Unicorn [Unicorn]Juniper Berry [Finished]

[ThunderBrony]

Name:

Juniper Berry

Sex:

Colt

Age:

Stallion

Species:

Unicorn

Eye Color:

Light Blue

Coat Color:

Blue

Mane/Tail/Markings Colour & Style:

blond messy mane and tail.

Physique:

above average height with a slightly skinny but toned.

Cutie Mark:

Juniper berry in a frying pan.

RP:

Mane RP

Origin/Residence:

Juniper Berry grew up in Philydelphia with his two parents who ran a small business, Now Juniper Berry resides in Manehatten where he waiters and cooks in his restaurant.

Occupation:

Cook

Motivation:

Juniper Berry one days hopes to create a dish that is so splendid every pony will rush to his restaurant to taste his creation that will be made with juniper berries.

Likes:

Juniper Berry enjoys cooking - he's also an incurable romantic for the mares, and enjoys reading romance novels.

Dislikes:

Nothing annoys Juniper more than arrogant colts, and ponies who put down his chivalrous nature. Wasted food winds him up fairly quickly, too.

Character Summary:

Foalhood:

Juniper Berry grew up too two lovely parents who strived for perfection for themselves and their precious foal. When the blond maned foal started showing interest in how to prepare foods and insisting on helping them cook meals his parents pushed the foal onwards to embrace his passion for cooking. His parents purchased books on ingredients and how to prepare certain kinds of fruits and vegetables correctly and how to mix and match flavours for powerful infusions.

Schooling: Juniper Berry was sent away to a private culinary school in Canterlot, upon receiving acceptance into the academy, the blue coated colt rushed off into the nearest kitchen and admiring all the possibilities with different herbs they had in stock and the new fruits he never seen before in his young life. Juniper Berry was a very attentive listener, sitting in the front row of all his classes, writing everything down the teachers mentioned from blindbaking to poaching certain fruits. Upon reaching the second year of school he was allowed access into the kitchen and pantry to start his on hands learning, the first ingredient Juniper Berry grabbed in his first class was quite ironic, a juniper berry, proceeding to crush the juice from the berries into a skillet and chopping up certain vegetables and fruits creating a slightly cooked stir fry using the juniper berries along with adding sweeteners to take some of the tartness away. Juniper Berry was always seen chasing the mares through school with his eyes turning into hearts, willing to do anything for a cute mare which got him used quite often in school. Upon finishing his fourth year at the school the blond maned stallion graduated among the top peers in his class, feeling quite proud of himself Juniper Berry headed straight to Manehatten to open a small restaurant.

Cutie mark story: Juniper Berry always had a fascination to walk around the forest to collect his own herbs and spices, yet the odd time he would walk through a store. One time when Juniper Berry was walking through a small collection of stalls in the town square something blue and green caught the corner of his eyes, rushing over Juniper Berry discovered the herb he was named after, a small blue berry that grew on a coniferous tree outside of colder environments. Upon taking the herb home and adding it into a salad he was preparing for his parents a cutie mark appeared.

Personality: Juniper Berry will always feed a hungry pony even if they do not have the bits. He is also very over the top when it comes to a cute mare entering his restaurant or seeing one in public usually twirling on two hooves over to them with a rose from who knows where and presenting it to them usually adding -swan to the end of their names. Juniper Berry is also very polite to others ,very easy going with a slightly laid back demeanour.

[SunsetSombra]

You seem to have forgotten about what this application is intended for, RP section wise - Mane or Crossover/FreeForAll.

Also, as a note - you used 'Juniper Berry' 30 or so times in this app...and as a style of writing, it can feel reptitive to read.

You don't actually need to refer to his name constantly - it's mostly assumed that once you've mentioned his name once in a paragraph, anything that pertains to the pony after can be referred to by either He or him, depending on context and use.

{ I'll show you a couple of examples so you can see what I mean. }

1: Listing Likes/Dislikes

Likes: Juniper Berry enjoys cooking - he's also an incurable romantic for the mares, and enjoys reading romance novels.

Dislikes: Nothing annoys Juniper more than arrogant colts, and ponies who put down his chivalrous nature. Wasted food winds him up fairly quickly, too

2: General paragraph references.

Juniper Berry is a hard working pony, who wants nothing more than to prove his worth as a chef to equestria as a whole - he will often spend his time looking into new and exciting cooking concepts that wow the tastebuds and that simply aren't just run of the mill ideas. He will always try to push the limits of what herbal cookery can accomplish, and will always step up to the plate if anyone challenges him to a cookoff - he loves a challenge, especially if it means showing off his skills as a self-taught herbal chef.

I hope that at least a little of what I meant was demonstrated clearly enough - it's mostly about trying for a variation of terms, and not limiting yourself to simply referring to his name continually where it isn't really needed. This isn't so much a requirement as a recommendation, as nothing can, does and will turn people off to an RP with somebody more than somebody who self-references and/or uses a repetitive choice of wording to express themselves.

I would probably say for now just to add the type of RP you wish to join, and perhaps adjust the profile so that it's not relying on the use of the words Juniper Berry where it isn't really required to be - presentation and style are a big part of applications, and I feel that this one merely needs a little rewording before getting stamped!

Edited May 17, 2012 by Robikku Pegasus

[MyLittlePonyTales]

How is this Application coming along?

[ThunderBrony]

How is this Application coming along?

I keep coming back to it thinking it's complete yet something seems missing and is bothering me. I do believe it is finished.

[SunsetSombra]

Well, I'm not entirely sure about a few things, but the application at least is fairly solid as far as it's background and direction.

Stamping.

{ A few more pronouns MIGHT benefit it though }

[Dio]

Minor nitpicks. Please bold your field names (Name, Age, etc.) as this will make it easier to read. Also, as Robi said, look into using pronouns. It will make your apps and writing much more readable

Other than that, looks good.