up by the weather team as he had quite some talent for flying. Even with Reynn working a lot of the time, he still found time to play with his little sister but even more of his time was taken up when he was recommended for the Wonderbolts Academy. With both academy courses and work taking up Reynn’s time, he had no time for Tangerine. This put Tangerine in an awkward position when she suddenly had to pursue other relationships other than the ones with her family.

At the time, she was attending a small school tucked away in Roundbottom hills and many of the locals had heard about her brother being accepted to the Wonderbolts Academy and most of the other foals weren’t interested in becoming friends with Tangerine since she had neglected to ever extend the hand of friendship when her brother was still around. But thankfully, she did befriend a pair of unicorn siblings named Minuet and Mezzo. But when she came home it would usually just be her mother and herself and to try and compensate for the absence of Tangerine’s brother and father, Rosy started to bake frequently with her daughter to keep her company. Slowly Tangerine became comfortable with the idea that her brother would no longer be able to devote afternoons to spend with her and life continued on, and she became quite good friends with the unicorn brother and sister. Minuet and Mezzo were both very musical ponies and even before they found their cutie marks they knew they wanted to be musicians, but Tangerine didn’t quite share the same passion. But even when both unicorns were busy with recitals and lessons they always made sure to spend time with Tangerine.

At one point, Tangerine started to take interest in possibly singing especially when Minuet and Mezzo formed a band of two they called Minutes To New Moon, but Tangerine could never find the confidences to sing in front of her talented friends even if she wanted to join their amateur band. In class at school, the three friends were the last who didn’t have their cutie marks although it didn’t really bother the trio since Minuet and Mezzo were to focus on planning their debut into show business and Tangerine was all but too wrapped up in their excitement. But then came the day when Tangerine’s friend also received their cutie marks, everyone congratulated the two unicorns and Tangerine was extremely happy for her friends initially but as they became even more enveloped with their music studies Tangerine couldn’t help but wonder when she’d receive her own cutie mark. She was already half way through fillyhood, every other pony in her class had found their cutie mark and there she was still blank flanked. She let this thought stew in her mind for a while and the worry began nibbling away at Tangerine, she became so anxious over the irrational fear that she’d be a blank flank forever it started to affect her every day behavior, she lost her appetite and many hours of sleep over the thought. Her mother quickly caught on to the difference in her daughter’s behaviour and spoke to Tangerine about it. Tangerine had been trying to cope with the problem herself but when she was called out on her worry she let all her pent up thoughts spill out and she explained to her mother that she was worried that she might never ever get her cutie mark at all! Of course this was somewhat a relief to Rosy; it was as simple as that. Rosy assured her daughter that everypony get their cutie mark in their own and it was nothing to be upset over. Tangerine tried to take what her mother had told her and tell herself to relax, as Rosy said, it was nothing to be upset over. But it a matter of weeks Tangerine had started to let the anxiety get out of control again. This concerned Rosy, she wanted to help her daughter to feel better but she didn’t know what else to tell Tangerine. With no other ideas, she sent out letters to Reynn asked if he could take some time off, even just a day to talk with his little sister. Of course, being told the context, Reynn complied and returned home to visit Tangerine.

It was an amazing surprise for Tangerine to spend the day with her older brother but it was apparent it could only last so long. Reynn then had an idea. Since Tangerine was nearing marehood that maybe she could come live with him in Canterlot. At first, Rosy was strongly against the idea since she herself hated large cities but eventually seeing that Tangerine would continue this way until she got her cutie mark agreed to let Tangerine to go live in Canterlot with her older brother, Tangerine would be able to spend more time with her older brother who seemed to be the only one who could talk sense into the filly and maybe seeing that there are other pony’s her age without cutie marks would ease her worries.

Tangerine was elated to be moving to Canterlot, especially if that meant spending more time with Reynn, she did feel guilty about leaving her mother by herself at the cottage, especially when her father was gone much of the time but Rosy had many friends to keep her company. She’d also have to leave Minuet and Mezzo behind, but they assured her that they’d be in Canterlot making music in the year so they wouldn’t be saying goodbye for long. Tangerine lastly thought that maybe she’d miss the forest but the thought was fleeting since she only had a short amount of time to pack her things and join her brother on the journey back to Canterlot. The whole experience was thrilling and exhausting since Tangerine had never left her small community. One thing she did notice on the train ride there was a small group of colts much younger then she was that had been snickered at her and pointing at her flank, she didn’t initially realize that they had been snickering at her lack of cutie mark but when she connected the thoughts she bit her lip with embarrassment, even though the act was small it planted a seed of self-consciousness in the sensitive pony’s head.

Soon they reached Reynn’s home and Tangerine was a tiny bit shocked at it… Bachelor-ness. Of course she didn’t say anything and accepted that this would be her new home. She quickly got enrolled in a smaller public academy on the outskirts of Canterlot and that brings us to where Tangerine is in present day.

