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Xanmas Umbrus (ready)

PyroBlaze

By PyroBlaze
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PyroBlaze Alicorn

PyroBlaze

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Name: Xanmas "Xan" Umbrus

Gender: Male

Age: Stallion

Species: Pegasus

Eye color: Black

Character color: Black

Mane/Tail/Other: Mane and tail are both gray. Mane is long and spiky, with most of it swept back to stay out of his face. A couple of bangs still hang in his face. Tail is long and spiky as well, almost looking like a continuation of his mane.

Physique: Lean musculature, slightly taller than the average stallion his age.

Residence: wanderer (no actual house)

Occupation: Thief

Cutie Mark: Black sun outlined with white. Xan earned his cutie mark when he snuck his way out of a jail when he was younger. He had tried to steal a valuable item from a bank in his city. He was still young, but he was old enough to be sent to jail when he got caught trying to escape with the gems he had taken. Xan got better and better at sneaking as he avoided other convicts in the jail. Eventually, Xan got so good, that none of the convicts saw him for a week. Xan escaped the next day, sneaking right past all the guards and convicts in the prison. They didn't even know he was gone until they checked his cell at feeding time later that day.

Unique Traits: Wears a cloak with the hood up most of the time. The hood only comes off on rare occasions. The cloak is dark gray, almost black, with holes for the wings. Carries a katana-type sword and multiple knives. His sword is on his back, but all the knives are hidden under the cloak. All but two of his knives are throwing knives. The other two are both daggers that he was given by his father when he joined the thieves guild. From extensive use and training, Xan has developed almost impeccable aim with throwing knives. If he wants to hit something, it's most likely that he'll hit it. His preferred method of fighting is to take the opponent out in his first attack. If that doesn't work, Xan will do quick hits before escaping the enemy's attacks, then he will go back in to attack again.

History: Xan was born and raised among thieves. Xan was born in Manehatten, but he lived a couple miles out from the city. Both his parents were secretly supporting the local thieves guild, so there were often members of the guild at the house. They would come to hide, just to rest, and occasionally just to visit. Xan loved every minute they were there. Since he was home schooled because he kept getting in trouble at school, he would learn about being a thief and what they did. Xan's parents were occasionally caught harboring thieves and thrown into jail along with the thief. When this happened, Xan would be taken care of by the leader of the thieves guild, which only made Xan more interested in the guild. Xan was naturally stealthy, having snuck out of places he didn't want to be quite often without getting caught. Xan was picked up by the guild about halfway through his teenage years. Xan spent the rest of his teenage years and part of his young adult life in the guild's headquarters, learning the skills necessary to become a thief. When he had learned all they could teach, Xan left the guild and set off on his own. He wandered from town to town, taking jobs stealing stuff and perfecting his skills.

Character Summary: Xan is suspicious of strangers and is slow to trust, all things he learned from the thieves. When Xan receives a goal or target, he will do almost anything to reach the goal or retrieve the item. Xan is rather serious most of the time, but he can sometimes be really funny or sarcastic. When he's not on the job, Xan is rather relaxed, even though he's still being observant of things around him. Xan rarely talks when on a mission because talking inhibits the effectiveness of his stealth. Xan becomes angry when people get in his way or threaten him. He will do anything short of sacrificing himself to complete his tasks. That being said, he will preserve himself before completing his mission if it comes down to it.

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PyroBlaze Alicorn

PyroBlaze

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Okay, umm... Killing, I suppose. He certainly enjoys and is good at it. He wouldn't be an assassin if he didn't like or wasn't good at killing. Sorry if that one doesn't work either, but like I said, it's kinda hard for me to think of one for him. Being tired certainly doesn't help the process.

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QuickLime Alicorn

QuickLime

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Okay, umm... Killing, I suppose. He certainly enjoys and is good at it. He wouldn't be an assassin if he didn't like or wasn't good at killing. Sorry if that one doesn't work either, but like I said, it's kinda hard for me to think of one for him. Being tired certainly doesn't help the process.

"Killing" is not CC appropriate...? This is a slightly lax version of canon..We don't really want special talents that are ya know..really outside the scope of MLP.

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PyroBlaze Alicorn

PyroBlaze

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Okay, I'm not really sure then. I was thinking about an idea before. I thought he could have a black sun outlined in white or some other light color, so you can see it against his black coat. It could represent his ability to blend into the shadows or something like that.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Armony Alicorn

Armony

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I apologize for the abnormally long wait for feedback on your application. Everything you have so far looks good to me, but you're definitely in need of some expansion in a few areas before this is really good to go.

  • Cutie Mark: Your choice of cutie mark is perfectly fine; however, this section should also describe the events that resulted in your character earning his cutie mark, as well as giving at least a hint as to what his cutie mark says about his talents or personality.
  • Unique Traits: Again, what you've got is good, but I think there's some untapped potential to be brought out. For instance, you mention that he has a katana and multiple knives. Are any of them particularly special to him? Does he know any special combat tricks with them? Is there any particular fighting style he favors over any other?
  • History: Your history could definitely use some more detail to it as well. Was he born and raised in a particular city, or somewhere outside of one? Did he have a formal education, or was he entirely home-taught? Did he have a particular rival or best friend that helped shape him? Being raised a criminal, did he or his parents ever get in trouble with the law? If so, how did that affect his life?
  • Personality: His personality could also use a little more detail. Specifically, he doesn't appear to have any significant flaws. What sorts of things anger him? Please him? What might throw him off or make him act out of character? Is he scared of anything?

Asking yourself these kinds of questions (and then answering them, of course) should give you plenty of space to flesh out your character. I can't wait to see what you can come up with! :)

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