Jump to content

Flamewing (ready)

xXDashieXx

By xXDashieXx
in Original Characters

 Share

Recommended Posts

xXDashieXx 20% Cooler

xXDashieXx

Posted
Posted

RP Type: Canterlot Chronicles (CC)

Name: Flamewing

Gender: Female

Age: Mare

Species: Pegasus

Eye colour: Red

Character colour: Black with orange muzzle

Mane/Tail/Other: White (like derpy)

Physique: A bit more skinny than average mare.

Residence: Canterlot

Occupation: N/A

Cutie Mark: A wing with a flame color. She got this cutie mark when she was a filly. In her home town there was a little set of games for the children. It was just a bunch of races and obstacle courses. No pony expected her to come to take part in the games. She was a very shy pony back then. She hadn't plan to join the games but she gave it a shot. When she got there everyone stared at here as if she was some sort of alien. The games begun and she didn't win any of them. The last race of the games was about to start. She thought of quieting but she quickly changed her mind. The last race was the fastest pony wins. She was ready. The whistle blew and she had took off. At first she was behind, then she kept telling herself you can do this. Eventually, she picked up speed and starting passing all the other ponies. When the race finished she collapsed on the floor. Everyone was staring at her. She looked behind her to see if she crossed the finish line. She had won! After this her parents came over to her and pointed at her flank. She got her cutie mark.

Unique Traits: Has a white bow in her hair. She normally wears it, not all the time. It was a bow her friend Starheart made for her. She also has 2 signature moves. One called the loop dive. She came up with this trick when flying downwards, sort of falling. Thats when she discovered her new move. Its when you make 2 loops in the air then dive downwards like in the name. It took her quite sometime to master this trick. For a long time, she would crash or go out of position. causing her to fall. When she finally mastered it she would still practice it like she didn't know how to do the trick, so she could practice and be more thorough. Her second signature move is called the Daredevil. Its a series of loops, dives and turns. When she first tries this she ran into clouds, buildings, and many more objects. The objective was to spell out her name in the sky. She could only to a O at the moment. Slowly, she got better and was able to spell FL. Then, FLAME, then FLAMEWING. Now, it has become one of her signature moves because of her name is in the sky when she does this trick. She can do many moves, not that complicated ones, but if you give her a trick to master, she won't stop until she does.

History: Flamewing was born in Canterlot. Her mother and father were both wonderbolts. When she was a filly, she would watch her parents do amazing tricks in the air. She thought that she wanted to do this when she grew up. This was her dream and she lived up to it. She would always be racing her friends and she would always win but not all the time. When she was a filly, she was home-schooled most of the time. She didn't really have a lot of friends back then except for her friend Starheart which she still has to this very day. She wanted to be a wonderbolt but she was to young. She started getting interested in racing. She is not the best flyer but she still trains and works hard everyday to improve her flying skills as much as possible. When she was little, Flamewing thought you could be either smart or athletic. She wanted to be athletic. So, she focused all her time and effort to be athletic. Her grades started going down. Her parents got mad at her because they said grades are more important than being athletic is. You could get a job being a racer her parents said, but being a smart pony is very important also. This is when Flamewing realized that you could be both smart and very athletic. You don't have to choose between the two! When she started to mature she was always into the Wonderbolts. She wanted to become one so badly. She had posters all over her room of the Wonderbolts. Her biggest surprise was when she got to go see the Wonderbolts preform on her birthday (it was a coincidence.) Flamewing had a great time! Also, she was called flame when she was little because of her mane. When she was little her mane used to be red and orange. This is why they called the flame. Later on they added wing to it because of her talent for flying and her cutie mark. Her hair has changed from red and orange to white like derpy's. A little after that, when she was about a teen, she went into the everfree forest running after a ball. She hadn't noticed that she had gone in but she was all caught up with playing catch she went in. At first, she was super scared. She had never gone in the forest before. Even mares didn't go in the everfree forest! There were manticores. She went in just a little further until she heard a strange noise. It scared her so she ran back to her friend. Her friend (Icicle) asked her what happened. She said that the ball was in the everfree forest and she wasn't supposed to go inside it. Icicle said okay and they went back to get a cookie or something.