Character Summary: Tangerine is a bubbly individual, chipper most of the time and generally pleasant to be around. But she has a hard time dealing with stress and closes up if her mind is occupied with worries, and often makes things worse for herself since she doesn’t like reaching out to others for help if she believes she can solve her problem on her own even if it’s going to cause her a lot of grief. She’s very uncomfortable with new ponies especially since in recent times because she’s grown extremely self-conscious of her blank flank but once she feels that no one cares about her lack of cutie mark she becomes friendly and very approachable. She’s a hard worker but if she isn’t fully invested in what she’s working on she has a hard time focusing on one thing and often works much slower than an average pony but when she spends the time and attention to her work, the results are fabulous, although because of her scattered focus this end was hard to achieve. She also loves flying, as it bring wonderful childhood memories with her brother back and she’s actually quite a fast flyer but she is much too clumsy to join a profession with the weather team or anything of the sort since she lacked the finesse for sharp turns or aerial tricks or even tricky landings. Other things she likes is singing since music always reminded her of her two friends back home, but similar to how she was when she was younger, she can’t find the confidence to sing when anyone is in the same room. Tangerine also enjoys baking and dancing or to be more specific partying! Things she dislikes would be sewing because it requires too much patience, solitude, studying, small spaces, and hot weather and swimming because it mucks up her feathers! She hopes to travel when she’s older and possibly even visit the Crystal Kingdom up north but for now her main concern is to get find her talent in life although she doesn’t want to admit to it being her main priority.

As she’s getting closer and closer to adulthood and her biggest fear is that she may never get her cutie mark but she’s been told that there has been no pony in history that has never found their cutie mark and that is the closest thing she has found to comfort about this worry. She is also terrified of flying over the ocean, because even though she’s a strong enough flyer and able to fly for long periods of time, the erratic wind patterns terrify her and she’s scared of falling into the water and not being able to get out of the water.

Full Body Art done by me:

[Frost137]

Herro!

In my opinion I would leave out the Apple Family. It just makes it sounds like she is related to the Apples.

But then again, there was this user who has an OC from the Oranges. So I dunno. ((Well that was helpful.))

I don't think you have to be so detailed about her parents and how they met. This app is about your character!

But there's my thoughts on it. You are on the right path though! Good luck!

[starswirlthebearded]

Hey there CyroFox! I'm Star Swirl, your friendly neighborhood RPH! I'll be assisting you with this application!

This is actually a really great start!

There are a few things, however before I start that, I should say that being part of the Apple family is A-OK.

Now... On to the critique! I'll be highlighting certain things.

[colour=#ff0000]Her mother is an earth pony by the name of Apple Rose (Named after her Mother’s cousin) and her father is a Pegasus who’s named Cloud Rush. Both of her parents originally lived in Ponyville and met during a Winter Wrap up event, her mother handing out baked good to the weather team during a break. They soon became infatuated with each other but Apple Rose who was currently living on Apple Acres had family members who didn’t approve of her relationship with this Pegasus colt. But needless to say, they eloped and moved out to Canterlot. Soon the busy city life got to Apple Rose and the two young ponies moved once again to a small cottage south of Canterlot and had a son who they named Reynn.[/colour]

Alright, so there are several problems with this section. First off it is far too detailed for an app about your character. This is about your character, not her family. Information about the family should be kept minimal, unless relevant to something in your character's history or upbringing. Secondly, Apple Rose is a cast character name. Granny Smith's "favorite cousin" to be exact. This creates three problems. First is we don't allow cast ponies to be named in apps. Secondly, we know she never did live on SAA. Another thing is that ponies don't really seem to care about the races... So no one would mind that an earth pony was going out with a pegasus, and they certainly wouldn't have protested. Lastly ponies aren't allowed to live on SAA without consent of the characters who actively live there (Applejack, Granny Smith, Apple Bloom, Big Mac). That detail directly affects them.

[colour=#ff0000]But in recent time both of her parents have become worried for their daughter and thought maybe that their isolated life sheltered Tangerine too much and she needed to in a more lively place with more opportunities if their daughter was to find her talent so they sent their daughter to live in Canterlot even though Apple Rose was hesitant in sending her daughter to such a large city since she herself hated living in such a crowded place.

Living away from her parents has been a hard experience, living in a small apartment and meeting ponies that aren’t always looking out for her. But the most shocking thing was the hostility she received from ponies occasionally for her blank flank, which motivates her even more so to receive her cutie mark. At this time, she’s studying at a small academy in Canterlot but not subject in particular.[/colour]

This part is also problematic for a few reasons. First and foremost, we have seen in the show, that ponies don't act that way. Pretty much everypony (Except Rainbow Dash) in Call of the Cutie told Apple Bloom to chill out and find her cutie mark naturally. In the Cutie Mark Chronicles this was also the moral. Your cutie mark will come when you realize what makes you special. Parents wouldn't just send their children away for that reason. Especially not alone. They might go to live with other relatives, but likely not for the reason of finding their cutie mark, at least not by the parent's idea any way. If it was the filly's idea, maybe, like with Applejack's story. But again, that would be going to live with relatives.

The next thing is that again you are creating ideas for a not yet apped cast character. If you apped her, and put those details in, it would be fine, or if you were working off of another RPer's cast app with their permission... But this isn't the case.

