[ Pegasus ] [ Ready ] Iron Works

[Battlebornbrony]

Roleplay Type: FFA

Name: Iron Works

Sex: Stallion

Age: Adult

Species: Pegasus

Eye colour: Hazel

Coat: Dark Navy Blue and usually seen wearing a apron with a red shirt under it and a statchel strapped to his left side

Mane/Tail: Long and messy mane and short and messy tail all pitch black.

Physique: Strong

Residence: Las Pegasus

Occupation: Blacksmith

Cutie Mark: A anvil

History: Iron Works was originally from Stallion Grad and was raised there by his father and only his father because he never met his mother and no pony knows why. Iron Works dad was named Steel Hammer, they would work together making horseshoes, tools, and building materials. One day Iron Works father fell sick so he had to work the shop and forge alone, doing this the whole day from the sun rising to nightfall got him his cutie mark, his dad told him later that it was a test and he was more than Proud of him. him and his dad got along even better since and became the best of friends.

Character Summary: Iron Works is very friendly, he is sometimes lonely though but likes to be lazy and go out and explore areas when he gets the chance, when he does so he likes to explore ever free forest and other places. He loves pie and cake, mostly chocolate fudge cake and pumpkin pie. he's loyal until the end to when a friend is out of doubt or in trouble he's always there to help. the ONLY thing he strongly dislikes with a burning passion is almonds he strongly dislikes the taste.

[Battlebornbrony]

Finally done, it took me well not under 10 seconds flat, hahaha. I couldn't figure out how to make this for the whole time I was here so four months ha ha ha aint I silly?

[TehBbqdPizza]

-Not a RPH

Hello BBB,

I think it's better if you don't bold everything; it makes it hard for the RPHs to see. Also, just write the title as " Battle Born [Ready]".

Being poor is something that doesn't go well with the WOE/Mane RP; it has to reflect head canon of the show. Poverty nor economical depression exists in Equestria, so it might be better if that is edited. His early life is vague and unspecified, and does not explain how he had acquired his cutie mark.

You could also add some things for the character summary. What is his motivation, views of life, etc.? Try to be more specific in his likes or dislikes (ex: Why does he like/dislikes these things?), and give some more specific traits on his personality.

And the age section should say how old is he; I'm assuming "older" means that he is an adult.

This looks like it can have some potential, however. Don't be discouraged by all the editing- applications are supposed to be like that, and I had some struggles myself with making an application!

[Battlebornbrony]

Thank you. only part is it wasn't in bold but having trouble indenting it.

[Elderflower]

Hey there B3! Like BBQ, I'm not staff - just a fellow creative interested in giving you a hand!

Applying to World of Equestria can be pretty overwhelming at first! I have a few suggestions to help you with the process if you'd like to keep pushing to join in WoE roleplay, but if you don't feel like you want to edit your character or expand your application, you should know that as it stands your character is free to join the Free for All boards! There is no application required! c:

BBQ has made some good points but I'd also like to add some suggestions and point a few things out! This is going to be a bit of a wall of text, but please don't think this feedback is very negative or let it discourage you! I want to provide you with a comprehensive response in order to help you get to know World of Equestria and what it expects of its roleplayers the way that I understand it as a roleplayer myself. This is a great community, and the purpose of this application process is to help roleplayers who're new to WoE's ways and expectations!

First and foremost, the most important thing to keep in mind when writing for World of Equestria is that this roleplay is a slice-of-life game that emulates Friendship is Magic to a tee! The tones and atmosphere stay as true to the show as possible. That means we keep things very pony! What stands out the most to me with your app is the focus on battle themes. Even the name "Battle Born" implies that your character is the product of battle (and therefore violence). This, along with the cutie mark being two swords and the focus on swords in general will likely make it difficult for your character to be passed through. I would highly recommend taking away such a strong focus on battle (or anything with connotations of violence). Having a guard pony should be fine, but I would suggest focusing more on your pony's personality (his ambitions, his fears, his interests, his quirks, how certain situations have influenced him and how he'll react to others) as well as having a name that doesn't imply violence. You can always wait for staff for the final word on this, however - I don't speak with any authority. I'm simply offering recommendations based on my experience as a roleplayer here and my familiarity with the process from my lurking! Oh, and if you feel this is an important quality for your character, keep in mind that you can still play him as is in Free for All! If you don't want to change him but still want to join World of Equestria, you could always write another character! :3c

That said, to show you understand and meet World of Equestria's quality standard, it's always wise to expand on areas of the application that will say the most about what kind of pony you've written. This will be very important for people who want to roleplay with you, as it lets them get to know your pony! The cutie mark section, for example, offers you the opportunity to tell us not just what your character's cutie mark is, but how he earned it. This tells us all a lot about who your pony is! Did he struggle to find his cutie mark? Did he breeze through it? Did finding it change him or lead to important self-discovery, or did it meet his expectations and make him more confident? What exactly does his cutie mark mean for him? These are all things that are wise to keep in mind when discussing these things, as they will help shape your pony into a believable and well-rounded character! Before I shift gears though, when you say "a sword with a sword going down the middle," do you mean two swords overlapped?