Character Summary: Overall, Flamewing is just a super fun pony to be with. She loves hanging out with her friends. She is very hyper and fast. She is very kind and caring. She basicly never misses a party or anything that her friends host. She loves having fun but not as much as pinkie pie does. Her best friends are two ponies named Starheart and Icicle. She had moved from Cloudsdale to Canterlot about halfway through her life. Right now she lives in Canterlot with both her friends. Flamewing doesn't really have a house she shares with Starheart, Sometimes she goes to the hill to watch the stars at night. She finds the stars magnificent. Although Flamewing is more of a 'athletic' pony she is very intelligent and into fashion. For example, the bow in her hair was made by Starheart. She wears it all the time. Its sort of her lucky charm. On the other side, Icicle lives up in Cloudsdale studying. Icicle is the smart pony like twilight. Always knows the answer to every question. Of course she studies a lot but Starwing learned all he knowledge from school and Icicle! Flamewing has the tendency to steal sweets when people aren't looking. She just loves the taste of sweets. When she was little she would always go to a cake shop and her mom would get cake. It was her favorite. Now, she goes to sugarcube corner to get most of her cake and other sweets! Her personality is a mix of everything except bossy. She can be a little bit pushy sometimes but she doesn't like to be the leader. Unlike many athletic ponies, she was very kind and polite. She cared for every pony and animal. She is kind, caring, passionate, courageous, brave, funny and very polite. She loves nature like Fluttershy, but doesn't want to work with animals as her job/occupation. In her dreams, she dreams of being a wonderbolt. Flying high up in the air for lots of people to see. Although she is just a teeny bit stage frightened, she overall loves to preform for other people. Not for the joy of being a wonderbolt (partly that) but for the pleasure of other ponies watching her. In the end, Flamewing is a all around great friend and a great pony to have around. She always tries to fair to every pony no matter what. Some of her flaws is that she wants most things done her way. She doesn't push anyone about it but she just has a way of doing it. Sometimes she gets it her way, sometimes not. It depends on what she wanted her way. She also isn't patient at all. She hates waiting for ponies. If there is a long line to get something she wants, she just leaves. She finds it annoying when ponies take forever to do something or buy something. Thats why when she goes out to eat, she goes to the least popular place so she doesn't have to wait in line for anypony.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Lux Alicorn

Lux

Posted
Posted

Hello there!

You have a good character there. You might want to add more though about how Starwing got her cutie mark, more about her history (her life as a foal, parents, school, how she became a wonderbolt, etc.), and more about her personality (her hoped, dreams, what makes her upset and how she reacts to it, other things she likes besides being a Wonderbolt, things she dislikes, etc.) Basically, the more you put in, the better we'll get to know about your pony!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
QuickLime Alicorn

QuickLime

Posted
Posted
. She had to travel to all of the mane 6 to find out more of the history of magic. The last star, the yellow one stands for bravery. She had to be brave enough to apply for the wonderbolts academy. After she did this she got accepted and now is a wonderbolt.

You need to remove the mane six from your application, no past histories with cast characters are allowed I'm afraid, and to put it bluntly your character feels like a Rainbow Dash clone, She's a wonderbolt, traveled with the Mane Six, isn't wing Pony anymore, and just applied to the academy and got accepted and is instantly a wonderbolt?

No that's not how cutie marks work, She needs to be a youngster when that happens, and they wouldn't let her go off traveling OR apply for the wonderbolts at that age.

You need to not think big, grand , awesome OC, you need to think about a pony that is a Wonderbolt through hard work and dedication.

Also you need to remove the obvious gender discrimination! They would not mock or ridicule her for looking like a boy

I suggest you try to scale this back, while expanding her summary AND history, it's quite frankly way too short for CC and needs expanded upon greatly :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites
QuickLime Alicorn

QuickLime

Posted
Posted

Since this is your first app I really think you should try free for all first and get a feel of your characters, also you might want to read some other accepted applications, as it stands we can't accept this OC at this time as she really doesn't fit the requirements to be an OC Wonderbolt. We expect a certain level from those kinds of applications, and for a first timer it might be too daunting a task.

If you made her not be a wonderbolt, and simply striving to be a wonderbolt that's something we can work with, but her being a wonderbolt isn't an option unless this Application does a heavy re-write.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Armony Alicorn

Armony

Posted
Posted

Looking things over, this application could still use some expansion, as it is incredibly brief. Try to give us some more details about both her personality and her past. Specifically, she seems to be lacking in any sort of personality flaws, and you don't have much about what's happened since she earned her cutie mark. Your character is a mare, an adult, and should have some more things that have happened since then. What happened with her ambitions of becoming a Wonderbolt? Maybe she's still working toward that goal? It may also help if you think up of some occupation for her to have, even if it's just something to get by while she chases after her dreams.

What you've got so far is good, but I think there's still some potential left to bring out in this character, and I can't wait to see what more you can come up with! :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Armony Alicorn

Armony

Posted
Posted

Alright, I think we're almost there! Another thing you should expand upon here is your unique traits section. Having something unique about her appearance is a good start, but there should be plenty more than a simple bow that makes her a unique pony. Almost anything you can think of could go there - as a flier aspiring to be a Wonderbolt, has she made any signature moves for herself? How are they performed? How long did it take her to develop/master them? The unique traits section is your chance to do a little showing off for her abilities, or anything else that might set her apart from other ponies, so have some fun with it!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...