Razor Wind [Ready!]

[RazorWind]

COMPLETE REWORK: The history of this character has been redone to more fit his actual focus. Hopefully this works out better!

Name: Razor “Raz” Wind

Gender: Colt

Age: Stallion

Species: Pegasus

Eye colour: Bright Yellow

Character colour: Dark Blue

Mane/Tail/Other: Silver mane and tail (Sleek and jagged looking, almost like the edges of a dagger)

Physique: Athletic/Nimble but strong

Residence: Cloudsdale

Occupation: Adventurer/Freewings Member

Cutie Mark: Sword with wings upon its hilt

Unique Traits: Always keeps a pair of goggles with him; a pair his mother to use have His special talent is combat but he still is a great and agile flier. He is often seen with a large greatsword that was gifted to him by his father strung across his back and his wing strength is far above average having practiced flying while carrying such a heavy weapon; his actual armor is kept light, either leather or chain, to allow agile movement while in combat.

History: Razor's younger years were as standard as they come; Basic flight training alongside schooling and recreation. Nothing much was out of place, save for one thing. Razor Wind's father, Gale Wind, was a retired adventurer and mercenary, who had holstered his weapon for good when settling down with Light Wings, Razor's mother. Both Razor and Gale would spar with each other on days where school was out and Razor had that typical youthful energy to let loose. It was a good way to keep Razor focused in school while also giving him a chance to be the little fighter that took on after his father, much to the dismay of Light Wings who wanted no harm to come to her son. To counteract the 'budding violent attitude' in her son, Light Wings took Razor on flights around the floating city of Cloudsdale, as well as assisting him in his studies as he advanced through his schooling. This however did not stop the little pegasus from continuing his and his father's tradition of sparring over the weekends, but it never seemed to evolve beyond play-fighting, at least for a while.

On top of these recreational activities the family of Pegasi also took regular trips down to the surface during Razor's vacation time away from school, travelling all over equestria. It was during one the earlier breaks that the little pegasus met and befriended another little pony named Gangplank, who shared a like minded interest in adventure, exploration, and dungeoneering with Razor. Over the course of a vacation Razor and Gangplank would often times go on pretend dungeon diving expeditions in caves and caverns, or travel around town on a 'grand exploration'; they quickly became good friends, and Razor's parents agreed take the little pegasus to visit his new friend anytime he had a vacation.

While this was happening, Razor and Gale continued their traditional weekend sparring, which of course was entirely fatherly son bonding, so no injuries were ever suffered by either party, however with every month Razor seemed to be getting more and more adept in combat and less interested in his schoolwork. This pattern of improvement led to Gale having to hold himself back less and less, until it came to the point that the young colt was able to best his father when fighting fairly roughly. Upon defeating his father Razor's his cutie mark finally appeared in the form of a sword with wings upon its hilt, much to the joy of the little colt and it was at this point that Gale saw the potential and adaptation his son had. Razor would continue to show signs of a budding, fighting adventurer as his play sessions with Gangplank began to take the form of make-believe fights with hordes of zombies, enemy pirates, or any other creatures that would mean the two harm.

Though he was still young Razor was beginning to feel that passion for combat that his father had felt many years ago, and Gale wished to help his son along this path that his heart clearly wanted to take. Light Wings, however, took quite a bit of convincing; eventually agreeing to let Razor pursue improving his combat prowess as long as he first finished his schooling. However, upon reaching young stallion-hood and telling his good buddy in adventurism about his plans, the unicorn seemed to have different interests in mind. It seemed Gangplank had little interest in the rigid and rule filled lifestyle of the REA and wished to remain separate from an existence of complete obedience. Though the piratey pony attempted to talk his friend out of joining, Razor had his mind set on this goal and sadly was forced to say his goodbyes, leaving to join the armed forces.

However, after receiving basic combat training Razor began to feel his drive and passion was misplaced, and was seeing that his friend was entirely correct. The armed forces was a life of diligence and obedience, nothing like what the free-minded pegasus had anticipated. It seemed the phrase 'like father, like son' was far more apt in this situation, and after only two years of being a city Guard, Razor quit and returned home. Another few months would go by before the pegasus, still brimming with youthful idealism, would leave home and take on the same reigns of adventuring and mercenary work as his father did. It was not an easy choice for his parents to accept, however the young-stallion had set his mind on seeing the world and reaping its rewards. Before he left home his mother gifted him a pair of goggles she'd received from her own father, and Gale gave him the very same Greatsword that had been unused up till now, however kept in pristine condition. With a farewell to his family, the stallion set out to make ammends with his foalhood friend and invite the unicorn out for a life of adventuring once more, however, upon returning to Gangplanks home the other pony was no where to be found. Despite searching, it seemed the pegasus's friend had just vanished, leaving Razor to start his journey into the world alone.

While his career started off as small time guard and armed-escort jobs he continued to hone his own skills; practicing fighting in a number of different ways, even when completely unarmed. His adventuring would take him across many corners of Equestria for many years and all the way his skill and strength seemed to progress more and more.

Now a full six years after leaving his home and growing into adulthood, Razor had become more adept at combat then he had ever been before; his earnings through his work allowing him to gain additional armor and supplies as well as keep his mother's and father's gifts in well kept condition. Still, even though he had grown strong in both body and mind, the pegasus couldn't deny that the life of a lone adventurer was beginning to wear on him; his travels beginning to feel far more lonely. However, one day, upon passing through Gangplank's former home town, Razor overheard a rumor of his friend in relation to a 'pirate crew' and that this small group was apparently stationing not too far away. Fate seemed to come full circle and Razor began to gather as much information as he could on this crew and the pony who commanded it (though he found the task daunting as it was a small, mostly unknown rag tag group) and set out to find his old friend once more.