Following a similar mindset is helpful in writing your history and character summary sections as well. For the history, think about his life growing up and how circumstances or influential ponies in his life might have shaped him. How did he react with others? How did his relationships and surroundings influence him? What do his friends and family mean to him? So far, you've told us about his parents and about what other characters have done to him, but you haven't really focused on your character's side of these things. For World of Equestria apps, it's better to talk about your character and his feelings so staff and roleplayers know who they're reading about on a more personal level! c: We want to get to know your pony!

The most important area of your app to focus on, though, would be your character summary. This should be the part you expand upon the most! You tell us what his dreams are, so next you should tell us where they came from! In this section, it's better to focus less on the "what" and more on the "why." Why does you character feel the way he does? Why is he hard working, and why does food distract him?

This may seem like a lot of information to take in, but I'm doing my best to give you perspective as well as suggestions. I hope I've been helpful, and good luck with your character! Seeing new roleplayers is always an exciting time! And of course, if you have any more questions feel free to ask! I'm always willing to help out, and there are volunteers and staff to poke at as well. c:

[Battlebornbrony]

thanks for the advice, see that's what I love about this place all of you go out of your way to help which is nice but if I change battle borns name then I don't know what to call him. Anyone got any suggestions?

[Elderflower]

It depends! If you plan on working on his character and personality a bit more, something might come to you while you're writing! c:

And you're welcome! I'm glad to answer any questions you might have!

[Battlebornbrony]

Sweet, so got any suggestions for names?

[MisterRe]

Try Bloodthirsty Renegade. just kidding that's a terrible name.

[Battlebornbrony]

Haha! funny but no really got any ideas for some guard names?

[Bellosh]

MisterRe, please refer to the Elements of Honesty sticky before making any further posts. If your content doesn't abide by those guidelines, we ask that you don't post in other people's OC app threads. Thank you for understanding. ^_^

[QuickLime]

Is the name "BattleBorn" a reference to Skyrim? ;D

[MisterRe]

Sorry...*facehoof* guess I didn't read it thoroughly.

[Battlebornbrony]

Yeah. I love Skyrim, I just wish I could mod my Skyrim for my xbox360, I would use the My little pony mod but does any one have any suggestions for a NEW name for my RP characters?

[Bellosh]

Since this OC is your character BBB, it really is up to you to craft a new name for him yourself. Really, any fitting name will do as long as it doesn't condone violence or all other activities that discourage harmony.

[Battlebornbrony]

now I am finally ready.

[Elderflower]

Well, I wouldn't mind helping you with names but I'm dog tired and my creativity is all shriveled up at the moment! I would, however like to mention that your character still has a very strong combative side to him, and I would recommend you read what Diomedes (our REA authority on Canterlot) has recently written on guard pony characters! He has written a good chunk on information of what a Guard or Royal Equestrian Army character should strive to be in regards to writing their personalities and characteristics. It should be less about combat and violence and more about the qualities of the character that drove them to reach for a position as a Guard, but it has to fit Friendship is Magic canon themes, which don't encompass violence - that goes against harmony, which is what FiM ponies are all about!

Also, you have yet to give us a cutie mark story!

[Bellosh]

now I am finally ready.

You'll need to change the title of this app to include the revised name of your character. In addition, please add a pegasus tag so that the staff clearly know which forum to insert your OC in if it gets approved.

And as the official RP Helper in charge of this app, I concur with Elder's suggestion that your OC is best suited for FFA. If you mark Sentinel as FFA, you can gain valuable RPing experience first before making an actual WoE character app. Plus you can use Sentinel as you've originally intended without WoE's strict regulations.

[Battlebornbrony]

how do I change the app name from BattleBornBrony's rp character to something different.

[Bellosh]

Click on Edit for your opening post, then click on Use Full Editor. You'll have the option to change the thread title and add a tag from a drop-down list.

[Battlebornbrony]

Just made a lot of changes, because I felt like it and its hard to make a guard character.

[Bellosh]

Please reinsert either a [WiP] or [Ready] status mark, and fix the app formatting so that only the field titles are bolded. When those things are fixed, I will go ahead and critique your changes. ^^

[Battlebornbrony]

Nothing is bold. but Okie Dokie Thor and Loki.

[Bellosh]

When I go quote your post, it indicates that all the text is bold. Please copy and paste the form below in the spoiler box and fill everything in as you did before for your app:

Roleplay Type:

Name:

Sex:

Age:

Species:

Eye colour:

Coat:

Mane/Tail:

Physique:

Residence:

Occupation:

Cutie Mark:

History:

Character Summary:

​

Once you've shown that you can utilize the proper application format correctly, I will look at the contents of your app.

[Battlebornbrony]

Ok I cant make it not bold, lost all my work I tried making it non bold but it just dosent work and yes I highlighted it and then clicked bold, IT wont become un bold, also the base you gave me just made it bold again, im going coo coo in the head here... any suggestions?