And finally! Hostility for being a blank flank. We have seen bullying, but not general hostility. And even bullies are usually few in number. We know of two in Ponyville, and we heard of a few in Manehattan. While bullying is generally OK (though we prefer not to see it), overall hostility is not, as ponies aren't hostile by nature.

Other than that... Your history should focus more on your character and her experiences. Did she have friends? What does she do/did for fun? How did she feel with all the moving? How did it affect her? Did she gain any new experiences? As of current, your history doesn't seem like Tangerine's history, but rather the history of her family. Shift the focus from the family and put it more on your character!

And that is it for the history!

For the character summary, it is actually pretty good! I get a good feel for the character. The only thing I can really suggest is to try to integrate or remove all of the parenthesis information. It will make for a much cleaner read. In fact, one of the parenthesis should be mentioned in your character's history. She baked with her mother! Isn't that relevant to your character? Heck, that could eventually lead to her cutie mark if she still enjoys it, right?

Overall this is a really cute character design that has a lot of potential. Your history needs a bit of work, but your character summary is quite good (it just needs a bit of polish to shine).

I can't wait to see what you come up with for this character! If you have any questions, please feel free to ask!

[CryoFox]

Thank you for the critique! I rewrote my history and rewrote the parts of my character summary with parenthesis! I tried my best to keep the focus on Tangerine and follow the events that happened to Tangerine and how they effected her. I'm hoping I didn't overwrite some parts or add irrelevant details, a terrible habit of mine ^^''

Also, I think for the most part, since the Apple family relation doesn't directly effect Tangerine, I might as well drop it.

[starswirlthebearded]

Much better! I don't really see any problems with content!

However, could you do myself and the SRPHS that will be looking at this a favour and separate the wall of text into paragraphs please?

Thanks! And fantastic work!

[CryoFox]

Alrighty :3 I made it into paragraphs!

Was curious, since my history section is pretty hefty should I put it in a spoiler tag so it doesn't take up so much room?

[starswirlthebearded]

Alrighty :3 I made it into paragraphs!

Was curious, since my history section is pretty hefty should I put it in a spoiler tag so it doesn't take up so much room?

Nope not necessary in the slightest. Putting Spoiler tags usually muck up more than they make things neater I've noticed.

Putting a space in between paragraphs does help though so they are more easily distinguishable. (Again its all for ease of readability)

[kind of like this space here]

However! This is good enough for me to pass up though. And so I shall. Great work Cyro!

[CryoFox]

Alrighty, thank you for the help Starswirl ^^

[starswirlthebearded]

Yeah, just so I'm clear. I mean this...

History:[colour=#282828] Tangerine was born in a small cottage on the border between the Roundbottom Hills and Whitetail wood where she grew up in relative comfort with her mother Rosy, father Cloud Rush and older brother Reynn. Although her father would be gone for long periods of time since before both her and her brother were born both of their parents had lived in Ponyville but unfortunately her father could not find a position near Garden Gait when her parents had moved and had to continue to commute to other cities. With Cloud Rush absent for weeks on end, her older brother Reynn would eventually be the one who taught her how to fly. From there, both siblings shared a pretty close bond and both ponies played almost exclusively with each other until Reynn had aged well into Colthood. But their tight knit relationship had a wedge put into it when her brother was picked up by the weather team as he had quite some talent for flying. Even with Reynn working a lot of the time, he still found time to play with his little sister but even more of his time was taken up when he was recommended for the Wonderbolts Academy. With both academy courses and work taking up Reynn’s time, he had no time for Tangerine. This put Tangerine in an awkward position when she suddenly had to pursue other relationships other than the ones with her family.[/colour]

[colour=#282828]At the time, she was attending a small school tucked away in Roundbottom hills and many of the locals had heard about her brother being accepted to the Wonderbolts Academy and most of the other foals weren’t interested in becoming friends with Tangerine since she had neglected to ever extend the hand of friendship when her brother was still around. But thankfully, she did befriend a pair of unicorn siblings named Minuet and Mezzo. But when she came home it would usually just be her mother and herself and to try and compensate for the absence of Tangerine’s brother and father, Rosy started to bake frequently with her daughter to keep her company. Slowly Tangerine became comfortable with the idea that her brother would no longer be able to devote afternoons to spend with her and life continued on, and she became quite good friends with the unicorn brother and sister. Minuet and Mezzo were both very musical ponies and even before they found their cutie marks they knew they wanted to be musicians, but Tangerine didn’t quite share the same passion. But even when both unicorns were busy with recitals and lessons they always made sure to spend time with Tangerine.

[/colour]

[colour=#282828]Like that! It just makes it easier for us to read [/colour]

[CryoFox]

Heh, sorry! I forgot to edit my post before replying ^^'''

[starswirlthebearded]

Heh, sorry! I forgot to edit my post before replying ^^'''

Awesome! Thanks muchly!

Now please be patient while a SRPHS looks over this app for final approval! If anything further needs to be done either myself of the SRPHS will let you know here!

[RarityDash]

Looks good to me. Excellent work!