After searching for several days, Razor finally found the pirate pony and joyfully reunited; for eight years he'd not seen his oldest friend. After a while a of catching up, Razor offered his services to the crew, which called themselves "The Freewings", as an expert of heavy weaponry and combat on the ground and in the air. After giving a proper demonstration of such abilities, the winged stallion was offered by Gangplank, and his small assortment of ponies and other races, a place in their little family, to which Razor eagerly accepted. After eight years of training and honing his own skills, the daring pegasus was finally back among friends and family; starting out his new life as a member of the Freewings.

Character Summary: A pegasus whose specialty is combat; unarmed and heavy weaponry specifically. He'd left home to pursue a life of adventuring and mercenary work, taking on after his father. He has spent several years training and perfecting his fighting style and is formidable both with and without his weapon.

As for recreational activities he mostly enjoys either flying or sparring with others; it keeps him in practice and allows for friendly interaction. Aside from that he's known to enjoy the simply trot around town or sight seeing and is often times lounging about under a tree when he gets the time to relax. He'll openly travel with and can enjoy the company of anypony as long as they prove trustworthy and likable; its best to have someone you can count on at your back then to go it alone. Last but not least, he enjoys varying types of rock and techno music and usually attends concerts of such ponies like Vinyl Scratch from up in the clouds.

As far as anything food related goes, Razor lives by the "if it won't kill me and tastes good, I'll eat it" mentality of self sustenance, though is more partial to hay products then anything else, for some reason it seems to clique with him better.

Character Personality: He is somewhat quiet but is still friendly to those who address him. While he's not much of a strategist he is able to tell when a situation is beyond help and isn't one to always charge in blindly unless he knows for certain he will succeed.

[xXDashieXx]

OK so this is a pretty good application. Maybe you could make the character summary longer. Like, what does he like to do? Does he like anytype of food or anything.

[RazorWind]

Alright, I added a bit more to the summary. Apologies! Had a bit of a dry spell in terms of ideas

[xXDashieXx]

no problem!

[RazorWind]

Also, I can't figure out how to add a Ready to the end of my topic name. I think I'm pretty much ready for full evaluation

Edit: Thank you Bellosh! Just added it.

[Bellosh]

You can edit the topic title to include [Ready] by using the Full Editor feature.

[Bellosh]

Alrighty then, here is my feedback:

• Can you clarify how exactly your OC carries his weapons while flying? From the way you word it, it kinda sounds like he uses his wings to carry them, although I'm assuming this is unintentional.
  
• To be frank, the Cutie Mark story drags on a bit too long at the expense of the rest of the History. You only really need one paragraph to describe his time in the Everfree Forest. We don't really need the full story here; a summary will do in this situation.
  
• Instead, more information will be appreciated on why exactly your OC opted to become a mercenary. Specifically, why did he not join the Royal Equestrian Army, which most ponies skilled in combat would likely join.
  
• Because your OC is only an older colt, it doesn't seem very likely that he'd actually be all that well-practiced in combat. He may have gotten lucky once against timberwolves, but innate ability is no match for years of training and experience. If your OC's current age is an older colt, and he specifically gets his CM just before reaching an adulthood that he hasn't reached yet... then logically, your character should still be more or less a complete newbie at combat. At the very least, he wouldn't even have earned nearly enough money to afford all that equipment you say Razor has. Please reflect on this dilemma when revising your app.
  
• Just to let you know: combat in a freeform RP like Canterlot Chronicles can be extremely tricky at times. The key to fun combat is that each character in a RP has the ability to make a significant impact on the course of a fight... and sometimes, to even lose in a spectacular manner. With this in mind, always remember that OCs who generally plow through enemies without experiencing any sort of difficulty will come off as Mary Sueish, and thus won't be fun to RP with. For further insight, take a read through this journal.
  

If you'd rather have your OC accepted as is without having to make the edits suggested above, you can assign Razor Wind to Free For All instead. FFA is a more relaxed place, and is thus more accommodating of a place for a RPer to display the exceptional talents of their OCs. If you want to, insert "Roleplay Type: Free For All" at the top of your app sheet. Otherwise, please follow the feedback I've given you.

[Armony]

Would you like to keep this application open? Please let us know soon.

[RazorWind]

Sorry everypone! I was really busy with work and training that I've not gotten the time to change my app. I will get to work on rewriting the history a bit, but it'll probably take a few days; thank you for the input!

[RazorWind]

Sorry for the double post, but the history has been reworked to be more in line with the suggestions. I hope this one turns out better, thank you!

[Bellosh]

Okie dokie, time for Round 2 of feedback:

• You might want to specify that Razor Wind earned his cutie mark the day he first bested his father in fairly rough combat. Seems like a good point for that mark to appear.
  
• Cloudsdale doesn't have an armed force of its own in our Lore. The only military force Equestria has is the Royal Equestrian Army (AKA the royal guards). It'd be appreciated if you instead mention Razor enlisting in the REA/Royal Guard.
  

Other than that, the History is indeed much improved from the previous version. This app is well on its way to getting stamped.

[RazorWind]

Another batch of edits to accommodate the suggestions. Thanks again for the help!

[starswirlthebearded]

[RazorWind]

Awesome! So, is there anything else I need to do on my end?

[starswirlthebearded]

Awesome! So, is there anything else I need to do on my end?

Nope! Just be patient while admins change your permissions to RP Apprentice. I already made the request.

[Armony]

Application is being returned to apps forum at user's request.

[RazorWind]

Aaaand all finished! History has been altered to include time with the character Gangplank as well as Razor's joining of the crew Freewings

EDIT: Incorrectly marked Gangplank as an earth pony when he is actually a unicorn. Changed!

[QuickLime]

Permission granted by me to use GangPlank!

[starswirlthebearded]

Changes look good!